"bullying"

[poo62.2]

Hey everyone, this is a subject that really drives me up the wall, makes me mad, whatever you want to call it. Its when kids say they are being "bullied" and really all that?s happening is that they have insulted/hit/offended someone and they have retaliated by calling them a name or hitting them, and magically that becomes bullying, when clearly all it is is 2 kids just doing what kids do.

This happened to me once when this kid who I will just call "Bob" in this thread accused me of bullying him after I pushed him over after he swore at me a few times. And just because he is slightly overweight and is quite feminine most of the time to put it in a nice way all the teachers felt sorry for him and believed that he was being "bullied". And to make things worse when I got punished, bob kept laughing at me and saying nasty, spiteful stuff about me, and when I went to tell the teachers, bob made up this random claim that I was bullying him again!! And so i got punished even more!

I think that somebody actually needs to set the grounds on what is classed as proper bulling and just kids knowing how to get there own way by twisting the truth.

[James]

[color=#707875]The teachers have no way of knowing the absolute truth and neither do we.

It's a situation where it will never be perfect. I think it is widely believed that schools need to "do more" about bullying (whatever that may mean), but by the same token, I'm sure it's possible that bullying is sometimes overstated.

I don't really know the answer to the question. Obviously you shouldn't have pushed the kid over -- he was only using words, so I think that's kinda a non-issue. I mean, avoiding physical contact would have allowed you to avoid the situation entirely. Not to say that he was right or anything, but I think you know where I'm coming from.

All I can say is that these things happen. Kids will always lie to try to get out of things and there isn't a lot you can do about that. Unfortunately it does come down to "you versus him" and if he's perceived as being a victim, he'll probably always win. All you can do is try to avoid situations where you're coming into conflict with him (and you can only try, I imagine it's unavoidable at times).[/color]

[Brasil]

[quote name='James][color=#707875']Unfortunately it does come down to "you versus him" and if he's perceived as being a victim, he'll probably always win. All you can do is try to avoid situations where you're coming into conflict with him (and you can only try, I imagine it's unavoidable at times).[/color][/quote]
This is a point I'd like to elaborate on a bit.

In my experience, I've often been labeled the villain/bully/egotistical bastard/etc, but often, this labeling is incorrect, and sometimes, while not all the time, I think it's also incorrect in terms of schoolyard bullying. Granted, there are times where someone just lashes out for no reason at all, and it's happened a few times to me, but often, the "bully" does have some type of provocation, although most don't believe that.

Obviously, and I don't debate this fact for a second, that some bullies just attack for the sake of attacking, but in some cases, I think there is a provocation. Whether it's words or insults exchanged, fists exchanged, pushing, shoving, that's still a provocation, but I think those who victimize themselves don't realize that.

It's not a matter of "OMG he hit me and I only said he was stupid! He should get punished, not me! I'm not the cause of the trouble." It's like...you swing first, you're going to get hit back. It's similar to not starting something when you know there's going to be a reaction, I think.

I know this isn't the case most of the time, but there are situations where the so-called "innocent victim" is really just an instigating whiner. I've run into a few of them in my time, especially in my younger schooling years.

Oddly enough, I've found that the more outrageous and absurd the "victim's" story becomes, the more it becomes clear that they're trying to compensate for what they really know is the truth.

[Guest Little_Sage]

Well, no matter how much we fight back, or whatever we decide to face with a bullie, sometimes we have to remember that bullies were probably victums too. They most likely have self-esteem problems too.

I am not saying that bullying is right. As a matter of fact, I try to protect people that need help from bullies. I am not their body gaurd, I just teach them some stuff that might help them.

KNOW YOUR ENEMY!

*Shot* :blackeye:

[chobit]

I know this sounds bitchy,but I don't think I've ever been bullied before.After all,being gossiped about is more of social climbing and dropping process so...Sorry,can't help you.

You know you love me.

[Godelsensei]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Courier New]It's better to discipline every one who shoves a guy into a locker, regardless of whether or not they were provoked, than to let any degree of bullying slip because of "extenuating circumstances".[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]If one person is repeatedly [note: repeatedly] causing another person to feel bad about themselves, or upset, then that is bullying. Someone calling you a loser, and you knocking them on their arse, is [i]not[/i] bullying. If he always calls you a loser though, and you continue to knock him down, obviously somehting needs to be done. It is when one person continually 'picks on' another that a bullying situation is formed. Until then, it's nothing. Everyone gets the occasional ribbing over something, and it is probably healthy. It is when it is continual that the bullying starts.[/size]

[Sui Generis]

[color=indigo] My question to you is really why let some words push you to the point of shoving him? If you simply ignore him, and just move on your way then this type of scenerio won't happen.

Although you may not be a bully, but by retaliating, in some retrospects you are still in the wrong.

I'm not sayin' I haven't done it, but the truth is its easier to walk away from a couple words here and there, than to walk away from an all out fight.

