Writing Ice Cream World: Complete [PG-LS]

[Shy]

[size=1]A murder mystery in four parts. This new *completed* version was the one I actually turned in today for my class. The size of the piece is outrageous, 40 pages, and needs to be spread out across several posts.

Special thanks to Alex on getting me on the right track with this. For those of you who have read past versions, I urge you to give a second look at this. It's slightly different in tone, and several important details were added in this version that the previous ones did not contain. As always, comment and critique.[/size]
[quote][center][font=trebuchet MS][size=5][b]Day One[/b][/center][/size]

I approached the case from an objective point of view, I really did. It?s what I?m supposed to do -- it?s the type of thing one would expect from a detective. A good detective, at least.

?Who is that woman in the corner? Does she work here?? I asked Police Commissioner Daniel Lewis, the first officer to arrive on the scene.

Even long before the murder had happened, Ice Cream World was not a very clean place. The shop itself was about seven feet in diameter, placed in a random spot between Salad Club and Incense Etc. Not that it mattered where the thing was, it could have been in the middle of the attic and it would have still received the same number of customers.

?That?s Heather Roberts,? he was clutching a cup of coffee in one hand and a stack of paperwork in the other, ?She opens the shop on weekdays, she found the body at around 8:10 this morning.?

?The sign says this place opens at 8.?

?Yeah, well that?s something you might want to investigate, Felix,? he laughed. Due to vague hint of a friendship we once shared, Daniel felt comfortable directing rude comments towards me. Him being my superior officer only made it worse.

?I know that but--?

?She usually shows up a few minutes late. Nobody ever notices, since the next shift starts at 10.?

The mall had opened a few hours earlier, and the place still wasn?t very busy. Every so often the occasional grandmother, or unemployed citizen stared at the police officers collecting ice cream scoops and waffle cones as evidence, and walked away. Body bags are only interesting for so long, I suppose.

?Has she given her statement yet??

?As soon as I got here, about an hour ago. She?s just been sitting in the food court ever since, I think she?s a little shaken by what she found.?

?I doubt she finds her co-workers? dead bodies very often? I?ll talk to her. As soon as you?re done with the area, I?d like to look around.?

?We?re still cleaning up and collecting evidence, I?ll deliver a full report to your desk this afternoon.?

?Thanks.?

Officer Lewis handed me a stack of paperwork, outlining what little information they had gathered so far. There was one cash register, centered between two enormous palettes of ice cream, each containing 12 barrels of different flavors. Behind that was a wide variety of scoops, blenders, soft-serve machines and more toppings than any person could ever possibly want in their dessert. Two cabinets beneath the sink revealed a cold storage and a frozen storage bin. Oh yeah, and there was a dead body lying somewhere, too.

I held onto my paperwork with a death grip, and made my way towards the middle-aged woman. I slowly approached her from behind as I spoke in a sympathetic tone of voice.

?Hi. I?m Detective Lafferty. I know this is a difficult time for you? but I just need to ask you a few questions.?

The woman kept her back turned and didn?t reply. Perhaps she was more upset than I had expected. This is the most difficult part of the job, talking to witnesses right after the fact. After seeing such a terrible crime scene, most are too shaken to provide any sort of information. I softly tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped out of her seat. The surprise sent me back a few feet myself.

?Oh, sorry. I didn?t hear you, I?m listening to my Oingo Boingo album.? She removed a clear set of headphones from her ears and smiled politely.

?Yes, I was just checking up on you. My name is Felix Lafferty. I?m a detective with the country Sheriff?s department.?

?Oh, hiya! I?m Heather. What?s up??

Heather was a valley girl born and raised. In fact, she may very well have been the prototype. With each new syllable spoken she managed to bob her head in a different direction, it seemed almost rhythmic at times. It was obvious that she put a lot of effort into her looks; her thin frame was heavily toned from a decade of workout videos and weight loss shakes. Although it was meant to help her stay youthful, her amazing body fat percentage and the abundance of eye shadow only emphasized her age. There was very little she could do to hide the trust, she was faded, and long past her prime as Miss Chino ?86.

?Um,? I paused for a moment, slightly shocked at how friendly she seemed, ?Maybe I?m mistaken? are you Heather Roberts, the one who found the body of Thomas Webster this morning??

?Oh yeah,? she perked up a bit when the subject of murder was brought up, ?I can?t believe that sort of thing can happen here, in the mall! Like, you don?t expect to find a dead body at Ice Cream World.?

?Certainly. I know you gave a full report to Officer Lewis--?

?Daniel?? she interrupted, ?He?s a sweetie, we talked for almost an hour. It turns out I used to work with his sister when I was at Miller?s Outpost, before they built this place.?

?Um, really??

?Totally.?

?With the investigation going for the rest of the day, the state won?t allow you to open up the shop anytime today, probably tomorrow at the earliest. We spoke with your employer, and you can have the day off.?

?In my union contract it states that even if the shop is closed by a state official, I can stay for the length of my scheduled shift. Thanks, but I?ll be staying right here,? She said, deep furrows forming between her brows, ?You can?t send me home.?

?I? I just wanted to say that we don?t need you at the crime scene for any more questioning. I wasn?t attempting to deny you of your full eight hour shift.?

?Good, because I?m a Shop Steward. I know my rights.?

There was an awkward pause. Heather adjusted the neon scrunchie she held in her blond hair, glaring at me the entire time.

?Since you?re not doing much else, would you mind telling me about your job? I don?t have a lot of expertise in the ice cream business, or better, yet, tell me about Thomas Webster.?

?Well, like, I?ve been here for nine years. And because of that I?m an opener. Thomas was pretty new, he had only been here for two years, so he closed the shop last night, I guess. It?s weird how his name wasn?t on the schedule, though.?

She stood up and moved closer to the ice cream stand, more like a kiosk, really. Although I didn?t know it at the time, there is a distinct difference between the two.

?After two years Thomas still had to close??

?No, he just thought he was better than the day crew. He always had volunteer work, or school, or something in the mornings, so he worked nights. Like once I had a hair appointment, and Thomas had a night shift so I asked him to trade, but he wouldn?t do it. Like, it?s not like I wouldn?t have helped him out if he needed it for something really important.?

For the next 45 minutes we talked, A lot. Or more specifically, she talked. She told me all about how she misses the crew she hired in with, and how nobody trains the new hires on how to scoop with their wrist as opposed to using their hands (apparently it?s company policy.) For her entire life, all Heather had to show was her experience at this isolated island in the food court. As such, she made a point of making it seem as wonderful and glamorous as possible to me, the first person in a decade who had expressed any interest in what she did for a living.

?Ugh, are you kidding me?!? A high-pitched, red-haired woman whined, staring at the yellow police tape surrounding Ice Cream World, ?There?s yellow ribbons all over the place!?

