Writing Question your Depression [M]

[Magdalena]

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Please rate and give constructive criticism.

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Depression.
A word I hear so often.
Thrown around and over used.
I have a suggestion.

If you'd do me this simple thing,
The next time you walk into your door.
Look into your bathroom mirror,
See if your lifes worth fighting for.

If you choose that,
No, life isnt worth it.
Slip off your shoes and socks,
Then walk your bare feet down the cold tile floor.

Open up the medicine cabinet,
My hand will be upon yours,
To show you what you're looking for.
Grab the whitest bottle you can.

Push and twist the lid off slowly,
Remove the cotton,
Spill the pills onto the counter.
Count out Twenty.

Write a letter to your mother.
Make excuses to your father.
Try to explain to your little sister,
Why you just couldnt take it anymore.

Take notice to the bottle of vodka,
The one lying on the kitchen floor.
Pick it up and bring it over,
Start counting down your reasons.

As you swallow the first pill,
And swig your first gulp,
You're think of your little sister,
The one you're leaving behind.

But who cares right?
Because after the fifth pill,
And after the fifth swig,
The guilt starts to ebb away, doesnt it?

My image sitting across from you,
Starts to get a bit clearer.
My body line hardens,
And its as if i'm here with you.

I push the last two pills over to you
Nodding as you swallow them with your last taste of liquer
Your tears are now running freely down your face
It was your choice, luv.
I just helped you get there.

Now take my hand, darling.
You should have questioned your depression.
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[Godelsensei]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Courier New]I like it.

It's a patronizing statement to all those teenagers who think angst makes them cool. The concept is very well put down, and the point isn't lost in needless length.

It seems almost as though the figure who is speaking in this piece is a personification of bad choices. Hm.

I'd maybe look into trimming three or four lines, as being as concise as possible is important in poems that have a point like this.

But it's good. Very good. [/FONT][/COLOR]