Whether or not this was bullying I don't know, as James said, its you vs. him. For all we know he could be a bully or you could be. Possibly neither of you could be, or both of you could be. Its entirely possible that both or one of you need anger management. *shrugs*

I'm just basically pointing out the fact, that its impossible to tell unless we are you, or him.[/color]

[Delta]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=DarkRed]
In the fourteenth dimension, I'll advise you to start actually bullying the bastard. You're getting punished regardless of whether you really did it or not.

In another twisted dimension, my advice would be: retaliate in some devious way (for starters, tamper with his permanent record. follow it up with a big "accidental" lab explosion that will leave a lovely scar on his pudgy face. just don't get caught).

In this dimension though, I say [b]IGNORE[/b] him. Make sure to act nonchalant around him especially if there are teachers around. Join school activities, reach-out programs (you know, stuff that will bathe you in ethereal goody-goody light in everyone's eyes).

The next time he accuses you of bullying, the teachers will say "Oh, you must be mistaken! He's a wonderful boy!" or something like that.

Love and Peace!

[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Guest ScirosDarkblade]

Basically, if the guy continues being a total arse to you, warn him a few times, and then commence with the arse-kicking. Some people just have it coming.

The thing is, playing the victim is all nice and fun until you get beat so good that it starts to suck being the victim, lol. And maybe at that point he'd stop.

If you don't want to have to resort to this, explain to him the lengths you're willing to go to. That's what I would do. If he doesn't stop with the bullcrap at that point, then he just plain wants you to bring it. Which you should. Preferably not on school grounds, but well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

[James]

[QUOTE=Siren]
It's not a matter of "OMG he hit me and I only said he was stupid! He should get punished, not me! I'm not the cause of the trouble." It's like...you swing first, you're going to get hit back. It's similar to not starting something when you know there's going to be a reaction, I think.
[/QUOTE]
[color=#707875]But surely you wouldn't say that you should swat a fly with a cannon. You know?

If someone is being an idiot and saying things to you, you really don't need to go and push them over or hit them or something. But if they are actually physically confronting you, that's a different scenario.

Regardless, I think that the member who started this thread did the incorrect thing. Although he was "provoked", he responded incorrectly and that resulted in him getting into trouble. So really, he's no better or more correct than the kid who was saying things to him at the start.

Believe me, I don't always agree that someone can or should be ignored (especially if they are trying to physically harm you), [i]however[/i], I don't think that words should be met with physical violence. And so, I have little sympathy for the member in question, only to suggest that a lesson can be learned about this (ie: when to apply force and when not to).[/color]

[Guest ScirosDarkblade]

Well, I personally would avoid violence if I could, but when it's the most viable way out, I might go for it. Of course, it takes a lot more to provoke me to violence than it takes other people. But I figure I DO have a limit, and when it's reached, I'm not gonna hesitate to put my adversary in his place.

But you have to warn the person before you kick his arse (although not too far in advance, because sometimes those bastards will actually arm themselves in response, which would not be a good thing). ... I guess warn him just enough to not feel too guilty when it comes time to give him a whoopin.

[Hevn]

[quote name='James][color=#707875'](ie: when to apply force and when not to).[/color][/quote]
[COLOR=RoyalBlue][SIZE=1][B]That, and we should be wise and think first before we do or say anything. It is not wise to get away with our emotions. I believe that most conflicts will go fine when it's dealt with properly and calmly. Words do hurt but you should've retaliated sagely or even wittily... like swearing at him too, or maybe recording what he said and showing it to the teachers and accuse him of bullying you. >> What I mean is there are lot of ways to deal with bullying and the lesser physical force you use, the lesser you'll be in trouble.

And uh... I don't think anyone can specify the grounds on what should be considered as proper bullying.
[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Guest FacelessMage]

As most others have already said the best thing to do would be to ignore him, and better yet if possible get some proof that you're not bullying him / that he is lying. I, for the first time in my life have been bullied recently. These jerks in my gym class like to curse at me call me names etc. etc. I just ignore them and go on about my own business, but recently they went too far ( but I still haven't done anything ) About 7 or 8 of them started throwing a ball at my head while I was just leanin against the wall watchin everyone do whatever they wanted for the free day in gym. Then they surrounded me and really started cursin me out and they pushed me around and one even tryed to spit on me ( whom I got really close to losing my temper and just attacking him). Even after that I just continue to ignore them and hold back all my anger towards them. I do not have any idea what these guys' problems are with me, I did absolutely nothin ( not even said a single word or so much as looked at them wrong) and they just decided to do that to me which is the big reason bullies make me sooo mad :flaming: The best thing you can do is not retaliate, not even words because words provoke even more retaliation on their part and it just goes in a circle again and gets worse and worse until somebody throws a fist. Ignore him / them, go on with life, and laugh at them late in life when they are dirty bums or in jail . Or you could . . .
:blowup: or :bash: or :modrod: Mwahahahaha :laugh:

[Guest Imalatiana]

Quick Reply as you said "Kids Are Just Being Kids" is quite true and I do believe that kids should solve there own problems but some things get to serious name calling and minor things are not a big issue to me but when a child gets picked on because of his weight and out size is just down right wrong. When I was young to settle my problems I would either get in there face and make them back down or fight them now my fights werent push shove it was *Punch *Punch * Punch Then its over as of now I realy did wish I was just a tad bit smarter common sense wise because I realy do regret what I did to some kids. As you say bullying will always be a big issue and I do believe that kids should settle there own diffrences in a peacful manner.

