Writing Necrundel (M)

[Squall]

As you may or may not have known, I've been absent from the Adventure Arena for quite a while. That's where I got all my writing practice, and I have begun to expect that my writing has dwindled since.

I'd appreciate any comments or criticism anybody has, so I can decide if I've involuntarily fallen out of practice. Thanks.
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[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]The dark, watery blood rippled with every step Kagra took, the blood that covered the entire floor of the corrupted monastery. Kagra walked through the center isle, between the elaborate prayer benches up to the altar. Paned glass windows illuminated the isle, and as Kagra walked, wooden shutters magically shut upon them. When Kagra reached the altar, there was no other light but the dim golden glow in front of him.

Bound above the altar was a maiden, wrapped in chains except for her arms, which reached out to her sides, and were nailed to the wall. Tears flew down her face with the blood of fresh wounds going up and down her body. Her blood mixed with the blood on the floor. The maiden glowed with a fading light that tried desperately to stay lit. The maiden's eyes were barely open, and her breath was weak and slow.

Kagra's cold, dead eyes surveyed her with grim delight, as he parted his lips to speak. "My, you certainly are a magnificent sight to behold. I must admit, you were the closest to defeating me. But, well, now look you." He gave a sadistic smile. The maiden didn't make an attempt to respond.

One of Kagra's pale hands came out from under his long black cloak, and he reached up to caress the maiden's cheek. As soon as he touched her face, her eyes became deadly, and golden lightning shot through Kagra's arm. Kagra slowly dropped his arm, and expunged the lightning as fast as it had appeared. He gave a sadistic smile, and belted the maiden across the cheek.

"Was that your big plan?" Kagra asked in a low, deadly tone. "Not here, my love. This is my lair." Fresh tears formed on the maiden's cheeks. "...Bastard." She whispered. "My sisters, they will defeat you." Her statement seemed to make Kagra happier. "Sister, you mean." The maiden looked at him, wide eyed and gasped. "Once you are dead, there will be only one left to sing before Necrundel opens."

The maiden shook her head, her tears running more freely. "Liar!" Kagra slowly reached into his cloak, and quickly unsheathed a blood-red dagger. Instead of the metallic ring that usually accompanied an unsheathed blade, screams and sobs filled the air, and slowly silenced as Kagra ran a hand along the blade. The maiden sobbed. "Now, I will take your song."

Kagra drew back, and stabbed the maiden in her stomach. She tried desperately not to scream. Kagra smiled, and twisted the dagger inside her. She shrieked, and dissipated into feathers, which floated down the isle and burst into flame. Soon, the chains fell, and nothing remained but streaks of blood. Kagra closed his eyes and sheathed his dagger. "Soon," he whispered. "Very soon..."[/SIZE][/COLOR]

That?s the prologue. What do you think?

[Skye]

[size=1][font=veranda][color=indigo]*sits speechless for five minutes, mouth opening and closing like a fishes*

Dwindling? This is marvelous! Much better than Rain of FIre. ^_^ Your skill has definately improved, and I love this story line! I want to read more! *sits not-so-patiently for him to put up more*

Oh, and, I take it your not leaving? *looks hopeful*[/size][/font][/color]

[Moi]

I think your writing skill has stayed the same overall Squall. Nice work by the way, do you plan on making this into an rpg or just a short story? I am in creative writing class, and so when I am absent I don't lose practice, but you seem to not lose your ability anyway. I definitely respect your writing skill, so don't worry about dwindling ability. I think this piece is wonderful, good job, mate.

As Always,
Mana