Writing The Legend of Otaku Hollow [PG-13]

[DeadSeraphim]

[quote]"So then I said to her," Dragon Warrior began to say to all the hott womenses in the strip club, "let?s just have a sexy tea party and call it a night. So we did and you know what she did?" He waited a moment as if expecting an answer from the intrigued strippers. "She asked for a massage. Now you know I have my dignity, but-"
[/quote]
[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]Genius. Pure genius.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Sir Gawain]

Hey, I was just kidding about the big words! Another wonderful installmebnt! I'd have to say that in all my pathetic, short time here at the boards, this is the best story I've read so far!

But as far as who the Postless Banner is, I'm stumped. Like a dead tree. In a forest. Wha? Please finish soon! Then you can get back to taking over the boards. :devil:

[Hevn]

Suspicions *winky wink*

Anyway, it's a good chapter but I seriously had a hard time reading the dialogues because of all the gibberish of the primitive n00bs. My eyes are currently swollen.

[MissWem]

[COLOR=DarkRed]: / I got lost reading the n00b writing. I think I know where you've been getting some of your character inspiration *chuckle*

As for taking over the boards.. I don't remember being against is : P[/COLOR]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1][[i]Grabs sides[/i]]

Excellent Gavynn, truly excellent, the line where James gets mad at Zidargh had me in stitches laughing. I'm really looking forward to the penultimate two chapters where the Postless Banner shall be revealed and lynched by and angry mob for what he/she has done. [/SIZE]

[Syk3]

I guess it's about time that I replied to this thread, lol. But why, DW, why must I always be the vile and ugly monster? >:| Eh, at least I have a stable job in the stories. Pays nicely. :)

This story is well done so far, and I hope to see more soon. The premise is interesting at the very least, and I like plot elements like Shy's prophecy. :p The little side jokes are good too, for the most part. Definitely still a lot of Family Guy integrated in there, which is a good thing. XD Don't try too hard, though.

[Kitty]

[COLOR=Blue][SIZE=1]Boba Fett's random rants are hilarious. And the Zidargh meeting was great, too. I like the n00b natives the best, though.

Poor Gav. Breaking your sexy black mage back must make it hard to be a sexy black mage. I await the next installment, and I expect nothing less than brilliance from you. :p[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Zidargh]

You're a right idiot, do you know that?

...

I love your story though. ^_^

"For some reason, Charles was depicted as fat..." Now [b]that[/b] line actually made me laugh out loud. It caused my mum to ask me what was wrong.

Now I await my big cameo appearance. For even though we haven't spoken in a while mateyboy, I bloody well deserve one!

Tally ho, mwaha!

[b]Edit:[/b] Eh!? I just read the second one. I'm in. Booyah!

[Katana]

Brilliant. Really. One of the best stories I've read in a long time that focused on humor.
The very first thing that caught my attention, though, was the picture that stated "The Legend of Otaku Hollow". At first, I thought it was your banner (cause I only saw the top half), but then - "Holy crap! That's me!" T_T Me, meaning, that was an image I used a lot and also used on "The Otaku Cards Return" thread. Remember? ^_~
Overall, it's great...I can't wait 'til the next chappie and stuff. But man, the temple of n00bs drove me nuts. My eyes are seriously screwed up from trying to figure out all the crappy lingo...o_O

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]It's thanksgiving and I finally have time to reply. ^_^; Your story kepts me in stiches, especially the part with Zidargh. I was surprised I didn't show up at that strip club - I'm eternally thankful for it. ~_~; I have my suspicions about who the postless banner is, but I can't wait for the next chapter!! ^__^[/color]

[Dragon Warrior]

Sorry I took so long to get this chapter up. I've been busy, plus Thanksgiving.

