Manga A Great Idea for a Story!!! Please read and tell me what you think!

[goldengriffin]

Okay, I've only added 3 chapters, but I only wanna show samples so this will probably be it.
I am only asking that you tell me what I need in my story. Please tell me if the story sounds like something you may wanna read or if you like another type of genre you don't see in here. Note:I know of some of the errors I have made. Please do not criticize me for this. And if you have and comments, then please feel free to say them.

[B]Chapter One - Isis

If given the chance I would have wanted nothing more then to miss my fathers celebrations that he?s been holding lately to honor the goddess Isis this week, his favorite goddess, hence why he named me after her. But I knew how much it meant to my father for me to come. And besides that I had no choice of my own if I did or didn?t want to go.
As I was dressed by several of my servants and makeup was placed on my face I couldn?t help but laugh as I remembered the funny stuff me and Hondo, a young officer my age and my best friend, had done the day before at the festivals banquet. The whole thing was my idea, but he was the only one who would actually be daring enough to pull the stunt.
Slowly, but bravely, Hondo sneaked a scarab in one of the priests dinner trays and BOOM! All I could think was ?Who needs entertainment when you have Hondo?? The boy can keep you entertained for hours with the daring stunts he pulls each day. The only reason he?s able to keep doing them, however, is because I usually take the blame for him, given I?m the princess and if he were to be punished then their goes the entertainment, their goes the fun, and their goes my friend.
Walking into the court yard was not exactly easy as I walked around looking for Hondo so he could take me to the festival wearing several pieces of gold jewelry on my neck , hands ,legs , and even head.
I finally found him and tried sneaking up on him from behind a tree in the courtyard. I picked my moment and quickly ran as I knocked him to the floor with a body slam.
?Ow, do you know how much you weight with all that gold?? Hondo said as he grinned trying to get up.
?Come now Hondo, petty insults won?t get you out of taking me to the festival. Besides it?s my fathers wish that I go, and that you take me.? I said helping him up. I grabbed his arm and pulled him in the direction of the festival. ?Come on, we?ve got to go or we?ll miss the dancers.?
?It?s okay princess, the festival isn?t starting for a while.? Hondo said with a smile. ?Wouldn?t you like to enjoy the sun as we walk instead of running??
?But why? The sun is so hot, and I?ve had just about enough of it.? I said as I wiped my brow. ?I want to go now Hondo, take me or it shall be my father and not just me you will have to deal with.?
?Okay! Okay!? Hondo said as he waved his hands in the air. ?So it?s faster you want to get to the festival then. Hmm, you got on all this jewelry, but I think we could work something out.?
I had no idea what Hondo would do next as he wore that evil grin on his face just as he did before he executed an evil deed. But before I could think of an answer he had me up on his shoulders and heading straight for the festival.
?So this is your idea of getting there fast?? I asked as I held onto his neck. ?Doesn?t take you very long, I?m guessing, to think of a plan that involves us being together in some way. But I should have known.?

Chapter Two - Hondo

As I got up this morning I hurriedly went to my wardrobe to pick a suitable uniform to wear to the festival my pharaoh was hosting for the goddess Isis. In selecting the cloths I liked, a white kilt with a blue cloth tied in the front and dark leather sandals, I quickly ran to the kitchen to eat the food my mother had prepared for me. It wasn?t much, simply because today at the festival we would be eating a lot, but the meal was still very appetizing as I bit through the fresh fruits and the fish my mother had bought at the market that morning before I had woken up.

?Thank you mother for this fresh fish, it tastes so good the way you cook it.? I said as I finished my fish and began eating the bread my mother had just put out on the table. I had almost forgot to sit down as I finished off most of the food on the table. Then after receiving the juice my mother had prepared I calmly sat on the cushions placed by the table.

?I?m glad you like it Hondo,? Mom said as she smiled and sat down on large cushion near the table. ?I just wish your father were here, he probably loved fish just as much as you do.?

I stared at my mother for a while as she sighed and looked out the window. I knew that my mother was lonely, and that she needed someone to care for her, but she refused to remarry after having my father killed by the Tomb Bandits, a team of high skilled tomb robbers. I would have liked to marry, and at age sixteen I had all rights to be married if I wanted to, but leaving my mother by herself to be married to someone would be wrong. But still, I did always yearn for the companionship of someone ever since I was young, that was until I met the princess.

As a young boy I was trained by my father in the arts of combat to defend the pharaoh and his heir. I would take daily classes at our house or sometimes even near the palace in soldiers quarters. Each day my father would teach me something new, some new strategy to help me so that some day I may become a great warrior.

It was on my twelfth birthday that was presented the pharaoh and his daughter, the princess Isis, to be the princesses royal body guard. Such a position was handed to me with great honor, and I was to respect the rights and privileged that came with this duty.

The princess and I became close friend, since we were the same age and both loved to do some of the same things, one of which included mischief.

Every day felt like a good day as I woke up bright and early in the morning. And walking to the palace, with the sun shining down so brightly, and the wind blowing the sand under my feet made me feel even better as I would enter the palace. My mother was happy I had found a friend as kind as the princess, and wished that someday we could be married, even though I told he I wished not to have her stay all by herself in her house. But still, if I was able to be wed to the princess, I would embrace the idea without further thought.

I walked outside shortly after finishing my meal and began walking towards the palace to take the princess to the festival that would be held today.

Several children in kilts and shawls, played outside as their mothers and fathers helped to create the festival. Almost like what I used to do with my mother when I was four and I stayed home to help her with the chores.

