Long Distance Relationships

[Afire]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=RED]I'm curious if anyone here at Otaku Boards is, or ever has been involved in a long distance relationship. Have you, or anyone you know met someone online and actually fell in love? If so, did it work out, or was it disastrous?

Tell me your stories, please. :) [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]I don't think online relationships are a particularly good idea. But, I have had a long distance relationship. It didn't work out too well. Because you never really get the physical intimacy...be it kissing, or merely holding hands. In fact, just today, a friend of mine was dumped; his girlfriend found the long-distance aspect of it too hard to handle.[/size]

[Guest Midnight Rush]

Long Distance Relationships do not work. Period. As the Baron said, the lack of intimacy on any level will kill a non mature and powerful relationship. I know from my own experience that this is true. I met a girl who lived in Tokyo this summer while I was in Wisconsin. We hit it off great, etc..

The relationship has since died:

Phone Bill- It cost me 1.75/minute to talk to her in Tokyo, for her it was closing in on 300Yen

Lives were going different directions.

Everything was so radically far apart and different that it didn't stand a chance in hell of working.

[James]

[color=#707875]This is one of the negatives of the Internet, I think. Sometimes when you are talking to people online all the time, you can develop a pretty good sense about them. I mean, when you're not there in person, the discussion can often be a lot deeper than it might be "in real life".

I really think it's a double-edged sword in that sense. Yeah, it's great to have those kinds of discussions, but it's disappointing when you are unable to actually be there in person.

My feeling is that if people want to have long-distance relationships, that's really their choice. I mean, I'm not going to tell them that it's not right or whatever. But having said that, I do think it's important for both parties to understand the issues involved. Coming to the conclusion that you really [i]can't[/i] be with the person you care about is very difficult, afterall.[/color]

[Adahn]

[b][font=Trebuchet MS][size=2][color=darkolivegreen]Well, I'm in a long-distance relationship right now, and I think it's going rather well. We're both in the U.S., so the intercontinental barriers Midnight Rush had to deal with aren't present. I actually met her on Otakuboards, go figure. We lost touch for a while, but I got ahold of her a little over a month ago. The odd thing is that I wasn't looking for that kind of relationship. I really just wanted to be friends and get to know her better, but we hit it off. Video IM and such are helpful, because you can actually see and talk to each other. The lack of a physical relationship is a downside, but I'm relatively inexperienced in that area, so I'm not extremely bothered by it. To combat this problem, I've decided to fly down and visit her for a couple weeks. My parents bought the plane tickets for me as a Christmas present, and I think everything is going to go well for us. It will suck when I have to leave, but I'll be able to hold onto the memories we make, I'll still be able to talk to her, and I will know that I'll be able to see her again.[/color][/size][/font][/b]

[Panda]

I feel the success of long distance relationships depends on the people involved. In my case the long distance relationship I had with my husband worked. When we first met he was going to flight school at the college here in my hometown. He moved here from a small town about 3 hours away. We became very good friends during his time here for college. We did not date during this time since he was 21 and I was 16. He moved to Florida pursuing his flying career while I stayed here in Washington state completing high school and college. We began our long distance relationship at this time.

The long distance relationship was very difficult. He was not here to celebrate with me during things like my senior prom, holidays, graduation from high school and college as well as several birthdays. I knew this is how it would be having a long distance relationship. My phone bill every month was very high since this was before webcams and messenger services became popular. We had to send snail mail to share pictures! Of course, there is something really exciting about getting snail mail with pictures in it! ^_^

He did move back to Washington to continue his education. He was going to a college in the state but it was 4 1/2 hours away. On the weekends he would drive over to my house after his last classes finished for the week and then get up really early on Monday and drive back. During this point in our relationship it seemed the most difficult since we could be together physically and spend time together, yet circumstances would separate us.

We made it through the tough times and are now very happily married. All the loneliness during the long distance relationship was worth what we have today. Not many people can handle long distance relationships. Long distance relationships are a lot of work and trust has to be one of the keys components in your relationship.

I would like to wish the very best of luck to anyone in a long distance relationship.

[Guest Neko Youkai 14]

Yeah, I have 2 friends who have met in OB and they're in a long distance relatioship now, go figure. ^-^ By the looks of it, they both really love eachother and they are willing to wait a while till they can actually see eachother. Although they have a couple of fits now and then, hey, that's what relationships are like. Talking on the phone can be tough but at least they have something they can hold on to instead of IM all the time. I just think LDR's depend on the couple if it will work out or not.

