Sign Up Once Upon a Legend: Act I [PG-VL]

[Dragon Warrior]

[center] [img]http://img30.exs.cx/img30/9730/oualbanner.jpg[/img] [size=1][b]Once Upon a Legend: [I]Act I[/I][/b][/size][/center] Welcome to the sign ups for [u]Once Upon a Legend: [I]Act I[/I][/u]. This is where a whole new Otakuboards RPG adventure begins and you can be a part of it! I?m proud to present this epic roleplaying game! I?ve spent over three months plotting, having people do graphics and site work, and more. I?d like to thank [b]Hittokiri Zero[/b] for the custom graphics and [b]Alan[/b] for his mad site/HTML skills. This wouldn?t be what it is without them. Now then, time to get down to business. This RPG is large and uses a chapter system like James? Kill Adam RPGs. It also has some new concepts and such that you?ll learn about at the site. Use this thread to post your sign ups, but before signing up, you must think about it. You must be dedicated and able to post when it?s your turn to post. You must also be worthy of posting with good grammar and spelling. I don?t expect this RPG to be the greatest ever, but I want it to go far. Also note this is Act I. There will be two more acts following (that means 2 more RPGs). If you?re one of the main characters, prepare. Also visit these two following links: [b][URL=http://www.sweethypocrisies.com/whitebutterfly/dw/]Once Upon a Legend: Act I- Official Site[/URL] [URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=42141]Once Upon a Legend: Act I- Underground Thread[/URL][/b] Use the underground thread for discussion of this RPG and use the site to learn more about the RPG and how to sign up. Visit both links before signing up! It?s important that you do. I await excellent registrations ;) Good luck to you all. Do your best and have fun.

[Guest ScirosDarkblade]

I would like to join your adventure as Noah's friend (and, if not, a Spade of any rank).

Name: Deksan Rhames ("Deks" to his friends)
Age: 24

Appearance: Deks stands 5' 11" (at the shoulder.... no I'm kidding), weighs about 160 lbs., has black hair down to his shoulders, and very dark eyes. He is of medium build. More often than not he has a grim expression on his face, but it simply means he's busy thinking about something rather than being angry or upset.

Weapons: Deks is most highly trained with light blades. He specializes in dual sword fighting, and always carries either two short swords or two short metal staves on his person. While he is a remarkable shot with a pistol, he uses one infrequently because he has known warriors far too strong to be brought down with a single shot and far too quick to allow another.

History:
I do not know where I was born, and I have been told nothing of what came before I was taken in by the temple. The Order of the Dark Moon, the greatest and richest of the Southern... factions... brought me up from the age of two with, for some reason, the intent of making me their finest "champion." I was to be their... ambassador, so to speak, to their rivals and their friends, and would supplement my, err, "political" skills with my [i]combat[/i] skills whenever the need arose.

Heh, yeah, ...anyway, when I was seventeen, the Order's main temple was sacked by an enormous force of bandits. Why they were after us was unclear, as was their... unbelievable organization. In any case, they disliked the Order wholeheartedly, and only two of us escaped--myself and Father. It was because of my fighting skills... well, mostly luck actually, that I survived the onslaught. For
Father there was no luck involved. He was a man of... extreme ability.

But we escaped, and made our way 150 kilometers North to a mining village. The Order of the Dark Moon was well known, respected, and feared, and we arrived just prior to news of the destruction of its headquarters. We were taken in by the family in charge at the village, and were safe for a time.

It took whoever was after the rest of the Order two months to get around to the minor villages, but still none of us were prepared. Father died in the onslaught, having killed seven attackers before falling. Within a half-hour, there was nobody left alive in the village with the exception of three people--myself and two of the greatest warriors who I have ever known. We did not drive the attackers away, but we escaped with our lives, three against a hundred. The warrior Furion must have killed close to twenty of them by the time we escaped the range of their guns and crossbows.

The three of us traveled together for two years. Furion and Wynd--they [i]had[/i] to be false identities, with those names--were on their way to Kalenbore, for reasons they would not disclose. ...Eh, really they were too much into that whole "I am a warrior with a mysterious past and I fight to escape my own personal demons." But they fought like absolute fiends, and since I had no home to go to, I followed them, learning what I could on the way.

And of course it would have taken less than two years to reach Kalenbore, had we not been sidetracked by dozens of ... "mysterious happenings," examining which Furion could [i]never[/i] pass up. But it was through all these experiences that I learned how much more there was to this world... how much more than the Order had taught me.

It was in Kalenbore that we went our separate ways, and where I met Noah.

[COLOR=DarkOliveGreen]PS: Enya. Nice. It's always good stuff for an RPG.[/COLOR]

[naota]

Tell me anything I need to do over!I am signing up as spade 3.I bet there is going to be tough compettition so I probably won't get in lol.
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Name::Ken Heiten(not japanese)

Age::29

Gender::Male

Appearance::He wears Kaleboren clothes,he is 6'4, and weighs 173 pounds.He has dark red eyes,short trimmed dark blue hair,A bead necklace,he wears white tapping on his hands.He usually has a straight face on him.He is very emotionless. If you look at his body with out the clothes you will see his body is alittle muscular,and he also has a tattoo on his back thats says death.

Weapons::Staff

History::As a child I had no friends.I was in my own world.Nobody liked me and I didn't like anybody.My parents tried to kill me.They were criminals,they are a group of robbers. They weren't satisfied with the way he acted.If no one liked him there was really no purpose in his life.I would just sit in my room staring into the sky.Asking myself questions like why are my parents evil,why doesn't anyone like me?........Until my parents came in with knives trying to kill me.I jumped out of the window.It wasn't a long drop.I decided to run away since they hate me also.I didn't know where I should belong.Untill a sorcerer offered me to be his apprentice.He trained with this mage for multiple years.I didn't want to leave.But a goup of murderers ordered the mage to give them all their goods.The mages refused.The mage who took him as his apprentice ordered him to leave.Then he noticed everything good that happens in his life gets taken away from me.Thats when I got a verge to become evil.I kept practicing my sorcerer skills and happened to steal a staff from a weapon store.Untill one day he went into a city and saw the spades wreaking havok.He started to fight back.Untill they said they can use someone like him.Then they offered him to join their group.Thats when I became a spade.

[Boo]

[size=1]Well Gavy, I must compliment you on this RP. It looks splendid, and the music makes you want to write the whole RP in one day :<

I hope that this will attract many people and that they won’t lose interest somewhere half in the story. Good luck on the RP, and I hope I get to join. If not, I’ll cry ;_;
[center]

[color=black] [b][u]Spade #5[/u][/b] [b]Name:[/b] Liat Blesa [b]Age:[/b] 21 [b]Gender:[/b] Male [b]Appearance:[/b] Kalenbore clothes. Liat is around 1,9 meters tall. He has green eyes and ash blonde hairs (ash blonde= greyish), which falls until jaw-height. Further he wears little jewellery. Only a bracelet with some ornaments on it. Nothing special. Under his clothes he wears black boots. His mace can be attached to his belt as can his dagger. [b]Weapons:[/b] Liat favours using his mace and besides that, his sort of big dagger. The mace is just a metal stick with a metal ball on it, with some big spikes. His dagger is from the beginning of his hand, until the beginning of his shoulder. Nothing really special about it, except that it’s in the colours of Kalenbore. [b]History:[/b] You can not say I don't know anything of my birth. Of course, I do not remember it, but the person who fed me up told me everything. He was one of the best friends of my father and went by the name Larrikin, relying on his reputation. I was told, that together they had trips and adventures, they climbed mountains and sailed rivers, hell, they crossed whole Lo' Urden back when in their days. Of course, thats what I heard from Larrikin. That good old man... It's truely a pity that he died, he could've taught me much more, let stand that he was the only person I ever really talked with... But I'm getting off topic. Where was I again?.. Ah yes, my birth. Untill my tenth, Larrikin wouldn't meantion anything about it at all. If I wasn't so darn persistant he might have never told me. I was born on a farm, I would say; in the middle of nowhere. My parents weren't rich, but they didn't have to worry about food, they just grew crops and grain themselfs. Together with my two sisters, they were living happily amongst themselves. But quite soon after my birth, a bug plague raged over the land. The whole harvest was destroyed, not to meantion the damage done to the land itself. Out of desperation, my parents brought me to Kalenbore, the town, familiar of it's criminal percentage. They handed me over to Larrikin, making him promise to take good care of me. And so he did. He taught me how to read, how to write, and even how to pickpocket. After all, he was a master in the art of stealing and what comes to the subject. When I became eleven, a spy master hired Larrikin. He made good money with that job and together with the money I gained, we had plenty to eat for a bunch of street people. And so he continued on spying, untill one day he got in a bigger situation than anytime before. Not very much later, I was standing alone, in a crowd of thousands of people. The person that gave me fighting lessons since my sixth, got arrested for an assault on officers of the law. I carried on with pickpocketing and started training myself in combat. Eventually I started doing bigger things, like robberies and thats practically how I got hung up with the Spades. Nobody there even asked me about my past. I feel as if I can trust them enough for the trip to gain the tears of the Symerals. When that fool Noah started talking about that it was wrong to exploit the powers of the Symerals, I couldn't do less than stand against him. What's wrong about trying to get immortality? If we just go ask some tears and head back, we aren't commiting any crime are we? And even more, I wanted to do this for Larrikin and my parents. I want to know the wealth and the joy of not having to work yourself into sweat each day just to stay alive, that they never had. But the most of all, I want to live an eternal life, to pay all their wasted years back. And then that fool Noah says its wrong. Well, to hell with him. Many men would kill to even be able to look at the power practically in our grasp already. The power of Immortality... The power to resist the greatest threat human kind knows... Death... [/color] [/center]

Bloody hell, I just noticed my History isn't very uber long..
Oh well.. I'm the only one who [strike]signed up for[/strike] [strike]wants to[/strike] Is able to play [b]Spade #5[/b] >:^o
[/size]

[Ezekiel]

[B]Well, I probably won?t get in, but I might as well give it a shot ^_^ This RPG style is totally new for me and it?s a brilliant idea.[/B]

[COLOR=SlateGray][U][B]Sign up for Spade 2[/B][/U]

[B]Name:[/B] [I]Blair Connor[/I]

[B]Age:[/B] [I]28[/I]

[B]Gender:[/B] [I]Female[/I]

[B]Appearance:[/B] [I]Clad in her crimson robes adorned with gold, this women stands out from others as a proud criminal from Kalenbore. Her short black hair is perpetually messy but the style seems to suit, not taking anything away from her elegant face, decorated with the occasional freckle and two dark green orbs that are her eyes.