[size=5][b]Chapter 4: James Does Drugs[/b][/size] [size=2]James woke earlier than he expected he would since he had just fought off a whole native tribe. He moved around in the bed sheets, quite comfortable. He rolled over and put an arm on a hairy material. He opened his eyes all the way to see the mole-ridden back of Dr. Kane. James squealed, waking the scientist. ?What is it, James?? Kane asked in alarm. He stared at James? naked chest. ?Why don?t you have your shirt on anymore?? ?Why don?t you?? James countered. Kane studied himself, noticing he felt a slight draft in the room. He lifted the blankets to find a shocking surprise. ?I found my Hamtaro doll,? he squeaked. But upon moving the doll, he saw he was butt naked. ?I?m naked!? James jumped out of the bed in fear, but only to find he too was in the nude. ?Where are our clothes?? he yelled. Kane winced as he shifted in the bed. ?And why does my ass hurt?? Their eyes went horrified. ?SHY!? they screamed in unison. Just as they did, the wise, old master stepped into the room through the sliding door and produced tea for the two. ?Shy, where?s our clothes?? James asked eagerly, ignoring the tea offer. ?You guys were filthy from your adventures,? Shy said, walking toward the window. ?So I washed them for you while you slept.? He then took the clothes hanging by the window and tossed them to the two. ?They should be dry now.? ?But why didn?t you tell us?? James grumbled. ?This could?ve all been avoided and stopped this whole gay joke in this story from occurring. Someone might take offense, you know.? Shy chuckled. ?You?re so silly, James. Now you two get dressed.? The old master walked back to the door. ?I have breakfast ready.? ?Wait, master,? Kane stopped him. Shy turned towards the scientist. ?Yes?? ?Erm?? Kane cleared his throat. ?Did I happen to fall on my backside at all during the night or anything perchance?? Shy thought about it and said, ?No. Now c?mon.? As he left, Kane made a face of fright. The breakfast was delicious! Numerous spreads of delectable items were accounted for across a large oak table. It was a wonder how it all fit inside Shy?s small house. ?Dig in, boys,? Shy said with glee. Kane and James waited no longer. They opened their mouths and prepared to feast when suddenly, they were smacked. ?Ouchies,? Kane cried. ?Why you do, Master Shy?? James pouted. ?We say grace first, you bitches.? ?Yes, Master Shy,? James and Kane sulked. They then clasped their hands together and closed their eyes. ?Will you do the honors, Kane?? Shy said politely. Kane agreed to do the task. ?Good God, good women, don?t eat before swimmin?.? With that, Kane and James ate like furious dinosaurs. Shy smacked them again, a chopstick lodging itself up Kane?s nose. ?That?s not grace, you asses! Now say it right, James!? ?Thank you Lord for this delicious-? James was smacked again. ?What did I do wrong?? James cried. ?I?m atheist,? Shy scolded. ?Oh Jesus-? Kane began before being smacked. ?No talk of God here, bitch!? Shy yelled. ?But you have a bible, Master Shy,? James said, pointing to the holy book on the end table. ?Oh, maybe I?m not Atheist.? He pondered for a moment?s time. ?Ohhh, I?m not Satanist. That was it.? Shy then began eating. Kane and James were smacked once more before being allowed to eat with the master. James and Kane felt full and satisfied as they passed the injured form of Dragon Warrior on their way to Shy?s stables. A few horses were there and Shy offered to let them take three, one for each of them. James thanked the old master, but was smacked for it. ?Now I expect these horses back someday,? Shy remarked. ?Why not come live in Otaku Hollow?? James offered. Shy rubbed his chin out of habit and shot a glare at James. ?Only if I can someday become the Moderator of a forum and stuff, but decide not to do it anymore to make you sad and cry.? James shrugged and agreed. After heaving the bloody body of DW onto his horse, they rode away into the rainforest back towards Otaku Hollow. Sadly for DW, he fell off about forty times just on the way down the driveway. Shy even felt the need to drive his Porsche 911 on his head a few times. Shy grinned with satisfaction. ?I need to test my wheels.? The heroes wandered aimlessly lost through the enchanted forest. Not seeming to find any familiar territory from their previous journey through, they began to get fed up. Dragon Warrior was completely healed, but sad he?s alive. The conditions of this rainforest were terrible. James even began to fade away into a deep sleep atop his horse Desbreko. When he awoke, he was on the leaf-covered ground in a normal forest, a beautiful one, at that. He peered around to find his companions, but to no prevail. Before him was a large stump swarmed by glowing insects of beauty. Sitting on the stump was a gorgeous woman. She smiled at James. Standing up, she greeted him with a grin. ?I am-? she began before clumsily tripping on her gown and falling onto the ground ten feet below. ?God damnit, that frickin? hurt!? She picked herself up and fixed her hair with a brush and pocket mirror. After making the hair items magically disappear, she smiled again at the bewildered James. ?I am Japan_86, the enchantress of this forest.? ?And what forest is this?? ?Oh my fucking God?? Japan_86 put a hand to her head and wandered about the mossy area angrily. ?You come to my forest for advice and you don?t even know what forest this is?? ?I came for advice?? ?Mother?s love, you don?t even know why you?re here!? ?Sounds like a numbnuts to me,? said a funny little voice. James looked around to see whom it was when suddenly a diseased-looking squirrel appeared on Japan_86?s shoulder. ?What in the name of Quentin Tarantino is that on your shoulder?? James freaked. ?It looks diseased.? ?Oh, it is,? Japan_86 assured James. She turned her head so she could see the squirrel for herself. ?This is my pet, jblessing.? ?His name is jblessing?? James mocked. ?What kind of messed up name is that?? ?It?s short for Justin Blessing, jackweed,? the squirrel countered. ?And I?m sorta present right now. You don?t have to talk about me being diseased, which I?m NOT.? Japan_86 ignored the little rodent and continued. ?So, you don?t know where you are or why you?re here?? ?No,? James answered. ?I just woke up here.? ?Woo, boy,? jblessing began. ?This is some story. Haha, like Rip Van Tinkle, or whatever his name was. Hey, Japan_86, what?s-his-nuts here is a complete