A young woman with long red hair and hazel-colored eyes stood in front of the two of us, looking at the ice cream stand. This girl was beautiful, although a little on the thick side. She only advertised this more by wearing a form-fitting black ?Ice Cream World? t-shirt.

The girl complained in our general direction, ?Is this one of those AIDS things??

?That?s caution tape, Sophia, not ribbons.? Heather replied.

I introduced myself and flashed my badge at the young woman, ?I?m Detective Felix Lafferty, and Thomas Webster was murdered at Ice Cream World sometime this morning.?

?Oh!? She attempted to process the previous few sentences in her
head, ?So it?s not an AIDS thing??

?Your co-worker was murdered here last night, Miss. He was discovered face down into a gallon of ?Cherry Crush? with several dozen puncture wounds in his back, neck and abdomen.?

?OMFG! I?m so glad I didn?t open this morning. That sounds serious, and blood and bodies and all that make me freak out.?

?It wasn?t so bad. They show worse things on TV all of the time,? Heather said as she yawned.

?You look like you?re dead, anyway, Heather, so it?s probably not that disturbing to you. Normal people would freak out.?

?Whatever!? Heather stormed off to the other end of food court, agitated by the other?s comments. Sophia giggled to herself, and adjusted her natural assets in front of me without the slightest hint of shame. I began to blush, and averted my gaze, thumbing through the assorted papers in my hands.

By no stretch of the imagination was Sophia an intelligent woman. When she spoke she constantly paused, as if she needed extra time to think about what she was trying to say. At first this made me think she was being cautious around me, and somewhat intelligent. This was very, very wrong. However, on specific occasions, like insulting Heather, her handful of brain cells could focus themselves into a powerful laser beam.

?Heather?s just awful! It?s like she?s straight out of Mary Shelley or something. If she would just try to get some help with her eating disorder, and her attitude, and her makeup, maybe people wouldn?t be so turned off by her.?

?She has an eating disorder?? I asked curiously.

?No, but she?s a bitch. A bitchy skeleton woman? SKELEBITCH!? The red-head blurted out, ?Don?t you think that?s perfect for her??

?She seems fine to me. Everyone?s built differently.? I attempted to regain my credibility, ?And this is not the type of thing we should be talking about in a murder investigation.?

?Murder? Mm.. That.?

Yes, that. In my two hours at the scene of the crime I had learned two things: how to scoop ice cream with the wrist, and that there was something seriously unusual about the employees of this tiny frozen dairy shop.

Perhaps, I thought, the afternoon crew would be more helpful.

Many hours later we were standing in front of Ice Cream World, like I had been doing for most of the entire day. In the brief period after Sophia left, and before the other two showed up I had managed to look through my paperwork more closely. The kiosk closes at 6, while the mall itself remains open until 8 on Sunday nights. More importantly, the employee entrances to the mall remain unlocked at all times. Anyone working could have feasibly killed Thomas Webster.

Worse yet, the forensics reports came back in. Due to the terrible job the night crew did of cleaning the place, the chances of using fingerprints to find the killer were pretty much slim to nil. The fingerprints, and even assorted bits of DNA were found all over the site. It would waking good detective work to solve the murder.

?You know what the funny thing about Thomas always was? He could tell you that you were doing a bad job without actually doing. I think he was afraid of one of us snapping at him, or something.?

?Well, not me, not us. I think he was more concerned about Heather?

?Yeah. I would be, too, man. If you look her directly in the eyes she turns you turn to stone.?

?Or sterile, one of the two.?

?Um, is there any way we could continue the investigation, gentlemen?? I made an attempt to butt into their banter. In little less than an hour, I?d yet to make any real progress with my latest string of interviews.

Ryan Richey was an All-American. Not that he was an athlete or anything, but he just looked the part. Tall with a muscular build and spiky blond hair, However, this appearance was a little misleading, since after hours he would don leather pants and put on thick mascara. Ryan was a rock star at heart, and he let the whole world know it. His heavy metal band, The Foxxy Reptillicus, would ?jam? into all hours of the night, thoroughly annoying his roommate, Derek Hall, and the 76 other residents at his small apartment complex.

He was a friendly enough guy if you got to know him, but on the exterior he was a jerk, and he made that obvious to the customers and his fellow employees. His only real friend was Derek, although Sophia and Jolene were both more than willing to change that..

?This is part of the mourning process, man,? Ryan said, trying to get some ounce of sympathy out of me, ?We tell stories to move past the tragedy.?

?All you?ve been doing is insulting the people you work with. This is a murder
investigation.?

He gave me a dirty look, which only seemed exaggerated when combined with the eyeliner he was wearing.

?Moving past the murder so quickly probably doesn?t speak very well for us, huh?? Derek muttered nervously.

?Actually,? I replied, ?Yours are the most emotional responses I?ve gotten all day.?

Tall, lanky, and mahogany colored, Derek Hall was the closest thing Ice Cream World had to a minority on it?s crew. A less informed person might instantly call the company?s hiring practices racist, but nothing could be further from the truth. As it turns out there wasn?t exactly a line forming to join the elite crew of this frozen dessert stand. For some reason there was a severe lack of interest in serving the nation?s obese youth.

Derek was working there as a second job to pay for his summer trip to Portugal, or something, nobody really knew much about the guy. Sometime early in his career he had pegged himself as an outsider, which in hindsight was probably a good career move.

Not even Sophia, who once spent 20 minutes arguing with a voice mail recording, could ever recall getting into a fight with the guy. By managing to confuse his co-workers with big words and trivia Derek was able to put a wall between him and his fellow employees. This only annoyed those of us who had actually received a real education.

?Hey Detective. Did you know that Vikings wouldn?t bury a body, but send it out to sea after a man had died??

?No, I don?t think that--?

?And they would take all of the man?s belongings, including his wife, and place them on the boat as well, and then set the whole thing on fire!?

?That can?t possibly be true,? I countered.

?No, it is. Men have been setting their wives on fire since the beginning of time.?

Ryan let out a small laugh at Derek?s statement.

?You watch too much History Channel, man. Most of what they put on TV is lies, anyway.?

?Well, yeah,? I argued, ?The majority of television is scripted programming, of course it?s lies. It?s fiction.?

By attempting to join in on their conversation I had somehow managed to kill it. The two young men shared a glance, somehow communicating without saying a single word.

?Exactly!? Ryan shouted, ?Exactly!?

?I think I missed something??

?No, don?t worry about it, man. Derek and I just have this psychic friends thing going on. It?s weird.?

?Very.?

Derek?s Kermit the Frog watch started to beep wildly.

?Oh, crap. I?m going to be late for my doctor?s appointment.?

?I won?t be keeping you any longer than I need to then. According to the schedules, you closed the shop last night. Did Thomas act strangely at all that evening??

?Thomas wasn?t at the shop last night, at least not while I was there.?

?So he must have shown up after hours??

?Or after I left, yeah.?