Her expression is usually one of seriousness as she concentrates hard on the mission at hand, but a smile does come often?usually after entering a pub.
Weapons: Blair has always been known to use a short sword as her main weapon, also using her fists and legs to great effect when the enemy is unarmed. She prefers not to use guns, for personal reasons, and will never admit why to the rest of the Spades, rather opting to throw a rock at the enemy than shoot them. (Which, also, has quite a good effect!)[/I]

[B]History:[/B] [I]Ah yes, thinking about my past always brings emotions flooding back to the surface, let?s see?.now where to start? Well, I suppose the beginning is the best place I?m going to get;

I was born in Kalenbore on a sunny morning in January, my mother and father smiled down as they looked at me, a full mop of black hair already covering my head, heh, I must have been quite a sight now I think about it.
But let?s continue, the first few years of my life weren?t very interesting, I learned the basic skills that any child needed to learn for survival, but once I reached my eighth year of existence, all that peaceful bliss and ignorance that only a young child can have was taken away from me.

I was trained to fight and to be a criminal. It?s not usually the kind of training you?d expect proud parents to give their only daughter, but when I questioned their intentions they merely shrugged it off and labelled it with ?traditions?.
Keeping this in mind and never questioning them again, I continued to train and to their great pleasure, I became one of the strongest of my age group. Even most of the boys were no match for me *ha ha* I really was a tomboy *sighs*.

When I turned sixteen, another massive change crossed my life?s path. But this was?.not for the best.
When rather crude guns had first started being used, my father was one of the unlucky ?volunteers? to test these terrible man killers.
He, and five other men, were taken into a forest to go target shooting. After a few hours of loading, firing and repeat, the guns started to emit a rather putrid smelling smoke.
The scientists thought nothing of it and told the men to continue, some tests still needed to be carried out.
Most of them left after that, not trusting these new man made weapons, but my father was a fool and stuck with it?. only to have the damned thing explode in his hands?. the memory is not?something I want to dwell on.

After that day I fought with all my heart, my father always in my mind, the driving force behind my actions, loosing is not an option for me any more.

When I was 20 I started my life in the group known as the ?Spades?. This is when my third and most important change happened, I met ~insert Noah?s friend?s name here~ that is a memory I hold on to, even though at the time I just couldn?t tell him the way I felt?the thought of rejection was just too painful to think of.

I know now that my mission is all that matters and following my leader?s orders is a must, finding the Symerals is our number one goal but if I must kill ~???~ in the process?then it?s something that I will have to face.[/I][/COLOR]

[B]I hope this is up to standards[/B]

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]*sigh* You already know I'm not qualified for this RPG, and I'd feel really retarded if I participated. But I was really looking forward to signing up, anyway, so I am. (Creating characters is good writing practice.) Yes, this is my writing exercise for today (I thought it would be better than writing my essay for school). Just ignore my post, and take whoever else signs up for Spade 4. I'll glare at you all if no one does. *glares anyway* >O[/color]

[size=1][color=royalblue][b]Name: [/b]Evelyn. Usually addressed as [b]Ev'[/b]. She does have a surname, but the last person to ask for it received a broken finger. All the Spades or any one else knows, is that Ev' hates the law, and because of it, never reveals her last name. Suspicions have it that Ev' is hiding from the authorities, but no one really knows, and [i]she[/i] isn?t saying.

[b]Age: [/b]25

[b]Gender: [/b]Female

[b]Appearance: [/b]With her black boots on under her traditional Kalenbore robes, Ev' stands at 5' 5", as her hazel eyes swirl gently. Every so often they change from a calm brown to gloomy sapphire blue, cheerful emerald green, or a stormy amethyst purple. She?s never won a beauty pageant, though she has received a few male visitors from town at her home. Ev's chestnut brown hair is almost always pulled back in messy bun, or tied in a ponytail of sorts. Not that it makes any difference - her hair is forever falling in her face whenever she's alone and reading or writing.

[b]Weapons: [/b]Ev' owns a gun and sword, like all Spades. She is also trained in using, and possesses throwing knives, and also a bow and arrow, as it calls for the same precision as the knives.

[b]History: [/b][/color][color=#9933ff](OOC: This is a super short history. I'm not going to drag this on and on, because to me, that's annoying. If you want the long version that I wrote, Gavynn can ask for it.)[/color]

[color=royalblue]Mother. The word sounds strange in my mouth. I don't remember my mother - she died giving birth to me.

Papa was a metalworker and on the side, an outspoken political writer for the newspaper. Several times he was arrested, but through luck (and a large money transaction), first my aunt, then myself, managed to get him out of trouble.

He taught me reading and writing, as well as using a bow and arrow, and throwing knives, for protection in the unsafe town of Kalenbore. I grew up helping him with his work, and reading when I was not. I read both fiction, and non-fiction, gobbling up fantasy, and science text books. I wanted to be a botanist, or a doctor. Or both, if only to change the world.

It seems so far away, as if from another time, but it was just five years ago, that the authorities arrested Papa again. They never let him go. The night before he was executed, he told me something about my mother, which blacked my heart, and almost drained me of all my goodness. I cried and I cried and I cried; the only family I ever had was dead - I never speak my surname because it reminds me of this painful past.

Never intending to kill, only to rebel against the authorities I joined the Spades. When Noah and [name of Noah's friend] renounced us, I wanted to go too. I did not; my anger against authority, and my bitterness was greater than their sense of morality.

I suppose I do not really want to be immortal, but I will not help the "Noah police" either (nor any other kind of law enforcement). It will only be when and if we to find the Symerals, that I make my final choice in the matter, on which side I belong to...[/size][/color]

[Anne]

This looks like great fun. Am I up for the challenge *Nods head* Yes I am.

woman Guide:

Name: Claire Tatear

Age: 23

Gender: Female

Appearance: Claire wears the normal garbs of her hometown Akubra, which consist of a tight black tunic with black pants. Along with them wears brown leather boots and gloves. She also has a beaded onyx necklaces and matching ring placed on her right hand index finger. Her body structure is of a light build. She has a slim figure but has a soft curve. You cannot see any of her muscle because her body seems kind of lanky but she does have them. She stands 5'5 and weighs 115 pounds. Her facial features are soft. Some say she is pretty but Claire doesn't believe it. Claire's hair is a chestnut colour and comes to the middle of her back. The bangs of her hair match the same length as the back of her hair. Her normal is she pulls it back into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. She use a brown strip of leather to tie it back, she leaves two strands of bangs out in front. Claire's eyes change colour depending on her mood, the range from black to grey to blue to green. When she is angry her eyes are black. When she is natural or not feeling well they are grey, the worst she feels the greyer they became. When she is happy or excited they are blue. The time you have to watch out for though is when they turn green because they she is playing something that will get her into trouble. Her skin tone is light but she has a cookie coloured tan from being outside a lot. She always tries to keep a smile on her face no matter how she is feeling, but her eyes normally give her away.

History: Well-let see were should I begin. Maybe at the begging that always make sense. Well I have always lived in Akubra and the only time I ever leave the place is when I guide people to places. Now I don't remember much when I was kid, my memory is not that good. *Giggles* only ways my Papa was a mapmaker. That is how I know to get to some many places. He taught me many things, but the most important he taught me was how to read the land. *Nods head. * He was a great explore, but he wasn't a very good Father. He would leave Mama and me a lot of times to go to on place or another. It didn't bother Mama much though, but she wasn't a very good Mother either. You see she was a thief and though she may have been skilled at it she still managed to get thrown in jail. *Sighs* Many of times I would have to go and bail her out. *Shrugs shoulders* It doesn't matter much now.

*Thinks*Well I guess I should tell you important events in my life. When I was five my Mama was caught stealing again and got a knife to the back. It really was her fault. I told her time and time again to stop stealing but should she listen Noooo. Sisal, was the man's name, he felt bad for me and took me in and watched me whenever my Papa was away. While I was there Mr. Sisal would always train me in the martial arts. I became rather good if I do say so myself and I am. Whenever Papa came home I would show him any new moves I learned and he would tell me about his travel and show me any new maps he had made.

I think the worst moment in my life was tough when I was sixteen. My Papa was just setting off to a new place and I was heading to Mr. Sisal place. When I got there though he was laying on the floor next two his easy chair that he always sat in. He was cold and I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. *Tears form in eyes* I did let out a scream in some point in time though because he neighbor came running over. The town doctor said that his heart had failed him. For two days I just sat in house and cried. Lets talk more on to happier thing how about.

Well I started to work when Papa left so I wasn't by myself all the time. I had many jobs and once I even tried thievery. I got caught and had to spend the night in jail. *Shudders* I never want to that again. I learned my lesson the hard way. So I was kind of in a pickle as they say. I needed to find a job that pays well. Than hit me, well actually it was a ball that a kid threw at my head, but no the less I got an idea. I would be a guide. Papa had tons of maps to everywhere so it wouldn't be too hard. I got my first group when I was nineteen. I had managed to get them to where they wanted to go without any problems. Papa was so proud of me.

The next year Papa disappeared on one of his explorations. It has been three years since I last saw him but I am sure he is alive out there somewhere. So whenever I take whomever I am guiding to a place I keep an eye out for him or his name. Though I have seen many wonderful places I always return back to Akubra and wait for my next job.