nincompoop. You should marry him. You?re alike. Hahahaha!? The small squirrel ended up being shoved into a hole in the stump. ?Forgive me, he?s an idiot.? Japan_86 made her way back to James. ?You are in the Forest of Lore, better known as the Help Forum. And you, James Otaku,? she said as she pointed a finger at James. For some reason, jblessing?s arm was attached to her thumb. She screamed, as did James. ?Give me my arm back, you jackweeds,? the tree-dweller squeaked. Japan_86 gladly handed it back and the squirrel placed it into its socket. ?You really are a diseased squirrel,? James said sourly. ?And you?re a fucktard, jackweed,? insulted the little rodent. ?Hold you tongue, Justin!? Japan scolded. Taking what she says too literal, the squirrel removed his tongue from his mouth and held it. ?Ha ha,? he snickered tonguelessly. ?Nasty,? James gagged. ?We?re getting off topic,? Japan_86 stated, ?and our thread might be closed if we do, so shuddup everyone.? She shook James by the shoulders. ?James, you have come for advice through your dreams. I feel you seek information on the Postless Banner.? ?Yes,? James squealed. ?I do!? ?Well, I don?t have any,? Japan_86 said glumly, walking back to her stump throne. ?Wait, what?? James said confused. ?I was brought here all this way for nothing?!? ?You fuckin? fell asleep, jackweed. You did diddly-squat!? The squirrel shook an acorn at James for his ignorance. ?Justin,? Japan_86 yelled from atop the stump, ?shut your mouth before I shove your teeth so far down your throat you?ll have to sit on that acorn to eat it.? Jblessing kept quiet. ?James, I?m sorry, but I just don?t have any files or knowledge of this Postless Banner.? ?You?ve got nothing?? James whined. ?Well, I do know you?ll have a dream tonight that will help you.? ?Cool beans,? James grinned. ?Cool beans?? jblessing mocked. ?Who says ?cool beans? anymore? The hip say ?dat da cool shi?, wigga!? That?s what the hip say nowadays. Ba-bing, bitches!? ?Is it squirrel hunting season yet?? James asked, cocking a gun he mysteriously just found. ?Honey,? Japan_86 began, ?in my woods, it?s always squirrel season.? When James woke up, he was in the arms of a large male bear. It was still sleeping, so he carefully pushed the bear?s arms off him and rolled over. A thought immediately went to his mind when he adjusted his position. ?Why does my ass hurt?? ?James!? came a call from not too far away. James stood and saw Kane on his horse with Dragon Warrior on his and sure enough, James? horse trailed behind riderless. ?James, we?re over here!? ?I see you!? ?We?re over here!? ?I know!? ?Hey, lookie here! It?s us, James!? ?God damnit, I fucking know!? A baby began to cry in a mother?s arms that were oddly standing in these dangerous woods. The mother slapped James for his foul mouth and left just as Kane and Dragon Warrior arrived at his side. ?James, where did you go?? ?I?m-I?m not sure,? James said, rubbing his head. ?Do you guys know when I left?? ?Sure,? Kane said confidently. ?You went to get a pina colada, but I told you the nearest bar would be the burnt one we passed hours ago in the dead forum of Poopie Pineapples and Stuff. I think you hit your head or did some drugs or something.? ?Yeah,? James agreed. James reached into his pocket and pulled out a moldy squirrel. ?Say, let?s cook that,? Dragon Warrior said hungrily. ?No,? James said, tossing the diseased roadkill aside. ?Not even heat could kill all the diseases on that thing enough to make it edible. Let?s get to Otaku Hollow.? James walked over to his horse and attempted to mount it, but sitting down sent pains up his backside. ?God, my ass hurts too much to sit on this horse!? ?Oh no,? Kane mumbled. ?I?m not going there again.? Upon arriving back at Otaku Hollow, the gang found the streets very vacant. They were curious what happened. ?Most members hit the road,? an old man said, rocking in a rocking chair. ?Umm, why are you in a rocking chair in the middle of the street?? Kane questioned. ?Name?s Domon. I?m sure you guys have seen me around these here forums?? There was silence. Domon shifted uneasily in his chair. ?As I was a-sayin?, members left because of the Postless Banner. Only the more loyal or idiotic members stayed. Why am I here, you ask?? ?We didn?t ask yo-? ?I?m here because I believe you guys?ll get the Postless Banner. And if you don?t, I?ll eat your babies and kick your puppies.? The old man known as Domon broke into a sudden cackle. The three took this moment to run separate ways. James arrived at the Town Hall and opened the door to find the plump Charles eating cookies from a bag. ?Charles, what are you doing?? James screamed. ?Are those cookies of a member?? ?No,? Charles said with a mouthful of HTML code. ?Okay, it is. The Postless Banner struck again and took Adam. These cookies are all that is left of our friend.? He looked down at the bag. ?Just these delicious, mouth-watering, overwhelming and intriguing cookies.? The administrator couldn?t help but devour more. ?Charles!? James shouted. ?Get a grip.? The fat man tossed the bag aside. ?Of course, James. Sorry. I?m a nervous eater.? He peered at James for a moment, then his chubby face lit up with an idea. ?Say, you just came back from Shy?s place. Is he real?? ?Oh, he?s real alright. And he told me a riddle I can?t seem to crack.? ?Well, uhh?? Charles looked about and grabbed a stapler, ?I?d help with any mental or physical labor, but I must see how long my stapler can stay as a stapler and not turn into a pencil sharpener. Very important admin business, you know.? ?Right,? James said, rolling his eyes. He walked towards the door and turned back. ?We will find the Postless Banner soon enough.? That night, James had the dream Japan_86 told him he?d have. It was unusual, especially since James was donned in the garments of Cloud Strife. ?Cool,? he said childishly as he swung the massive sword around his head like the real character. ?Maybe I could go shag Tifa.? ?Cloud?? came a booming voice. James turned to see Sephiroth form from the mists surrounding the spot James stood. They were only about ten feet apart when Sephiroth stopped his descent. ?Oh, Sephiroth,? James squeaked, ?you?re mistaken. I?m not Cloud?? ?Fool, I know it?s you!? Sephiroth unsheathed his infamous sword and pointed it towards his foe. ?You now dieness.? ?Ah, swear word!? James swore. Sephiroth began to charge. James began peeing himself. And Domon laughed in his rocking chair? [/size]

