Writing *gasp* Delirium writes Fan FIcs! HP [M -- VSL]

[Skye]

[color=orange][size=1][font=veranda]>< OMG. I did it. I wrote a Harry Potter fanfiction. Somebody kill me! Okay, so it?s not done. I?m going to give you section at a time. I?ve had a couple reviews on what I have and have been told it is creative. XD Besides, I like Draco.[/color]

[color=indigo] ?[b]Ouch![/b]? Aida stuck her bleeding finger in her mouth, and glared at the offensive quill. She set it down, and opened her desk drawer, placing the sharpening knife in it. She closed it with her arm, and took her finger out of her mouth, looking at it. It had stopped bleeding, and the sore skin was already starting to heal up. ?[b]Stupid quill[/b],? she mumbled under her breath before picking up the writing utensil again.

Reaching across the desk, Aida Nightbird dipped the quill tip in the ink well, and then looked down at her blank parchment. Setting her quill firmly against the paper, she started writing.[/font][/color][/size]

[size=2][color=indigo][font=times new roman] Dear Mom,

I?ve made it safely to Britain. The house is all settled, and everything is wonderful! My room is large, the bathroom is marvelous (it is my favorite part!), and the study leading to it has plenty of room for books.

None of my things were damaged (thank gods!), and Kaiga and Jendin are fine. Thank you so much for sending me the money! I don?t think I?m going to have very much trouble, but I will write if I need you. I?m going to have to get used to writing with quills, and not having email. Apparently electronics don?t work on school grounds.

I will send you a letter as often as I can, to keep in touch.

Forever Sincere,
Aida Kina Zuni Nightbird[/font][/color][/size][font=veramda][size=1][color=indigo]

Aida signed the letter, and read over it a couple times. She folded it three-part neatly, and slipped it in the envelope. The address and return address were already printed on the front, so she sealed the back, and whistled.

A large, eagle owl flew in the open window, and looked expectantly at her. Aida got up, and went over, handing the letter to him. ?[b]Anza, take this to mom. She should be waiting for it.[/b]? She stroked her friend?s breast feathers, and then tapped his beak. Aida backed up as his great, gold-red wings opened, and he pack-winged out of the window. She watched him off, then turned and exited the room.

Downstairs she could hear the twins laughing and firecrackers going off. A couple house-elves scurried past, and she smiled warmly at them, a smile that was returned with as much enthusiasm.

Aida was a tall, wiry girl of 15. A native of the US, Aida was used to rebellion. Her hair fell to her butt in waves of chestnut silk, with crimson streaks through it, and the occasional silver. She had a habit or running her hand through it, and it would blossom around her face in gold-brown-red-silver flowers of fire. Her eyes were a deep crimson, with silver flecks hither-thither-and-yon, crested by thick, tawny eyelashes and eyebrows. She had tan skin, and tight, bunched muscles, but they hardly took up any space on her skinny body.

Aida wore, at the moment, very short black jean-shorts that showed her muscular, tanned legs. With it she had pair a spaghetti strap shirt, which laced up halfway, and a pair of scuffed up Nike tennis shoes. Running her hand through her hair in that particular habit, Aida went down the large, marble staircase.

?[b]Jendin, Kaiga, time to go![/b]? The boys looked up from their pile of homemade firecrackers, and the 12-year-old twins grinned, identical blue eyes sparkling. ?[b]We need to get our school supplies.[/b]? With a flick of her wrist, she tossed the letters from her pocket to them, and then scanned her own for the fifteenth time.

[center]~*~[/center]

Half an hour later, the trio sat outside, slowly licking ice-cream cones. Aida stared off into space, occasionally brushing a strand of crimson hair back from her face. Her brothers got up, and said, ?[b]We?ll be at the joke shop,[/b]? and then they disappeared. Aida rested her head on her hand, and jumped when someone tapped her shoulder.

