Writing Zanikoku Na Tenshi No MEGAS [PG]

[EVA Unit 100]

Here's a MEGAS XLR fanscript I've been working on. It's an Evangelion parody. Hope you enjoy it.

Dengo: Jinshi Spencer, you know what your mission is?
Jinshi: Yes, father.
Dengo: Using the Evprostestiont Unit 001, you shall destroy the Prophets that are attacking Tokyo-Cubed by penetrating the BO-Field and preventing a possible 3rd Destruction.
Jinshi: What will become of the people of Osaka-Cubed?
Dengo: Just let ?em die.
Jinshi: What are the Prophets?
Dengo: That is top-secret business.
Mitaso: Jinshi! You are a member of WETT! You deserve to know what they are! The Prophets are...
Dengo: OK, you can tell the kid, but I need to go to my room to form a new top-secret convolution. (Walks away muttering)
Mitaso: (Flashes slides on the giant computer screen) The Prophets are a series of mechs that have come from an unknown source. If they colide with the remains of their creator, they shall lead to Earth?s destruction. These Prophets include such beasts as REGIS, The Megazorp, T-Bot, and the most dangerous of all: the MEGAS. (Pause)
Jinshi: What is it with the people who designed this plugsuit?
(Theme song plays. Afterwards, cut to Coop, Jamie, and Kiva walking in the middle of Tokyo-Cubed.)
Coop: Wow! Tokyo-Cubed is sweet! Gibly Studios, Nentindo HQ, that place that makes Pocky, what can?t you find in this place?
Jamie: Some cute-- (Turns to see Sakua and Eri) Wowza! (Runs over to Sakua and Eri) So what do you girls think of giant robots?
Sakua: Hello! We professionally pilot them, stupid!
Jamie: Wow, you get paid to smash things?
Sakua: Well, whenever our boss doesn?t feel too evil.
Jamie: You know, I love smashing things.
Eri: What is this emotion of love you speak of? (Jamie sulks)
Sakua: The name?s Sakua. Sakua Grant. That?s Eri. Don?t mind her. She?s a bit weird. I, on the other hand, am the greatest child in all of Germany.
Jamie: Cool. So where do you work?
Sakua: Over at WETT Headquarters.
Jamie: I?ll try to make it there. (Camera zooms back out to Coop)
Coop: Don?t you think Tokyo-Cubed is awesome?
Kiva: It?s OK. A bit low-tech, but?
Coop: Low-tech? They have cell-phones that can open garage doors!
Kiva: By primitive standards, it?s excellent, but it?s nowhere near as good as the Tokyo I knew.
Coop: What Tokyo did you know?
Kiva: Tokyo-To-The-Three-Googolthed-Power.
Goat: Woah!
Kiva: Hey! How did you get here?
Goat: Stowaway.
Coop: How?d you pull that off? (Cut to cargo plane with Goat inside)
Goat: (Bag falls on head) Ow. (Bag falls on head) Ow. (Bag falls on head) Hey, this bag has pizza! (Bag falls on head) Ow. (Cut back to Tokyo-Cubed)
Kiva: Goat, in case you didn?t know, the Glorft war all began when general Gorrath became the most qualified rocket pilot out of a class of one. All the other pilots in existence were stowaways. Just goes to show that crime doesn?t pay, unless you?re in the mafia, or something.
Coop: And that pizza was MINE! (Beats up Goat)
Kiva: Oy vey! I?m surrounded by animals! You do pronounce it ?oy vey?, right?
Coop: (Stops beating up Goat) It?s OK. I?m cool. I?ll drop you off at the airport and buy you a ticket to freedom.
Goat: Where?s your rental?
Coop: Aw, crap. Where?s the MEGAS when you most need it?
Jinshi: (Walks up in the Evprostestiont) MEGAS? You mean The Prophet? (Cut to Jamie at doors of WETT Headquarters)
Jamie: So, can I apply for a job here?
Security Guard: No! Only authorized personnel can enter WETT! (Electrically shocks Jamie)
Jamie: Is there any way I can become authorized personnel?
Security Guard: Tell me about your college education!
Jamie: I majored in video gaming for one year. Then I dropped out after a brawl with the Dean about the quality difference between Nentindo and SonE. (Gets electrically shocked by the Security Guard again)
Security Guard: In order for you to be a member of WETT, you must retake college!
Jamie: Like you even went to college.
Security Guard: HEY! I IS GOOD AT JOBING! (Electrically shocks Jamie yet again. Cut to Coop, Jamie, Goat, and Jinshi in the middle of Tokyo-Cubed)
Coop: Prophet? What prophet? Are you talking about that gypsy who predicted that I would give her a dollar so she would tell me my fortune? (Sobs) I was going to spend that dollar on a soda!
