Engel Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I got pain on my left I feel pleasure on my right I must step to the left To get to that very right Bitter lemon hurts me Bitter lemon refreshes And as far as I see People have sweet fetishes Monkeys swing for freedom Piranahs bite for life Monkey loses his life But gets some freedom's wife I loathe pain on my left I need pleasure on my right I must not step to the left I musst get to that very right I miss the comfort in being sad Rate, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delta Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 [COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1] The use of contrast and unique imagery really appeals to me. It sounds like a tanka eventhough the poem carries a 6-7-6-7 structure. The third stanza deviates to a 6-6-6-6 syntax; but no matter. It doesn't disrupt the rhythm. XD It sounds like a graceful restrained poem. Very ancient Oriental! I give it a 9/10. Love and Peace! :love2: [/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 meh, its okay. But maybe just because it isn't really my style of poetry. I know there are lots of different styles, but this one doesn't really appeal to me. I get the parts about lemons and monkies. But i don't understand the stepping parts. Maybe if you explain it i would enjoy it more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now