Depression: Has anyone had it?

[Epitome]

[size=1][color=orange]Well, I just found out not 2 days ago that I have, by medical standards, the illness depression. The symptoms really started about a month ago, when my mom caught me on Counter-Strike when I wasnt supposed to be on it because I had used my time already. And I flipped on her, I felt so bad about it.

I tried to talk to her about it later that day and she yelled, and I yelled back. We have had the worst relationship over the past month and now we are trying to work as a team to get through this.

Another thing that really flipped the switch is that my father is currently living in Michigan. We are re-locating there after I finish my sophomore year and my brother his senior year. We didnt want to pull him out of school in his senior year because we wanted him to be with his friends... But back to the point. Whenever I used to get in trouble I would always go to him, because he could talk to me in a calm, sane voice, but my mom, always wants to yell. And I cant blame her, I am a real pain in the *** sometimes.

But one morning, we had a huge argument about my grades. The reason had been there had only been 1 homework assignment in the class thus far, and I hadnt turned it in. And homework in that class is 20% of our grade. So she started to yell, as did I.

Then in the health that day, we are currently in our mental health unit, we learned about depression. Out of a total 11 symptoms, I had had 9 of them for the past month. I came home that day, and told my mom how i felt. She took me to my doctor, and the doctor said that I was indeed depressed.

They wanted to put me on Zoloft but my mom wouldnt allow it, only because of the fact that it is said that anti-depressants boost your energy before your mood, and also increase thought of suicide. And when you have a bad mood, and now have energy, you are more prone to act on the thoughts of killing yourself. But, now I am supposed to see a psychiatrist(sp?) 2 times a week for the first month and thats all I know so far.

So has anyone else had the same experience?[/size][/color]

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]Yes. I have had experiences with depression and suicidal.. thoughts. I was much younger than you, 11-12 at the time. It gave me my lack of appreciation for psychiatrists and anti-depressants that I have today- but that lecture is for another topic. I would tell you the whole story but it is quite melodramatic to retell- rest assured that I dislike suicides, I dislike psychiatrists and I dislike anti-depressants or any medication made to affect your emotional state.

I have the fondest hope that you get through this "alright". Appreciate the relationship you have with your biological family. Some people I have met do not have the same opportunity as you to exist in such unison with their biological relatives- cherish them, because you have a treasure that some people would die to have. You might take them for granted, but they are something irreplaceable. Good luck.[/color]

[Kawaii Naru]

Like you, I have clinical depression. I was diagnosed at the beginning of September, 2004, and I have been taking medication and seeing a psychologist ever since.

I used to be suicidal too, but that went away once I started to get help.

It all started back when I was 13 and I was overwhelmed with immense pain when my first boyfriend dumped me. I guess that was when the Depression was triggered inside of me, because I was miserable ever since. Except then, I didn't know it was Depression.

This past summer things started to get worse. I was depressed almost every day and thinking suicidal thoughts, but I never told anyone because I did not want anyone to worry about me. Finally, my close friend Danielle found out. Next, I told my best friend. She encouraged me to tell my parents, but I refused. I was afraid of their reaction.

But then, things got out of hand. One day at school, I was so upset that I was ready to kill myself right then and there. All I could think about doing was talking to my mother. I wanted to talk to her so bad. I needed help, so I went to the guidance counselor and spilled everything. She immediately called my parents up and told them what was wrong, and since then, I've been traveling on a better road.

Right now I am doing much better than I was three months ago. That doesn't mean I still don't get depressed at times. But, I have stopped having suicidal thoughts. Life is too precious to waste, and killing myself isn't an option.

Just remember if you ever need to talk about things, you can always come to me, because I know what you are going through.

[Nomad]

[SIZE=1][B]Well, I'm not really depressed all the time or anything, but it looks like I might be bipolar or a manic depressive which ever you want to call it. The majority of the time I'm happy and in a good mood, but I often wake up in a horrible mood. I'll hate everyone, including myself, those days, and I'll just feel real depressed feelings. Although being depressed sometimes is much different then being depressed all the time, I know what it feels like.

When I have a "bad" day, I don't get a little down, I get down like I've got no where else to go. I need to see a doctor, and the longer I wait, the worse it's going to get. Nobody really knows I feel like this except for my parents, and I don't like them knowing because they think they know exactly what's going on, what they can do to help, etc. etc., but they can't. Needless to say, I don't find this very fun at all, especially seeing as how if affects my relationship with my friends, and school work.