?Okay then. If I have any further questions I may have to call you back here.?

?Sounds good,? Derek smiled, ?I?ll see you later, Ryan.?

Derek reached out to shake his roommate?s hand, and then exploded into an uncontrollable bit of sneezing. Somehow I had missed the fact that Derek was sick, that box of tissues he was carrying around should have been a clue. The dark man walked off to the exit, sniffling and trying to recover his composure the entire time.

?Are you done with me yet?? Ryan asked, snapping his fingers to the beat of some rhythm that existed only in his head.

?Yeah, I guess so. You can leave.?

In the distance I spotted an unfamiliar female figure, donning the trademarked green Ice Cream World apron.

?Oh, God,? Ryan rolled his eyes, ?Not her.?

?Ryan!? the woman yelled from across the way. As she dashed towards us I checked my notes once again; trying to figure out who this mysterious person was.

I?m so happy to see you,? she buried herself into the Ryan?s chest, making every effort to get him to reciprocate in some way, shape, or form.

?Yeah, um, how?s it going Joe??

She clutched onto her co-worker tightly as I introduced myself to the young lady.

?I?m Detective Felix Lafferty of the Sheriff?s department, and you must be Jolene Martin.?

?Yeah, I must be Jolene,? she seemed offended, ?I must be.?

?I suppose you are wondering why I called you here on your day off??

?Not really,? the young woman said confidently, ?I figured it had something to do with the murder.?

?How did you know about the murder?? I asked.

?Sophia sent me a text message to everyone this morning, while I was in class. My professor was really unhappy when my phone ringer went off.?

?I?d imagine,? I paused, ?I need to ask you a few questions about your relationship with Tom, if that?s okay.?

?Oh, this might be personal. I should leave,? Ryan suggested.

?Possibly, yes,? I said as Jolene frowned, ?Thank you for your time, Mr. Richey.?
?Bye Ryan,? she embraced him even more tightly this time around, ?Call me later, okay??

?I?m really busy with my schedule this week, Joe. And um, I need time to mourn.?

?Oh, yeah, yeah. Me too. Maybe we could go to his funeral together??

?Now about you, Jolene,? I awkwardly stepped in, ?Tell me about Tom.?

Jolene locked eyes with me. Seeing this as his only opportunity to escape, Ryan fled the food court immediately.

?Yeah, it?s sad, though. I thought he was going to make a great supervisor,? she sighed.

?Supervisor??

?Yeah, Tom was going to start his first shift as supervisor this morning.?

?Funny how nobody mentioned that.?

?Everyone applied for the job, but a couple of people are really bitter that they didn?t get it.?

?But you didn?t get the position??

?Nope.?

?And why is that??

?The Boss said I have ?poor interpersonal skills,? which I don?t really understand, by the way. What kind of interpersonal skills does Tom have that I don?t? It?s just a line they gave me; once again they are playing favorites, I guess.?

?It?s all politics here, you know?? she continued, ?This sort of thing happened in Pride Club all throughout high school. My parents, my basketball coach, my guidance counselor and even my pen pals kept promising me that things would get better after I graduated.

??It?s only high school,? they said, ?Don?t worry, real life is not that like that.? But high school IS real life, life doesn?t suddenly get any more real after June. The same people who were popular and successful in Pride Club are popular and successful now!?

?People claim to hate politics, but it?s the way we choose to run our lives. No matter what I pursue, no matter who I pursue, I lose out to somebody less qualified because they are better friends with the district supervisor, or they throw the annual barbecue at their house, or they are sleeping with the basketball coach!?

?Um, I wouldn?t really know, I tested out of high school when I was 15.? I said nervously.

?Then you have no idea what I?m talking about.? Jolene pointed her finger at me menacingly, ?You know nothing about life!?

As she previously mentioned, Jolene Martin had poor interpersonal skills. Oh boy, did she have poor interpersonal skills.

?How long have you been working at Ice Cream World?? I attempted to stop her train of thought. It was obvious that she was on a roll, and unless I stopped her now it would be quite a while before there was a sufficient break in the conversation.

?Oh, uh?11 months. I came in at around Christmas last year.?

?And did you work with Thomas Webster often??

?Since the both of us going to school, we usually worked the same shifts. In fact Tom was the one who trained me here.?

I motioned for Joe to follow me as we crossed the yellow caution tape and entered the Ice Cream World kiosk for the first time.

?So you were under his tutorage?? I stumbled over an especially high bar of caution tape.

??Tutelage.??

?Huh??

?The word is ?tutelage.??

?No, ?tutorage? is the word. It?s in the dictionary.?

?But you meant to use ?tutelage.??

?I meant to use the word I used, thank you,? I huffed, ?Can I continue asking you questions, Miss.?

?Oh,? she feigned sympathy, ?Sorry.?

?Were you working with Thomas last night??

Jolene ran her fingers through her short black hair, ?No? I wasn?t here? I think Ryan and Derek close the shop on Sunday nights.?

?And where would that put you between ? 9 p.m. last night and 8 a.m. this morning??

?I was working on a project for one of my classes, at the campus library, and then later I went home to sleep.?

?Do you have anyone who can verify this story??

?The librarian, my Mom?? out of boredom her hand traced the outline of the counter, and she suddenly pulled back, realizing that he had touched something in the shop.

?Ugh. I need to wash my hands now.?

?You could use the sink?? I replied, afraid to provoke another outburst from her.

?No. I?m not touching the counter. What if he used it to kill Tom??

The one bit of criticism I have been given by my fellow detectives is that I need to tone down my approach. Bloody details are bad, as I often need to be reminded. I guess working in the field causes you to become a little desensitized; I really couldn?t deal with another crying widow on my record, anyway.

?Okay. Do you know anyone who might have done something like this to Thomas? Have you ever heard anyone speak negatively about him??

Jolene closed her eyes softly, and turned towards the only source of natural light in the mall, a primitive sunroof created by a hole in the high ceiling.

?You?ve never worked in a food service job before, have you?? she lapsed into martyrdom, ?You don?t understand what difficult working conditions people like this create for me. I don?t want to be a part of this drama, I just want to do my job.?

An older woman, clutching tightly onto a walker approached the kiosk.

?Hello?? she let out a wide, piano-toothed smile, ?Could I get some pistachio nut, sweetie??

?I?m sorry, ma?am we?re actually not open--?

?We?re closed today. Do you see all of the police tape around here? There?s been a murder, and I don?t know when we?re going to open up.?

The old woman considered this information, ?Oh, do you know when you?re going to be open again??

?Did you not just hear me?? Jolene barked, ?I don?t know when we?re going to be open again.?

?Should I wait here, or do you think I should come back later then??

?I think you should just go, ma?am. Just go. And never come back.?

Dumbfounded by this exchange, I stared as she wheeled her walker away, it?s squeaky wheels echoed throughout the nearly vacant mall.

?Do you think she have some sort of hearing problem?? I asked under my breath.