Next up... the exciting conclusion... and those who think they know who the Postless Banner is will see if they're right.

[Annie]

[color=indigo][size=1]Holy sh*t! That was hilarious, by far the best of you Gav (next to How the James Stole Christmas). Poor Syk3, why do you always badger him..? Even though it's the best ^_^ (don't hurt me Greg, ya know I love you..>.>)

I can't even begin to review this, I don't know where to start or how to start. All I can say is that I absolutely love it and I'm so looking forward to the conclusion.[/color][/size]

[Katana]

XD Good work again, DW. My my, jblessing is a little bitchy now, huh?
Hilarious...yes...*can't think of much*. Oh ja! So the Postless Banner has enough power to knock out Adam, huh? Weird...*munches on Adam cookie* I'm guessing the PB (haha, PB XD) is either going to be a big joke or some mod...or something. Or maybe...*points* IT'S DW!!! I dunno, have no clue...
*wave wave* C'mon! One more chappie! Pump in the enthusiasm! ^^;;

[Kitty]

[COLOR=Blue][SIZE=1]"James began peeing himself". My goshums, Gavynn, you are teh genuisness. And that annoying, diseased squirrel. May I squish him? Please? He looks so squishable!!

Sephiroth, huh? Who knew? Besides you, of course... (-.-; )[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Gavin]

[size=1]That sore ass joke for Dr Kane was totally uncalled for Gavynn, well since I pilfered your leg over AIM I guess it may have been called for but it was still pretty low. In saying that I'm still eagerly awaiting the unmasking of the Postless Banner although I still hold my theory about his true identity. I can only hope we won't have to wait all that long for the mystery to be solved and for each character to receive a happy ending.[/size]

[Ezekiel]

[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]I read the chapter this morning but I was too tired (and lazy) at the time to reply right then.... I loved the chapter! Those gay jokes were brilliant, all gay jokes are. You are an absolute genius, and like everyone else, I eagerly await the grand finale and the revealing of the Postless Banner's identity. Keep it going and update soon *or else*[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[2010DigitalBoy]

To long I wait for the next chapter. Bring me more funieness! (I did spell that right, right?) I don't know. (well thats to bad) Anyway, this story is great. I felt the battle with the other forum was the best part. Where he counterd and it made a big 'splotion. BOOM! The gay jokes were OK. I imagine the squirrel (jblessing wasn't it?) sounds like Ignignot from Aqua Teen Hunger Force? And someone else reminded me of someone else... whatever, BRING me MORE!