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Apart from my OB marriage I've never actually tried an online relationship, companionship is one thing but to try and build a stable relationship over the net would be something I wouldn't be keen on trying. About 14 months ago I tried a long distance relationship with a girl I met on holidays, we started going out at night while on holidays but she lived at one end of the country and I lived at the other so in the end it didn't work out. Maybe it's just me but I'd have to be able to see the person on a regular basis for a relationship to work.[/SIZE]

[...]

Not being able to see? to hear the person? to know EXACTLY what is going through their mind? is very hard. In a way, a long distance relationship is doomed to fail even before it begins? but try having a long distance relationship, when you know those around you at home would not approve. It?s like a knife being thrown into your side, and each day, someone turns the knife just a little more. You try to convince yourself the feelings you have are not real, because you?ve never seen the person? you try to convince yourself that life would be a lot easier if you don?t let your heart get involved. But the heart has a mind of its own. It likes to creep up on situations like these, and make things impossible to live through.

While on the one hand, you have that person to talk to? you have the person who makes your life worth living? the person who lets you be the person you want to be? the person you really are inside? this person understands everything about you, and still can?t find it in himself to judge you for any of it? But on the other hand? you are dangling from the tops of a cliff, and the only thing you have to hold on to is a tiny piece of thread. That thread can break, destroying your life, at any given moment. And you wait for that day? and you fear it with all your heart.

You wish things would turn out for the better? you hope to God that you will get to actually meet the person you love? but in the end, it?s all false hopes? and all you can do is live in the moment, and hope that you will never have to leave. The thought of losing that special person kills you a little each day. The pain is immense?

While the pain is sharper than anything, you find that you cannot let the fear rule your life? that you have to be there for that person? you realize then how much you actually love that person. And you can?t imagine your life without him.

Do I think it will work out? well that doesn?t even matter anymore. All I do know? is that I want to be with this person more than anything. And while it breaks my heart that we may never be anything more than this? I can?t find it in myself to let him go. And so I know? that I will forever be longing for something I can't have.

But I can?t give up.

[Japan]

[COLOR=Navy]From what I've seen from my friends here at OB, it doesn't work. I understand that there may be some special cases like Panda, but it mostly doesn't work. [/COLOR]

[Dagger]

[quote name='Afire][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=RED]I'm curious if anyone here at Otaku Boards is, or ever has been involved in a long distance relationship. Have you, or anyone you know met someone online and actually fell in love?[/COLOR][/SIZE'][/FONT][/quote]

Not all long-distance relationships require the Internet (as Panda's wonderful success story attests) or even need to begin online. I just found it odd that you drew no distinction between the general category of long-distance relationships and the much more specific category of couples who met and/or fell in love online.

My last serious boyfriend went overseas after we'd been dating for about a year. Due to a pathetic lack of effort on both sides, our relationship quickly dried up. Honestly, after a while talking to him simply became too depressing... I truly feel that people must be very optimistic and emotionally resilient to maintain a long-distance relationship. If all you do is think about how much you miss your significant other, eventually you'll start wanting all of your feelings--both good and bad--to go away.

~Dagger~

[wrist cutter]

[QUOTE=...]Not being able to see? to hear the person? to know EXACTLY what is going through their mind? is very hard. In a way, a long distance relationship is doomed to fail even before it begins? but try having a long distance relationship, when you know those around you at home would not approve. [b]It?s like a knife being thrown into your side, and each day, someone turns the knife just a little more[/b]. You try to convince yourself the feelings you have are not real, because you?ve never seen the person? you try to convince yourself that life would be a lot easier if you don?t let your heart get involved. [b]But the heart has a mind of its own.[/b] It likes to creep up on situations like these, and make things impossible to live through.

While on the one hand, you have that person to talk to? you have [b]the person who makes your life worth living[/b]? [b]the person who lets you be the person you want to be[/b]? the person you really are inside? this person understands everything about you, and still can?t find it in himself to judge you for any of it? But on the other hand? [b]you are dangling from the tops of a cliff, and the only thing you have to hold on to is a tiny piece of thread. That thread can break, destroying your life, at any given moment. And you wait for that day? and you fear it with all your heart.[/b]

You wish things would turn out for the better? you hope to God that you will get to actually meet the person you love? but in the end, it?s all false hopes? and all you can do is live in the moment, and hope that you will never have to leave. The thought of losing that special person kills you a little each day. The pain is immense?