?No, it?s just that when you are here with the apron on, most people don?t even realize that you exist.?

?I can completely understand, Jolene. I used to run into problems like this with my old job.?

?And what did you do??

?Let?s not talk about that. It?s a rough subject.?

?As if it?s any less rough than a murder, detective.?

Jolene sighed.

?Oh-oh,? I stuttered, ?I?m sorry, I wasn?t trying to make light of this??

?No, it?s just that I don?t like talking to you.?

Somewhere in the food court, Heather Roberts was still waiting for her 8 hour shift to end.[/font][/quote]
[size=1]-Shy[/size]

[Shy]

[size=1]I'm posting the rest, in spite of lack of comments...[/size]
[quote][center][font=trebuchet ms][size=5][b]Day Two[/b][/size][/center]

Oldies music blared over Ice Cream World?s boom box. It was covered and dust and sitting in the same spot it had been since the shop first opened, right between the cold storage refrigerator and the frozen storage one. After a day of interrogation, and narrowing the list of suspects down to a few employees, Ice Cream World reopened with little fanfare. The dessert jockeys quietly showed up to their scheduled shifts and continued their duty without a bit of hesitation. Nothing had really changed for them, aside from how one of their co-workers had been murdered.

I was sitting quietly near the stand at a table, interrogating the Ice Cream World employees one by one. Although the previous day?s efforts had been a flop, I hoped for a little more success this time around.

It was early in the afternoon; Heather, Jolene and Ryan, would all be at the kiosk for a few hours before the first went home. With such a small crew there were plenty of hours to go around, not that anyone necessarily wanted them, of course.

?Why can?t I go home?? Heather repeated the question for a third time, ?I didn?t realize it, but my Jazzersize class is going to start in like an hour. I totally need to go.?

?Your shift doesn?t end for three hours, Heather,? I tried to reason with her, ?How would you like it if someone else left halfway through their shift and you had to pick up the slack??

?Slack? For your information, I was one of the first employees hired at this mall. In fact, the Korean investors who own this whole thing send me a card for the Harvest Moon festival every year, whatever that is. They always write me a personal note, too, thanking me for sticking with the place. I don?t see them sending Thomas any cards,? she thought for a moment, ?I guess they might send his mom a floral arrangement, or something. The Asians are like super respectful.?

?I worked in Hong Kong for a while, yeah. It?s true. When we would investigate crimes the people would just completely open up to us. They would welcome us in their homes, offer us dinner, all sorts of things. They really have a strong respect for authority in foreign countries, nothing like--?

?Are you two done yet?? Ryan shouted from the kiosk, only a few feet away, ?I?m sick or dealing with these morons, and I?m due for a break!?

With her comments, Jolene had managed to lose any prospective customers in the area, only frustrating Heather further.

?I?m convinced he?s trying to run this place out of business sometimes,? Heather shifted her long ponytail to rest on the other shoulder, ?You?re a detective, you should do an investigation about that.?

?I?m kind of in the middle of something right now, Heather. Can we continue this??

?Oh, whatever.?

?So, I don?t really understand why you?re still here after all of these years. Is the pay so good to keep you scooping ice cream for the rest of your life??

?I won?t be doing this for the rest of my life,? she snarled, ?I?m just waiting to move up in my other job so I can leave this one.?

?And what is your other job??

?I sell Vitashakes.?

?What the Hell is a Vitashake??

?They?re for weight loss and good health. I?ve been using it for years, and now I sell them at parties. I figured I have the type of body that everybody wants, you know? With these Vitashakes anyone can look as good as I do.?

?How do you like selling them??

?It?s so much fun! I get dressed up and drive around all sorts of interesting places. Like last week I was in Downey at this huge apartment place, trying to sell Vitashakes to some old women.?

?Wait, Vitashakes, weren?t those banned by the government a while ago??

?Banned? No, no. They?ve changed the formula in the past year so that they?re totally safe again. They aren?t responsible for the same kinds of liver and heart problems they were in the past.?

?Hmm, I guess that?s a good thing.?

?Yeah, I?m really big on nutrition. I was trying to sell Sophia some Vitashakes a while ago, and she got totally upset. She thought I was trying to call her fat, which I was. Ever since she broke up with Thomas she has been putting on a lot of weight.?

?Thomas and Sophia used to date??

?It was an on again / off again sort of thing. Last time they broke up it was because Thomas thought she was too immature, but he thought everyone here is too immature. Like, I?m the most mature person here.

?Anyhow, Sophia was really upset. Every day she came to work she would see something that reminded her of him, and every day she would just curl up into a little ball and start crying. It was really pathetic. Girls are so weak sometimes, you know? So then Sophia decided to try to hook up with Derek right after that, but he wasn?t interested. Besides, the rumor is that he?s gay. Now Sophia?s always talking with Ryan, so I guess they?re dating now. That?s the problem with working here, everyone is always dating everyone.?

?Uh-huh.?

?It?s so dramatic. I just wish people would just do their job and stop spreading gossip around. That?s why I went to the union about it.?

?You did what??

?When the two of them were dating, I went to the union to complain about it. They were all over each other, in front of everyone! I don?t want to deal with them kissing or making out while I?m trying to do my job. The union had me file a formal sexual harassment complaint against them, and it solved everything.?

?Oh, I see. Uhh? good for you, Heather.?

?Thanks. It?s so childish. I keep to myself, like an adult, and I?m a lot happier than they are. I don?t feed into their little drama. Someone has to be the grown up around here.?

Once more Ryan called over to us, ?Get over here, Heather! Stop trying to kill time and get back to work.?

?I?m not killing time, I?m giving important information to the detective.?

?No you aren?t,? Ryan turned to me, ?No she isn?t, man. She just thinks she can use you to avoid working.?

?You should probably just come back,? Jolene smiled, ?It isn?t very fair to everyone.?

?You aren?t the boss of me, Jolene, so stop acting like it.?

?I?m sorry. Don?t be bitter because you can?t leave early.?

?And don?t act like the supervisor, because you didn?t get it.?

?Bitch.? An unknown voice called out.

?Excuse me??

?I think we?re done, anyway,? I shooed Heather back to her duties, ?Thanks for the conversation, Heather.?

?Aw, but we were having such a nice conversation. I really thought we were going to solve the case??

I wasn?t sure exactly whether she was being sarcastic or not. Not that I was very friendly to the woman, but in comparison to the people she was dealing with at work I must have seemed like a saint.

?Actually,? I approached the counter. Ryan was staring absently into the cold storage fridge, waiting for his shift to end, ?How many people do you need to run this place? Why can?t Heather go home??

?I don?t really want it to be just Jolene and I, I?m not off for hours,? Ryan sighed, ?That?s why.?

Ignoring the previous statement completely, Jolene patted him on the head, ?It isn?t very busy at all. I guess Heather can go. We could cover for her.?