I just have an idea of what it is like to be depressed, but seeing as how I don't continualy feel that way, I can't really relate all that much I guess, heh.[/B][/SIZE]

[Muad'Dib]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=DarkSlateBlue](Please pardon me if I say anything that's already been said.)
Alright... Last year, in eighth grade, I got real bad deppression. My dad had died the previous year, and I wasn't motivated at school [u]at all[/u]. For a long time everybody assumed it was because of my dad's death, but I never felt that way. It may well have been, but I didn't think so at the time. I acted like a complete jackass for the entire year. They had me on zoloft for a while, and it did seem to help (a bit) but I didn't [i]want[/i] to take it, which can be a problem.

Anyway, it got better over the summer, but that's where everything goes down the drain again. First, I met my first girlfriend at Camp. We didn't really get to know each other, but had some kind of understanding. Unfortunately for me, we lost contact after camp. That got to me. Now here's the worse part, and the foolish one.

We had saved up for a cruise up in Canada. I happened to meet, you guessed it, a girl. We completely hit it off, and everything seemed to be going perfect. But my sister still thought I was going out with this girl from camp, and told it to my new crush. Very, very bad thing. She got really distant, and I couldn't figure out why. When one of the other guys finally told me, I cried for about an hour because it was the last day of the cruise, and I couldn't find her.

Well, this is too long all ready, so I'll leave it at that. Short version: ended up in St. Johns as an 'In Patient' and it still hurts every time I think about it. But I did get ahold of her over e-mail and sorted things out. But I'll still never see her again. [U]Depression, in short, sucks. Whatever you do, keep yourself motivated. If you sink down, you'll have one hell of a time getting back up. Don't let it happen.[/U][/COLOR][/FONT]

[Japan]

[COLOR=Navy]I first got really depressed when I was only twelve years old. I was really sarcastic, and my relationship with all but my older brother was horrible. I didn't get along with my mom at all, I was sarcastic and mean to my older sister, and I never talked with my dad. I was in home school then and I didn't have any friends my age except for a couple. People teased me when they saw me because I walked really funny back then. That's about the time I started to get into anime. Nothing but that really gave me any happiness in life. When my mom yelled at me for watching it...saying that it was not Christian like one night before bed, I got really mad at her. When she tucked me in and closed my bedroom door, I sat straight up and I tried to strangle myself. What stopped me was thinking of my dog. I am really happy. I did not kill myself.

Even though I never tried to commit suicide again, I still had a major depression and had suicidal thoughts here and there throughout the past four years or so. I never went out for any proffessional help, though, it might of helped me get rid of the depression quicker. I still get depressed every other day, but I am able to get out of it again before I get stuck in it.[/COLOR]

[Lady_Rin]

[Quote="Ranger"]

I have been depressed. I have walked around the house with a loaded gun in my hand wondering why I'm a failure at everything I touch. Wondering why I survived Vietnam when 183 friends and sqdrn members didn''t. Add to that severe ADD/HD, PTSD and and life can be hell when things run away and I need to focus.

Rin is in the bedroom right now and is crying over the muslim/jews thread. That makes both of us depressed, war. The Iraq war makes me depressed as I have friends deployed there and I also have friends whoese children are there. And I have 35 friends whose children are not coming back. I take medication and will have to take it for the rest of my life to control my depression, if I don't kill myself first. I have nightmares that would turn your blood cold as ice and I wake up depressed then have to put on an Outdoor Adventure smile and take tourists to the desert and entertain them when I'd rather stay home and watch anime. I've actually spent the day watching my fav anime series start to finish just to help control my depression, they make me feel good. It gets so bad I take my truck into he middkle of the desert and do nothing but run around screaming.

I get depressed over beautiful things. Last week in Ragged Point, Ca a place famous for monarch butterflies we just sat there looking at them and Rin started to cry. She had gotten depressed over the fact that we were watching these beautiful creatures flittering above us and had a thought about butterflies at home. She said to me that she couldn't remember the last time she saw butterflies in the desert when we used to get millions during migration. She turned to me, holding me very tightly, crying asking me, "Am I watching the extinction of a species in my backyard". The 2 of us, just sat there and I started to cry with her because as naturalist I knew that the answer to her question was yes. I spent the rest of the day depressed with her. I got depressed thinking about it right now. Rin is not subject to depression the way we are and if she gets that way it's enough to trigger it in me, like at Ragged Point. So both of us see a therapist, the same one. Sometimes we go together, sometimes alone like I did yesterday when I told Nancy about what I just said of the butterflies and I started to cry again over the loss of such an beautiful and ephemrial creature. Not just one, but an entires species.