Jinshi: The Prophet! I was told to defeat The Prophet by my evil father! I?m a nerd and thus can?t fight back against him, so I?ll just put forth his every will and whine a lot! Why am I piloting this dang machine? It was only made to kill!
Coop: Hello! You are piloting a giant robot! This is every kids? dream! That and to eat the world?s largest sub. How come you are denying your own childhood?
Jinshi: I?m not a child! I?m an angsty teen! AN ANGSTY TEEN!
Coop: Angsty teen my butt! Kiva, activate teleporting technology!
Kiva: Roger. (Opens up the teleporting remote control and presses some buttons. MEGAS pops up in the middle of Tokyo-Cubed.)
Coop: Let?s get busy! (Enters the MEGAS and beats up the Evprotestiont)
Jinshi: You might have won this time, but I am not alone in my battle! Let me introduce my fellow pilots Eri and Sakua. (Eri and Sakua?s Evprotestionts walk up next Jinshi?s Evprotestions) Together we will defeat you Prophet and prevent the 3rd Destruction from occurring and wiping out humanity!
Coop: Dude! I?d never wipe out humanity? Except in video games, and RPGs, and I might have smashed a congressman or two, but destroying the entire human race just ain?t cool!
Jinshi: Then get out of The Prophet!
Coop: Never! (Resumes beating up all 3 Evprotestionts. Cut to Jamie at college.)
Jamie: This stinks! I have to major in both quanto-tech-mech-nuclear-future-cloning- apocalypse-pessimist-fictional-engineering: hard edition AND psychobabble just to get into WETT?
Girl Student: You think you got it tough? Girls who want a job there have to do all that plus minor in fanservice!
Jamie: I know where I?m going during the study break! (Drools. Cut to the MEGAS fighting Jinshi?s Evprotestiont. The Evprotestiont pulls off MEGAS?s arm. The arm explodes. Cut to the next day in battle. The MEGAS is holding out two lightsabers, Jinshi?s Evprotestiont tries grabing the two lightsabers and its arms burn off. Cut to the next day in battle. Jinshi?s and Eri?s Evprotestionts charge toward the MEGAS with oversized guns. The MEGAS transforms into a drill and drills though them. Cut to the next day of battle. The MEGAS flips it?s head upside down and on the other side there is a giant tongue with a bomb at the tip. Sakua?s Evprotestiont stabs the bomb with its Deprogressive Knife, and the bomb explodes. Cut to the next day of battle. Jinshi?s and Sakua?s Evprotestionts are dancing symmetrically toward MEGAS when The Jammer is activated and the Evprotestionts fall down. Cut to the next day of battle. All 3 Evprotestionts are diving down a volcano and are about to grab an egg. The egg suddenly bursts open and out comes the MEGAS which squeezes the Evprotestionts extremely hard. Cut to the next day of battle. Sitruko and Mitaso are breaking into MEGAS?s power cell. They both get electrically shocked. Cut the next day of battle. Coop and Kiva are flying the MEGAS through space. A Deprogressive Knive flies through space about to hit the MEGAS, but hits the bandaged PoPTV satellite instead. Cut to the next day of battle. MEGAS takes out the extension cord of Jinshi?s Evprotestiont out of the outlet and replugs it onto itself. Jinshi?s Evprotestiont starts hitting itself. Cut to the next day of battle.)
Coop: You know, angsty teen, this thing is starting to get kind of pointless. Everyone knows that my robot?s going to kick your robot?s butt. Why should you even try to beat something that?s going to kill you? Unless that thing is Story of Zeilda II. I still can?t beat that dang game!
Jinshi: My name isn?t angsty teen! It?s Jinshi!
Coop: But you told me you were an angsty teen.
Jinshi: That is only part of the real me! The real me is Jinshi! JINSHI!
Evprotestiont 001: But what is Jinshi? Who is Jinshi?
Coop: Did I just hear that robot talk?
Jinshi: It?s not a robot!
Coop: Wow, I never knew you had such a wide vocal range.
Jinshi: But I didn?t say that!
Coop: You didn?t say ?that?, you said ?But what is Jinshi? Who is Jinshi?? I heard you perfectly.
Jinshi: I wasn?t the one talking!
Coop: So it wasn?t you.
Jinshi: Uh-huh.
Coop: And it wasn?t the robot.
Jinshi: Uh-uh.
Coop: It wasn?t me.
Jinshi: Probably not.
Coop: Dude! I am me! I can hear everything I say, and I know I wasn?t the one saying the freaky stuff! (Muttering) Lousy son of a- (Normally) Now, what was I saying?
