Writing A Bloody End [M-VLS]

[Sword Breaker]

Ok, this is somthing I have been working on. It is just the beggining, and the plot has not formed whatsoever,it isn't even the end of the chapter. I havn't ahd the time to finish it, but I tihnk it deserves to be posted, nonetheless. Also, for all of you people out there, The story is a origonal story that I have been wrighting, though it MAY bare certain similaritys to somthing, it is entirly accedental.

A Bloody End

Chapter One: Marcus

A large dark black van speeds down the rode. Sirens blaring loudly. SWAT is written in large white letters. However, what is inside is hardly SWAT. Four men sit, heads bowed, special-issue machine guns at the ready, on the benches lining the inside of the van.
?We are approaching our destination. ETA is five minuets.? Came a heavy British accent over the inter-com, ?Get your gear together. We got ourselves some trouble-makers.? Static replaces the voice, then silence.
?Bout? bloody time.? One of the men says, in a heavy British accent, raising his head to reveal short-cropped blond hair, blue eyes, and grinning teeth holding a cigarette, ?These goddamn creatures getting crafty. Took us a bloody hour to hunt these ones down!?
?Yeah, lets not let these little bastards escape.? Another says, his long black hair falling into his eyes, a thick Scottish accent this time, ?Don?t you think so, Captain?? The man asks quizzically to the man next to him.
?Don?t worry, Rookies. We got this down. They are only lvl 3 threats anyway.? The tall, muscular, red-head says, in a British accent, without looking up from something he was adjusting on his belt, ?This is just a training mission for you guys anyway.? He says cheerfully, turning away form his belt to look at his men. The fourth man stays silent, grasping his gun with white-knuckles.
?It?s his first time, isn?t it?? The blonde man says.
?Yep, Eugene, I believe so. I want you too to keep a close eye on him, understand?? The Captain replies.
?I- I don?t need someone to watch over me.? The fourth man says, in a western accent, a small squeak. Not a man at all, it seems, but a child, no more then 17.
?Whatever you say, Rookie, but I wont be the one saving you ***.? The black-haired one said. The van comes to a screeching halt, catching Eugene by surprise, hurling him to the floor. The other two burst out in laughter. The lock on the big black door at the end of the van slides open. A woman is standing outside, long blong hair falling at her shoulder, dressed in a long trench coat.
?Captain, the threat level has elevated to a lvl6. I am trusting you with this mission, do not screw it up.? She says in a thick British accent.
?Yes ma?am!? The captain says, saluting, ?But, lvl6? Why so high all of a sudden??
?I do not know, but my superiors tell me it is so, do not screw this up.? She replies.
?Ok, men, we got a lvl6 problem to handle, keep it together and remember your training.? The Captain says, turning back to his men.

Some gramical error may be coused by transfering a Word doc. to the OB.

[Squall]

Mmm... I don't really know. It's not a lot to go off of. The writing's pretty good, and I like the mysterious style. I have a pretty good feel of the character's general attitudes already, and that's pretty hard to do. Nice work, so far.