Ryan?s expression turned sour at the sheer thought of spending an additional few hours alone with Jolene. Through careful planning and coordination on his part he and Derek had managed to avoid working with the girls whenever possible. There were always a few hours of awkwardness between changeover, but more often than not their efforts could be considered a success. Heather?s unexpected departure would throw a wrench in the rocker?s plan.

?Ryan, I need to ask you some more questions,? I said, ?Come with me over to my table.?

?On second thought, Heather. I want you to go. Derek and I can take care of the shop.?

?That?s what I?ve been saying for hours, Jolene,? Heather smiled for the first time that day, ?Thank you so much, dear.?

Heather opened one of Ice Cream World?s storage cabinets to grab her purse, and watched as a pile of waffle cones and assorted items fell out and onto the ground.

?This is exactly why I hate the night crew,? Heather growled, ?Nobody knows how to clean up after themselves.?

Heather picked up a pink cellular phone lying on the ground and held it upward.

?Ryan, is this your phone??

?No. I don?t have a pink cell phone, Heather. I think Sophia left it here.?

?Oh, I just figured it would be yours. You know, because of how you are.?

?That?s not me, that?s Derek,? hr blurted out, ?I mean, no! Don?t make fun of my roommate, it?s not cool.?

?You? you? shouldn?t say things like that about him,? Jolene started to help Heather clean up the mess, ?You know the things people say about you aren?t true.?

?Oh? What exactly do they say about me??

?I think you know, Heather. They say all sorts of things about you, like how mean you are to everyone and how lazy you are.?

?And when you say ?they? do you mean ?you???

?Okay, maybe some of those things they say about you are true.?

Silently, Heather placed the pink cellular phone and assorted ice cream supplies back into the cupboard, and placed her purse over her shoulder.

?I?m going to be soooo late for my Jazzercise, I hope you?re happy.?

Jolene was cleaning out some of the blenders as Heather left the area.

?Thank God I can talk to you today,? the tall man let out a sigh of relief., ?That girl gets on my nerves.?

?Heather? It doesn?t seem like many people like her.?

?No, Jolene.?

?Is everything okay??

?Yeah, it?s just the drama here. Jolene is just as bad, if not worse than everyone else.?

?How so??

?For example, did you know that Derek was gay? I sure didn?t until Sophia realized that he didn?t want to date her. Also, I?m in some sort of cult, since I wear this metal bracelet around. That, or I?m in a gang?. I keep forgetting which rumor they are spreading around about me now.

?Like I said, young padawan, I?m the normal one. I mean, it isn?t so bad a place to work. It sure beats working at a day-care center. All of the people I work with are a lot of fun to watch and observe, just, you know, I don?t like them on a personal level. I?m just like Jane Goodall and the apes, really. Every so often Heather discovers a gray hair and has to leave work early for a dye job, or Derek starts a fight with one of the customers. It?s moments like those that make the job worth doing.?

?And what about Jolene??

?Joe? She?s nice, a little insane, but nice. Between you and me, I just want a break from her. I don?t have any sort of clues for your little manhunt.?

?We?d need to have a suspect first to have a manhunt.?

?You?ve been doing this for a while, haven?t you? Don?t you have any real suspects??

?Pretty much everyone who is working here is a suspect, including you.?

?That?s reassuring.?

?It?s a difficult job sometimes. I?m sorry if that offends you.?

?It?s just that I?ve never been a suspect in a murder before. It?s the kind of thing you don?t really aspire towards.?

?Heather said something about Thomas and Sophia dating,? I tried to regain some credibility, ?Can you tell me about that??

?Ugh, that was a nightmare, wasn?t it? Every day Sophia would explode into some sort of hissy fit because of him.?

?Was he? abusive towards her??

?No. She just expects everyone to kowtow before her. Thomas had a lot of school and stuff going on, she couldn?t handle that he actually had a life.?

?Oh, I see.?

?She?s really, really into the superficial stuff. More than once, I?ve seen her sculpt Louis Vuitton purses out of frozen yogurt without even realizing.

A generic love medley from the 1950?s popped up onto the radio, catching Jolene?s immediate attention. As a not-so-subtle hint to Ryan she turned the volume up, and went back to cleaning up Ice Cream World. He held a sad expression on his face, and rolled his eyes.

?Sophia always did this, too,? Ryan said softly, ?Speaking of oldies music--?

?We weren?t talking about oldies music.?

??what exactly classifies an oldie, anyway? Is it a specific time period, or does everyone have their own description of what is an oldie??

?I think,? I paused, trying to collect my thoughts, ?That it covers everything from the 70?s to late 70?s. It?s an era thing.?

?So in 20 years will Spice Girls be considered oldies, or will the genre not expand with time? Of course, that?s assuming the cyborgs don?t take over,? he paused, ?Or the zombies? or the apes??

?When is the last time you saw Thomas??

?Not the night before he died, but the night before that, I guess. He was training for his supervisor position with the Boss.?

?Anything interesting happen??

?Not really. Jolene and I were working together before her shift had ended, and she got into an argument with me about company procedure.?

?Company procedure??

?How to scoop ice cream.?

?You?re joking.?

?No, I?m not. She spent a half an hour explaining to me how to scoop with the wrist, but I couldn?t because it was practically broken. I was playing computer games the night before for hours, and it put a lot of stress on my wrists. Scooping like that really hurt. Basically I told Jolene what she could do with the ice cream scoop, and she flipped out.?

?Oh??

?Yeah, it was a big mess. She went to Thomas about it, and I explained my story to him. He sided with me, and damn, the two of them were practically screaming at one another.?

?They got into a heated argument? This is the type of thing you?re supposed to tell the police detective.?

?Uh? Felix was it? The girls here do nothing but rip each other apart. Alone, Heather has made more formal complaints with the union than every other employee in the mall, combined. The unusual thing would be if they actually got along for once, that?s the time when you really need to call the authorities.?

?This isn?t a very healthy work environment, is it?

?You have no idea. Just come here tomorrow and see the sparks fly.?

?Why? What?s tomorrow??

?The ceremony, for Tom, didn?t you get the memo? They?re dedicating the Food Court in his honor, we?re all going to be there.?

?With the way you make it sound, nobody liked him enough to show up to something like that.?

?They don?t, but they?re paying us holiday rate, double time, as some sort of compensation.?

?So much for unity.?

?Unity nothing. There?s no way I?m missing out on $14.68 an hour.?

Hours later, long after the mall had closed I called for Police Commissioner Daniel Lewis to join me at Ice Cream World. With a little help, I thought, I?d be able to break down the clues and try to make sense of the murder. I was looking through notes I had taken of the employees, desperately searching for something lead me in the right direction. After many hours, the plastic chair had begun to dig into my back.