[Bio]

[b][FONT=Trebuchet MS][size=1]mp3 - Deora Ar Mo Chroí[/FONT][/size][/b]

[font=trebuchet ms][color=#000000][b]Name:[/b] Demeric Rilian [b]Age:[/b] 31 [b]Gender:[/b] Male [b]Appearance:[/b] He stands at around six feet, and has sharp facial features (not so sharp that they prevent him from keeping an air of bitter loyalty, however). He has a decent build; nothing too lanky and not so much muscle that he can't reach over his shoulder. His hair color is a mix of brown and orange, and is usually not combed unless he's in the presence of a higher-ranking Spade. Although he wears the traditional attire of those who dwell in Kalenbore, what is hidden underneath his blood-red robes are what take away his at first gentle appearance. On both forearms he wears leather bracers, and matching greaves on his shins. He also wears a leather headband with a metal plate affixed on the front protecting his brow. He has two rings on his left hand, along with a ring of the material used to ward off Mares, which he uses as a bracelet (even though he already has one around his neck). Those accessories are mementos of his life previous to becoming a Spade. [b]Weapons:[/b] The bracers under his generic cloak are not just for defensive purposes. They also conceal two thin blades (that [i]can[/i] defend the arms when retracted) that slide forward through a slit in the leather with the flick of his wrist (and the help of a simple mechanism [extremely expensive and just as rare] at the hilt). As for less sneaky weapons, a hefty longsword is slung over his back, which, as funny as he looks while wielding it (his build wouldn't seem right for such a big thing), he's more than proficient with it. The last weapon his uses (and is least competent with) is a handgun that is kept in a leather holster on his right hip. Although he isn't the best shooter around, he's decent enough with it to be Spade 3. [b]History:[/b] I was born and bred in Kalenborn, and lived a happy and prosperous life with my parents. They were both merchants, and came across many rarities during their trades with rich folk and burnt-out inventors who had to sell their usually useless machines in order to continue living, in hopes of "becoming the wealthiest man in all of Lo' Urden", I recall one man said. He was the man that sold my parents the bracers I now wear. He had told them, as I watched from behind my mother (I was only six and terrified of the man), that if only people could realize the potential of concealed weapons, he [i]would[/i] be the richest man in all of Lo' Urden. The people he had tried to sell them to had shunned him, saying that the only people who would need such a thing were assassins and thieves. A few shady dealers had tried to buy it off of him, but they only offered pathetic prices that wouldn't feed him for a week. My parents bought the contraption for a sum my father told my mother was probably much higher than it was worth. --- At the age of ten, my father began teaching me how to use a blade. The only replacement he could find for a sword was a heavy, wooden pole. It was difficult to use, but I learned (after many welts and bruises) how to use its weight to my advantage. Soon, [i]I[/i] began dealing welts and bruises as well, while training with my father and while sparring with other kids my age. That was before my parents' business began to slow down and we had to travel to other towns to continue living comfortably. --- I was fourteen. We were heading home from one of our travels and the sun had set only a few hours ago. The sky was clear except for a few clouds in the direction we were headed. It was probably raining in Kalenbore, but we wouldn't reach there until tomorrow, so I wasn't discouraged. At that point I had far surpassed both my parents in proficiency with a sword, and so my father had decided that since no one was really interested in the "bracer blades" as my parents called them, he'd might as well teach me how to use them. Not many people knew how to efficiently use such things, but my father had been taught with the normal kind as a kid. I was anxious to learn, and my father would begin another lesson as soon as we stopped to camp for the night. Our horses plodded along, my father sitting at the front of our wagon with the reigns held lazily in his hands. Suddenly, I heard a strange noise coming from the woods to our left. My father asked if we had our rings with us. "Of course I have my ring," I had said, and paused, "Why? Are there Mares?" He did not answer. My mother checked to make sure that hers was around her neck and looked over at mine. She reached for her sheathed sword and pulled it into her lap. Father had his free hand on the hilt of his own blade. I was already wearing the bracers with the hidden blades (I had put them on in anticipation for training). I didn't want to wait any longer, and so I crawled over to the part of our covered wagon in which I could peek out, ignoring my mother, who was frantically telling me to come back to where she was. When I moved the cloth flap of the hole in the caravan that served as a doorway, I saw why my father was worried. Several pairs of fierce, glowing eyes shone out of the shadows in the forest near us. It was too dark to discern any sort of shape the beings might carry, and I thought that was just as well, since it wouldn't matter. "We have rings; they won't come, will they?" I asked no one in particular. But they would, and I knew it. Because they weren't Mares. They didn't seem very afraid of the rings we carried with us. It all became clear at once; not Mares, but wolves. A large pack of them. Their eyes seeme to glow because they reflected the light of the torch that hung next to my father in the front of the caravan. One stepped out of the trees and onto the grass. I saw I was correct. They were wolves, or some other dog-like creature. And judging by the set of fangs they bore and how scrawny the thing was, it wasn't going to leave us alone. And neither were its starving accomplises. Father drew his sword from his sheath by a small amount. The metal gleamed in the moonlight, and when the wolves saw this, their eyes seemed to become even more fierce, deadly, and moreover, [i]hungry.[/i] An image came to my mind of a poorly fed dog that had just received a raw strip of meat, shaking the life out of it (as if it had any). And at that moment, I was sure they were all going to re-enact some version of that with my body. I flicked my wrist in what would otherwise have been a casual gesture, had not a blade slid out of my sleeve with a mechanical [i]click[/i]. At that point, my mother grabbed my arm and pulled me backwards. I stifled a cry of surprise as she shoved me in a secret compartment in the floor of the caravan where we kept the most valuable items. She heaved the heavy door over me and I heard a clang as she put the lock in place. I must have yelled for her to let me out (along with other vicious curses) for at least a half an hour before I remembered that no sound would get through this thing. It was fireproof, waterproof, and basically everything proof (except for oxygen of course, or I'd be dead). So I waited. After waiting for what seemed like hours but could have been minutes, I gave up and decided to get out myself, in a way my parents would never suspect I could. One of my friends at that time had taught me how to pick locks. He was a thief, I knew it, and my parents wouldn't have approved of his occupation, but at that point I was grateful for his lesson. --- Three rings: one belonged to my mother, one to my father, and the other could have belonged to either of them; it was a large one that was used to keep the Mares away. But not [i]anything[/i] else. That was all I could find. The wagon had been almost completely destroyed, but miraculously, it hadn't tipped over. Even though I searched all night, I couldn't find any trace of either my parents, nor the wolves. And the townspeople of Kalenbore did nothing about it. They made no action to further protect their citizens, not even a casual warning. They [i]were[/i] and [i]still are[/i] cowards. That is why I hate them, and why I hate their law. While they cower in fear of what they should be trying to eliminate, people are [i]dying[/i]. [/color][/font]

[naota]

Damn I wanted to become a spade 3 now since your post is so brilliant I wont!

[inti]

I'm up for a challenge, and the Woman Guide seems like the one for me. Kittychanann, I hope one of us gets it :) (well, in truth, I want it more for me :smirk:)

[COLOR=Purple][SIZE=1][u][b]Name:[/b][/u]
Krystal Evermoore (simply known as 'Krys' [i]pronounced: kr-iss[/i])

[u][b]Age:[/b][/u]
22

[U][B]Gender:[/B][/U]
Female

[B][U]Appearance:[/U][/B]
Her clothes are those of Akubar since it's a strong tradition. In case anyone needs to know the clothes of Akubar, Krystal wears a tight black tunic, along with some black pants. She wears brown leather boots, a brown leather belt and hates gloves of all kinds, so she has bare hands. She tells people that she cannot feel the texture of something through gloves, no matter how fine the leather or cloth is.
Krystal's hair is about shoulder length, and she keeps it in a tight plait so it keeps out of her face. Although her hair is naturally soft and silky, and stays straight once combed properly, she is still sometimes jealous of other girls in Akubar, who have black hair. They blend into the crowds more than she does, which she thinks is her main downfall, having blonde hair.
Standing at 5'2", Krystal is just below the average height for young women her age in Akubar. No one teases her about it though, because she is a mean fighter. Aside from that, her striking green eyes are fierce when she glares at someone.
Finally, Krystal's figure is not perfect. She is a little bit larger than what some girls call "slim", but she prefers not to look like a twig. Not to say she's large either. You could say that Krystal borders between slim and large, which is how most girls, she thinks, should want to be.

[U][B]History:[/B][/U]
Well, I liked running around outside when I was little, that's for sure. Maybe that's why I became interested in becoming a guide...no, wait...that came after.
My mother was intent on getting me out and about and away from the house while she cooked, cleaned and shopped. I have two older sisters, so that probably explains it. They helped mother while my father took me to see all of Akubar. I soon learned all of the best hiding places, where to go and what time to go there. Some of the older kids payed me a few coins to show them the town properly, so they would know where to run and hide when the Mares came, or when their parents got particularly angry. [b]That's[/b] when I knew I would make a great guide. I was only eight years old and I was already making quite a profit.

My dad realised what was happening and told my mother. I was kept inside for a month. That wasn't too fun...heh...

Anyway, on the last day of my punishment, my father drew me aside and asked me if I wanted to go and see the lands of Lo'Urden, outside Akubar. Of course I said yes, but I asked him why he wanted to know, as I was still due for another ten hours of grueling housework. He shuddered at the thought of having to help my mum around the house, then he told me he had been hired to protect someone on a journey. I asked where, but I got no answer.
So we left the next morning, without telling my mother where we were going. She was angry when she heard what we were doing.

My dad and I waited at the tavern for our employer. He called the man who'd hired my dad something else, but the word is on the tip of my mind and won't come out onto paper. I think it was something like subject? No...well, something [i]like[/i] that anyway.

We left Akubar two hours later, small rucksacks packed with what food we had taken from the kitchen at home. My father handed me a metal thing called a gun. It was pretty new back then. The guns had only just been let into the public, and even then you had to be pretty important to have access to one. Father was part of a group of mercenaries/bodyguards who were well known throughout Akubar, and further into Lo'Urden.
He told me to be careful with it, so I was.

It felt heavy in my hands, then on my belt, then even in my rucksack, but I learned to get used to it.
Papa taught me how to wield the gun I carried with me, and also taught me the arts of self defence, which he called martial arts. I can now incapacitate someone without weapons. My aim with the gun is almost always on target, and I can reload my weapon extremely quickly, not that [b]that[/b] really helps me to guide people around Lo'Urden...it just helps me stay fit and protect myself.

My father and I travelled for about three years, always writing to mother and my sisters. The actual journey with our client only lasted five months, but we were hired by someone else almost instantly after we dropped of our first employer. We continued travelling, guarding and whatnot, and papa taught me things I'd never dreamed of learning. Like what plants are poisonous, which are edible and where to find them all. He taught me how to recognise traps, how to tell whether a bridge was too rickety or if there was some other natural or man-made hazard. One of our employers taught us both how to tell the weather for the next day. The main thing I learned was to [i]always[/i] carry a special ring around your neck, in case the Mares try to attack. They can smell it from miles away.
In the three years while my father and I were out and about, I learned more than I ever could have hoped to learn at an academy or around the house helping mother.

We came back to Akubar at the end of the three years, and my mother blew it. She screamed for so long and so loudly that the neighbors had to close the shutters and all their doors. The next day I ran off into town, back to the tavern my papa and I waited at just a few years ago.
Someone was looking for a guide who could not only lead his family, but also protect his wife and three children. I said I could do the job.
He asked if I could leave immediately, I said give me ten minutes. We left eleven minutes later. That was when I was 11 years old.

Since then, I've been a guide for over 139 customers. Some journeys take a year, some take a week. It tends to vary. I've honed my skills, and I can blend in with crowds now too, even though I have blonde hair. I'm so happy about that, hehe, heehee.

