Customs

[Adahn]

[font=Courier New][size=2][color=blue]I've been thinking of customs and the like, and have realized something. Observing certain interpersonal customs creates an imbalance.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]For example, if someone offers their hand for you to shake, you have two choices.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]1. Shake the hand.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]2. Don't shake the hand.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you shake the hand, what have you accomplished? You've observed a custom. There is no meaning behind it whatsoever, no purpose. It does nothing to improve either party's physical/social/emotional well-being. You may even end up transferring an illness. It is unnecessary.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]Now, let's look at the action of not-shaking the hand. You've just completely and utterly disrespected the person, and have demonstrated animosity towards him/her and made clear that you don't care how he/she feels about you. You've just made an enemy.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]Now, I will provide an example of a good custom. If you're with someone, and you approach a door, you are faced with a dilemma. You again have two choices.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]1. Get past the obstacle as well as you can and let the other person fare for his/herself.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]2. Hold the door for him/her.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you don't hold the door for them, you haven't disrespected them in any way. The action of not-holding the door open does not (or should not) change how one person feels about the other.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you do hold the door open, you've demonstrated care for that person's well-being. You've actually done some good for them by letting them walk through with less resistance, conserving precious ATP molecules that would be horribly wasted by pushing/pulling the door open. It's even better if the person is carrying something, and the door would prove a real challenge.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]Basically, I think customs should not be observed simply for the fact that they are customs, because by not observing them you cause great ill to come between both parties, and by observing them you accomplish nothing.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]However, 'customs' that do good for someone else and cause no ill if not done are favorable.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you can think of any customs which fall into either of these categories, or some other category, feel free to post experiences you've had or ideas you have.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you want to debate with me, I'm sure I've left myself open for one attack or another.[/color][/size][/font]

[Sara]

[QUOTE=Adahn][font=Courier New][font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you shake the hand, what have you accomplished? You've observed a custom. There is no meaning behind it whatsoever, no purpose. It does nothing to improve either party's physical/social/emotional well-being. [/color][/size][/font]

[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]Now, let's look at the action of not-shaking the hand. You've just completely and utterly disrespected the person, and have demonstrated animosity towards him/her and made clear that you don't care how he/she feels about you. You've just made an enemy.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you want to debate with me, I'm sure I've left myself open for one attack or another.[/color][/size][/font][/QUOTE][size=1]It sounds an awful lot like you just contradicted yourself.

Other than that, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say. It sounds like you're trying to write a proof, but I'm not sure what the givens (or the end result) are supposed to be.

more powerful than a locomotive,
Sara[/size]

[Valen]

I think I understand what is being said here... all customs do is make more trouble for party A to help out party B, whether it be karmic (is that a word?) or just relieving them of their hardships they face at present (opening the door for the old lady that is carrying bags of whatever).

The two choices of do or don't both have consequences that if you choose:
do: you'll be burdened a little, but show no disrespect and things of the sort, or
don't: you'll not be burdened by the silly gestures that can make or break a (possible) friendship, but people will usually frown upon you for not doing it.

That's what I'm getting from it, but I'd say that if someone wants to observe a custom, they should be prepared and not act with resistance toward the one(s) that didn't return their gesture or observe their custom with them.

[Godelsensei]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Courier New]Shaking hands and saying "cheers" while clinking your cups at the dinner table all have an origin.

To do with shaking hands, it was to show that you weren't carrying a weapon, since left-handed people are Hell-spawn, after all.

Back in the day, you'd actually tip a bit of your drink into that of your neighbor, until every one had a drink comprised of every one else's. This was to ensure that no one would poison any one else.

By not doing this, much like handing some one a knife with the blade facing towards them, you are displaying hostility.

Any customs of politeness (like holding doors) that are not discriminatory (i.e. women talking more politely than men in Japanese) are perfectly fine by me. It's what seperates us from the beasts. That and art.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Pumpkin]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=SeaGreen] I can think up acouple of institances that are customs, I'm not quite sure what your trying to debate here or if you just want to see how many people can realize things we do everyday. Things that your expected to do is introducing someone. Say your with a group of friends and another one of your friends comes over (Who doesnt know any of your other friends...still with me here?) and talks to you, there is pressure to introduce them. You can either

1. Say goodbye to your friend or continue talking with them
2. Introduce them to your other friends at the table

First one usually would result in awkwardness and either the person will ask who they are, or sit quietly staring at the wall O.o;

If you introduce both your friends, than they can get to know eachother at a fresh start and see eachother less as strangers.

Kinda get it? I see that as a custom. We dont have to introduce people. But most the time we do it because its what we're use to (and yes there are people who dont introduce others ^^ its considered rude see what i mean) if I'm wrong about this, let me know. [/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Annie]

[QUOTE=Adahn][font=Courier New][size=2][color=blue]I've been thinking of customs and the like, and have realized something. Observing certain interpersonal customs creates an imbalance.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]For example, if someone offers their hand for you to shake, you have two choices.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]1. Shake the hand.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]2. Don't shake the hand.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]If you shake the hand, what have you accomplished? You've observed a custom. There is no meaning behind it whatsoever, no purpose. It does nothing to improve either party's physical/social/emotional well-being. You may even end up transferring an illness. It is unnecessary.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Courier New][size=2][color=#0000ff]Now, let's look at the action of not-shaking the hand. You've just completely and utterly disrespected the person, and have demonstrated animosity towards him/her and made clear that you don't care how he/she feels about you. You've just made an enemy.[/color][/size][/font]
[/QUOTE]

[color=indigo][size=1]That's not always true. Extending your hand for a friendly gesture does make an impression upon someone. Especially, if you were the one to first extend the hand. That shows the person who takes your hand that you have manners and are interested in making conversation or a friendship. Also, it shows professionalism, [b]respect[/b], and discipline.

I'm not saying this is/isn't true. I'm simply stating that you're assumption of the "custom" of handshaking is not always true. You could meet that hateful/cranky person who just shakes your hand so you could leave them alone. You could meet that obsessive/compulsive person; whom if you touched them, they would immediately have to wash their hands with three different bars of soap. Or you could meet the arrogant person who wouldn't look your way, much less touch your hand.

So, assuming that the handshake is unnecessary, I will say that was a rather questionable statement. It is never unnecessary to extend your had to a person, even if they are your friend.[/color][/size]

[quote=Pumpkin][color=seagreen][size=1]If you introduce both your friends, than they can get to know eachother at a fresh start and see eachother less as strangers.

Kinda get it? I see that as a custom. We dont have to introduce people. But most the time we do it because its what we're use to (and yes there are people who dont introduce others ^^ its considered rude see what i mean) if I'm wrong about this, let me know. [/color][/size]
[/quote]
[color=indigo][size=1]No, I don't think you're wrong. [the word "you" is not referring directly to you, Pumpkin. It's relating to anyone]In fact, when you and your friends are gathered and hanging out, I find it very rude and disrespectful if you don't introduce the people who don't know eachother. It completely leaves the friend in a state of uneasiness with other people, and to me, it shows that you are a spotlight attitude. You don't care what your friend is feeling, you only care that you are getting the spotlight of attention. And that is sick and rude.

I hate it when my friend doesn't introduce me to another one of her friends. It makes me feel like an idiot for just standing there [waiting for my friend to introduce], and it makes me feel unwanted in the room or wherever we may be.

I [b]do not[/b] like being ignored just to help the other gain in their greed for attention, and I don't like being left in the dark.

So, that custom is one that I will extend my hand to.[/color][/size]