Officer Lewis wasn?t very tall, or very intelligent, or very handsome, and he didn?t really have best grooming habits, but one for one reason or another he was widely considered to be invaluable to the force. Unfortunately, his ?brilliant? campaigns to take a bite out of crime had failed to accomplish their goals. No matter how much pizza he bought, or how many gold stars he gave his employees, the violent crime rate only continued to soar.

Regardless of how I felt about him though, he was still a friend of mine at one point, and more importantly, he was my boss. Besides, any feedback was welcome at that point. Daniel was wearing his uniform, his freshly pressed and navy blue exterior was a far cry from my own faded khakis and white collared shirt. There was a lot to be said for looking the part of a professional, but I?d much rather focus on a case than my wardrobe.

?How are things at the station?? I asked, ?What?s going on these days??

?Just the usual. The new kids are morons and think they own the place. Mike got divorced to Cynthia? we?ll see if it sticks this time. Oh yeah, and legal?s tearing us apart over a wrongful arrest suit. It?s only going to mean more cutbacks for everything.?

?Those just happen sometimes, it shouldn?t be the huge issue that it is.?

Daniel stared at he curiously, ?If nobody else is going to uphold the law, who will? I?m working on starting a new program within the division, rewarding them for every month we can go without a legal claim against us making it?s way to court.?

?Positive reinforcement??

?Maybe like tickets to a baseball game, or something. You have any ideas??

?How about they just do their job??

?Speaking of which, how?s the case coming along, Felix?? Daniel asked, taking a long sip from his coffee mug.

?It?s a pain in the ass, and moving nowhere fast.?

?There?s no way it can be that difficult. I figured that this case would be well within your means?

?The suspects are making things tough. They are either complete morons, or the best liars I?ve ever met in my entire life. In two days of talking with them I?ve yet to see even the slightest hint of grief.?

?That happened to me once, I started asking around a tuna cannery for information about a murder and nobody seemed to care. Turned out I went to the wrong factory??

?No, this is nothing like that. I?m at the right place at the right time with the right people. They just don?t care. They?re more concerned about? scooping ice cream and dating and union dues.?

?These people haven?t been exposed to the real world. We?re a different breed: we?ve been around the globe, gotten an education? you know how it is dealing with these more common murders.?

?I guess, yeah.?

?In Hong Kong you were always obsessing with the ladies, too. Remember Ming, how did things ever turn out with her??

?You know exactly how things went,? I glared, ?She stood outside of our building every day at lunch time. You had convinced me after a month that she was waiting for me, but I was too nervous to talk to her??

?And after months of second guessing it, you finally spoke to your prostitute.?

?She was never waiting for me at all, Daniel. You knew the whole time the was just soliciting herself on that street corner. That was a cruel joke.?

?You have to admit it was funny, though. You?re such a wuss. Whatever happened to your sense of humor??

?I kind of lost it when I started to investigate murders every day. Sorry I can?t spend my afternoon putting smiley stickers onto our bulletin board like you.?

?Get over it, Lafferty,? Daniel set his coffee onto the table forcefully, causing some of it to spill out, ?We?ve been through the exact same training, the same experiences. You?re just a failure who can?t get his act together.

?How is it that I?m Commissioner now, and you?re barely making it from case to case??

?I wish I knew.?

?Act like you already know the answer to the question before you ask it, and they?ll end up spilling out what you need to know. These people live to scoop yogurt. ?

?Ice cream, Daniel,? I rose from my seat, offended, ?The yogurt is only soft-serve here.?[/font][/quote]

[Shy]

[quote][font=trebuchet ms][size=5][center][b]Day Three[/b][/center][/size]
Most mornings the food court would open at 10, but that day was special. On this surprisingly warm Wednesday all of the food court was forced by mall management to remain closed until 11. The purpose of this unscheduled mall closure was not to wax the floor, or spray the mall for potato bugs, but to mourn the loss of one of it?s own. Thomas Webster?s life had been tragically cut short earlier that week, and it was decided upon that the best way to honor his memory was to dedicate a food court in his memory.

In celebration of such a momentous occasion, his co-workers were encouraged to give speeches on Thomas?s behalf. Of those who had survived him, none were interested, and in hindsight, it was probably for the best. Included in the handful of mourners were the mall?s owners, fresh from a shady business dealing in Seoul, Ice Cream World?s staff, and myself.

Sophia, Derek, Ryan and I were admiring a copper plaque that had just been installed on one of the building?s support beams: ?Aim for the Moon, and you?ll always reach a star. Thomas Webster 1983-2004.?

?This plaque is hideous,? Sophia cut into the moment of silence effortlessly, ?I don?t think this is the type of thing he would want to be remembered for.?

?It?s not bad,? Ryan tried to offer a bit of enthusiasm, ?All he did with his life was work at Ice Cream World. It?s a fitting tribute.?

Derek chimed in, ?If he had worked at one of the clothing outlets, maybe the Koreans would have given him a silver plaque instead? You know, they named an ice skating rink after Charles Schultz when he passed away.?

?Who?s Charles Schultz?? Sophia asked.

?He?s the man who created ?Peanuts,?? Derek replied.

?Really?? she pondered this for a moment, ?I always thought they grew out of the ground.?

Not skipping a beat, I continued my investigation, ?This must be hard for you, Sophia, since you and Thomas had dated for so long.?

?It?s kinda surprising. When they stop talking to you, and stop buying you nice things, and stop bringing you flowers all of the time you really stop caring about them. It?s like that book I read.?

?You read?? Derek and Ryan asked in unison.

?Wait, maybe it wasn?t a book. It might have been on back of one of my magazines. It?s the 10 Commandments of Love, like the kind Jesus used. The first commandment was ?Don?t let the job get between your love.?? Sophia carefully said each word, trying extra hard to remember, ?So when we broke things off the last time, I knew it was over.?

?Sounds informative,? I said absently.

?Oh, it is, detective! I live by the seventh commandment: ?Know when to be a missionary.??

?That?s uh? that?s great, Sophia.?

?You don?t know the half of it,? she winked at Ryan, forcing a smile out of him.

It appeared that in the past few days some sort of friendship had been formed between Sophia and Ryan. Hoping not to get too involved in whatever was happening, I ignored it at the time.

?It?s all so unreal,? she continued, ?I mean, everyone wishes their ex-boyfriend was dead? but very it doesn?t happen to very many of them. I must be special.?

?Very special,? I said.

?I?m sure they are preparing the movie of the week about you right now, Sophia,? Derek added.

Citing a severe lack of substance in the conversation, I moved over towards Heather, dressed in a revealing black sequined gown seen daylight since New Year?s Eve of 1994. She was painfully overdressed, as the others only wore blue jeans with black strips draped across their Ice Cream World name badges.

An hour before the ceremony began, Heather had decided to provide some refreshments. Several flavors of Vitashakes sat on the large table; every available inch of space was either covered by a pitcher or a business card with her name and business phone number on it. Heather stood closely to the table, prominently displaying much more than the free samples -- she was trying to sell herself to everyone in attendance.

