Writing Bloody-Moon's Storybook [PG]

[Flo]

[COLOR=Indigo]This is my storybook were I shall post my recent stories(aka. my babies). I would like constructive criticism and ideas for a title and for improvement. I hope that all that read this first chapter enjoy it greatly.

[CENTER][SIZE=3][U][B]Chapter 1[/B][/U][/SIZE][/CENTER]

Kotka sighed deeply as he stared out his large upper-story window. This is sooo boring! I hate this. The peaceful land of Musou had been a little to peaceful, not that he hated things being at peace actually, Kotka encouraged peace. He hated it when Musou had wars between other neighboring nations. Standing up and brushing off his midnight blue slacks, Kotka opened his solid oak door and walked down the stone hallways of his father?s castle. His footsteps echoed along the way along with many servants who were running about trying to stay on schedule. As Kotka walked past the library doors, he noticed that they were ajar, stepping toward the open door a loud voice boomed out,
? He?s not fit to run a country Kanna!?
Sifting so that Kotka could the conversion but, not be seen ,he crouched, ears opened, to hear what his mother?s reply would be to his father.
? Dona, this is just a stage. Kotka will move on soon.? His mother?s soothing voice replied.
? But what if it?s not! Hmm? Then what!?
? But, what is it, is? You never know until you give him a chance.?
? You know it?s all your fault that the boys a damn tree-hugger!?
? Don?t talk that way about my son! I never taught him to be like that!?
? He?s my son too! Do you know that he still flinches at the sight of blood?! Now tell me how is that going to help him run a country! I have to see blood every day!?
? I don?t know. I told you it?s most likely a stage.?
? You know what I bet it?s that darn Hikaru?s fault!?
? Now your becoming irrational! Hikaru has nothing to do with the way he turned out. Why not let Kenji take the throne instead?!?
? Because he?s power hungry. He?ll ruin this land and, I much rather have a pansy run Musou instead of a dominating dictator!?
Smirking Kanna said,? Admit it you favor Kotka over Kenji.?
? So what if I do! Kotka has skill, when they?re need. He has the makings of a brilliant leader. I?ve seen his royal blood come out; it?s marvelous how he can quickly take control. A few more your years of strict training and schooling and I believe he could become the greatest king Musou has ever had!?
Kotka never heard his father?s kind words of praise. Once he had heard his brother?s name Kotka raced through the many maze like corridors and stumbled into the sun drenched courtyard of the castle. Slaming his fist onto the stone rail Kotka screamed angrily,? Why do I have to be so, so imperfect! Even mother is deep down ashamed to have me as a son.?
Kotka rage was so harsh that he didn?t notice the warm, red liquid gathering in a pool on the stone rail. Racing out of the courtyard as fast as he could Kotka soon slammed into someone. As Kotka looked up to see who he had run into he stopped. A tall, beautiful raven black haired girl, who looked around fifteen, stared down at him, she was dressed in black, red with few splashes of white. A short black skirt was set off by a red silver studded belt, her tanned stomach was reviled by a red tank top with a short black vest like thing resting at the bottom line of the tank top. A pair of loose red gloves overlapped a pair of skin tight black gloves that went up a little past her elbow and opened up a bit towards the top, the added silver buckle near the top match the dog collar she wore around her neck along with her skin tight black tights that stopped about five inches from the bottom of her skirt. ? Hey, watch were going. You do know that your fist is bleeding.? She asked in a voice that was at first stern but, then mellowed down. ? What! Oh carp it is!? Kotka?s face began to turn white as he stared at the flowing blood. As he looked back towards the castle he frowned ,remembering his father?s words, the girl grabbed his hand and out of nowhere she pulled out a piece of white cloth and wrapped it around his hand.
? Th..thanks.? Kotka said shocked.
? No prob. Just don?t go slamming your body parts into to many solid objects to often or you?ll break something.? She tilted her head and smiled then turned around and continued on her way, her short white high-heels carrying her along. Kotka yelled after her,? Hey, what?s your name??
?Ask me some other time! I?m late for work.? She shouted back and ran off down the busy street dodging professionally between the crowds of women and children. Kotka sighed and looked around: as he looked around he noticed that he was still on the ground. He stood up and was glad that he was wearing a white shirt. The heat was intense and overwhelming, this had to be the hottest day in Musou. Out of nowhere burst a pink haired girl dressed in red lunged out at Kotka.
? Kotka! What are you doing out here?? The girl asked with a wide smile. She moved a piece of hair behind her ear so that joined the rest of her shoulder-length hair.
? Hikaru! What a surprise.? Kotka smiled back.
? You didn?t answer my question Kotka.? Hikaru said angrily and stamped her tan boot.
? Sorry. I went out for walk.?
? Great then you won?t mind if I drag you along on one of my pointless adventures!?
? Wait, no...!? Before Kotka could finish Hikaru had grabbed his hand and dragged him off towards her house. Hikaru dragged him deep into the crowds soon, they entered the bazar and mouth-watering scents filled the air. Shopkeepers haggled about prices and mothers yelled at their children for running off or grabbing at items for sale. After what seemed like a hundred hours they finally reached Hikaru?s home.
__________________________________________________

Please leave comments, I plan to enter it in a contest at my school and I'd like some opinions from my fellow OBers.[/COLOR]