She turned, and the first thing that caught her eyes was a pair of cold, grey eyes ? she seemed to get lost in them, and then blinked. Aida scanned her eyes up and down the tall, lean figure of the not-so-famous Draco Malfoy.

?[b]They told me he was handsome ? they could have warned me it was an understatement,[/b]? she mumbled, a smirk gracing her full, pink lips.

Malfoy raised an eyebrow at that. ?[b]Well, I think that was a compliment. I haven?t seen you before.[/b]? Aida tossed her hair over her shoulder, and she glimpsed his eyes flashing across her torso before returning to her face. ?[b]Aida Nightbird. I?m a transfer student from the US. You must be Draco Malfoy.[/b]?

The white-blonde haired pretty boy smirked. ?[b]Really? And I hear that your family is very? famous?[/b]? Aida shrugged. ?[b]Not quite so much, but yes.[/b]? He ran his eyes over her again.

[b]?Malfoy!?[/b]

The boy turned, and Aida saw Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. She stood, tossing the soggy ice-cream cone in a trashcan. Their eyes went to her, and Hermione smiled. ?[b]Are you Aida Nightbird?[/b]? Aida nodded; Malfoy looked at her, and mumbled before regally walking away, ?[b]Don?t get messed up with the wrong people, Aida.[/b]? She suppressed a shiver as he walked away. For some reason, the way he said her name sent a thrill down her spine?[/color]

[color=orange]So? Don?t hate me! I told you I liked Draco Malfoy! ><[/color][/font][/size]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I wanted to reply before now, but it completely slipped my mind. I'm sorry.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, the attraction of Draco Malfoy is very big in the fandom, so don't worry about it so much, lol. [/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]The use of different fonts and formats for writing, speaking, thought and narrative are very effective. Well done. ^_^ They give a reader something else to latch on to, and they really emphasise the different parts of the story.[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]The writing itself is great. Some of the details; the quill [i]tip,[/i] folding three-part, the envelope, and so on. You have an eye for detail, which definately shouldn't go to waste. Your story is quite engaging and the descriptions are great.[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]There is one thing that you should watch out for; that Aida doesn't become a Mary Sue. If you've never come across the term before, there's an entire essay written on it at [url=http://www.fictionalley.org][b]Fiction Alley[/b][/url], which you can find [url=http://www.lumosdissendium.org/essays/ms.html][b]here[/b][/url]. Taking the definition from there, a Mary Sue is considered as;[/size][/font]
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[i][font=Verdana][size=1]A Mary Sue is an original character, but not just any original character! Mary Sues are typically beautiful, with the same general looks as the author - or, occasionally, the looks that an author wishes he or she had. They are incredibly intelligent, wonderful at sports, and often have strange gifts - like Parseltongue. Sometimes Mary Sues are long lost descendants of the Founders, or the daughter of Voldemort; otherwise, they're typical Muggle-born children. The most common type of Mary Sue is an "American transfer student," moved to Hogwarts in a transparent deus ex machina. Here, I must note that sometimes the qualities of a Mary Sue are foisted onto a canon character, whose good characteristics are magnified - at which point the story begins to tread the well-worn path of author avatars.[/size][/font][/i]

[i][font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][size=1]I'm not saying that your character is a Mary Sue. I'm just saying you should take care with it so that she doesn't become one. Make sure she has some flaws and stuff that will offset the good points, if that makes sense, heh.[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, as I was saying, your story is good. The details are really great, and the descriptions are good, too. ^_^ Just watch out for Mary Sue and you'll be fine![/size][/font]

[Skye]

[size=1][font=veranda][color=indigo]^_^ Thanks, Asphy. Its okay. I had already written more(all below is all I have so fr plus upwards), so? yeah. I hope I didn?t turn her into a Mary Sue? o.0

Hermione said, ?[b]How much shopping do you have left?[/b]? She brushed a strand of tawny, puffy hair back from her face. Aida shrugged. ?[b]All I have to do is get my wand.[/b]? Ron looked at her open mouthed. ?[b]You don?t already have one?[/b]? Aida shook her head. ?[b]I come from the Aero-draconian Academy, and we don?t need wands.[/b]? To punctuate her words, the 15-year-old levitated the bags behind her with a blink.

