True Love. . .or something opposite

[kenshinsbabe]

People speak of true love and that everyone's got their own true love. Can they really hold to it? I mean, if God really does hate someone, wouldn't they be granted a lifetime without true love (one of those "there are things worse than death" things) ? Well, here's kind of an example:

At band camp, I met this guy. I had feelings for him and I kinda wished that he'd had them for me. We went our separate ways and, about a half a year later, I learned (through a long process of events that I'm sure you don't want to hear cuz it's long, complicated and boring) that he had the feelings that I'd hoped he had. Unfortunately, he lives across the state from me and I'm going to be moving after I'm done with school this year.

Does it seem that fate has it in for some people? I mean, surely some of you have worse stories to tell than that, but that would mean that we're all in the same boat and that we can share those stories, give and recieve advice and comfort.

[Godelsensei]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Courier New]Wouldn't you have to believe in fate and/or true love, to begin with?

If you barely knew each other, I don't see the point of beating yourself up over the fact that maybe he thought you were pretty.

Besides, every one has an e-mail adress these days. Or at least a phone.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Chi_16]

I have already found my soul mate. He is so loveing and careing we have been engaged for 6 months and things can't get any better then they are now. We stay together as much as possible and I never want to let him go. :love:

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]Assuming God is real, and assuming He could hate somebody.

Anyway, this kind of story is so common it's not funny. There is probably not any element of fate [or even true love...] in your story. If one of you had been more forward, and more direct, then this wouldn't have happened. But neither of you were, and so this is what happened. Not uncommon, and hardly a sign of divine intervention ~_^

Anyway, you're barely 16, I don't think you've been singled out by fate.[/size]

[Pumpkin]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1] That kind of stuff happens to me all the time for some reason. I think its just a coincidence. Sometimes you wish you can turn back time, but in the end, if it was bound to happen I think it would have. No going back now. As for true love, Half of me doesn't believe in it cause I can't say I haven't had many experiences with it, but I have found someone special to me. As much as I hate to admit it, yes I do love him. alot more then i ever thought i would. So yes there is love out there, as rare as it is. But one thing I do know there is a major line between lust and love, and many young people get those two confused. Also, passion fades away really quick so hold onto it while you can. You can only have it for so long. [/FONT][/SIZE]

[Xander Harris]

True love has nothing to do with wether or not you get to date some cute guy at band camp. True love that lasts only works when two people make a commitment to each other, and do what is necessary to ensure that that love will last. True love doesn't happen over night. You can fall in love in an instant, but 'true love' is a work in progress. It takes work. If more people understood this, the divorce rate in this nation would be a heck of a lot lower than it is.

[Delta]

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]
I envy you.
Only one state separates you and him; I've the whole Pacific Ocean. *sigh*

Ah well, I really don't believe in true love. Love's relative. When you're in a relationship (or in the six months after ending one), you call it "love". When you're out of that phase, you look back and say "What was I thinking?" That's what happened to me.

Fate isn't as powerful as the choices we make. I think the force we call "Fate" is just a consequence of the course of action we consciously took. (mmm... alliteration)

Love and Peace!
[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[...]

I don?t believe in Fate. I don?t believe that everyone?s future is determined before they can even make a decision. What?s the use of having free choice, if it?s all predestined anyway? Why do we even live if there is nothing we can do that isn?t already planned? Seems like a big waste of time to me. I think Fate was something people made up as an excuse for some pretty bad mistakes they have made or whatever. And as far as God hating people, that doesn?t fly with me either. God is responsible for all the life here on earth (of course this is my religious belief, so I know there will be those who disagree ;) ) If he *hated* someone, why would he give that person life in the first place? :laugh: Again, unfortunately, your story, like Xander said, is very common. Been there, done that. Love can be something great, or destructive. But what puzzles me, is that this was only a simple attraction? believe me, things can be a lot worse. So don?t worry about it. You?ll find that person someday. I do believe everyone sometime in their life finds the person that they could or may love for the rest of their life. You just need to be upfront, and ready for it. Because it can slip by pretty easily.