?It was very nice of you to provide the refreshments, Heather,? I said, staring into the mouth of an especially thick mixture of Vitashake, ?Most people don?t offer weight loss shakes in this type of gathering.

?I know, I just felt like I needed to do something, you know? Like, what could I give to these people to help them through their pain??

?What would you recommend??

?Funberry is my favorite, I?d try that.?

I grabbed a pitcher of thick orange liquid and hoped for the best. Even though I had tilted it at a sharp angle none of the stuff was coming out; by tapping on the container I could finally free some large droplets of the gooey solution into my cup.

In unison Ryan and Derek approached us. They were looking for something to drink, and talking among themselves.

?I really think it?s Sophia,? Derek said, ?Just look at her. You don?t expect someone like her to do that, and she?s got a lot of motivation.?

?It?s not Sophia, it?s Heather. She?s a cold and calculating monster, and now she?s putting on an act for everyone by trying to pretend she is sympathetic,? Ryan locked eyes with Heather, ?You?re putting on an act.?

?I am not putting on an act!? she shouted, ?I sincerely cared about Tommy.?

??Tommy?? You?ve never called him Tommy before in your life,? Derek said.

?No, but I always thought about calling him that. Like, why can?t you give someone a nickname after they die??

?Well for one they?re not around to here it,? I said, ?I don?t really think it?s polite for us to be accusing one another of murder here, anyway.?

?Murder?? Ryan looked shocked, ?We were just trying to figure out who was going to be the new supervisor. We?re not going to do your job for you, lazy ass.?

Offended by my legion of suspects, I walked away. Amid the customers who were impatiently waiting for the Thomas Webster Memorial Food Court to open up was Jolene, sitting alone quietly on a fold-out chair. I approached her cautiously, unsure of whether or not she was going to have the same type of attitude towards me that the others did.

Jolene was wearing her short hair in curls, making her seem a few years younger than she actually was. Also, I noticed, she was wearing makeup for the first time that I could recall. It wasn?t in the clownish sort of way that Heather wore her stuff, and it was comforting to know that someone at the ceremony had a bit of class left.

?You?re not interested in arguing with the rest of them?? I asked her.

?Not this time,? she groaned, ?I figure we can at least wait until our real shifts start. Getting holiday rate to attend Thomas? funeral is kind of morbid when you think about it.?

?I guess. He was your guys? supervisor, after all. Like it or not he probably played an important part in your work here. It?s nice of them to compensate you for the grieving process like this.?

?I didn?t really want to apply for supervisor in the first place,? she said, ?It was Heather who really motivated me to do it.?

?She doesn?t seem like the motivating type to me.?

?She isn?t. I saw that she was applying and thought, ?She?s terrible at her job. If she can apply and has a shot at it, so do I. And that?s really why I did it in the first place, it?s not as if I wanted the position so badly, but it really, really hurt when I didn?t get it.?

?Heh. That?s what happened to me with the Police Commissioner thing. I didn?t really want it, but I knew that Daniel wasn?t ready for it either. We both applied, he got the job, and I found out that I need to work on my ?organizational skills.??

?What does that mean??

?Not sure. I think it means, ?You do a good job, but we don?t like you enough to give it to you.? That?s pretty much what I took out of it.?

?Ouch.?

?It?s okay. The responsibility wouldn?t have been worth it anyway, I just wanted it so that someone else wouldn?t have the job. At least the guy who got it actually wanted the position.?

Jolene giggled to herself softly.

?What?s so funny??

?Nothing, nothing,? she grinned, ?It?s just, I think that?s why I have any sort of interest in Ryan. He?s really quite rude when you get down to it, and his music is pretty terrible, too.?

?But you want him because Sophia wants him.?

?I?m kind of lacking in direction, yeah. I switched majors three times before deciding on Small Business Management, so that I could run stores in the mall, and stuff. I don?t really like this, either, but at least I would have some idea of what I?m doing.

I really admire the people who can pick a major, or a job, and stick with it You know what you?re going to be doing for the rest of your life. You are going to solve murders and crimes and stuff, right? That?s who you are.?

A small chill of fear ran up and down my spine.

?I like the makeup, Jolene,? I smiled at her, ?Now don?t push your luck by saying things like that.?

?Well it?s the truth. What do you want me to tell you??

?A decent clue wouldn?t exactly hurt at this point.?

As everyone expected it to be, the actual dedication was brief. None of the Korean investors knew Thomas well enough to make a lengthy speech, nor had they conquered the English language so they could actually give one. Five minutes following the dedication the entire area was alive and filled with the sound of commerce once more. By scheduling them all in the morning, Ice Cream World had a record five employees to open the shop.

However, This would create a problem since nobody was actually scheduled to close the shop. Heather gladly volunteered to work a double, and receive the union-dictated overtime that came with it.

She decided that she looked so good in her formal attire that she didn?t need to change clothes after the dedication. As a result, many customers from that fateful day would fondly look back at the time the skeletal woman in a flowing black evening gown served them their Rainbow Sherbet. A rotational system had been set up by the employees; two would be working while the other three sat around and wasted time together. It was very effective in the way it prevented the whole group from starting some sort of riot amongst themselves. Also, Derek had only gotten more ill as the days drew on. The token minority was in no condition to scoop ice cream (with the wrist, of course) in more than 15 minute increments.

A couple of hours into the shift I returned to Ice Cream World. I had returned to the station once again, and received a verbal lashing from Daniel. I had to solve the case that day, he said, or I shouldn?t even bother to show up for work the following one.

Sophia and Jolene were standing side by side at the kiosk, serving customers and trying their best to friendly. Jolene had admitted that she didn?t really have any feelings for Ryan, and this pleasant news put Sophia into an especially chipper mood. Any feelings of resentment she had felt towards the girl had washed away, and the seeds of a friendship had formed. Well, not a friendship, maybe just an acquaintanceship.

Ryan was watching the girls from afar, pretending that he had a pair drum sticks. He was using the table as a giant, imaginary drum set. ?Air drums,? I guess is the term.

?How?s it going, Ryan?? I asked, tucking in my shirt in an attempt to look somewhat professional.

?It?s going okay, man. Long night.? Ryan grinned.

?Oh??

?Just girls, man. They?re tiring sometimes.?

Nearby Derek exploded into a sneezing fit.

?I haven?t had a lot of experience with them, not as much as I?d like.?

?Yeah, I had this one girl over at my place all night.?

?Oh, well, as long as you?re safe,? I said, completely oblivious to what I had gotten myself into.

?Dude! I can?t believe you just said that!?

?Said what??

?You said I had sex with Sophia.?

?But? but I didn?t say that. I didn?t say that at all. Nobody said anything about Sophia.?

At this point we had gathered the attention of the other employees on break. Derek had his jaw dropped in disbelief, while Heather decided to ignore it and continued to stroke her hair lovingly.