Even though the best business comes from Akubar, I get hired in other areas too, which is good. I'd think it strange if someone travelled all the way to Akubar only to then hire a guide to lead them somewhere else. That'd be a bit stupid, don't you think? Well, that's all really. Anything else? Oh yeah, I picked up the simple nickname the Woman Guide. I'm the only woman that both guides and guards her employer/s.[/SIZE][/COLOR]


Is there anything else I need to include? I can't wait for this. The Enya music helped me write this, so I think I'll pull out one of my mum's old Enya CD's to listen to when I'm writing my posts :smirk: .

[Dragon Warrior]

Are you comparing me to your mom and saying I'm old? >:^O Jk :P Enya fits this RPG so well and I'm proud to say her music will be used all the way through.

Anyways, I'd just like to say that I won't read your profiles until I close the signups so I can't help you guys out. I'm completely blind to what you have written aside from what character you want to be. But that also means make sure to post who you're signing up for. I think all of you have so far, but just in case someone doesn't.

And be sure to take your time with these profiles. I'll be very nitpicky about this and will dig you for the littlest things. So be sure that grammar, spelling, and all that yadda is in good condition. You guys have a week or so, so don't think you have to do this all right now. I prefer quality and believe me, I know what it's like to want to get into a RPG so bad that you rush a profile. And remember the rule: Quality over quantity. :)

Good luck.

[Albel the Wicked]

OK, I know who I'd want to be. I want to sign up as Spade 1. I won't have much time to post, because of school, which is why I'll be him since he doesn't post much. I am pretty smart and have always had evil intensions.

Name: Drake Kalder

Gender: Male

Age:30

Weapons: Drake doesn't like to use his gun. He despises those things. Thinks that they have no skill in shooting them. He actuall prefers to have a saber as his sword. At times he will be known to fight with two swords. When he does fight with two swords the added sword is a rapier. It's not a rapier that you stab with either, it like the one that Raphael uses in Soul Caliber 2. He is one of the best swordsmen to ever live, but he has the worst markmen with a gun. Far range against him is the best idea. If you get close enough to him, he will make the fight and your death very slow and painful. Anyways, to make up for him not using a gun, instead he keeps throwing knifes hidden in his robe. He only really uses them to counter a gun. Example, if someone were pointing a gun at him, he would get a throwing knife and throw it at either the person or the gun.

Appearence: Has smooth, black hair that is just barely above his soilders. His eyes are brown and have a glare to them when they are in ther dark. His clothes are those of the town Kalenbore. His right hand has a scar on the back of it. Although the robe covers it, he has a gigantic scar right across his chest. It is also said that he has scars on both of his shins. He is pretty muscular. His height is 6'0" and his wieght is about 203 lb. The necklace that he bears around his neck is made of the fangs of wolves and beads.

History: My childhood was something that I'm not proud of. It was very horrible and hard for me to get through it alive. The most painful of those moments are marked by each of these scars that I bear. I was robbed many times by thugs in alleyways. When this happened, I told my father said to stand up for my rights. He was always so horrible in raising me. Always gave my older brother the best credit. Just because he was a little bit smarter then me. I stood up against the thug, he thought that I should suffer for my punishment. He swung his axe right across my chest. I was bleeding severely and I passed out. When I woke up, there was a girl, that was the same age as me. She said that she had been caring for me for about a week. She almost gave up hope. It hurt me that she found me and my family didn't. She said that my wound left a severe cut, that would turn into a scar.
At the age of nine, my father wanted me to prove that I was a man. He said that all men had to go and get the fang of wolf. He didn't make my brother go out though. He obviously wanted me to die. Well, I proved him wrong. I came back with all the wolf's fangs, but I was covered in blood. The only thing that was really severe, was how the wolf sunk it's teeth into my right hand deeply. Now I have another scar. Well, this proves to my father, that I am a very great man. But, he still wanted me to die. I wanted him to attack me, for that would be my chance to stike him down.
At about twenty, I was progressing with my sword skill much better then my brother. I still despised his name. I had started to be able to fight with two swords. My father thought that he'd try killing me himself this time. He challenged me to a duel. I accepted and we were almost equally matched, but I was just a little better. When I had my chance, I had him on the ground. He said that the duel was off, so I sheathed my swords. He was dishonorable, by attacking me still. I was lucky that I only had two slices in my legs. I could barely stand on my legs. I had to stay on the defensive. He came at me hoping for the final blow, although, he was in too much of a hurry that he had a giant opening for an attack. I stabbed him in his most foul and putred heart. He fell at my hands.
Soon after father's death, my brother thought of me evil. He said that I deserve to die, for murdering father. Although I absolutley despised my brother, it was because of father. So I tried to reason with him and tell the story. He thought they were all lies. He came at me recklessly and I had no choice to do him in as well. He laid dead next to my father. Somehow, he actually managed to stab my stomach. The wound was deep. I started to black out again, right before I collapsed, I saw the figure of that same girl come to me.
I woke, to find that she cared for me again. I thought that she had feelings for me. I asked her too be my bride. She refused, for one, she already had a husband, she said that caring for me was a act of great kindness. Two, she didn't want anything to do with me, for she though that bad luck followed me. She wanted me to leave, for fear that she might be cursed with bad luck. Before I left, I asked of her name. She told me, that her name, was Marla. Marla, that name will always leave an eternal wound in my heart.
I wondered out of all society for years, until this day that I'm at 30. I am now the leader of an evil organization called the Spades. We are after the gift of immortality that was left behind by the Symerals. After I am immortal, along with all my troops, I will make the world feel the eternal torture that I feel. I will make them suffer greatly, just like I did. I will get as many of the Symeral gifts as I can and the left will sold at a great price. How much should they be sold for? I just wonder. There was a fool in the Spades. He felt is was wrong to expose the Symerals. Ho ho ho, I left him and his friend that stood by him, to rott in the wild. If they come, I will kill them, with my hand and my hand alone. I will make their deaths very slow and merciless, like everyone else that I murdered.

[Guest Mana]

Alright, I really want this part, so I'm giving it my best, hope you like it. I worked hard on this. This is my sign up sheet for Noah's Friend.

Name: Olwe Telemnar

Age: 20

Gender: Male

Appearance: Olwe stands six feet tall and weighs roughly 210 pounds. He has a medium build, and a strong jawline. Olwe has straight black hair that reaches his shoulders, and his hair is complimented by a small black goatee. His eyes are dark blue, and arched eyebrows give him a look of mystery. Always hanging around Olwe's neck is a special ring which keeps him safe.

History: When I was a small child, I never really spent much time with my family. I remember I would always go out into the woods and...catch little mice. When I caught them I would then...play with them. Actually I...I tortured them. Hehehe. It was fun, I must admit. I loved watching them squeal and squirm when I impaled them upon toothpicks. One day I made a big forest of dead mice that I'd impaled. That day I went to go get my mother so I could show her what I'd done. I thought it was a great thing, but my mother certainly didn't approve of it. She sent me off to live with my Uncle Alexander. I was only seven years old at the time.

I can barely remember what it was like living with my uncle. I remember he always made me work outside from sun-up to sun-down. He always told me, "Boy, I'm gonna turn you into a hero. You're gonna be a brave knight one day!" But he had no idea how wrong he truly was.

When I turned 14 my uncle said it was time for me to move out of his house and live on my own. He said I was ready for the real world. So I packed up and got ready to leave. On my way out of the door, my unlce stopped me and gave me a gift wrapped in leather. I had no idea what it was. He told me not to open it until I was in great danger. Yeah right. That night I stayed at a cheap inn; I had nowhere else to go. That night I decided to open the gift, ignoring what my uncle had told me. I was shocked to find a small pistol inside. Back then I had no idea what it was. I just sat there and admired it for hours. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on.

But the next morning bad news came. A messenger on horseback came with news that my parents had both been killed by mares. I wasn't at all familiar with mares, but I had heard talk of them in the pubs before. I didn't want to end up like my parents, so I decided to find out how I could protect myself from the horrible creatures. I asked around and found out that only a special rare ring could defend me from the mares. I was determined to obtain a ring for myself. I decided I would steal one. So I went to the home of the richest man in the village. There were rumors that he was a great inventor, but no one really knew anything about him.

I snuck into his house one night; at this time I was only just 15 years old. I was able to find a chest containing one of the rings in a small bedroom. I noticed the boy in the bedroom looked near the same age as me, maybe a bit older. I woke him up with my hand to his mouth and finally was able to have a conversation with him. I know it sounds weird, hehe, but I just had to talk to him. I felt a great urge to know who he was.

He told me his name was Noah, and I told him my name. After a few minutes of conversation we knew we were meant to be friends. He said his father was the leader of a crime group that had been searching for some strange creature for years. He said they were called the Spades, and that they were a very secret group. He made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone. So that night I left with the ring and a new-found friend. In fact, that was my only friend I had ever had. We both shared a lot of the same interests.

The next day Noah introduced me to his father, who looked like he was in his seventies. I was horrified by how old he looked, hehe. His father said he was interested in letting me join his secret crime organization. I told him I'd be honored to join, and I remember him saying, "Welcome to the Spades young one. If you ever tell anyone about us, I will see to it that you're dead!" I thought it was a very strange introduction, but it didn't matter. After a year of doing small work for Noah's father, I was promoted to the high ranks. A month after that Noah's father, whose name by the way was Augustus, died of heart failure. I can't really say that I was saddened by this event; I never really liked the guy, hehe.

So then me and Noah continued running the Spades. We got rid of a lot of the dumb ones over the years. But just a year ago, when I was nineteen, we found the thing we had been looking for all these years: tears of Symerals. The other five spades wanted to exploit this power in the tears, but me and Noah had no wish to do this. So then all five of the other Spades kicked us out of the group and nearly killed us. And that's our situation today.

