Writing Blossomed [E]

[Retribution]

Well, I scribbled this one down in English class. Tell me what you think... c&c are welcome! By the way, it's a haiku.

EDIT: I know it's not that good, but people please comment! Only five views... :(

[CENTER][b]Blossomed[/b]
We were beautiful
A bloomed gasoline rainbow
A mistaken love
[/CENTER]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]Au contrair, I liked it very much. Not many people can put that much feeling into a few short words, but you manage to do it quite well.

I like the imagery the second line gives, the gasoline rainbow makes you feel as if it's something beautiful, but manufactured, a product of corporate society. The mistaken love seems to relate to it being so wonderful and grandiose and passionate in the beginning, but then extinguishing quite quickly, leaving nothing but ashes in its wake.

Very good. And don't be bothered when people don't respond to your poetry or writing, it doesn't mean you're not good. Look for c&c in other places, such as fictionpress.net, or other people you know offline if you really want feedback. =)

-Karma

PS: I love haikus.[/size][/color]

[Retribution]

*sigh of relief*

Why, thank you so much! I think you were right on the money about a false love -- something like a gasoline rainbow looks great, but it's also fake. Although... I've never really loved someone like that.

[haruko girl]

i liked Blossomed too. i like ur haiku because they're not stale. i mean, i like nature and haiku and everything, but it gets repetitive hearing about wisdom and nature all the time. i can understand and relate to your haiku. i also like the second line too- it's not some fantasy-like thing that's artifically beautiful or an elaborate way of describing something. gasoline is something that we all see in today's society, and wouldn't think of as something you could attribute something to in poetry. you took something common, gave it meaning, and made it work, even if it was scribbled down in class. nice.