Writing Eyes of Jade-Hymn of a Devoted Lover [E]

[DeathBug]

I've revised this work, and am submitting it to a school writing contest. Thoughts?

Eyes of Jade-
Hymn of A Devoted Lover

From darkness and rejection
I wish to find myself
I see only imperfection
And I despise myself

Yet she tells me that I am more
Than what I could hope to be
I?ve never felt this way before
Because she wants to be with me

I was lonely and afraid
Until I saw her eyes of jade
Greater than anything man has made
Are her lovely eyes of jade

My artificial blood and flesh
Are validated by her touch
Her voice heals wounds that are still fresh
Her smallest smile means so much

If she were struck by foul disaster
I would not wish to be alive
Of my fate I am not the master
For I need her near me to survive

In my foolish days of apathetic youth
I felt that I had but half a soul
And before me now I see the truth
Hers is the part that makes mine whole

I cannot be without her
My life revolves about her
If I saw her suffer
I would cry
She means everything to me
She and only she completes me
If I were to lose her
I would die

I was lonely and afraid
Until I saw her eyes of jade
Greater than anything man has made
Are her lovely eyes of jade