?[b]Mostly, we at the Academy are telepaths, or telekinetic. I am both. We only use wands if we absolutely need them.[/b]? She blinked, crimson gaze never wavering.

Hermione breathed out, ?[b]Amazing.[/b]? Ron was watching with pure admiration, and Harry seemed? relieved? Startled, Aida blinked, and the baggage dropped gently to the ground. Harry caught her eye, and she realized ? he had had all the attention on him for a while, and her being able to do what she could, would take some pressure off his shoulders.

Aida shook herself mentally and said, ?[b]Well, I had best get my wand.[/b]? She turned, blinked again, and the stuff regained its height. Her brothers came around the corner, laughing.

[b]?Harry, Ron, Hermione, these rascals are my brothers, Jendin and Kaiga.[/b]? The two boys grinned, and tipped invisible hats. Behind them came two boys who looked like older, skinnier versions of Ron. ?[b]Hoi, Ron, have you met those two yet?[/b]? Fred said. Without trying, Aida could tell the difference.

Ron nodded. ?[b]Just did. Fred, George, meet Aida.[/b]? Aida nodded to them, and said, ?[b]Charmed.[/b]? Fred grinned, and said, ?[b]Same here.[/b]? George said, ?[b]C?mon, Kaiga and Jendin, we?ve got a new ? [/b]? Hermione said firmly, ?[b]You two, those two still have to get their wands. All your silly, pointless testing can wait.?[/b]

Aida silenced her brother?s whines with a glance. ?[b]Come on, Jendin, Kaiga.[/b]? The two boys slinked behind her as the three departed for the wand shop.

At the train station, two days later:

Aida stood on Platform 9 and ¾, and Kaiga and Jendin were playing Tiddlywinks. The tall girl leaned on her cart, waiting for Ron, Hermione, and Harry, as well as the rest of the Weasly?s, to show up. She looked up as they came through the barrier, and she smiled, crimson eyes laughing as Fred and George pretended to run into a wall.

Kaiga looked up. ?[b]Hoi, Fred, catch![/b]? The taller of the twin?s tossed Fred a small bundle. The carrot-topped twin caught it, and it exploded. Confetti and cat food (dry) fell down around his feet. Kaiga and Jendin laughed with each other.

Aida cuffed Kaiga lightly. ?[b]You little rat-fink.[/b]? Kaiga had the grace to look sheepish. Soon the whistle blew, and they all piled into the train. Aida sat down in the compartment across from Harry, and Hermione said, ?[b]We?ll be right back.[/b]? The two left for the Prefect?s compartment.

Aida and Harry sat in silence as the train started, Aida looking out the window as Fred and George waved. She heard the compartment door slide open, and heard, ?[b]Well, Nightbird, I thought I told you not to mess around with the wrong people.[/b]? Aida looked up, and cool, grey eyes met sparkling, bright crimson eyes. ?[b]Malfoy, I make friends with those who don?t care who my friends are.[/b]?

Malfoy laughed, a small bark-like sound. ?[b]Then stay away from Potter. He hates me.[/b]? Harry said through gritted teeth, ?[b]Out, Malfoy.[/b]? Aida looked back at Harry, catching his bright green eyes. ?[b]Oh, stop. Your fights have nothing to support them except that you, Malfoy, hate it that Potter?s getting all the attention, and you, Potter, hate it that he can?t accept the fact that your famous whether you like it or not.[/b]? She stood up, and said, ?[b]Jendin, Kaiga, no.[/b]?

The twins sulked. ?[b]No fair, Aida.[/b]? They squeezed in past Malfoy and sat down. Aida checked hre watch, and said, ?[b]Shouldn?t you be getting off to your compartment, Malfoy? We should be changing robes right about now.[/b]?