One day I shall pass from this plane and Rin shall have to live the rest of her life alone for I don't think she would remarry. I pray that she doesn't spend it in depression.

And should Rin pass, that is the day I will drive into the desert and not return for life would be unbearable without her and that kind of depression I don''t think I can handle.

That is why I cater to Rins faeries. I have become to believe in them. Our house is supposed to be a place of faeries and happiness. I know that I can go to bed at night and look at the faeries that inhabit our house on every bookshelf and surface and believe it or not that helps relieve the depression. This really helps on nights she comes home very late.

She has tied a white ribbon to my wrist evey night for as long as I can remember. She has out them in my uniform and flite suit pockets everday for years. She says that it is her with me. And that helps too.

If you are depressed you need help. My therapist asked me years ago what courage was. I had to think about it. It was not doing HART rescue or flying into combet. That's easy. My answer was, "Courage is what it takes to realize you need help and then to seek that help". I had been in therapy for 3 years at that time, I still am 7 years later. I needed that help and it took a great deal of courage for a macho fighter pilot to seek that help. The end result? You have to put up with me.


Be careful. If you are depressed get help. Watch what medications you take and above all... If you are depressed, come make a post here, wait for an answer, look for it. It may not be the one you want but it helps you to focus. if you want send an email to [email][email protected][/email]. she's was a flower child of the 60s who grew up to be an earthmother. she is very cool. she may not answer, but she will read it.

I feel better now, see. It works. And now it's my turn as I get a hug and kiss from Rin as she has come up behind me wearing a renenassence(sp) nightgown I bought her. See it does help.

I got better things to do than this.

ciao

[ice-kitsune]

wow... quite a few people with quite some stories here. don't really have any serious types of depression stuff like some of the ones listed above. im just a anti-social person and i only talk to people who have some how managed to have gotten close enough to me to be called "my friends". i keep things bottled up in side and i smile all the time. every one thinks im really nice and friendly (which i am) and very jolly happy. always smiling, having the perfect parents, living a perfect life and that im rich and all. though they never really know me well enough. i had cut my wrists before... though i wasnt sure if i was trying to suicide. (not sure if youd call this going through depression) i then was caught cause one of my friends told the counsler that i had brought a pocket knife to school. i wasnt going to use it on others i just brought it cause for some reason... it made me feel calm. it made me feel safe to know that i had it there. i was told to not do it again and that its not good. my parents really werent mad about it, they just told me they were very dissapointed. (same old parents talk) then i did stop for a year, but then it came back again and now ive continued to just scrape at my wrist every now and then when im very sad or upset.( though it rarely happeds) im still alive so thats what counts i guess

[GTK]

[quote name='ice-kitsune'] i keep things bottled up in side and i smile all the time. every one thinks im really nice and friendly (which i am) and very jolly happy. always smiling, having the perfect parents, living a perfect life and that im rich and all. though they never really know me well enough. i had cut my wrists before... though i wasnt sure if i was trying to suicide. (not sure if youd call this going through depression) i then was caught cause one of my friends told the counsler that i had brought a pocket knife to school. i wasnt going to use it on others i just brought it cause for some reason... it made me feel calm. it made me feel safe to know that i had it there. i was told to not do it again and that its not good. my parents really werent mad about it, they just told me they were very dissapointed. (same old parents talk) then i did stop for a year, but then it came back again and now ive continued to just scrape at my wrist every now and then when im very sad or upset.( though it rarely happeds) im still alive so thats what counts i guess[/quote]

If you seriously think you have a problem and are keeping it bottle up, please seek help ^^; it's actually a bit scary how much we seem to have in common (I also carried around a pocket knife for no real reason XD; but I never got caught with it). But, anyway, point is I kept everything to myself and eventually snapped (and like really snapped. No, I'm not saying what I did, and no I didn't hurt anyone other than myself, only that the doc said my behavior was boderline psychotic even though I wasn't O_o) A lot of people don't want to see a doc and such, but it really helps. I spent two years on meds and now I'm off them and perfectly fine ^_^ So there's hope I tell you XD

[Gavin]

[size=1]Ken has pretty much summed up what I was going to say, in times of depression your family and friends are some of the most important people you can turn to. I went through a very rough patch a few months ago and at first I resented the help my parents tried to give me, believing that I could solve the problem on my own. However when my granduncle died of cancer in July I realised that I needed some serious help for my depression, as of now I'm seeing a councillor one a week for the foreseeable future. All I can really say is that your family will always look out for your better interests, trust them and accept their support and there's a light at the end of the tunnel.[/size]