[Xander Harris]

[quote name='...']I don?t believe in Fate. I don?t believe that everyone?s future is determined before they can even make a decision. What?s the use of having free choice, if it?s all predestined anyway? Why do we even live if there is nothing we can do that isn?t already planned? Seems like a big waste of time to me. I think Fate was something people made up as an excuse for some pretty bad mistakes they have made or whatever. And as far as God hating people, that doesn?t fly with me either. God is responsible for all the life here on earth (of course this is my religious belief, so I know there will be those who disagree ;) ) If he *hated* someone, why would he give that person life in the first place? :laugh: Again, unfortunately, your story, like Xander said, is very common. Been there, done that. Love can be something great, or destructive. But what puzzles me, is that this was only a simple attraction? believe me, things can be a lot worse. So don?t worry about it. You?ll find that person someday. I do believe everyone sometime in their life finds the person that they could or may love for the rest of their life. You just need to be upfront, and ready for it. Because it can slip by pretty easily.[/quote]

Ahhh. Free will. How I love to hear it spoken of, after that dreadful lecture in determinism I had in philosophy class the other day....

[Lunai]

[font=comic sans ms][color=goldenrod]True love is something best looked at in retrospect (hindsight being 20-20 and all)...it's really hard to pin down whether you are in love when you aren't even out of high school.

And even if you are in love, I would suggest that you test the waters before declaring that it might be "true" love.

Spoken from someone who just go out of a relationship that lasted a little over a year.[/font][/color]

[yogi bear]

Does anybody at this board have anything rellevant to say anymore. :confused:

[Erika]

[size=1][color=royalblue]God's existence is something you prove to yourself, not to others, or others to you. And He doesn't hate...punishment and correction aren't meant to be done through hatred. People just make it seem that way.

And I agree with Pumpkin and eternity on this. "..." has some good points, too. Love is notion, not emotion; like fine wine is betters over time.

When you don't get what you want, it's not a loss, because you never had it. It's a loss of fantasy, not reality. I know this all too well.

Although I've never been in a relationship myself, it's because I'm picky and I'm cautious. I choose to dive footfirst than headfirst. Because, well, it's not just me involved, but the other person, too. I can't control his thinking, or anything like that (but I can influence, hehe), so I make sure we're good friends first.

Which leads to the worst experience. Well, to be honest, it's a long and complicated story (well, it has more depth and meaning than just having romantic feelings). So, make a long story short and simple, I fell in love with my best friend of five years, and it turns out that he took another girl instead of considering me, because, y'know, he had feelings for me, too. That, and his girlfriend is now his best friend and not me. He even puts her on a higher level than his closest friends (and regardless of what he says, I know him a lot more than his girlfriend, let alone anyone else outside his family). No one can deny this in truth--I can tell by just how he acts, and how he talks to me. He even said so himself, even though I already knew it. I'm just not significant in his life. Not just romantically, but at ALL. It's not the fact that he's dating someone else, it's the result: an imbalanced attitude towards his friends.

It's double-standard BS. A few of his friends (which used to be "ours") have a sarcastic sense of humor (and can be cutting or blunt, but they're not sadistic about it), and generally, it's the same with me--I've always been a kind of wise-a**, lol. But online, whenever I make a remark about something, usually out of playfulness, I get sh** for it, but the others don't get anything of the sort. It's no wonder why my attitude seems to grow worse around them.

So basically, he wants friends who feed his pride, and as along as they agree or support him on [i]everything,[/i] he sees no reason to get mad at them. I would never date someone who treated their friends like that, regardless of how well they'd treat me.