Jinshi: I can?t wait with idiots! And I can?t wait with geniuses! And not with 2nd-class businessmen! I can?t even wait with myself! WHAT WAS I MEANT TO DO? I HATE LIFE!
Coop: Oh, I got it! The words were spoken by a Speak-n-Spell inside the robot!
Jinshi: I am not piloting a robot!
Coop: Then what is that freakishly huge thing that you?re fighting me with?
Jinshi: My mother?s soul!
Coop: Did you just go the mushroom farm or something, because you are whacked!
Jinshi: No I?m not!
Coop: But you will be! (The MEGAS whacks Evprostiont Unit 001 on head with a tree. The Evprotestiont leaps onto the MEGAS and is about to bite off the MEGAS?s head.) Now would any good mother want to do that?
Jinshi: It?s only protecting me!
Coop: Protecting you from what? A fat guy who plays too much video games and watches too much TV? The worst thing I?ve ever done was read the script to The Matrix Recycled to a 7th Grade class. And that movie shouldn?t have been rated R, it should have been rated PG-13! It?s not like kids can actually see butt cracks when I?m reading a script! And it was Jamie who forced me to smash Ben Franklin?s house!
Jinshi: I?m saving the world from The Prophet! The Prophet will destroy all humanity! MEGAS is The Prophet and must be destroyed!
Coop: Mechs aren?t evil! It?s only the people who use them that are evil, and I ain?t evil! The only machine in the hands of a good person is? Well, you aren?t exactly who I would call a good person, but you get the picture!
Jinshi: What can be bad about the Evprotestionts? (Coop points to Eri?s Evprotestiont which is trying to eat off it?s own arms)
Eri: I am just a vessel! Let me become one with the real me! (Camera zooms to Sakua?s Evprotestiont which is reading its instruction manual.)
Sakua: AAAAAAAH! MENTAL ATTACK! (Cut to college)
Professor: OK, students of quanto-tech-mech-nuclear-future-cloning-apocalypse-pessimist-fictional-engineering: hard edition! Today, with everyone?s thesis due tomorrow, our class will be taking a trip to WETT Headquarters today.
Jamie: (Jumps on desk) YAHOO! IN YOUR FACE, SECURITY GUARD! (Everyone stares at him) What? (Cut to the class at WETT)
Sitruko: Welcome to WETT HQ. Founded by Dengo Spencer in 2000 after the 2nd Destruction, AKA The Y2K Bug, WETT is dedicated to using its Evprotestiont technology and several mentally abused teenagers to prevent the apocalypse from occurring due to the fearsome Prophet mechs.
Jamie: (whispering) The Y2K Bug, hmm? (Calls Kiva on cell-phone) Kiva, I have a question to ask you.
Kiva: (on the other end of the line) Ask away.
Jamie: Do you know anything about The Y2K Bug? I figured you?d know something I wouldn?t, with you being a future space soldier chick and all.
Kiva: Of course I know everything there is to know about it, it was part of the ancient history unit in the 1st Grade.
Jamie: Tell me what you learned.
Kiva: Well, in the 2000?
Jamie: I know.
Kiva: Scientists were afraid of the inevitable computer function to return to the year 0, thus forcing all electronic devices to render themselves unusable by the human population, causing history to repeat itself.
Jamie: Hello! I was alive at the time! Please give me something I wouldn?t have learned from The Jersey Gazette, which is pretty much everything about anything. Thank heavens I switched to the Times.
Kiva: What the general public was unaware of was that the United Nations received this information not from scientists, but from the threats of the then unrecognized Glorft military.
Jamie: Thanks for the information. Now I gotta go do some important business. Goodbye, Kiv.
Kiva: So long, Jay.
Jamie: (Turns of cell-phone) Wow, she actually got it right this time. (Runs off from the group)
Sitruko: Hey, you can?t leave the group. (Pulls out blaster)
Professor: Hey, you can?t use guns on a school trip!
Sitruko: This ain?t a gun, it?s a blaster.
Professor: OK.
Jamie: (Quickly dodges Sitruko?s blasts and runs to the information databank computer) Wow, the heart of WETT! This will reveal everything! (Types in something) Eureka. (Calls Coop on cell-phone) Coop, I have some important information concerning the Evprotestionts. Oh, and also something about Eri. (Cut to the beach where Jinshi is sitting)
Jinshi: My father kicked me out, then he forced me back into a top-secret opperation, and then a fat guy is trying to lecture me he?s wrong? I HATE LIFE!
Jamie: I?m going to inevitably get an A+ with flying colors, I?ll have to pilot something that is going to kill me to make a living, and they?re serving liver for dinner. I HATE LIVER!
Jinshi: (turns head to Jamie) Did you say life?