The silver haired boy smirked, and left. Soon the four were in school robes. Aida wore school uniform, of course; the pleated skirt fell just short of her knees, and she wore a black, ribbed long-sleeved shirt with a V-neck, and a long sleeved white shirt under it. The shirt?s collar was out, and the cuffs turned up over the ends of the black shirt?s sleeves.

She had white knee socks on, and a pair of black shoes. She sat back in the seat, watching the scenery. Harry watched her. She had handled Malfoy incredibly, and had not said a thing about his scar. Neither had the twins. Aida?s thoughts were not on him, though, but on a pair of beautiful grey eyes with amazing depth?

Aida stood in the Great Hall, waiting as the last first year was sorted. Then McGonagall rolled up the parchment, and said, ?[b]Students, this year we have three of the few transfer students. I?d like you to be polite to them. Please welcome Aida, Kaiga, and Jendin Nightbird from Aero-Draconian?s School of Magic.[/b]? Aida stepped forward, robes swishing about her ankles.

Some people gasped as they saw her, and she sat down on the stool. McGonagall sat the hat on her head, and the students all held their breath. Aida could hear the Sorting Hat whispering in her head. ?[b]Cunning? very honest, but witty.[/b]? It mumbled for a few more minutes at the Great Hall held its breath in anticipation.

[b]?RAVENCLAW!?[/b]

The hall burst into applause, and the Ravenclaw house stood up, cheering. Aida smiled, and walked purposefully towards the table. She was clapped on the back, and people made room for her. Her brothers went up, and both got sorted into Gryffindor. There was a lot of clamor about that, and people threw hats in the air.

Aida ate with her new housemates, and answered questions without lying.

Later, in the common room, Aida sat in a comfy chair before the fire, curled up. Anza was asleep in the girl?s dorm, in the windowsill. Aida turned the page in her book slowly, and blinked rapidly as the pages blurred. [I]I?ve been awake to long.[/I] She thought. Slowly unfolding herself, the girl stood up, and bookmarked the book. She closed it, and went quietly into the girl?s dormitory. Most of the girls were asleep, so she slipped past them, and went to her bed. Anza stayed asleep.

Aida slowly changed, and was soon in bed. Anza lifted his head, blinked at her, and then went back to sleep.

[center]~*~[/center]

The next morning, one of the Ravenclaw girls shook her, and handed her uniform. Aida took it with a sleepy smile, and got dressed. The girl waited by her bedpost, and said in a quietly intelligent voice, ?[b]I?m Jillian. Nice to meet you.[/b]? Aida looked up, crimson eyes watching her. ?[b]Nice to meet you. I?m Aida.[/b]? Anza stretched, and Aida laughed. ?[b]Not in here, bird[/b].? She slipped on her socks and shoes as Anza waited, then went to the window and opened it. The large bird launched himself out of the window, and soared.

Jillian watched with an amazed look on her face. Aida said, ?[b]If you like, I can show him to you later.[/b]? Jillian nodded, and smiled. ?[b]I?d like that. But for now, we should get to breakfast.[/b]? The two exited the room, and made it to the great hall.

When they entered, all conversation stopped for a moment, everyone?s eyes focused on her. She flushed, and made her way to the Ravenclaw table behind Jillian. The girl knew where she was going to sit, and Aida took a moment. While people where moving for her, she caught Draco Malfoy watching her, his cool gray eyes evaluating her.

Aida looked away, and sat down, instantly greeted by everyone. Soon schedules were passed down the table, and Aida read over hers. She and Jillian compared. ?[b]Oh! Neat! I?ve got Transfiguration, Charms, and Care of Magical Creatures with you![/b]? Aida nodded with a smile, and looked over the rest of her schedule. She had Transfiguration first, with History of Magic closely following. Next she had Charms, and double Runic. After that came CoMC, and then Potions. She then had her last class, Herbology. Her break was between Charms and Runic, with lunch at noon.

SO I favor Ravenclaw, sue me.[/size][/font][/color]