And he's the kinda person that relies on his heart, which is his emotions, to make decisions on short-notice, especially important ones, instead of using his head first and taking time. People rely too much on what they feel, and on words alone. The "L" word is to be admitted to the other only if you truly mean it...better to admit false feelings than lie about it. And if you love someone, you don't prove it in any given amount, because you can't. You prove it in a way that you're letting him/her know that you mean what you say.

So...thought leads to action. When you love someone, you want to do things for them, support them (but if you have a bad feeling about something, you wouldn't hesitate to question), be there for them, and accept them, not tolerate them.

I'm over him now, though. I don't want anyone that treats his friends like that, even if it's just one. I don't want anyone who puts people on levels of importance. Love is selfless, outgoing concern for others. It's giving without expecting anything in return. And I believe compromising isn't a good way to thoroughly solve problems And just because you don't agree with everything, or have different points of views, doesn't mean you won't ever get along.

Remember, it's something the two of you are in together. Focus on how you treat others, not how they treat you. When you know you're wrong, admit it. Being humble and honest, with youself [i]and[/i] other people, doesn't make you vulnerable to being walked all over. It's a braver thing to do than keep resisting and making things worse for yourself and the other person.

And it's not love that destroys, it's selfishness.[/color][/size]

[...]

[QUOTE=Dark Serena][size=1][color=royalblue]Which leads to the worst experience. Well, to be honest, it's a long and complicated story (well, it has more depth and meaning than just having romantic feelings). So, make a long story short and simple, I fell in love with my best friend of five years, and it turns out that he took another girl instead of considering me, because, y'know, he had feelings for me, too. That, and his girlfriend is now his best friend and not me. He even puts her on a higher level than his closest friends (and regardless of what he says, I know him a lot more than his girlfriend, let alone anyone else outside his family). No one can deny this in truth--I can tell by just how he acts, and how he talks to me. He even said so himself, even though I already knew it. I'm just not significant in his life. Not just romantically, but at ALL. It's not the fact that he's dating someone else, it's the result: an imbalanced attitude towards his friends.

It's double-standard BS. A few of his friends (which used to be "ours") have a sarcastic sense of humor (and can be cutting or blunt, but they're not sadistic about it), and generally, it's the same with me--I've always been a kind of wise-a**, lol. But online, whenever I make a remark about something, usually out of playfulness, I get sh** for it, but the others don't get anything of the sort. It's no wonder why my attitude seems to grow worse around them.

So basically, he wants friends who feed his pride, and as along as they agree or support him on [i]everything,[/i] he sees no reason to get mad at them. I would never date someone who treated their friends like that, regardless of how well they'd treat me.

And he's the kinda person that relies on his heart, which is his emotions, to make decisions on short-notice, especially important ones, instead of using his head first and taking time. People rely too much on what they feel, and on words alone. The "L" word is to be admitted to the other only if you truly mean it...better to admit false feelings than lie about it. And if you love someone, you don't prove it in any given amount, because you can't. You prove it in a way that you're letting him/her know that you mean what you say.

So...thought leads to action. When you love someone, you want to do things for them, support them (but if you have a bad feeling about something, you wouldn't hesitate to question), be there for them, and accept them, not tolerate them.

I'm over him now, though. I don't want anyone that treats his friends like that, even if it's just one. I don't want anyone who puts people on levels of importance. Love is selfless, outgoing concern for others. It's giving without expecting anything in return. And I believe compromising isn't a good way to thoroughly solve problems And just because you don't agree with everything, or have different points of views, doesn't mean you won't ever get along.

Remember, it's something the two of you are in together. Focus on how you treat others, not how they treat you. When you know you're wrong, admit it. Being humble and honest, with youself [i]and[/i] other people, doesn't make you vulnerable to being walked all over. It's a braver thing to do than keep resisting and making things worse for yourself and the other person.

And it's not love that destroys, it's selfishness.[/color][/size][/QUOTE]

It's like I'm reading my life right here ^^^ The exact same thing happened to me. Exact... down to the way he treats his friends, and the way he only wants those who will boost his own pride to be around him... lol, and I applaud you on your sensibleness. You have a good head on your shoulders. Fortunately, I'm over the guy as well.

