Writing New Short Story [PG]

[Flashlight]

I stepped down into the cold brisk air, catching myself as I touched the ground, the bus jerking to a start behind me. Without a second thought I slowly made my way up the wheelchair ramp towards the station building.

In the ethereal blue morning light everything seemed to be move at an easier pace, even the traffic lazily flowed along below.

I stopped for a moment, closing my eyes, turning down the volume on my headphones, and then entering the glass doors into the station.

I could see the station platform from the height of the stairs ? it seemed I had some time to spare.

Ignoring the escalator, I approached the stairs, holding my backpack steady as to stop my crappy discman from skipping. I was regretting spending all my money on dvds rather than a good discman with an antishock feature.

My single strapped backpack slung over my shoulder, one hand holding it close, and the other thumbing my jacket pocket, I descended not even three stairs before, to my surprise, I thought someone called my name from behind.

?Leon!? it called again. A female voice, though why would any girl possibly want to pick me out of the crowd?

Cautiously I turned, almost certain that this was some kind of mistake.

Walking up beside me, grinning her beautiful grin, flashing me her illustrious smile, radiating in her absolutely flawless complexion, this extraordinary goddess looked up at me with an astoundingly warm face and smiled again, ?Hey Leon.?

[B]Freeze [/B]

Ok, now how in the world would one of the most popular girls in school learn my name, and more importantly why would she bother to remember it.

?She digs you.?

Huh?

The low enthusiastic guttural voice came again, ?She totally digs you.?

Who are you?

?Doesn?t matter. The point is, an opportunity has shown up, and you gotta grab it while it?s here, all right! Hey, everyone?s gotta lose their virginity at some point, right? Right.?

What?

?Oh just ignore him. I swear, that?s all he ever thinks of, and listening to him will only get you into trouble.?

?Well then what do you suggest toots??

?Oh, I don?t know, say something sweet, but not as to make yourself appear weak, forward, but not too aggressive. Say something nice.?

Which would be??

?Oh, I don?t know, something nice.?

The Mischievous One cut in again, ?How bout something along the lines of,? He cleared his voice and hit the masculinity up a notch, ?Hey baby, how bout? you and I get a little freaky in the bathroom, right here, right now??

The Friendly Sage quickly piped up again, ?Now that is absolutely the most arrogant, conceited, and dirtiest things you could possibly say. Don?t listen to that mongrel Leon, you?re a nice boy, and this is a nice girl, a good first impression will go a long way. Invite her out for tea and crumpets, or something of the like. That?s the type of thing a sophisticated man would do.?

I haven?t even said a single word to her yet and you?re telling me to ask her out on a date!

?Oh yes, woman love men who take the initiative ? Oh, perhaps it would be best to ask her name first.?

The mischievous one struck back at once, ?Wouldn?t it just be a little rude to ask her name when she clearly knows his, darlin??

?Don?t call me darling! And yes, I suppose that would be a little rude??

Christine.

?Huh?? They exasperated in unison.

Christine. Her name is Christine. She?s in one of my classes. I talked to her once during a class activity, but, then again, I talked to just about everyone that period. I don?t think I told very many people my name, not that many knew in the first place. That had to be one of the toughest acts of my life.

?Hmm, I see,? Said the Mischievous One, ?Well obviously your mask has inevitably attracted her, as it should. All right Leon, keep it up! Next you have to do her! Do her now!?

The friendly sage immediately jumped up, ?No Leon, you should not trick people into thinking you?re someone you?re not. Show her your real self; I?m sure she?ll love you for you! And there?s much more to love than sex you know!?

I just met this girl and your already talking about love! And besides, she couldn?t possibly be interested in me, could she?

?She?s out of your league. Forget it.?

Huh?

The Nonchalant Soul spoke up again, his voice barely audible through the abyss, ?She?s out of your league, forget it.?

But?

?If you can?t even think of something to say now, how do you ever expect to be able to talk to her in the future??

Well?

?Don?t be so flustered. Have you no confidence at all??

The mischievous one spoke in my defense, ?Look buddy, everyone feels nervous, especially at times like this. Leon?s doing the best he can.?

?Yes,? The Sage said, ?Leon is doing an admiral job at keeping about his wits about in a situation like this??

??Then why does he need us?? The Nonchalant Soul interrupted.

Neither of the two could answer.

He was right. I couldn?t even come up with a good response, any response, to a mere hello. There was no way a girl like this could possibly be interested in a guy like me. I?m shy, introverted, the complete opposite of her, I?m could never be the one to start up a conversation out of the blue like her. I?m?pathetic.

The Nonchalant One rose again. I awaited the final blow. But, he simply sighed and apathetically murmured, ?Opposites attract.?

Huh?

?Leon. Just keep it simple.?

[B]Go[/B]

Face to face with her again, I took a deep breath, shoved my hands deeper into my pockets, looked down nervously and said, ?Hi.?
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I'm actually pleased with he ending for once. I plan to give this in for my English assignment (Due Thursday).

I'd like to hear what everyone thinks about it. Too fast, too slow, too much/not enough discription/character, or just how you feel about it.

As for myself, I have... mixed feelings for it. There are some things I really like about it, but some that I'm not too sure about.

Anywho, please tell me what you think. Thanks

[Squall]

I really enjoyed reading it. It was amusing to read the conversation between leon and the (well, whatever they are). It's a good idea, one that I haven't heard too much of.

On the down side, I'm a bit confused onto who Leon and the other things are. Maybe a little description, unless you're trying to keep it mysterious.

Oh, and I liked the way you described the girl. It really sounds like "one of the most popular girls in school."

[Flashlight]

Thanks for the praise.

I like to think of Leon as a very self conscious unsure indavidual, and this story may act as a turning point in his life. I tried to leave a lot of physical aspect vague, simply so the reader could easier relate to the story.

As for the spirits/voices/things, I can't tell you because I don't rightly know myself.

The description for the girl was probably the hardest part to right, and even still I don't like the fact it's really just a long run-on sentence, but I'm too afraid of screwing it up to edit it.

Thanks again for the input and praise, it means a lot. :D