Writing Assorted Poetry [PG][More to come]

[Muad'Dib]

[FONT=Palatino Linotype][COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]Woopsies... forgot to add a rating ^_^;;
I've finally gotten into another poetic mood, or state of mind. I've been writing poetry in my spare time at school, which is interesting, considering that before this, I had only written one serious poem. Anyway. I hope that someone cares enough to comment, so I can post more as it's finished.

This first one doesn't rhyme at all, and isn't meant to. Just an idea.

[SIZE=1][U][B]Which One is Love?[/B][/U]

How can we describe it?
Love, oh wnderous love,
Oh mysterious love,
Oh hurtful love.

If love was a door,
It would be open wide,
But confusion and fear would stay my feet,
And I would not enter through.

If love was a window,
It would open to the most beautiful scene,
But the glass would be clouded,
And I would not see the truth.

If beatiful love was a rose,
It would capture my heart with it's grace,
But the thorns are so sharp,
And I would pull away in pain.

If mysterious love was a hall,
It would strech forever with endless possibilities,
But the lights are absent and the path is dark,
And I would stumble in blindness.

If passionate love was a blade,
It would pierce my heart,
Sending me to eternal bliss,
But only by uts merciless bite,
And I woud cry.

So how would we describe it?
Love, oh infinite love?
Its confusion,
Its fear,
Its shadow,
Its bite?
And its passion,
Its grace,
Its healing,
Its depth?

Which one is Love?
Tell me, for I cannot see myself.
~[/SIZE]

This one is, umm... abstract. But at least it rhymes.

[SIZE=1][B][U]Forgotten Quest / Memory of a Flicker[/U][/B]

Placid darkness, ever sleeping,
Through the shadow, I hear weeping,
Ever therein, my soul is keeping,
Tell me what, through the dark is sweeping.

From within the depths, a flicker came,
Gently opposing, dull and lame,
Glow and thunder, all wrought the same,
Within it speaks, repeats my name.

Because it touched too near my soul,
It did reveal itself, its tortured whole,
The impression it gave, of forgotten lore,
Reminded me, what I forgot before.

I spoke,
'Tell me, tell me, what you seek,
For I am only frail and weak,
But if within the dark you keep,
You may find yourself in eternal sleep.'

A revalation, the mass did shift,
Disturbed or pleased, its veil did lift,
Revealed to me a flowing rift,
Remaining still, neither threat nor gift.

'I tell you now,' the light did say,
'What I seek, that I might be on my way,
For within me lies a dark decay,
I seek a light that shadow can't slay.'

Back through the shadows, the flicker went,
As if, for now, its light was spent,
But with that bit of light that I was lent,
The dark conformed, twisted, bent.

Now tainted by the flicker's dream,
The dark around me seemed to gleam,
It streched now across an endless seam,
A glowing, burning, hopeless beam.

Ever slowly, it fades away,
A passing wish, not meant to stay.
So now I sleep in darkness, waiting,
Memory of the flicker, ever fading.
~[/SIZE]

Ok, obviously not the best in the world -__- But I'm proud of it. C&C please!

PS: Thanks to Karma for commenting in the [url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44229]first thread[/url]! I'll have more sooner than later.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]* copy 'n' paste *

I definitely like the second one better. The rhyme scheme flows very well, and it tells a story, it has a point. I liked how you talked about the light as something strange and alien, almost something to be feared. Then, it turns, and the symbolism is that the light is hope (you contradict this later though with the word "hopeless"). However, again, the light is full of negative connotations, because even though it has melted away part of the darkness, it couldn't stay. A "fool's hope" so to speak. A bitter memory filled with longing for something that you had once, but could never have again.

Most of the time, hope is looked at either as a savior, or a condemnation even though you need and desire it. However, you seem to take it from the point of view of being abnormal, not belonging in your world. It's nice to see a different perspective like that.

The first one needs some work. Rhyme would greatly enhance the effectiveness, as well as eliminating some of the more rambling lines that don't serve much purpose besides mundane repetition. Also, simplfy it by taking out the adjectives of the first line of each stanza: "If love was a..." The adjectives making the reading awkward, and throw off the flow of the poem.

Keep writing!

-Karma[/size][/color]

[Muad'Dib]

[FONT=Palatino Linotype][COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]Praise Karma for saving my thread from eternal damnation! .-.'-'.-.

Well, things have been a little hectic, so I've only gotten one more finished. It's just a bit shorter than the others as well, but, as usual, I'm proud of it anyway.

[SIZE=1][B][U]A Hero?s End[/U][/B]

Defiant upon the hill he stood,
Standing brave and tall as best he could,
A gallant warrior to the last,
No memory of either fear or past.

Below him lay one hundred dead,
Filled with iron and burning lead,
A testament to forgotten days,
For no one truly understood his ways.

He turned to us with a fiery gaze,
His eyes all but a furious haze,
A mask of hatred burning bright,
His hurt and longing hidden by spite.

Those eyes peered into every soul,
All worn and weary, beaten dull,
Daring us to hide in fear,
Before our adversary grew too near.

?No regrets,? he said, ?of unforgiven sins,
This is the final stand, and no one wins.
But if you fear your impending death,
Turn and run, don?t waste your breath.?

But still, we stood, our hearts as one,
Under his lead, we dare not run,
So with one last approving glance,
He turned back to the valley to take his chance.

But within his eyes I saw the pain,
And as we stood, it began to rain,
I wish not to see that memory again,
At last he had his hero end.[/SIZE]
~

C&C if you please. :3[/COLOR][/FONT]