[Hevn]

[CENTER]

Spade 2: Ava Faladir 26, Female ~ Appearance ~ Standing at 5'6'', Ava has a slender but firm form. Her body is light, allowing her to move around silently and fast enough to carry out vigorous activities. Her gray hair is tied up messily in a loop held by two old beaded/gypsy-styled strings. Despite the strands of hair falling down on her pretty but strong face,  several trinkets on her earlobes are is still visible. This consists of a pair of earrings, designed with two leather strings each and a red bead hanging on all of the four strings' ends, and three small hoops all sitting on her right lobe. Another leather string looped several times around her neck carries a uniquely designed ring to ward off the Mares. A very distinct feature that she is known for are her eyes that resemble the color of her Kalenbore robe. Her eyes are similar to scarlet crystal orbs that when gazed upon, one would think that he can actually see right through her soul. ~ Weapons ~ A spiked black pad guards her left shoulder while her arms are each protected by a ragged armguard that extends to an open glove, allowing her to freely move her fingers. Just like all Spades, Ava uses and is well versed with a sword. Her sword was owned by a comrade who passed away when she was 21. It is of medium weight and it hanged steadily on her back. Her gun, which all Spades uses too, is set on a sheath around her waist. Though she rarely use it, she is good at aiming at a moving target. A weapon that not all Spades utilize is her own leather string which acts like a whip. The end of it is solidly tied in her right wrist and the rest of it is folded and kept in a customized pouch she made on her armguard. ~ History ~ It was raining on the night when I awoke and found myself on a corner outside a bar in Kalenbore when I was seven, with only my worn-out clothing and a necklace with a pendant ring hanging on my neck. I felt tired, hungry, and worst of all, alone. I was no fool though. For my age I am well aware of what happened. ~ ~ ~ Some drunk scoundrels broke into our house for fun and shot my father right on his forehead. One guy grabbed me and two others got my mom. In front of my eyes, they stripped and violated her. Heh, that word is too gentle. I say they tore her clothes and raped her. My mother was crying and shouting like her soul is being ripped off, so they punched her anywhere every now and then. I was crying and shaking the whole time but I didn't know what to do. When they were done with her I heard one of them say, "Your daughter is a fresh piece of meat.", then they all cackled like the devil. I knew what was going to happen because my mom started to cry ever more loudly and beg for them not to touch me. I've never been so scared in my life. They were going to rape me too. That is why when my mother started fighting back, I did so too. I bit hard on the hands around me until I felt like my teeth were bleeding. Then I grabbed and dug my nails deep into his face causing him to let me go. Everything was in chaos when I tried to run. My mother covered me and did everything for my free getaway. I ran and ran until my feet hurt that I can run no more. When I stopped, I found it hard to breath, then I passed out. ~ ~ ~ So I am well aware of my past, the only problem then was where to go and how to live. I tried going back to our house, which was by the way, near the town of Kalenbore, but found nothing but ashes and a burned down house. My mother was not there, I know she lived though, for I heard one of them randomly say, "The boss will be happy to see you". Besides, her body was nowhere to be seen. I went back to Kalenbore and lived as a pauper and a rascal little kid, occasionally stealing food and being sent on errands by random people in exchange for money or food. The fact that I'm a girl doesn't even count on how difficult an errand would be. I was a strong kid for a seven year old they say. And that is true. I have learned early to be tough, my father taught me that. And I know he would've been proud to see me not crying in a corner and killing myself of hunger. ~ ~ ~ Someone woke me up one day when I was 13. Apparently, I slept in a group of thieves' wagon and they didn't found me until they rested from their travel. Since we were miles away from Kalenbore and their leader, Gaya, wasn't a man who would take on an innocent's life, they took me in. The usual happened, they sent me to errands, I served them, polished their weapons and even helped with their thievery, then they fed me. I had a fun and close relationship with Gaya though. He treated me fair enough so I have really high respect for him. I knew he was fascinated by my tough demeanor because he taught me a lot. Anything I need to learn about life, people, and fighting I got from him. I it's tough like me. ~ ~ ~ I stayed with them until I was 21 and I became his right hand. I'm not an ungrateful twit if that's what you're thinking. I didn't leave them, they all died... in the hands of the Spades. I was too late to come to their rescue so the guilt that it was my fault still haunts me. I had a short conversation with Gaya before he died on my hands. He gave me his sword, the one I'm carrying with me right now. He told me to stay tough but still be true to my heart. I really didn't give his words much thought then because I was crying, like how I cried the moment my father died. Right after he died and while I'm crying, Spade 1 pointed the tip of his sword on my chin and moved my head to look at him. He looked at me for a long time and smiled mischievously. He told me he'd spare my life but I was to join them and the moment that I betray him, he'll put an end to my life. I eventually knew he liked me for my looks and my skills. And so began my dreadful days with the Spades. Of course I tried to run away but I was never successful. Why? Because I learned that the Spades were powerful... and Spade 1 is the most powerful. I made my way to become Spade 2 though, learning how to kill ruthlessly on the way, but I could never beat Spade 1. And I don't have any plans when I would beat him, and when I would leave the Spades and be free. I don't have any plans right now. Everything is up to the man above me. I should obey him and make him rule my life until I gather up my guts and fight back. Not now though. But I still have a goal in my life and that is to find my mother. I know she's alive, somewhere. Serious? Yes, I may seem like a very serious person. But only my parents and Gaya know how much of a carefree soul would die to get out of this killer facade. Hn? What about [name of Noah's friend]? Well, I'd have to kill you after I give any of my thoughts on him to you... On the other hand, now that you've known this much, I can kill you already. For no one lives to tell my story.^_~

[COLOR=Purple][SIZE=1][B]Whew! I'm telling you this is my longest sign up ever! ^_~[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR]


[/CENTER]

[naota]

ok,I will change from spade 3 to 5

[naota]

I am going signing up for spade 5 now.I was going to sign up for the 3 but someone stole it with too good of a sign up.Also Terra tells people to not point out what they are saying but you should report the post.Just thought I should point that out.Lol.

[Dragon Warrior]

Okay, so far I have:

[b]Noah's Friend[/b] - 2 signups
[b]Woman Guide[/b] - 2 signups
[b]Spade 1[/b] - 1 signup
[b]" " 2[/b] - 2 signups
[b]" " 3[/b] - 1 signup
[b]" " 4[/b] - 0 signups
[b]" " 5[/b] - 1 signup

Obviously there are positions that need to be filled... well, one position. But if you wish to sign up as someone else (I'm talking to those who haven't signed up yet), then feel free to. Spade 4 is needed, though, especially for Act I.

[Albel the Wicked]

[QUOTE=Dragon Warrior]Okay, so far I have:

[b]Noah's Friend[/b] - 2 signups
[b]Woman Guide[/b] - 2 signups
[b]Spade 1[/b] - 1 signup
[b]" " 2[/b] - 2 signups
[b]" " 3[/b] - 1 signup
[b]" " 4[/b] - 0 signups
[b]" " 5[/b] - 1 signup

Obviously there are positions that need to be filled... well, one position. But if you wish to sign up as someone else (I'm talking to those who haven't signed up yet), then feel free to. Spade 4 is needed, though, especially for Act I.[/QUOTE]


Oh ho, but I beg to differ. ;) Although, her message was not clear I believe that Mistress Roxie did sign up as Spade 4. She wasn't too confident of herself and just said to give the part of Spade 4 to anyone else who signs up as him/her. I just thought that I ought to point that out to you. I am sorry to disrespect you again.

[Dragon Warrior]

She clearly stated in numerous AIM chats with me that she did that sign up to better herself in practice, but she wanted nothing to do with this RPG. So I beg to differ ;)

[The_Ghost]

I was just going to watch this thread because it looked like a really good idea. I never thought I?d try out for it. But hey, you need a Spade 4? I may as well go for it.

Name: Jocelyn Renicore

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Appearance: Jocelyn is an imposing figure, even though she is only 5'3" and 100 lbs. Her eyes are the color of grey mist off the waters of Warrenloth, and often darkens when she is lost in thought. Her hair is dirty blonde, wavy, and chopped off just below her chin. She sometimes ties it back, but leaves two major chunks to hang in her face. She is very pale, and has a scar reaching from the corner of her right eye to the corner of her lip. She wears a sapphire ring, and hooped silver earrings, but that?s it for jewelry.

Weapons: Jocelyn?s weapon of choice is a double-edged broadsword. She also uses her whip quite frequently, and she has a 6 inch dagger in her belt for back-up. She carries a gun with her, although she uses it only for emergencies because of its fallibility. She sees the potential that guns have, and thinks the spades should spend some time ?befriending? the riflemen.

History: My history? Where should I start? Best go to the beginning, I guess.

I was born in Kelenbore. My father was from a long line of petty criminals. My mother was from Warrenloth, the daughter of a well-to-do fishermen. Their love of was epic, the stuff of fairy tales. He swore to give up his life of crime for my mother, and she even weathered being disowned by her father. And they had a daughter, and all lived happily ever after, correct?

Well, happily ever after doesn?t pay the bills. My father went back to crime just after I was born. He also became fond of the drink, and was abusive, especially when my mother would ask him to stop stealing or drinking.

I spent most of my time as a child hanging with my own little ?gang? of friends. When we got bored, the older kids would show us some tools of the trade-the crime trade, that is. I learned quickly, and was one of the top members of the crew by the time I was twelve. I liked being on top. I relished the power I had. But I wasn?t arrogant. I still learned everything I could from everywhere I could. I became very good at making people think that [I]they[/I] came up with plans [I]I[/I] actually had. That way, I basically controlled the gang without fear of a coup. And even if there was, I?d simply cozy up to the new regime.

As I grew up, I came home less and less. Father hated me anyway, (?Just another mouth to feed? was the way he put it) and he was a horrible thief, especially compared to me. Mother became a shadow of herself, never speaking and just doing day to day routines. Everything was all right, if you could call it that, until the night I came home with a boyfriend. Yes, I had fallen in love. Derrick Renicore was his name. He was the official leader of our gang (which had become much more legit), and he was my main mentor. He gave me a beautiful sapphire engagement ring, along with a mare-defense ring with both of our names carved into it. I still wear it to this day.

Derrick had just become part of a group called the Spades, and I was happy to simply be the girl on his arm. I had become weak and foolish, wishing only for a shred of happiness. I finally decided to talk to my father about Derrick and I. Unfortunately for us, when we got there my mother covered in blood and lying in the corner. My father was sitting by the fire, a glass of beer in his hand and his eyes already red-rimmed. I assumed Father had finally gotten himself into enough of a rage to kill Mother. I wasn?t sad. It was going to happen eventually.

Derrick walked up to Father, his hand out, ready to introduce himself. (I never said I liked intelligent men) My father broke the glass and shoved it into Derrick?s skull before he had a chance to say a word. I heard screaming in the distance, and then my father pulled out the glass and turned on me. I didn?t realize it was I that was screaming until Father began to choke me. The look in his eyes was one of insane hatred. I frantically reached for the dagger I kept in my belt. My father was muttering angry and mean things at me. He slowly used the bloody glass to make a cut from my eye to my lip, a scar that shall be with me forever. I finally got a hold of my dagger and stabbed him in the gut. As he doubled over in pain, I took Derrick?s broadsword from his belt and killed my father. As the sun rose on my old home, basking the broken down, blood soaked cottage in light, all emotion I ever felt left me for good.

