Writing Nightmare's Bride [M]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink] [size=1]I've been in short story mode lately.

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I saw him, there, standing in my mind's eye. Black shirt and black pants and that mild little smile that made me die in ecstacy every single time. But he looked past me, at some girl. Some girl from an unknown place with an unseen face and she turned me green as jealousy and emerald with envy. He carried her to a room with off-white walls and off-white sheets and everything was this awful, awful not quite white--like diluted purity.

She touched his chest. His body. And that touch was a thick needle into my stomach, infecting me with all sorts of emotions that tossed and turned and twinged and twisted and pulled me up into a thousand tiny holes. I puked all over that off-white world, all over everything, but nothing came out. Dry hacking, spit dripping down the corners of my lips. And lips! oh god their lips. He kissed her, and the kiss was a blow to my body, knocking me to the ground and leaving me gasping for air. But for all I tried I couldn't breathe. He kissed her, he kissed her as I had kissed him, and I felt something inside me cringe and shrivel, I felt my heart wither instantaneously.

The pain stabbed deep. Past the veins and arteries, past the muscle and bone. It stabbed straight to my soul. And my withered heart softly crumbled, simple ashes and simple dust. They lay together on the bed, and I turned away, letting the nightmare fade into the etchings of my brain. Quietly, gently, carefully climbing to the floor from my standing stance, I lay there in perfect agony.

Oh yes. There was no mistaking it. This was perfection. Perfection of the most killing kind.

One by one all the candles went out. One by one all the doors closed. There was no blood that night, no crimson cry illuminating the night sky of my world. No scar. There in the darkness, there was nothing but a dead girl--heart withered and ashed and unable to breathe. A most becomingly beautiful bride to her handsome groome, the nightmare. I stared into the black and felt a hand upon my hip, a loving, tender grip.

And I knew it was him, and I wept for his cruelty.

- - - -

-Karma[/size][/color]

[Mimmsicle]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Sienna]I think you just described the undescribable.

The imagery is so painfully wonderful to read that it's hard to know whether to smile or cry. It's so effectively told that it feels unimportant to analyze or pick it apart since it goes straight to where it's supposed to. There are no detours.

I was deeply moved. That's all there is to it.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[lea]

.....

You did. I believe you just described the undescribable.


Near the end made me teary eyed, the ending made me gasp.


I have to go recover from my emotional roller coaster ride.


Karmi, you are wonderful.

[Godelsensei]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Courier New]Do you know how rare it is to find something so short with so much significance?

[i]Rare[/i].

Like Aleia and Mimmi said, this piece is exquisite--everything is completely and utterly clear.

Very pretty.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[MissWem]

[COLOR=DarkRed]I am.. extremely awed by this piece of writing. Absolutely gorgeous, I hope to see more beautiful pieces like this.[/COLOR]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]Thanks to everyone for their glowing reviews! ^-^ Yes, I absolutely adore imagery and adjective-heavy, lyrical writing. It's almost like painting a picture.

This is definitely one of my better short stories. It has a simple but poingant plot with only some ambiguity at the end. Sometimes it isn't neccessary to leave a whole bunch of room for interpretation--you can get the point across by just being straight forward.

Thanks again everyone!

-Karma[/size][/color]