Jamie: (turns head to Jinshi) Did you say liver?
Jinshi: Wow, for the first time in my life, I?ve found someone who may or may not give jack about me!
Jamie: Good for you.
Jinshi: Suddenly I don?t feel so sad. I feel happy!
Jamie: Cool, I guess we can be friends.
Jinshi: Do you love me? Do you really love me?
Jamie: What are you talking about?
Jinshi: I guess what you?re trying to say is that you love me? (Hugs Jamie)
Jamie: WHAT THE FIRE TRUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT!?! I?M NOT INTO THAT SORT OF THING! (Hits Jinshi on the head)
Jinshi: Come on! I?m a mecha pilot trying to defeat MEGAS.
Jamie: Dude, I am the personal trainer and advisor to the owner of MEGAS!
Jinshi: HOW CAN THIS BE? (Jumps into Evprotestiont Unit 001 and grabs Jamie with it) I don?t want to have to kill you, but I must!
Jamie: Of course, you can kill me. I don?t deserve to live.
Jinshi: OK. (Starts squeezing Jamie with the Evprotestiont Unit 001)
Jamie: I was being sarcastic! I didn?t mean that! AIIIIIIIGH! (An engine sound starts in the background. Cut to a spilt-screen view of the MEGAS. The camera zooms out in full-screen to show MEGAS is right next to the Evprotestiont Unit 001) You came!
Coop: Anything for a good friend! (Uses the MEGAS to hit Evprotestiont Unit 100 on the head. The robot shell of the Evprotestiont shatters to reveal Gorrath Clone) Still a momma?s boy, Jinshi Spencer?
Gorrath Clone: It is true! I, clone of Gorrath, clone of the original maker of the 1st Prophet, have burst from my controlled shell and will now kill you all! (Gets kicked by MEGAS and falls unconscious)
Jamie: (Walks out from Gorrath Clone?s corpse) Horray! I?m free! (Evprotestionts Units 000 and 002 come up to attack MEGAS) Hide me! (The Evprotestionts fight MEGAS and block all attacks)
Coop: There is only one way to defeat these guys. The ?Ax!
Jamie: Don?t do it! You might kill someone by accident!
Coop: I?m doin? it! (Presses ?Are You Sure This is a Good Idea?? button. The MEGAS whacks the Evprotestionts with a guitar. Otakus pop out around the guitar and run around in circles surround the Evprotestionts and Gorrath Clone corpse speaking Japanese-sounding jibberish until the Evprotestionts and Gorrath clone corpse fall down through the ground to the city of Atlantis. Cut back to the ground. Jamie gets into the MEGAS. The MEGAS runs quickly away from the flood caused by the Evprotestionts? and the Gorrath Clone?s splash. It grabs Kiva in the middle of the city. Cut to Goat by the airport talking to Eri)
Goat: So you, like, smash things for a living? (Is pulled away from Eri by the MEGAS) Call me!
Kiva: (Teleports the MEGAS back to the house. She, Coop, Jamie, and Goat get on board the airplane) That went well. We destroyed the half the city, but we saved the Earth from total destruction. And with the instant reprogramming software I installed everywhere in the city, everything there should be back to normal in 5 seconds.
Professor: (Walks down the airplane isle) Hey! You need to tell me your thesis!
Jamie: In case you didn?t know, I dropped out.
Professor: You can?t drop out now! You were at the most prestigious tech school in all of Asia! Just tell me what you learned!
Jamie: I dunno. 14-year-old robot pilots cry too much?
Professor: Dang, you got an F! Please drop out now!
Jamie: With pleasure.
Goat: I never got to say goodbye to Eri!
Jamie: I never told you this, but she wasn?t even a real living being!
Goat: Hurray! Now I don?t have to dump Purple Ultra Chick!
Coop: All I care about is that the world is safe and we can watch wrestling on this in-flight TV. (Turns on TV, where Gorrath is on screen)
Gorrath: Attention all Earthenoids! You may have defeated EVPs Units 000 to 002, but WETT created multiple clones of me to assist my evil doing. (Multiple Evprotestionts fly towards the airplane)
Kiva: This is going to get very violent.
Goat: Too violent.
Jamie: Hide me!
Gorrath: However, you can avoid this terrible fate for a price.
Coop: Please, I can stand anything. Even a Philly Cheese-Steak if I?m starving! And I?m starving! I?ve gotten no ramen in days!
Gorrath: Then prepare yourselves for the ultimate torture! (The in-flight TV switches to Jinshi in a dark room)
Jinshi: I HATE LIFE! I HATE LIFE! I HATE LIFE!
(The credits role with Jinshi continually saying ?I HATE LIFE? on the sidebar)