[Sir Gawain]

I can't wait! You seem to have built up quite a fan base by now. Hmm. Keep up the good work!

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]I only had one problem with your story: "The conditions of this rainforest were terrible." Noun - verb agreement, silly! Besides, then you called it a forest. Pick one and go with it. ~_~;

Other than that, I loved it - it was very funny! Of course, Gavynn is always funny, but funnier than usual. ^_^; I'm contemplating asking for a cameo in chap. 5, but I'm afraid what will happen if you write me in. >_<;

I eagerly await the revealing of the Postless Banner![/color]

[Dragon Warrior]

[quote name='MistressRoxie][color=#9933ff']Noun - verb agreement, silly![/color][/quote]

I don't even know what the hell you mean by that XD

And Kid Anime, I'm not building a fan base. I've had plenty of productions in the past that I've gained readers with.

Anyways, here's the final and most anticipated moment in Otaku Hollow history. I guess you... Chapter 5!

[size=5][b]Chapter 5: It All Ends Now[/b][/size] [size=2] The sword came crashing down, James dodging to a side with the word ?miss? materializing out of thin air, and then disappearing just the same. ?What in the name of Uma Thurman?s dog is wrong with you?? James screamed in anger. ?I said I?m not Cloud!? ?Your foolish attempts both amuse and sadden me,? said Sephiroth. He then turned into a flaming clown and James awoke in cold sweat. ?That was a weird dream,? James stressed. When James entered the Shinmaru Shack later that morning he was greeted by the horrifying facial features of Syk3. ?Good dayses, Mr. Admin, sir. May I are get tableness for yous?? James screamed as loud as he could in his head and tried his best not to do so out in public, so he turned away. ?No, I?m meeting someone, thank you.? He rushed away quickly and seated himself at DW and Kane?s table. Kane?s face was a portrait of fright. ?Saw the waiter, huh?? ?Last night, he haunted my dreams,? Kane cried. James excused the uncomfortable topic, cleared his throat, and got down to business. ?I had a dream as well. I think it was the dream Japan_86 told me I?d have.? Dragon Warrior looked up from his sexy tea with a smirk. ?Oh, Japan_86, eh? You mean the forest enchantress with the road kill squirrel?? ?Its name was Justin and it was an asshole, asshole!? James pulled a cup of tea towards him that Kane bothered to order previous to James? arrival. He poured some sugar in and watched the beverage as he stirred. ?Besides, the dream seemed relevant.? ?How so?? Kane opened himself to conversation. ?Tell us this dream you had.? ?Well, I was dressed as Cloud Strife and-? ?Final Fantasy?? Dragon Warrior chuckled sexily. ?What right-minded person would affiliate themselves with that dribble?? ?Will you let me finish?? After a silence James continued. ?As I was saying, I was Cloud Strife?well, dressed as him anyway?and I saw Sephiroth there.? ?I know who the Postless Banner is,? Kane jumped. ?What?? James stepped back. ?How?? ?It?s obviously-? ?Shhh!? James hushed Kane. ?You?ll ruin the story. Besides, this chapter has hardly started, so it?s short enough as it is!? ?Sorry,? Kane apologized with a smirk. ?Tell me,? DW said, having Kane whisper the theory in his ear. ?Ooo, not a bad guess. I bet it will be?? Dragon Warrior whispered his guess back to Kane. ?We should make this a bet like the narrator said,? Kane suggested. ?Okay. Fifty post counts,? bet DW. ?One-hundred.? ?Done.? ?Will you guys get serious?? James scolded. ?You?re betting on a murderer? C?mon!? ?What, you want in?? ?Hell, yeah. What is it, one-hundred post counts?? The three of them returned to Kane?s house after bets were placed only to find Solo there with Vicky? and puppies. ?I named that one Annie and that one Methuselah,? Vicky said with glee as she showed them the pups. ?The cats had kittens and the kittens had pups, and they all ran around with their tails stuck up!? Everyone turned to see none other than Boba Fett. ?That?s right. I?m back because I want to be in the last chapter. Star Wars is the shit!? ?But you?ll be in the chapter later,? James informed. Boba looked puzzled. ?Oh. Okay.? He then left. ?So far this chapter sucks,? Dragon Warrior complained. ?Yes, we need to get going with this plot,? Kane backed up. James purred. ?Then we?ll have to form a plan to catch the Postless Banner. Maybe if we do something crafty, we can figure out who he is.? Dragon Warrior got excited. ?Then if we know who he is, we can catch him!? ?Umm,? Kane turned towards DW, ?if we catch him and then figure out who it is, why bother catching him again if we already have him?? ?Because we need to catch him to lock him up, duh!? Dragon Warrior, though sexy, was stupid as well at times. Everyone else ignored him and started to plan. James sat in his armchair with his tea while Solo and Vicky plotted next to him. DW played with the pups and Kane wandered the room. ?I could give him some Batwing Bladder-Bustles,? Kane smiled deviously. ?NO!? James screamed. ?No one deserves that; not even the Postless Banner.? Kane nodded and sat down the deadly potion. ?Besides, last time I had it, I pooped so much I think I dropped an organ or two.? ?Ewww?? everyone squirmed. Vicky then slapped