Writing Untitled Story [PG]

[Fyxe]

[size=1]This is story I had started writing over the summer. I had posted some of it on MyO a few months ago. I only have about four chapters of this written, but I'd like some feedback on it before I go on, so that would be great if you could give me some comments. The more comments, the more of thr story I will post. ^_^
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[B]Chapter 1[/B]

The bell rang. Someone slugged her on the arm, ?C?mon Leah, time to go.? Leah shook herself back to reality, Kevin was leaning on her desk, smiling. She gave him a small smile back, but was quick to grab her books and power walk out of the room. The hallways were quiet, only a few students still wandered about, these were the after school club-goers.
Once Leah had reached her locker, she dialed the lock combination and threw it open. She took the books she needed one by one, then stuffed them in her bag. She stepped back and her locker door slammed shut. Leah dropped her bag in shock, then saw Kevin leaning against the neighboring locker. She sighed with relief as he bent over and picked up her bag. He lifted himself back up, his smooth hair brushed against her left, giving her a chill up her spine. Kevin casually handed the bag back to her.
?Uh... thanks. See you around I guess.? Leah stuttered as she kept her eyes away from his gaze. She quickly walked down the hall toward the door leading outside.
?Wait... Leah!? Kevin called after her. Leah ignored him and threw herself against the door. She fell out into the warmth of the spring afternoon.
?Hey, girl, what took ya so long?? Asked her best friend Christa, whom was sitting on the school?s cement stair side. The both snapped their heads to the door as Kevin stepped outside. He was staring at Leah. ?Ahhhh....? Christa said softly, her tone had a giddy feeling buried within it. Leah?s heart was racing, she didn?t want this to be happening.
?Leah... what?s the rush?? Kevin asked. Leah just looked at him with a ?deer in the headlights? look. A large lump formed in her throat. ?Look... just hear me out. All I wanted to do was ask if you wanted to go to see a movie tonight or something.? Christa gave Leah a side-ways glance with a small grin on her face. A cycle of ?no?s? were going through Leah?s brain.
?No...? Leah finally said in a quiet but hoarse voice.
?What?? Kevin asked, stepping forward. Leah backed away.
?No! Kevin! I?ve already said ?no? to you before. I thought you were ok with it! Please, no! I?m not interested! LEAVE ME ALONE! You hear me? LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!? Leah suddenly screeched. An ?o? formed on Christa?s lips and Kevin looked very taken aback. Leah saw the hurt in Kevin?s eyes, but she had told him before! Why couldn?t he get over it? ?Please... I?m not interested. So... stop pestering me.? Leah added in a whisper. Kevin hesitated for a moment but then nodded slowly. He walked down the stairs and as he passed her he muttered, ?Sorry, Leah...?
Once Kevin was out of sight, Christa took charge of the situation, ?What the hell was that about?!? She pressed Leah. Leah just stared at the cement. Christa leapt off the stair siding and walked over to Leah. ?I?m serious, what was that about? I mean, I thought you and Kevin had something... going on.?
Leah turned around, ?We are friends. That?s it. He wanted more, but I didn?t. Okay?? She said fiercely.
?Okay, okay. But that?s the point! You never want more! You have turned down every guy that has ever been interested in you! People think you are an ice queen.? Christa still pressed on.
?I don?t care what people think. Besides, I turn down guys because I?m not interested in them! Is that so wrong??
?No... but what about Kevin?!?
?What about him??! I only like him as a friend and that is that. I don?t want to talk about this... I?m going home.? Leah stated and walked down the stairs toward the bike rack. As she was unlocking her bike, she heard footsteps heading her way. A hand landed on her shoulder gently.
?Leah...? Christa said softly.
Leah ignored this gesture and hopped onto her bike. She peddled out of the school grounds, leaving Christa behind.

As Leah neared her neighborhood, she spotted a small park. She often came to this park to think and be away from people since others were scarcely there.
Leah walked her bike into the park, she let it rest against the brick wall surrounding the park. She walked over to the swing set and sat down on the middle swing carefully. She pushed off the ground so she swung a little while dragging her feet. Leah tilted her head to the sky and closed her eyes. Everything has become so hard lately, she thought, I just want to run away from this place and not have to deal with it anymore. Leah tilted her body back in the swing and opened her eyes. She watched the clouds slowly but swiftly go by. The clouds looked so airy and fluffy. Leah just wished she could grab one and hug the fluffiness. It would be even fluffier than cotton candy... She decided.
Leah then tilted her head again so everything would appear upside-down . Once she had done this, she spotted something on the bench that was by the monkey bars. It was a person, she squinted, it was a man. He was looking directly at her. This spooked her so she sat up straight on the swing. The sky was getting darker, indicating that there was a storm on the way.
Leah got off the swing, stretched, then retrieved her bike. Before she left the park, she flashed a quick glance at the man. He was still sitting on the bench, looking at her. He also appeared to have a small smile on his face. A chill ran down Leah?s spine and she felt a bead of sweat run down her temple. She got on her bike and peddled away from the park.
As Leah turned into her driveway, she felt some water droplets splash against her exposed skin.
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Well, what do you think? I'll get more up when I can.[/size]

[Skye]

[color=orange][size=1][font=veranda]Wow. Wow. I really like this. She obviously likes Kevin, and is afraid to tell him that. This is amazing, Lix. ^_^ I can?t wait to read more![/color][/font][/size]

[Guest Redifined]

That was great, just one comment. Well, its tough to explain, but... well hereis an example of what i mean. Just amkes it look a bit more orginized.
EX:
Rone riased is sword, a plunged it into the back of the Demon.
"You basterd, have you had enough yet?" Rone said.
-Shanara

Just a little example, talking quatation marks are on a different line from the preceeding action. Just makes it look less like randomly placed, plus it makes it look longer, and everyone knows thats a plus.