I took Derrick?s last name, along with his broadsword. I chopped my hair off as a sign of mourning. (During my childhood it was longer, and I tied it back) I told the spades that Derrick and I were already married, and as his wife I wished to take his place as one of the Spades. It took a bit of convincing, but I did it. At the age of sixteen, I was officially one of the Spades.

Then this whole business with the Symerals and Noah. Personally, I thought Noah and Deksan where wimps anyway, and them leaving doesn?t bother me a great deal. However, betrayal should never be taken lightly. Of course, they should be found and destroyed. But I don?t think that?s going to be [I]that[/I] big of a problem.

But I?m not going to underestimate them either.

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]I'll be signing up as Spade 1.

[b]Name[/b]: Arkadiy "Ensis" Kyran.

[b]Age[/b]: 26.

[b]Gender[/b]: Male.

[b]Appearance[/b]: Arkadiy stands at an above-average height of 6'3". He appears to be very lithe looking with a slight, but well-toned, muscular look to himself. His eyes are the most peculiar shade of crimson- glittering relentlessly in the light, the perfect shade of blood-red, really. His hair is raven-black and straight, falling just below his eyes, barely touching his shoulders. He has no scars, no visible signs of ever taking a hit in any of the numerous fights he must have been in- no tell all signs of being who he is. Rather laid-back, observant. An intellectual with something in his eyes, a flair, a flame, a flicker of the eccentric- madness, mayhap. Almost malevolent..

[b]Weapons[/b]: A single serrated-edge saber.

[b]History[/b]: Kalenbore. I was raised in Kalenbore in a hodge-podge crime organization lead by a guy who called himself Jacques. I can't recall much before that- something dramatic, I assume. With blood, tears, death- you know the typical drill. Something that scarred my subconscious, warped me. Maybe I should be glad I can't recall it- but however it happened, I was in Kalenbore at a very young age with no place to call home. Inquisitive, creative, intelligent- I had alot of potential, I knew. But, I was immature- I lacked any street smarts at all and, as you can tell, I was somewhat stricken by amnesia from the assumed events of chaos that befell me and landed me in that city. So, no matter my potential, I was lost. Very lost- and I was in a sea of people and places, one that I brazenly thought I could tackle with gusto. I knew I was smart, I had confidence in my skills.

Way too much confidence.

This, mixed with the necessity to survive drove me to steal for food- thieving from thieves. Of course, I got caught- by a potently powerful man, no less. Now that I think back on it, I probably should have been begging for my life- but, being young and brash, I was flamboyantly feisty. I tried to free myself with a flurry of less than glorious kicks, punches and jabs with dubious results.

That man was Jacques. He was a strong man, a powerful man- mentally, physically. He was on the ball, a prime manipulator, a king amongst thieves, bandits and ruffians. He only laughed at me, which derailed my pseudo-bravery easier than any act of violence he could have done. He asked my name, I answered as flippantly as possible. He took me in for who knows what reasons- my potential, my pitiful nature, his own needs. All I cared about was I had shelter, food- a place to rest my head for awhile.

I didn't really realize I had been recruited- heck, I didn't really know I was being trained by everyone in my temporary home- slowly at first, but soon I accepted their "profession". It peaked my curiosity and never-ending need for adventure. They were a pretty good organization of criminals if I say so myself- not the best, but amongst the higher echelons of power in the city. We dabbled in various things and I learned the tricks of the trade mostly through trials by fire- stressful, to be sure. As I developed into a young man in all of this I realized I wasn't particularly interested in being a normal criminal by any stretch of the word- it seemed bland to me. I had ideas, I had ambition- a yearning to be elsewhere. I began to scheme, to plan. To watch, to learn- learn how to be a leader, how it works.

Through this scheming and observation, I found Jacques to be rather good natured for a thief- benevolent, really. I found it to be rather inefficient to be like that for some reason- maybe not at all times, but aggressive, ruthless policies appealed to me. I knew it was a danger to be benevolent like that when you are in a position of power amongst thieves- and that proved all too true for Jacques, unfortunately. Amongst his organization there was some measure of dissent from his good nature, especially amongst the more devious, bloodthirsty members. Ones who wanted to go all the way, wanted that little bit of blood with their extortion- or maybe they wanted to do that plan where alot of 'innocent' people get hurt but it has a big haul. Madmen, maybe- greedy, prolly. Either way, Jacques had a problem on his hands.

It was a dark and rainy night as the dissenters finished their plans, their plans to seize power through a very bloody coup. I might have been increasingly hellbent on leaving the organization, but I was still fiercely loyal to my surrogate father and as soon as the split happened, I played bodyguard- I was with Jacques through it all. There was a great battle between the loyalists and the dissenters- the organization basically killed most of itself off throughout the city. In the end, it was Jacques and I against five of the dissenters- that was all that was left of my family, all that was left of my brothers and sisters.. It was..

We were in a large office, two floors- a staircase lead upwards into a library area, bookshelves lined with knowledge, contacts and archives of past "dealings". This was all the dissenters needed- the head of Jacques and they were here to get it. The battle was pitched, Jacques proving his might early on by striking down 2 of the dissenters in short order, staining the opulent carpets with crimson. I was in the midst of my own duel- being less skilled than Jacques, I was not nearly as successful in quickly slaying as he. I held my own with ease however and finally seemed to be getting the upper hand, executing quick parries and waiting for my moment to counter attack. There it was- and with a quick slash to his lower abdomen with my standard-issue short sword, my enemy groped at his stomach blindly. He yelled in pain as his entrails spilled out with a simple sort of beauty onto the floor, causing me to grin a bit- it felt fulfilling, the rush was exquisite.

Jacques had withdrawn up the stairs, two of the dissenters focusing their attack on the leader. His swordplay was perfect, it was artistic- it was so wondrous looking that it took a few seconds to 'click' that I should be helping him. With ease he dispatched with the next to last dissenter as I approached, stunning our last enemy with his skill and raw might. This lone enemy was the second in command, Kamal- a brute of a man, lacking on common sense and intelligence but making up for it in sheer physical prowess. But he was foolish, and in his moment of being dumbstruck Jacques dispatched him with a quick strike and let out a heavy sigh. It was over- only the two of us were left. He approached me to talk to me but Kamal, using every bit of willpower and fortitude he had left, kneeled up, lunging at Jacques. Jacques' eyes opened up wide as the dagger slid soundly into his back, ending his life- it was a moment that will never leave me, the look in his eyes, the brooding feeling that washed over me for a year straight. Kamal, knowing he had secured victory even if he died, rolled over laughing maniacally- I ran over to Jacques but it was too late. He slid in to the back sleep of death, leaving me with this idiot, this one last vestige of what had been my childhood- this laughing brute, who was slowly bleeding to death. The fool. I killed him. I slaughtered him, I spread him over half the room with my rage. And, here I was.. left with..

No one. The title of leader and no one to lead. I had connections, I knew people, I had my plans- but the organization had been completely destroyed. I decided to become nomadic and start anew.. thanks to my surrogate family, I had learned much about the workings of the street life. I would recruit people into a new organization, one that would allow me to fully use my wits. But I would not make the same mistake Jacques made- there would be no sense of good with me, that had caused his own downfall. People had split off, dissented, rebelled.

I was determined to not let that happen to me.

So, however it occurred, over a few years of time I had collected, through various events they could tell you about themselves, an ensemble of men and women who were quite skilled in whatever they did, some almost worryingly so- but no, I felt I had their loyalty. We did many things together, the Spades and I- and amongst our travels we came across a treasure trove of an opportunity- reliable, detailed information about the Symerals! These beings.. I immediately had an idea. If it succeeded we would be set for life! But, even within my loyal group, there was a small split because of this golden opportunity.

The idiots. I left them behind. We will achieve our goal, I am confident in my group. Any who get in my way will be dealt with ruthlessly, aggressively- as efficient as possible.

Jacques ending will not be my own. That much you can be sure of.[/color]

[Dragon Warrior]

[size=1]Okay, the time is here for me to post the critiques to all signups, state who has made the cut, and reveal Noah Isildo's profile :^D

[b][u]ScirosDarkBlade[/u][/b]
Well now, where to begin? I'll start out with some good news. I very much liked your wording in this. You suprised me quite a bit with some excellent use of phrases and words. And your spelling and grammar was most acceptable :) This all goes very well with your description, which makes the whole thing all the more intriguing. With the music chosen for this thread and a comfy spot on my bed, I felt I was really getting into the character of Deksan. You even improved on cliche ideas. But overall, my favorite part was:

[quote]... they were too much into that whole "I am a warrior with a mysterious past and I fight to escape my own personal demons."[/quote]

Hehe. Funny :^D

Now for some things to improve :( Your character, since you chose Noah's Friend, is only allowed one sword and the gun. So I will care to ignore the second sword. And you should save all that talk about his gun skills for your biography. You could further speak about his gun stylings there anyways. But here's another thing:

[quote]I do not know where I was born, and I have been told nothing of what came before I was taken in by the temple.[/quote]

Hey, it's okay if your character doesn't know, but you must remember you're writing this as if your character knows [b]everything[/b] about his life. So you should've included birth and all that anyways. Not only that, but at the end of your profile, you stopped after saying you met Noah. What happened after you met Noah? What was your job? What did you do in town? You got to make sure to include these key points. Make your whole history up to the time you joined the Spades. We'll get a better idea of your character that way and how he came to be.

Next, you must recall that this is like a journal entry. Don't include things like "Heh" and "Ha ha." No one writes that stuff in their journals (if they do, then... yeah... weird). ;) My last main note is that you made too many dramatic pauses throughout your piece. I'm sure if you read through it again, you'd notice how silly it sounded. Dramatic pauses are a good tactic in writing, but not when overused like you did. Good work with your profile :)

[b][u]Boo[/u][/b]
Boo :<

I found your profile to be pretty dang good. Not too much to critique on in my eyes, but there are some notes I made. You should really think of checking grammar and spelling because I did catch some errors. Proof-read it as well because you may have possibly already spell-checked it and th spell-checker didn't catch the mistake. Also, at the end of your profile, don't speak of the present situation. The storyline just states that Noah and Noah's Friend disagree with the decision of finding the Symeral. Keep that part hush hush for now ;)

On the good side, your description and story was very well done. Your character led an intriguing life :^D

[b][u]MistressRoxie[/u][/b]
Not my finger :^O

Just joshin' ya ;) I decided to critique yours anyways because you said this was for practice anyways and maybe some tips will help you improve. I'll start out with the good. Everyone likes good news. You had lovely descriptions--almost poetic with some.