Sometimes, heart breaks can be a blessing. Because only then, do you TRULY see the one you were falling for... you see what you could have almost ended up with, and the rose colored glasses are not so rosey anymore. You see him in a different light, a light that actually shows his true self. And then, you are thankful that things turned out the way they did. :)

I agree whole heartedly about what you have said... about being honest about feelings... sometimes you wish everyone was able to realize that... because it would save a lot of hurt feelings. The only difference between our stories, is that after I told him how I felt, lol, he said that we did have a future, but he wanted to wait before we made it "official." I was completely okay with that... I wanted to wait as well... but I had to be honest... I only wish he was with me. Anyway, he met this girl online, and decided she was the one for him. lol, and I know everything about him. Everything, and he did that to me. Heart break is a blessing, it's better that these things happened before you do something you will regret.

[Sui Generis]

[QUOTE=kenshinsbabe]People speak of true love and that everyone's got their own true love. Can they really hold to it? I mean, if God really does hate someone, wouldn't they be granted a lifetime without true love (one of those "there are things worse than death" things) ? Well, here's kind of an example:

At band camp, I met this guy. I had feelings for him and I kinda wished that he'd had them for me. We went our separate ways and, about a half a year later, I learned (through a long process of events that I'm sure you don't want to hear cuz it's long, complicated and boring) that he had the feelings that I'd hoped he had. Unfortunately, he lives across the state from me and I'm going to be moving after I'm done with school this year.

Does it seem that fate has it in for some people? I mean, surely some of you have worse stories to tell than that, but that would mean that we're all in the same boat and that we can share those stories, give and recieve advice and comfort.[/QUOTE]

[i][color=indigo] Assuming the God you are talking about is the Christian God, and assuming that you yourself follow the faith or atleast have been introduced to it; it would seem obviouse that you know given the parameters of the religion that God loves unconditionally. It says in the Bible that God neither hates you nor does he hate anyone else. The simple fact is if he hated you; you wouldn't be alive.



True love:

Oh wow. Love, such an...interesting word. Humans have spent thousands of years developing this word, attempting to define it, and then study it. Yet through it all, no one truly knows what love is.

Is it entirely possible to concieve that love is nothing and everything at once? I mean, everyone knows of it, no one can define it. Everyone has felt it, yet no one can explain it. No one person can pin point one exact feeling that is so exlusive to love that no other label could be put on it. Given that, perhaps love is everything combined. Friendship, compassion, loyalty, selflessness.

I'll never tell anyone that they arn't in love, nor will I ever tell anyone that they are too young to experience love, simply because..love to me is different than love to you.

Love is what you make it to be.



Fate:

Fate isn't a being. It isn't real, it contains no physical matter. In my mind fate was developed as a scapegoat for the things that happened to any given person. More of a politically correct way to define things instead of "divine intervention."

I couldn't tell you fate is out to get you, because as many others have said fate is the consequences of a certain sequence of choices that you make. Fate is simply the option of what to do next. You chose what to do, and fate lies out what will happen because of your choice.

More over I think fate is like love, in a sense. Its to desribe something no one understands.

The only people who have the right to complain about fate (in my mind) are people that have illnesses they did not create, or deaths they had no hand in. Best example the children in Africa that are suffering from AIDS, Blood Diamonds, and being rape.

Not one of their choices led them down the path, but it was the choice of their parents and/or other figures.

I guess it just shows you how much one choice can affect so many people, I think thats what people don't realize.





Back to the topic:

I really don't think fate is out to get you, and its quite possible he could've been the love of your life, who knows. Unfortunatly you didn't take the action so you'll never know.

I'm sorry that you're moving, but perhaps its a good thing you didn't develope that relationship then, because you two would've just been ripped apart after this year anyways.