James. ?I have pups in the room, you sick man!? ?Sorry,? James whimpered. Everyone was puzzled. It wasn?t until Dragon Warrior chuckled that the long, uncomfortable silence was broken. ?What are you snickering about?? ?Well,? DW said, wiping a tear from his magically structured eye, ?you in that Cloud Strife costume. Me laugh, yep, yep. Funny.? ?Fuck you!? James yelled. ?Wait,? Kane jumped up suddenly, ?he may have a point.? ?Whatness?? everyone shouted in unison. ?Did I just say ?whatness??? James asked shamefully. ?Shut your trap, James. I?m talking.? James did just that. It was a bear trap made from heavy metal? I believe in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Found in most hunting stores, I?d say. It has a pretty fast reaction rate where the animal simply nudges the launcher and it shuts. Very dangerous to have open, so it?s no wonder Kane had James close it. ?Anyways,? Kane continued, ?my plan is that we dress James as Cloud Strife tonight when the Postless Banner should arrive in town. Perhaps it?ll lure him.? ?That?s stupid,? James laughed. ?There?s no way that?ll work. Besides, I am the administrator of Otaku Hollow. There isn?t a single Kill Bill action figure out there that will get me to dress as Cloud Strife.? James walked out into the middle of the street in front of the church that night, donned in Cloud Strife?s attire. ?I hate you, Kane,? he mumbled under his breath; smoke drifting from his hot words after hitting the air. Kane, DW, and Solo all signaled from their hiding spot within the church. James waved back. ?I wonder when the Postless Banner will appear,? Kane said eagerly. ?I can?t wait to see me win the bet.? DW mocked, ?You?ll see yourself win the bet, but I?ll be? er? shut up!? ?You suck at insults!? Kane laughed. ?You?re a big doody-face!? DW barked. ?Bite me!? Kane scolded. ?Which acre?? ?Ooo, you got balls now.? ?The better to eat my breakfast cereal with your face!? ?That makes no sense.? ?Or does it?? ?Whatever, dude.? Just as they finished their insane argument, the Postless Banner appeared with another bag of cookies. The bag was marked with the name of the poor member Dark Serena. ?He struck again,? Kane whispered. ?And your plan worked,? DW said in a surprised tone. ?But now you?ll see me win.? ?Whatever.? ?I are Postless Banner,? it said with the most hideous of dialects. ?FUK U, ADMIN!? James was repulsed by this display of child-like nature. ?Yes, it is I. James the administrator.? ?LOL, me know youz.? The Postless Banner jeered to the left as if trying to get a better view of James, but the admin soon realized he was just slightly retarded. ?Me stop talkin? bad nowses. I will now talk with a high intellect.? ?Finally,? James grinned. He lifted his ModRod. ?Show your face, Postless Banner.? ?LOL, no.? ?I thought you were going to talk with a higher intellect.? ?I?m the frickin? Postless Banner, not Steven Hawking.? ?But still, it doesn?t take a lot of genius to-? ?Silence!? The Postless Banner stood his ground and smiled behind the emoticon mask. ?You know my appearance, don?t you?? ?Sephiroth,? James stated. ?Very good. LOL.? He then removed the mask and cloak to reveal a Sephiroth avatar. ?How appropriate that you are dressed in Cloud Strife clothes. I shall killerz you now.? James didn?t pay attention to the meaningless threats tossed his way by the Postless Banner. His mind was too busy racing about all the clues thrown together. So it as true that this Postless Banner?s final form is Sephiroth. But who dresses as that character? Maybe a member named Sephiroth. But there are so many of those. Which one to choose?? ?Erm? SephirothX?? James questioned the murderer. ?No!? the Postless Banner remarked. He sounded hurt. ?Don?t insult me. I have to kill you and stuff.? James was sick of the games. He?d figure out who the Postless Banner is later, but for now, he had to stop him. He aimed his ModRod at the villain and fired, only to be deflected by a rod of the same stature. James was amazed. ?A Version 2 ModRod could never deflect my Version 7?s power blast.? ?Precisely. So I used Adam?s Version 7 to block it. LOL.? James stepped back. He didn?t know the Postless Banner had kept the ModRod of his victims. This could mean trouble if he wielded it as skillfully as James did. James would have to use his smarts. ?Hey!? James shouted. ?Look over there! It?s me not shooting you!? ?What?? The Postless Banner jerked his head to look. James shot a bolt, but the murderer blocked just in time. ?I?m so stupid. LOL. That?s the oldest trick in the book.? His expression went from pleased to upset. ?ME NO LIKE TRICKERY.? A bolt war between James and the Postless Banner erupted. Kane, DW, and Solo Tremaine watched with temptation to help their friend, but fear kept them at bay. ?Fuck, I?m not armed with a ModRod,? DW swore. ?I?m not going out there.? ?I hear you on that, brotha,? Kane said in ghetto slang. After smacking knuckles, they continued to observe the heat of the fight. And, boy, was it intense! ?Put out that fire,? James scolded Kid Anime. ?It?s making the heat of this battle intense.? Kid Anime obeyed. ?Sorry.? After the member ran for their life, James was finally overtaken by the Postless Banner and his ModRod was now in the dark murderer?s possession. ?Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle,? chuckled the chuckling murderer. ?I have your ModRod now.? He played with it before sheathing it in his cloaks. ?Now j00 die!? He lifted his ModRod that he pawned off Adam and aimed it directly at the beaten Administrator. HTML code trickled from the leader?s panting mouth. Was it the end? No, it wasn?t. The bolt fired from the rod and shot through the air only to be intercepted by Solo Tremaine, who sacrificed himself for James. Our poor wolf friend was immediately banned and a bag of cookie plopped to the floor. James screamed and the Postless Banner chuckled deviously. ?LOL, a lot of good that did him,? he grinned. ?You?ll still be banned forever.? He turned back to James and prepared another fire. He was interrupted! Kane and Dragon Warrior jumped him, knocking the rod from his hand and sending it towards James? dying form. James took up the rod and shouted, ?Get out of the way, DW, Kane!? The two obeyed and left the confused being of the Postless Banner. Suddenly, James shot another bolt so fast that no one could stop it! Aside from the Postless Banner who had James? rod still. I know, I?m a jerk. ?You fool, James. You all will never defeat me. I?m the best! And James, you stupid fool? you can?t even guess who I am.? ?Hey, shut up,? James barked. ?No!? ?Yes!? ?Make me!? ?I don?t make monkeys, I train them.? ?Grrr?? Fed up, the Postless Banner stomped his foot and finally revealed himself. ?Put all the clues together, you ass. I?m kuja! KUJA!? ?I win,? Kane mused. ?Damnit,? DW whined. ?It was rigged.? Kuja continued. ?Hello, I?m Sephiroth, I had a Version 2 ModRod, you banned me from my position back then. You ass.? ?Yes,? James realized. ?It makes sense. The riddle Shy said. It makes sense. A leader that died, will return, with a weapon you gave him, so you shall burn. Kuja." Kuja clapped his hands together and smiled. ?Bravo, you fucktard.? He then lifted the ModRod up again. ?Now, please let me just get this over with.? The Postless Banner laughed evilly just as Syk3 stepped in. ?Is Dr. Kane here? He still has to pay his check.? The Postless Banner moved his eyes to the hideous features of Syk3. ?What in God?s Green Goodness is that?? He then had a cardiac arrest and died. ?Hey,? Kane said happily. ?Syk3?s ugliness is good for something.? He ran over to the hideous waiter and hugged him. ?You saved us!? He then kissed him on the cheek. Kane is now dead. NOT. Kane just got cancer. In fact, the ending is really happy. Most of the members (the ones that didn?t die, anyway) led blissful lives. James continued to be the administrator. In fact, he?s the only one after he kept slipping Batwing Bladder-Bussles in Charles? coffee everyday. Charles could?ve sworn it was the environment that made him have to poop a lot. Dr. Kane was made an official moderator in Otaku Hollow, his science and smarts further helping and increasing the intelligence that OtakuBoards so badly needed. Dragon Warrior left Otaku Hollow to rebuild Poopie Pineapples and Stuff to call it his own. The forum became ?NUDES ?R? US,? which attracted a lot of guy members, most who were very disappointed after they joined and realized what they got themselves into. He rules happily and often visits Otaku Hollow for advice from James on how to run his slaves. James tells him they?re members, not slaves, but DW doesn?t really understand that concept just yet. Solo died honorably, so Vicky had to raise the children on her own. James, Kane, and DW still plan on finding something out there in the world wide web to bring Solo and the other banned members back. But that?s another time. Besides, who said DW would do any more work? Alan returned and became the official n00b hunter of the boards, slaying any disrespectful member (and some regulars) as he pleases. James doesn?t really monitor his actions? maybe he should? Boba Fett became Star Wars spokesman. He was later murdered for being insanely annoying. Shy came to live in Otaku Hollow. He became the town elder and wise man and gave advice to any who seek it. What a nice guy?and what an arm! SMACK! Yeah, pretty much everyone is livin? good now. In fact, it was one day in the Shinmaru Shack that a big surprise happened? James sipped his tea and smiled happily as he conversed with Kane and DW, who was there visiting for the day. ?Yes, that was a good day at Teh Silly Circus. We should visit again.? ?Hello, gentlemen.? Everyone turned to a fashionably handsome man who appeared at their tableside. ?May I take your order?? ?Where?s our normal waiter, Syk3?? Kane asked in surprise, though pleased he doesn?t have to stare at the ugly facial features. ?Why, I am Syk3.? ?What?!? Everyone was amazed. ?Yeah, I got plastic surgery after I killed a man by just looking at him. I guess you can really say looks can kill.? Everyone laughed and all was good. Or was it? The following members were either in this story or mentioned. I thank them all for allowing their name in it. (Or not realizing that it was in it.) James Kane Dragon Warrior Solo Tremaine Leh Ben Charles Adam Lore Shy Boba Fett Shinmaru Syk3 hEvN Dagger IX1 Final_Flash Zidargh Alan Vicky Desbreko Japan_86 jblessing Domon Annie Methuselah Dark Serena kuja Kid Anime [/size]