[quote]... as her hazel eyes swirl gently.[/quote]

That sure was perdiful :^D I also enjoyed how your character referred to her father as "Papa." I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a change from the normal father. Kind of gives it the country feel. I also liked how your character thought about her careers. Most profiles posted here talked about going straight into one job, no questions asked. Your character had plans before she moved into the life of a criminal. And the music just suits your profile. It's nice to read while listening to that gentle melody.

You seemed to be spelling error-free, which is a good thing to be. Means you checked (or just aren't prone to those mistakes). I'm not even sure I saw grammar errors either. But my favorite part of the whole biography was that she didn't know where she stood. She wanted to join Noah, but she didn't because it's like joining the authorities. Interesting.

Now the tips :) Her eye color changes. Interesting, but Lo' Urden doesn't possess magic (Symerals are not considered magic). The eye color changing seems to be some unrealistic trait that would only be covered by magic. That just doesn't seem real. You also referred to Noah as the "Noah police." Police is a modern term. Gotta watch out for using modern terms because we don't want to mix too much future with past. I also caught you using commas too often, even in places they shouldn't have been. Commas represent a pause in a sentence that isn't covered by dashes or semi-colons. You should further learn where commas lie. I sometimes find I have trouble with them, but I've been learning how to use them myself.

[quote]... which blacked my heart.[/quote]

It's "blackened," not blacked :) And speaking of that same area, you also said that your character's father told her something that supposedly did this "blackening." What did he tell her? We should know! It's very important, possibly THE most important part of the whole profile. It explains what turned her evil. Did he tell her that her mother died? If so, you didn't make that too clear. Other than all that, you did well. Good job :)

[b][u]Kittychanann[/u][/b]
It's [b]Akubar![/b] :P You always wrote it as "Akubra" in your profile. Thought I'd jump that little error.

Having said that, your description served you well in your profile. It was quite enjoyable, but I tended to have trouble reading it anyways because of your grammar/spelling. Some sentences were so difficult to read I couldn't understand what they said or meant. Because of that, it didn't really bring out your description too much, but it was noticeable.

Now, the eye color changing thingy--it's no good. Magic isn't present in Lo' Urden (Symerals aren't considered magic, mind you) and the whole eye color changing appears to be a magical trait. In real life, do you know anyone who has eyes that change colors with their moods? If there is such a thing, then I'm sorry I doubted you, but I'm completely unaware of such an ability.

Next is a big thing. You're writing a journal. When writing hand-written journals in a medieval setting, do you think people would write things like:

[quote]*giggles*[/quote]

No. Sorry, but those kinds of things are considered bad writing when you roleplay unless you're in a chatroom. You used this tactic quite often through your profile and it didn't work too well. You may have gotten confused and didn't know this is your character writing a journal, but nevertheless, the star thing is unacceptable in any case.

[quote]When I was five my Mama was caught stealing again and got a knife to the back.[/quote]

Wow. I'm sorry, but that sentence was flat out dull. It was too straight to the point. It needed to be backed up by something. This case happened numerous times through the profile and I expected more from you after reading your great descriptions for her appearance and such previously. You were also too quick to move onto other subjects.

[quote]I did let out a scream in some point in time though because he neighbor came running over. The town doctor said that his heart had failed him. For two days I just sat in house and cried. Lets talk more on to happier thing how about.
[/quote]

It was all dramatic one second and then you want to end it? You can't just cut it off like that. You must flow smoothly into the next event. Also, since this sort of involves the Sisal guy, I find that part a bit bizarre. Sisal kills her mother, then he feels bad and takes the girl in. There are numerous complications that you ignored here. One, wouldn't the girl hate Sisal for killing her mother? Two, why would the father of this girl let the man who murdered his wife care for his daughter? And three, why would Sisal give a damn about this girl anyways? There may be reasons, but you didn't state them and those reasons are no good just being in your noggin.

That's about it. I hope these tips helped you and thank you for signing up :^D

[b][u]Bio[/u][/b]
One of the best signups I got :^D I'm very pleased, Master Bio. Your description was very la de da and intriguing the whole way through. You did tend to ramble here and there, but not enough to lose my interest completely. And I was happy with your character's age. We need an older member for the Spades. The bracers seemed to be the best weapon anyone made for their signups for this RPG. Not only have I used similar weapons for my characters in past RPGs, but they are so damn cool.

Your grammar and spelling was very well done and I can tell you probably proof-read and spell-checked it. Good for you. Your wording was very excellent as well. I was also pleased with your further description on Kalenbore. You may have added in your own ideas for the town, but you did it within reason.

Now here are some things that need to be said. Why did Demetric's father train him? Just so he can protect himself? So he can become a fighter? You never did state this, though many reasons why do arise. I did notice his life story is a tad cliche too. The whole "mother and father dying" bit has been used waaayyy too often. Lastly, what happened to Demetric once he reached Kalenbore? What was his life like there? What occupation did he take up? How did he join the Spades? Possibly the most important details of your character were left out.

[b][u]Inti[/u][/b]
First off, you did well with your timeline. You selected a great age for your character and since Krystal starts her career at such an early age, she has the ability to see the world and learn a lot about her future career. Your grammar was wonderful and you described the woman guide just as I pictured her.

But there are things that could be improved. First, you rambled a bit in your "Appearance." I mean, look at it. Just by looking at it you can tell it's a headache asking for some Tylenol ;) You described well, but much of that description could have been used in your biography. You must watch out for that. Next, your spelling could have been better. It disappointed me to see your grammar being so ripe and then your spelling be lower class. I'm not sure if you didn't proof-read or just didn't know you made those mistakes. Also make sure not to use "Heh." This is as if your character is writing a journal. When you write a journal, you don't insert things like "ha ha" and "heh."

Next things are what you had in your plot. Firstly, why did your father like you the most? Why didn't he take your sisters too? Next, for your first job, you were a guide for a man and his family. You were eleven. Why would a man trust his family's life to an eleven-year-old he just met that claims to be a professional guide? That part seemed highly unlikely. Also, you stated this:

[quote]The main thing I learned was to always carry a special ring around your neck, in case the Mares try to attack. They can smell it from miles away.[/quote]

Everyone and I mean [i]everyone[/i] knows about those rings. Krystal should have been wearing one the moment she was born. She should already be well aware of the Mares and the mineral that shuns them. Lastly, when I made signups, I had no other name to give this character but "Woman Guide" because that's what she was. I didn't mean to suggest to give her that nickname. I mean, really. What kind of nickname is "Woman Guide?"

[b]Bob:[/b] Hey, Woman Guide. How goes it?

See? Doesn't sound good XD Good work on the profile, though.

[b][u]Misenki[/u][/b]
First, Spade 1 posts [i]a lot[/i]. He's the main antagonist and will post more often than any other villain. If you wanted a small, villainous part you should have chosen Spade 3, 4, or 5.

Next, though as you stated that your time is short, I would like you to make sure your grammar and spelling are kept up. Proof-read and spell/grammar check your work because this one is filled with errors, sadly. You also tended to babble in your "weapons" part and lots of the description could have gone into your "History." And who is Raphael? I've never played Soul Calibur 2, so I'm completely oblivious. And if your character can throw a knife faster than a man can fire a gun, he's gotta be good :)

[quote]It made me sad.[/quote]

Now that particularly disappointed me because I saw you made those edits to your RPG's plotline that I suggested and it was much better written. This is poor writing here, though. I know you're definately capable of better and I have proof of that. You also tended to flow into a cliche storyline. It always helps to be a little more original.

[quote]Well, now I am the leader of the Spades.[/quote]

Why? Why are you the leader? This should also be described. It's one of the most important points in your signup. Also make sure not to discuss present matters in this. In the storyline on the website, I just state that Noah and Noah's Friend disagree with the other Spades and quit. No one ever said what happened after.

Lastly, here's a grammar tip that I saw you make a few times. In the case of phrases like "I and my troops," you want to always put yourself last. So it'd be "My Troops and I." Another example for the correct way of doing it is: "My troops, the king, and myself all went to Dairy Queen for a vanilla cone. I had a coupon." Just a tip to improve your writing skills. Good work and thank you for signing up. :)

[b][u]MysticKnight[/u][/b]
[quote]Always hanging around Olwe's neck is a special ring which keeps him safe.[/quote]
Yeah, he better have a ring :)

Anyways, I'm pleased to see you had good grammar and spelling, Master Milz. Shows you put effort into this. But here are my tips and critiques. First, you had too many pauses. Like the spot with "When I caught them I would then...play with them. Actually I...I tortured them." It doesn't sound good nor look good. Dramatic pauses are great to use and an excellent writing tactic--if used properly.

And you must recall that this profile you wrote is like your character's journal. It's like they're writing it. In a journal, would you put stuff like "Ha ha" and "he he?" Then you shouldn't here either. Those were no good.

Writing Tip: The proper way of writing small numbers are in words. If they're something like seven, write it in word form. Numbers like 10,000,000 can be written in their normal digit form, but small numbers shouldn't be (there are cases where it's allowed). Even numbers like fifty or eighty-nine.

The next few notes are about your History. I have to sadly say this is all screwed up. It goes against many things and crushes the storyline. I'll start about the rings. In your profile, you state that your character's parents were killed by Mares and that at that point (age fourteen), he learns about rings. Woah, woah, woah. Hold up now. Owle (cool name, bytheway) should have been wearing a ring since his birth. [i]Everybody[/i] knows about and carries a ring with them. It's common fact. He should have always had one.

[quote]When I turned 14 my uncle said it was time for me to move out of his house and live on my own. He said I was ready for the real world. So I packed up and got ready to leave. On my way out of the door, my unlce stopped me and gave me a gift wrapped in leather. I had no idea what it was. He told me not to open it until I was in great danger. Yeah right. That night I stayed at a cheap inn;

So I went to the home of the richest man in the village. There were rumors that he was a great inventor, but no one really knew anything about him. I snuck into his house one night; at this time I was only just 15 years old.[/quote]

Unless your character ages a year every night, that seems highly unorthadox. Your character left his Uncle's home at the age of fourteen and went to an inn that very night. He then left (maybe not the same night, but sometime during the while he was in that town) to the richest man's house in that village to grab a ring. Suddenly he's fifteen years old. How did that work?