If anything fate may have saved you from a lot more heart ache.[/i][/color]

[Erika]

[size=1][color=royalblue]Oh, gosh. o_o; I never knew anyone'd experience practically the same thing as I did!

Yeah. But, there's still good qualities of him, too. I still love him, and always will...I just bristle at his attitude. We both get critical to one another, but I'm the one that ends up apologizing, regardless of who started it. We've been through sh** together--and I was ready to go through more.

Heartbreak did show me a lot. Not saying I wanna marry him, lol, bvut if he decided to come back to me, at least we'd together, like old times, except we'd just be dating. I wouldn't care how long it'd last, as long as it was a joyful experience. But I know I influence him, because he never was really like this until he moved to his grandparents for school in January (they live about a couple hours away). In fact, he was mostly opposite.

And yeah, I do see myself as sensible (and thank you, lol, I'm used to being called pessimistic and ignorant)...I was raised with a realistic mother. And when someone's realistic, you better listen to them, lol! XD They generally give good, honest, hard-hitting advice.[/color][/size]

[MaineOtakuNo2]

Well I only read about 2 posts but I'll tell my story anyways. Mid-way through last year my best friend and I both met this girl that hung with our group of friends. We both thought she was cool but she instantly took a liking to him and hated me because I beat on him. Well time passed and she found out I'm not that bad so we became friends. However with that happening I found out that both my best friend and the female "liked" each other. So being the nice guy I am I set them up later to find out she had feelings for me too. Well they are still together and I'm now over it. I figure shes happier with him so I gave up till they are done, I'm now both of their best friends though.

[Gavin]

[QUOTE=Baron Samedi][size=1]Assuming God is real, and assuming He could hate somebody.

Anyway, this kind of story is so common it's not funny. There is probably not any element of fate [or even true love...] in your story. If one of you had been more forward, and more direct, then this wouldn't have happened. But neither of you were, and so this is what happened. Not uncommon, and hardly a sign of divine intervention ~_^

Anyway, you're barely 16, I don't think you've been singled out by fate.[/size][/QUOTE]

[SIZE=1]Well I personally believe that God in incapable of hate simply because he is so forgiving, plus what could you have done to enrage him so much that he'd purposely withhold true love from you for the rest of your life ?

Honestly I think the term "[I]True Love[/I]" is a term thrown around all too often nowadays, true love is something that can't be forged in a matter of days or weeks but rather years between two people with a special bond. I don't think that a trip to Band Camp and a few encounters with this fellow is enough to fill that criteria, seems like it was a simple case of infatuation. [/SIZE]

[Attimus331]

I don't think god has any control over any of us. I don't think he can just say, hey, that guys an ***, i don't think i'll let him find his true love. Besides god loves us all. Also he gave us all free will, if he were to somehow prevent us from finding our true love then he would be defying himself, he can't do that.

I believe love is different for different people. I also don't believe in one true love. That's bs i think. I think a person could have many true loves, there are way too many people on this planet for everybody to just have one, and if i were wrong it would be nearly impossible for somebody to find that one true love, and do you really wanna believe it's impossible? I don't.

I think it was just lust, not love. It's foolish to worry about it. And if you care so much about him then use the internet. You have AIM don't you? E-mail? A place where he can send you mail? A phone? Morse code? The list goes on, do something. Once again, if it's bothering you, DO SOMETHING! do not procrastinate, believe me, it's not a good idea.

[Mitch]

I don't believe in true love. It's such a cliche. . .something I've been told and heard throughout my entire life.

My parents divorced when I was three, and now my step dad and mother are getting divorced.

Marriages are mostly fake. There's exceptions, but really, I don't believe in love and marriage all too much.

Edit: And all this stuff about god. As far as I'm concerned, we have no clue what god is like, therefore we shouldn't assume he's "forgiving" or whatever else - it's just what the good little Christianity has taught you. But believe as you wish. I don't really see how god comes into this considering you're 16 years old.