While the pain is sharper than anything, you find that you cannot let the fear rule your life? that you have to be there for that person? [b]you realize then how much you actually love that person. And you can?t imagine your life without him.[/b]

Do I think it will work out? well that doesn?t even matter anymore. All I do know? is that I want to be with this person more than anything. And while it breaks my heart that we may never be anything more than this? I can?t find it in myself to let him go. And so I know? that I will forever be longing for something I can't have.

But I can?t give up.[/QUOTE]

Way to totally overdramatize everything. I've bolded the parts I thought were particularly tacky.

[...]

lol, well I guess it may be confusing to those who've never felt it. :) But it's alright, I never actually expected anyone to understand anyway. Over dramatizing... well, lol, I guess you just have to feel it to understand it. :)

[Inari]

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]Interesting subject! I know that I could never develop and keep a relationship with someone I met over the internet. It would just be too hard. I would need to meet them in person first, or it would never work out.

Right now I'm dating a freshman in a college close to my home. (He still lives with his parents.) We've been dating for about nine months now and things are going great. (We even went to Europe together, it was so much fun!) And now the subject of a long distance relationship has come up as I decide what college I want to apply/go to.

I want to go to college far away from here, as in I live in Idaho and would like to go to college in the northeastern United States. He, for mainly financial reasons, will probably be going to University of Idaho next year, a relatively good school, but not the school for me. Now I have to decide between going to my dream college and trying to keep a long distance relationship or staying near the man I love. In the end I will probably end up close to him in Washington, Oregon or Montana, just to keep the relationship going.

Talk about a dilemma... I guess that we're both a little weary of long-distance relationships and college because of the nasty break up our friends just had when one of them moved to Pennsylvania. So in the end I just don't want to risk loosing him in a long distance relationship.[/COLOR]

[Kanariya]

[color=darkslateblue][size=1]Long distance relationships, they don't work. I've had what you would call a "crush" on a person before, that lives miles away. But then it fades, and I just feel the person as a friend. I just found it as one of those hormonal things I go through, being only twelve and crap.

Plus, it is kinda hard to manage such a relationship. It's hard enough if two go to seperate schools or something, just think of living miles away. It wouldn't work out at all.
I do have some what you would call "close" friends from the OB and elsewhere, the only friends I can really talk to. Most of my friends in real life have moved away, and I can't really contact them, and only about one real life friend is left from Elementary School. I look forward to online friendships, meeting new people. One of my closest friends is here on the OB, Lix.

But, I always have to be careful at times. The internet ain't a safe place.[/size][/color]

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=darkblue][FONT=Century Gothic]Yes, from my own experiences and some stories from other people I know, not many long-distance relationships work out.

Me? I had one long distance relationship. It didn't end horribly or bad even. We just stopped contacting each other. The only was of communication was MSN messenger and the OB, which was clearly not enough. I'd rather have that person with me, be able to see them and touch them. Relationships need physical growth along with audio interation growth. You can never really know that person until you are with them for a certain amount of time. So, normally long distance relationship are bound to not work. Plus, a person just can't handle that, there are to many temptations in the world, and in long distance relationships, there is not a lot to hold you back. Therefore, I would just rather not get wrapped up in something like that.

My sister is currently in a long distance relationship. Her boyfriend only lives across the state, and they see each other about every holiday and in the summers... they have been together ever since summer. They used to always be on the phone, I would get so pissed off, since at my dad's we share the same room and she would be on the phone with him til 4 AM, causing me to get no sleep. She says herself she cannot be totally stable in the relationship, it's just to hard to be away from him all of the time and he wants to take things further, right? So she asked me if she should break up with him, but that is totally up to her.

So, naturally, I would prefer to stay away from long distance relationships. I would rather have a person I see at least every other day and can have a more physical, closer relationship with.[/color][/size][/font]

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]Well, it depends on if you're just talking about long distance relationships in general, or online long distance relationships. Because I've been in a long distance (ok majority long distance I did get to live with my husband for a little over a year from 20,Aug 2002-15, Nov 2004) relationship for four years-never get involved in a military relationship, they suck. But I've never been in an online relationship.

I think that if you try really really hard you can get a long distance relationship to work provided that you have enough trust and enough in common besides just physical attraction. Also, meeting the person and being able to see the person every once in a while helps too.