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed. If you didn't notice, I left an opening for a sequel. If you really didn't notice, you're stupid ;^D

Or are you?

Do comment ;)

EDIT: When I say 'sequel opening,' I mean the part about finding a way to bring back Solo and all those guys.

[Katana]

Noo...It's over...*cries silently*
It was an interesting ending, and I would've never seen the Postless Banner's true identity. (Maybe it's 'cause I wasn't here way back when in Version 2. XD)
Nice story...and although I'm not complaining at all, I'm still curious as to who the person in your title image was. You know, the War of Genesis person.
Any list on who exactly got banned? I would've been hanging from a lightpost watching this whole thing play out or something. Proves how much of a moron I am...T_T;;

[2010DigitalBoy]

Wah! You ended it early. I realise that Ive never heard of the greater majority of those people, (I know like 3 total), but I still found it very amusing. Maybe you could use some of the newer members in the next one? Like me? I have 100 posts as of now so its not like im a n00b. I don't care if Im killed.

[Japan]

[COLOR=Navy]Woo! I had a loud mouth squirrel for a minion. How sweet is that. Thanks for putting me in. It was hilarious. Jblessing feels like my underdog now lol. It was cool for being who I was. Will I be in the sequal? >_>

Very good, Master Gav![/COLOR]

[Boba Fett]

[QUOTE]Boba Fett became Star Wars spokesman. He was later murdered for being insanely annoying.[/QUOTE]

[color=green]Oi!

In any event, this is definately one of your most entertaining stories yet, and something that I've enjoyed reading every step of the way. This is a very funny, mildly intelligent tale that's kept me laughing the whole way through and eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Well done, I'm looking forward to your next work.

-Boba[/color]

[Erika]

[size=1][color=royalblue]Wait, I've been banned? Then what am I doing here? Damn paradoxes, lol. X3

Wow, this's pretty ludicrous, lol. I love the deal on Syk3. XD Aweshome. Very aweshome. ^__^ Your randomness glows with a godly light. X3[/color][/size]