[Burori]

Ahem. I am for once going to act as the *** in this thread (someone has to at times) In my opinion you all should grow up (physically and mentally) What I mean by that is : those who are like 16 or younger shouldn't go out looking for love. Enjoy your childhood. You have 50 or so years to find Love. I for one am 19 now and not really interested in looking for someone right now. I am still trying to make myself a life before I go find someone to share it with. BUT if that girl comes looking for me I will not hesitate. As for true love I believe in it but I feel you kids need to enjoy your childhood while it lasts and not seek out sex. Thats for adults ^_-.

[James P. Galvatron]

Myself I dont really believe in true love or fate.

Wat happens just happens there is no big reason for it nothing to do with horoscopes . I have never really thought of love as being true or anything I have never experienced it myself anyway and maybe someday I will, but for now True love to me does not exist and fate has never helped me out.

[wiccansamurai]

True love? Fate? Don't make me laugh. If there's truly only one person out there for everyone, what makes every hormone-controlled teen so sure that that one person goes to their schoo or that they can find them before they even graduatel? True love is something you build, not something predetermined.

Now, I'm not against love. I know it exists, I use my parents as an example. A poor girl and an boy from a well off family meet, date, and fall in love. My dad's whole family was against it. But they've been married for over twenty five years, have had eight kids, and never had a major fight or break up.

Now, I'm sure they could have ended up with numerous other people, had they lived somewhere else, and still have been perfectly happy. Just because they're in love and are perfect for eachother, doesn't mean it was fate.

True love is a fairy tale teens tell to convince themselves that dreamy eyed boy or that golden haired girl will look their way because its "destiny." I'm sorry, I probably seem like a cold hearted b**** right now. But that's just how the last few years have made me.

[James]

[color=#707875]True love definitely exists; those who say it doesn't simply haven't experienced it themselves.

The question isn't whether or not true love exists, in my opinion.

This question seems to revolve more around the idea of having one single soul mate or something. I don't really believe that we have [i]one[/i] person in the world who is perfectly right for us. My belief is that each person has many potential mates.

Even if that is true, though, it doesn't mean you'll necessarily find one of those people. The biggest challenge is simply finding one of those people who could be a potential match for you.

But I don't think that anyone should be too depressed over the idea that they may not find their true love or something. The fact is, it takes time. Very few people are going to find love like that in their teenage years. When you go out in the world and you start dealing with more people, a good match may come along. In that case, I think it's mostly a matter of circumstance -- being in the right place at the right time.[/color]

[Erika]

[size=1][color=royalblue]I agree with you, Wic.

I believe that love is as blinding as the sun. You can love someone, and as I described in my scenario, and be snooty/double-standard your relations with your own friends. I, for one, would never want anything to do with someone who does that to their friends, regardless of how I felt. Maybe they deserved it? So what? Maybe they didn't!

Love can cause a person to support and agree with everything the other says and does, or find a reason to do so, whether or not it's good or bad, and without much thought or consideration.

I dunno about any of you guys, but I grow sick of it all. I get so sick of these groups of emotionally-driven saps, especially in public. -_o;

I may sound like what Wic above said about herself, but I don't have any regrets--I just feel a bit more sensible than I was let's say...a month or year ago. I still love, I just choose not to flaunt it everywhere and not tell myself that I'm in some angel-laden love story bathed in warm and comforting mist that will last for eternity.

I still feel like that sometimes towards certain people (w/o the angels, of course) but that doesn't mean I should thrive on it, and claim it true.[/color][/size]

[James P. Galvatron]

You are right Wiccan and you too Serena I have never thought of True Love or Fate being real love truly is blind.

Most Teenagers shouldn't even use the word love in Highschool, Middle School, or Elementary school relationships cause they really don't mean anything and barely last over 1 1/2 years I myself am a Sophmore in Highschool right now and know that love rarely means anything when someone says it.