[Guest spike123]

kick bobs bum, well what is your punishment if its not to bad kick him if it is bad go to a teacher that dosnt like bob and cry a little and quiver while saying he he he ppp punched ma ma me

[gothicanimechic]

well i have been bullied before (real bullying) and all i can say is that these people are sad. the bullies, i mean. they have nothing better to do or they feel bad about themselves and so they go and hurt someone. you might say something that is a joke and you meant it to be one, but they blow it all out of proportion and go mental. this happened to me for 10 years and it has only just stopped now. you know how it stopped? ill tell you. you be nice to them, yeah, its hard, but it really works. honest!! im not lying. if you don't believe me, fine. it doesnt work for everyone. and if it doesnt work, you could always ignore them, that works too. or you could throw a mental right back and get in trouble. not that im advising that. but you get the picture.

[Orb]

Actually there is not really any bullying at my school but if some one is being bullied the best thing to do is not just ignore them. sort of say something like "you're retarded." and walk away and if they dont stop tell them they're acting like a ***** and point out something bad about them. also say that "nobody likes you and you are not cool" or something like that. bullying is so sad i dont even know how people can stand to be so cruel.

[Sui Generis]

[COLOR=Indigo]Are you actually stating that provoking a bully more is going to solve the matter...

Wow that takes the cake, thats why so many kids get their butt beat. Dissing the bully isn't going to do anything at all, besides make yourself look like a dick.

Avoiding the situation is the best thing to do, don't push them back, don't call them names, none of that. That is just bound to get you in more trouble.[/COLOR]

[Attimus331]

[QUOTE=Lalaith Ril][COLOR=Indigo]Are you actually stating that provoking a bully more is going to solve the matter...

Wow that takes the cake, thats why so many kids get their butt beat. Dissing the bully isn't going to do anything at all, besides make yourself look like a dick.

Avoiding the situation is the best thing to do, don't push them back, don't call them names, none of that. That is just bound to get you in more trouble.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

I dunno, it depends. I've seen bullies just back down when provoked. And it also depends on the kinda person the person doing the provoking is. Ignoring him isn't always the best idea, especially if you see the bully everyday, like on the bus or at a certain class. In that case ignoring will probably just get you picked on more. I'm not saying go pick on a bully, i'm just saying be smart about it.

But i do agree somewhat with what you said. Fighting back can make you look like a dick, try not to say anything stupid. "your face" is not an effective comeback.

Best thing to do is hope you don't get bullied or don't make it easy for a bully to pick on you.

[Orb]

Actually all I'm saying is just stand up for yourself and dont let them think that you are a wimp and its ok to pick on you. You really need to let them know how ridiculous they are at least try to set them straight. It is harder for some people to do this than others, though.

[Sui Generis]

[QUOTE=Attimus331]I dunno, it depends. I've seen bullies just back down when provoked. And it also depends on the kinda person the person doing the provoking is. Ignoring him isn't always the best idea, especially if you see the bully everyday, like on the bus or at a certain class. In that case ignoring will probably just get you picked on more. I'm not saying go pick on a bully, i'm just saying be smart about it.

But i do agree somewhat with what you said. Fighting back can make you look like a dick, try not to say anything stupid. "your face" is not an effective comeback.

Best thing to do is hope you don't get bullied or don't make it easy for a bully to pick on you.[/QUOTE]


[COLOR=Indigo]Well what I'm saying is name calling isn't going to get you anywhere.

Orb says stand up for yourself, don't let yourself look like a wimp etc etc etc...yet name calling? What in the world is that going to do?

I mean lets think about this...

[i] Your normal bully walks in talking to his "pals" and sees you. Taunts you a bit and calls you a queer.[/i]

"Shut the hell up deusch."

[i]So you said it. You decided to take Orb's advice and whats going to happen? Do you really think the bully is going to think being able to say a word makes you tough? No...suddenly you have two black eyes.[/i]


I've seen it happen day after day after day. Its not this new issue, but hey if you want to stoop down to their level, call them names, and get in a fight go ahead.

I'm just saying if its obviouse he's getting to you then he's gonna keep doing it. Thats why I said something along the lines of ignore him. The best answer is to never have it happen. Sure you might have to confront a bully in one time in your life, but why repeat the scenario. I say try and take the safest route first. Try and ignore him. [/COLOR]