Next, you make it so Noah is the son of the rich man in this village. Well, dangit. That totally burns my profile. You didn't leave any room for me to write a bio for my character. Also, you stated that Noah's father was the prime leader of the Spades. How can that be when Spade 1 was the founder of the Spades (if you read the signups page on the website, you'd see that). On that same note, you said that Noah and Olwe ran the Spades for a while. Naturally since Spade 1 has always been the leader, that's not possible. Lastly, you said Olwe was nineteen when the tears were found and the seperation happened between Noah/Olwe and the five other Spades. But your profile states that Olwe is twenty at the present time. So that means it would have to have been Olwe's birthday the second the seperation occured. The deal is that you need to get your dates straight.

Sadly because of these complications, it knocks you out of the chances. But this can help you in improving your skills for roleplaying. You can always try out for OUAL Act II or III.

[b][u]'hEvN[/u][/b]
Miss. 'hEvN :^D

I'd like to start off by saying great job with your grammar, spelling, and description. They were all of great quality and I needn't say more on the matter. It was wonderful.

On the darker side of the force, there are problems with your signups. They're minor, but they still effect. I'll get to the point: [b]rape's no good.[/b] If you haven't noticed, this RPG is rated "PG-VL." Not only does the PG rating stand for very limited adult material, but I also only have "VL," which stood for Violence/Language. This means that sexual content isn't allowed in the RPG. Rape, being the worst of [i]all[/i] sexual content, was not the best choice for OUAL. Think of it as a Lord of the Rings atmosphere. Could you see Arwen the Elf Princess being raped by orcs? Nasty, huh? Well, I'd have to say I didn't enjoy reading that portion of your signup. In fact, I wanted to skip it. Not only would it be a pedophile act because your character was seven, it was totally sickening. It breaks the whole Lo' Urden atmosphere.

Putting that matter aside, the more minor errors was that you tended to ramble a bit and the profile became rather lengthy. Though your description was wonderful, it grew boring in some places where description wasn't needed.

Writing Tip: The proper way of writing small numbers are in words. If they're something like seven, write it in word form. Numbers like 10,000,000 can be written in their normal digit form, but small numbers shouldn't be (there are cases where it's allowed). Even numbers like fifty or eighty-nine.

Good work. Just avoid the sexuality. Dramatic, but not needed.

[b][u]DeathKnight[/u][/b]
Though I see you're online on AIM at the moment and I can tell you your critiques there, I'll do it here like everyone else's :P But first, I'm gonna grab something to eat.

And I grabbed cookies :^D

Anyways, I'd like to start by saying what a curious name you chose XD Next, your spelling, grammar, and description was air-mazing! Just a lovely presentation. Your history had cliche, but you make cliche look good! Just wonderful :)

On the other note, your signup was really long :p Though your description was excellent, you tended to ramble a lot and therefore the profile extended to great lengths. It got boring at times even. And your weapon... you choose just a simple saber. Not too much, but I hope you have ideas of how to use it in original and intriguing ways.

Writing Tip: The proper way of writing small numbers are in words. If they're something like seven, write it in word form. Numbers like 10,000,000 can be written in their normal digit form, but small numbers shouldn't be (there are cases where it's allowed). Even numbers like fifty or eighty-nine.

The main thing I want to say is about your gore content. You didn't use it much, but the fact is that you [i]did[/i] use it. This RPG is rated PG-VL. The PG rating itself shows the lack of adult material (though some may be in it if inquired). The VL stands for Violence/Language. If I want substantial gore like how you described this...

[quote]He yelled in pain as his entrails spilled out with a simple sort of beauty onto the floor, causing me to grin a bit- it felt fulfilling, the rush was exquisite.[/quote]

... I would have put a G on the rating for "Gore." You can include blood like "Blood dripped from his mouth as he panted for breath," but avoid the nasty. This isn't Kill Adam ;)

[b][u]Crucifix[/u][/b]
Wee! I must say I'm pleased with your writing, Crucifix. Your spelling was excellent. Your grammar, though, showed some poor quality :( Some of it was easily spotted for anyone, so I'm wondering if you proof-read or grammar checked it.

Next, there are two things that you should avoid when writing. The first is "heh" and such things. This profile is like your character writing a journal. Journals, especially ones from medieval-type of ages, do not contain things like "Ha ha" or "heh" so you shouldn't include them. The second thing to avoid is things like this:

[quote]*sighs*[/quote]

Naughty, naughty. In professional writing (and especially roleplaying), this is a bad thing. Those are only used when expressing action in chatrooms, not in roleplaying. This is your character's journal. They're not going to write what they're doing.

Lastly, I have a question about your history that doesn't have to be answered, but should make you think. You mention your character's parents trained her to be a criminal and it was "tradition" and all that sort of thing. You never mentioned the parents' occupations. What are they? That might help give the reader an idea of the situation.

Writing Tip: The proper way of writing small numbers are in words. If they're something like seven, write it in word form. Numbers like 10,000,000 can be written in their normal digit form, but small numbers shouldn't be (there are cases where it's allowed). Even numbers like fifty or eighty-nine.

Good job :)

[b][u]The_Ghost[/u][/b]
Now, The_Ghost, the main reason I like your profile is because of your unique way of linking your descriptions and such with Lo' Urden. I bet you thought you'd get brownie points for that. Well, you do, I s'pose. Your thing about Warrenloth and then the bit on the Riflemen.

But what I wasn't too pleased about was the poor grammar/spelling quality. Now obviously since you're the only Spade 4 sign up, you're in the RPG, but I'd appreciate it if you checked your work before posting it. Proof-read, spell checker, whatever you do to make sure it's the best it can be. Also make sure not to use "ha ha" and stuff like that. This profile is like your character writing a journal. Journals, especially ones from medieval-type of ages, do not contain things like "Ha ha" or "heh" so you shouldn't include them.

Next is the murdering. It seemed too harsh for this RPG. It also seemed to break the atmosphere. I'm aware that there will be violence in this, but drunken fathers beating and killing... it doesn't seem to fit OUAL. I'd appreciate it if everyone tries to avoid that sort of thing. Especially the part about Derrick getting stabbed in the head with a broken bottle. My God, that's graphic! Plus, the fact that alchohol didn't come in bottles in those days. They drank them in mugs.

Lastly, and the most unbelievable part, how did the girl trick every one of the Spades into thinking that she was Derrick? That sounds impossible. Cutting hair and telling a few fibs wouldn't do it. Especially since in the modern time now, the Spades are fully aware she is a woman. Maybe that should be editted and she just takes Derrick's spot as it is. That's simple enough. It's not like the Spades shin women. Good luck with the RPG, though, and I hope you take in what I've said :)[/size]

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[center][img]http://img30.exs.cx/img30/9730/oualbanner.jpg[/img][/center] There you have it everyone. That's the critiques. I'm happy you all tried out for OUAL: Act I, but I'm afraid I must now cut you all down to a select few. For those who didn't make Act I, there is always Act II or III :) And of course, I'll have RPGs after that. [center][b][size=5][u]Cast[/u][/size][/b] [b]Dragon Warrior[/b] - [i]Noah Isildo[/i] [b]ScirosDarkBlade[/b] - [i]Noah's Friend[/i] [b]Inti[/b] - [i]Woman Guide[/i] [b]DeathKnight[/b] - [i]Spade 1[/i] [b]'hEvN[/b] - [i]Spade 2[/i] [b]Bio[/b] - [i]Spade 3[/i] [b]The_Ghost[/b] - [i]Spade 4[/i] [b]Boo[/b] - [i]Spade 5[/i][/center]

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[b][u]Name[/b][/u] Noah Isildo [b][u]Age[/b][/u] 22 [b][u]Gender[/b][/u] Male [b][u]History[/b][/u] The name's Noah Isildo. That's actually not my real name. My real is Nohetherin, but isn't that a bit of a mouthful? My birth was a faithful summer day. It took place in the countryside about ten or so miles off of Kalenbore. That's where I lived with my family; Mum, Papa, and Loriath. Oh, Loriath is my sister if you're wondering. My life was particularly normal for a country one. We weren't farmers, but we weren't exactly high-living individuals either. Back in my early years, Papa was a carpenter, Mum kept up housework and made the best dang pies around, and Loriath was not old enough to do anything. I'm about five years older than her. All I really did was help those who needed it. I tended to give Mum a hand with the chores, but Papa always called me to do labor with him. It was a painful job, but it toughened me. Any boy should be tough. It prepares you for the outside world. As I grew older, I began maturing (obviously that's natural with everyone). I dropped the name "Papa" and began calling him Father. Mum always remained Mum, though. Gotta love that woman. Father crafted all sorts of things, but he was fond of making wooden training swords for the schools in towns. I often helped him test their durability and picked up a few skills of my own. Nothing unique, though. My sword skill lacked and my gun skill was even more shameful. Father and I used guns for hunting--plain and simple. I never could hit a target. Wait... no, I hit a deer in the leg once. Did I say what I want to be? No? Well, I want to be a professor! And laugh all you like, but it's the truth. Nowadays I look as stern and cruel as they come, but I can't help but have a tender side to me too. I'm not timid, don't get me wrong. Most of my angry side comes from the miserable life I led after leaving home. I left my family at the age of twenty, a very late start for a boy's life. I should have left to be educated earlier in my years, but I couldn't leave home. So upon arriving in towns, I stumbled and fell in my attempts at becoming a professor. I wasn't the smartest man, but I had brains. If anything, I could teach a little swordplay. But as God would have it, I didn't make it in the world. I returned to Kalenbore ashamed. By then I was twenty-one. I had wasted two years of my life--years in which I could have been educated and teaching the world a new lesson. But I only ended up scraping the streets and barely making a job. But I never was dying. Far from it. I had survival tactics in me. It could have been worse out there. I returned to my home only to find it vacant. My family had left, most likely to a city somewhere to make it better in the world--like I should have been doing. Of course I was given notice by some folks in Kalenbore of their escapades. Though I now knew where they were present, I couldn't go to them. Not as a failure. I was going to make it. I remained keeping a job in a tavern of Kalenbore (which doubled as an inn and gave me rent if I cut some of the price from my pay). That is, until I was strapped for cash. I was desperate, I lost my job at the tavern, and the only option seemed to point to criminal activity... and the Spades.

[size=1]Noah's past isn't as important as all of yours, so I made his as simple as they come (not to mention there needed to be a change from the melancoly atmosphere of the other profiles XD). But now the RPG can start. It'll take time to get it all set up so you must wait. It'll be up later this week. Good work, everyone.

EDIT: Oh, if you have any comments or questions on this, please use the Underground thread, not this thread. Thanks :)[/size]

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[Boo]

[color=gray][size=1]Alright, I'm in! :< Go for it Gaby and put it up as soon as you can >:^o[/color][/size]