The sun began to grow very bright as I came close to the entrance of the palace. I was fortunate that I had the since to not wear my robe that day and only wear silver jewelry on my arms, legs, and neck. Usually I would wear gold jewelry to impress the princess, but today I felt like wearing something lighter. My only wish at the time was that the temperature would drop and that the wind would blow more.
As I entered the large palace entrance, each side of the walk way lined by huge sand pillars, and at the front two large sphinx, I was greeted by one of the priest and he escorted me to the courtyard so I could wait their for the princess to arrive.

?I do hope you keep yourself out of trouble this time Hondo,? The priest said as he led me into the courtyard. ?I know it was you who snuck the scarab in Priest Bata?s food the other day.?

I could only grin as he smiled at me and sat down on a bench in the courtyard. He stood up after a few minutes of staring up at the sky and quickly returned to his quarters to get ready before the festival began.

A cool breeze filled the trees in the garden as I stood there watching the fish swim in the small pond by the flowers that grew right along with the reeds.

The garden felt magical as I stood there with my eyes closed, and it would have been even more magical had it not been for the princesses body slam that sent me straight to the floor.

?Ow, do you know how much you weight with all that gold?? I said grinning as I tried to get up.

?Come now Hondo, petty insults won?t get you out of taking me to the festival. Besides it?s my fathers wish that I go, and that you take me.? The princess said jokingly as she helped me up. Then suddenly she grabbed my arm and began pulling me in the direction of the festival. ?Come on, we?ve got to go or we?ll miss the dancers.?

?It?s okay princess, the festival isn?t starting for a while.? I said with a smile. ?Wouldn?t you like to enjoy the sun as we walk instead of running??

?But why? The sun is so hot, and I?ve had just about enough of it.?Princess Isis said as she wiped her forehead. ?I want to go now Hondo, take me or it shall be my father and not just me you will have to deal with.?

?Okay! Okay!? I said as I waved my hands in the air, trying to calm her down. ?So it?s faster you want to get to the festival then. Hmm, you got on all this jewelry, but I think we could work something out.?

I suddenly grinned my plotting grin and then quickly, I grabbed the princess and placed her over my shoulder so that we could hopefully get their faster. As I began running, Princess Isis began holding tightly to my neck so she wouldn?t fall off, and all I could think of was the sweet smell of flowered perfume she wore on her that made her smell so good.

?So this is your idea of getting there fast?? She asked as she held on even tightly around my neck. ?Doesn?t take you very long, I?m guessing, to think of a plan that involves us being together in some way. But I should have known.?

If only she truly did know how much I wanted to be with her, then we could be married. If only my father were still alive, If only my mother remarried, and if only the princess knew about the way I felt towards her.
Chapter Three - Bakari

I only wished that I could join in the fun as my master and his wife got up to get ready for the festival of the goddess Isis that would be held today.

As a slave I was to tend to the every need of my masters and help them get ready for such occasions as this.

?Bakari, do be a dear boy and get me my make up case.? The masters wife said kindly to me. I walked as quickly as I could to retrieve the case for her and quickly walked back to hand it to her.
?Thank you very much Bakari.?

?Dearest Akila, have you seen my blue beaded sandals?? My master called out from his room. ?Slave! Come and find my shoes for me!?

I ran as quick as I could, carefully avoiding the possibility of knocking into something.

?Coming my master. I will find them right away.? I said as I searched around for the shoes. I finally found them after a few minutes and gave them to my master, only to have him glare at me as if he were going to strike me. I only assumed he was having a bad day and walked into the other room. Soon I heard the voice of my master calling me into his room once again.

That day I sat outside on a rock by a tree, staring out into the sky, dreaming that someday I could return to the city I once lived in before I was captured during a war and taken as a prisoner. Still one thing besides the thought to return to my homeland still shown through my mind brighter then any thought or memory.

Just next door from my master?s house, and to the right lived a young girl who?s beauty great and who?s sweetness was unmeasured. Her name we Mya, sweet, kind, and gentle she was, a beautiful delicate flower in the desert sand. Oh how I longed to be with her as I watched her in the fields of her fathers, picking the harvest or shaking the trees for dates. Her lovely red dyed hair flowing in the wind, shining brighter than the sun. I only wish that she knew me, that she knew I existed, oh how I?d rejoice at the chance to talk to her, to help her with her work.

Once when I was filling a jar with water in the Nile I spotted her sitting by the bank, covered by the reeds, eating her meal. I thought that I may the courage to talk to her so I walked towards her slowly, just to see if she might see me and call out to me with her sweet angelic voice. But as I crept closer I could see something moving in the water. It appeared to be a crocodile or even a hippopotamus, and quickly without thinking, I rushed towards the beast with the jar before it could get any closer. I wasn?t sure if Mya saw me that day as I threw the jar at the creature, but as soon as if had swam away I quickly turned around, only to find she had left without a trace except for one object. A small piece of cloth, most likely a handkerchief was folder up on a rock near the bank where Mya was siting. Inside a small charmed necklace with the symbol of a cat sat there, waiting for me to put it on. I hesitated at first, but soon had it around my neck and was carrying it home as a memory of her.

I still wonder sometimes if it was just coincidence that I had found that necklace, or if some how the deed I had done that day had been observed by her and a gratitude of leaving a small gift was done. Even if it was or wasn?t so, I still hold the necklace close to me as my most valuable of all object and as a memory of her and to never give up. [/B]

So how'd ya like it? Please give me all you comments, and criticism below. Thanks a bunch!