I don't have any experiance with online relationships so I can't help there. But don't believe that just because you barely see eachother it's doomed.[/color]

[MischiefEclipse]

Hmm, this is kinda funny. I was just talking with some of my freinds about how much internet relationships bug me. Not totally creep me out... I just don't understand how they could ever work. A few of my freinds have been a part of a long distance relationships. One was talking to another induvidual online, and that did not work out at all. Another one of my freinds is now in one and talking to someone in another state over the internet, but also phone and email w/ pics and such. I haven't said how weird it is to them, to avoid hurting their feelings. I just don't think there's anything tangible in a relationship like that. I mean, you can't even eat dinner with them or go see a movie, let alone hold hands.
Is it just me or does that Ehomemaker guy, or something like that, just REALLY bother anybody else? you know, the web matchmaker site with a TV commercial. And that old guy. Oh whatever.

Cliche out, everone!

[Afire]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=RED]These posts are all so interesting. I am in a long distance relationship started on the internet; so the thoughts mentioned by all have gone through my mind at least once or twice. I don't really have a choice in how I feel. I never asked for it; but what's happened, has happened. I'll just choose to believe that it's not hopeless. If my heart gets broken, I will live with a broken heart. If it doesn't, I will be in heaven.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[Erika]

[size=1][color=purple]I haven't dated anyone as of yet, let alone in an LDR. But that doesn't mean I can't be sensible about it. There's downsides and upsides to both situations, but to me there seems to be more downsides with LDR. That's not good. Why go through something as serious as a relationship with more downs than ups, rather than more ups than downs? It's not what's easiest, it's what's best for both people i.e. some couples even need time from each other, if y'know what I mean. It could help in the long run. Straighten things out. You don't learn to appreciate what the other person gives if they're there all the time, and eventually arguments arise, generally ones that scar. Even if there's forgiveness, I'd rather be with someone I don't end up arguing with all the time.

But it [i]does[/i] have to do with what kinda person you are. My best friend (or closest--I've known him for about 5.5 years and we've been through hell together) has a girlfriend who lives here in town (and she's gradding this year, while he gradded 2 years ago), and he moved for college/classes, about a couple hours away. Even though it doesn't seem far, he's the type of person who gets depressed when left alone for too long (even though he lives with his grandparents and has his cousins around). I know it may sound a bit insensitive, but me knowing him, he's a bit emotionally insecure.

I just don't see why he'd pick someone 1.) still in high school, 2.) cannot be intimate enough for someone like him and 3.) they don't seem to really do things together whenever he comes to visit. No dates or anything, lol. They've started dating in February, and have been accquaintences for about 1.5 years. I didn't even really know her myself until they started going at it. 9_9 And they've even planned on marrying in about 5 years. -_o; His last relationship seemed based solely off of physical intimacy, and he WAS dating a freshman (while he was a senior), that he had only met her a couple weeks after she entered high school. So, I KNEW it wouldn't work out, but no one believed me until she dumped him about a year later. A few months after he got another relationship back up again, an LDR. If he's so dependant on physical contact, I just don't see why he's just doing this to himself, instead of meeting a girl at the school he goes to now, or within his town.

Well, when someone's in love they don't really look past their own feelings. Period. All they think or care about is the other person, and no one else, or anything else. All they think is "We're strong--we'll do alright." I'm just basing this off observation. There's a difference between the initial joy of being someone that makes you feel good, and all that good stuff, whether it be LDR or not, and being with that same person for the next 60-70+ years of your life. Sounds like a plan, ne? Well, life isn't a fantasy. I know relationships aren't flawless, but that doesn't mean peeps should be encouraged to jump in headfirst, instead of footfirst.

There's problems with being with someone too little, and being with someone too much (my friend's example). While LDR is good in a way where the relationship doesn't depend on romantic physical intimacy, because it wasn't there to begin with (well, if you met the person online or you decide to ask someone out you know personally after you leave town, and they're still in town and, in my own opinion, sounds like a senseless, spur-of-the-moment situation).

Overall, I'd rather wait it out. If there's someone online I like, then there's someone offline I'd like even more. Because I accept the fact that there ARE temptations both offline and on (as Lix mentioned, and I totally agree), and I'm not about to run the risk of ruining an online/LDR deal just because I enjoy being with people rather than just type to each other and whatnot. And e-mail can be used for the "beyond" intimacy. And you don'tquite need to live outta town to IM each other, lol :rolleyes: I don't solely depend on my trust, though, I rather depend on how selfless the other person is, because if both people aren't giving to each other, and not really expect anything in return, then it won't work out, or it won't be as successful as it could and should be.

Alright, I've blabbed enough, lol. X3 I hope this may have helped someone. :whoops:[/color][/size]