?And besides,? I switched gears a bit, ?You can sleep with someone without sleeping with them.?

?That doesn?t make any sense.?

?Yes it does. You can share a bed and not go through with it.?

??Go through with it??? Ryan laughed, ?You make it sound like a chore, and it?s not, man. Its definitely, definitely not a chore.?

I think now would be a good to point out my qualifications and experience as a police detective. I graduated top of my class from Michigan State University with a double major Criminal Science and Law Enforcement. Immediately following that I enlisted in the National Guard, taking an extended stay in Hong Kong with the Central Intelligence Agency.

Between college and the National Guard, I was away from Southern California for almost eight years. I had traveled the world, seen and done so many things that others never have the chance to. Returning home I was a new man, a better man. It was soon after that I had been accepted into the LAPD?s Apprentice Detective Program, learning how to put my education to work in real-world situations. By the end of that experience I had received recommendations and top honors from various groups and organizations, including the Governor himself. He applauded the outstanding example I had set for police detectives in this, and every other law enforcement agency in the country. At the time, I was the best there was. In fact, I think I still am.

?You did sleep with her, didn?t you??

?I don?t even know you, why am I telling you this? You?re just some perverted detective.?

Derek, sensing a confrontation, stepped in, ?Hey, did you know that the Sputnik satellite had less processing power than my wristwatch does? That?s pretty cool. If I could build a time machine and travel back to the 1950?s, I could take over the world.?

?You?re such an idiot!? Heather stood up and glared at Derek, ?Like, if you could build a time machine then you would be taking over the world with something more than a wristwatch, wouldn?t you??

Skelebitch walked away from Ice Cream World, pissed off as usual.

?Children,? she groaned, ?I feel like such a babysitter sometimes??

A large, balding man walked past Heather and towards the store.

?Hey,? He was cradling a two-year old girl with his right arm, ?You got fudge here??

?Fudge?? Sophia asked, ?I don?t think we sell fudge?.?

She turned around and looked at Ice Cream World?s enormous menu. They did sell fudge, a lot of it. In fact ?Ice Cream World? was probably a misnomer, had the man just read the sign like she did, he would have known all about the chocolate chunk, banana swirl, and the several peanut butter varieties. Also, he could probably have read the sign much faster than Sophia did, she was kind of slow like that.

?Yeah. We do have fudge. It says so on the sign.?

Insulted, the man gave her a dirty look.

?You don?t have to be so rude, I was just asking a simple question.?

?And the answer is even more simple!? she countered, ?Read the sign. It?s not my job to tell you.?

?It is your job,? Jolene said, ?You have the apron on.?

?Oh,? she made an angry face at the man, ?I?m sorry? sir. Are you looking for something special??

?I?m looking for fudge.?

?Oh? okay?.?

Awkward silence.

?Would you like some of our classic fudgers ?n? nuts? It?s the cheapest fudge we have.?

?Are you calling me poor??

?Well,? Sophia looked disappointed with the man?s fashion crime, a wife-beater top and pajama pants, ?I just figured since you didn?t know what you wanted, you would want to spend less.?

?Don?t insult me!? he bellowed so loudly that the Mongolian Chef at Ghengis P. Wokington could hear him, ?I?ll take a large cup of mint molasses.?

?So? no fudge??

?No fudge.?

?Whatever.?

She handed the man his mint molasses, which he politely paid for in small change spread out across the countertop. Sophia groaned, and shooed him and his little girl away as the child began to cry.

Noticing that they were running short on spoons, Sophia opened up one of the cabinets to grab a few more. The entire contents of the cabinet poured out on the ground, including the mysterious pink cellular phone from the night before.

Noticing the mess that she had made, and hoping to avoid further conversation with Ryan, I wandered over to the kiosk to see what was going on.

?OMFG!? she giggled, ?I found my phone!?

?That?s your phone?? I asked, ?It?s been there for a few days.?

?I was wondering what happened to it, too. I haven?t had it since Saturday night.?

My eyes lit up as Sophia turned on her phone for the first time in days. A poorly rendered pop tune came from the device, signaling that she received a new text message.

?That?s weird,? Sophia looked more confused than usual as she read the message, ?What is this all about??

[b][i][center][font=courier new][size=3]Hey Sophia! I M comin to meet you tonight like U wanted. U R not answerin UR fone Wut is up? -Tom[/size][/font][/center][/i][/b]

?I don?t get this. I wonder what Thomas wanted,? she said, placing the phone back into the pocket of her designer jeans.

?I think I might know, Sophia,? I said softly, ?I think Jolene knows, too.?[/font][/quote]
[size=1]Any formatting issues in this post were not present in the original post. Converting long word files such as this to an OB post takes a bit of reformatting, so yeah.

-Shy[/size]

[Shy]

[quote][font=trebuchet ms][center][size=5][b]Day Four[/b][/size][/center]

?Would you like to try some of our frosty flakes? They?re kind of like graham crackers that you can put on your ice cream, only bite sized.?

?No thanks,? I replied, ?You know why I?m here? Jolene.?

It was the following night, and I had solved the murder of Thomas Webster. Using Sophia?s phone to contact Thomas, Jolene Martin had lured him to Ice Cream World the night of the murder. Thomas went to the mall thinking Sophia just wanted to get back together, but sometime that evening end up with several dozen knife wounds to the back instead. There?s some sort of irony to that, I guess. Irony is for the living. I was more concerned about knowing the specifics from the murder, and who would know better than the murderer herself?

?Tell me what happened.?

?I?ll tell you, Felix, but I want to know that you?ll believe me.?

?I don?t make any promises I can?t keep. We?ll see. Just talk.?

?Okay. Thomas and I had gotten into a big fight the day before, about whether or not he was qualified for his job at all. We were here, serving customers when he started to talk down a little kid because he didn?t have enough money to pay for what he ordered.

?How can I be the one with ?poor interpersonal skills?? I thought what he did was uncalled for, and I let him know it. But Sophia was there and he needed to set some sort of example for questioning his authority, so he had a ?conference? with me.?

?A conference?? I asked.

?It?s just another fancy word for getting your ass handed to you by the boss. He did it in the middle of the mall, in front of everyone. I was furious, and I didn?t speak to him for the rest of my shift.?

?So you killed him??

?No, then I tried to apologize to him, but he wasn?t at work the next day. I called him on my phone but he wouldn?t reply, and then I got the idea to borrow Sophia?s. She always leaves her stuff all over the shop, anyway, so it?s not like she would have noticed.?

?And you text him to come meet you at Ice Cream World after hours, to apologize??

?I told you that you wouldn?t believe me. You don?t understand how things are here.

We both care too much, I think. I spend my time daydreaming about a perfect boyfriend, or how cool it would be to become supervisor and prove that I?ve done something with my time here, or even how it would be nice to not hate everyone I work with. I build up these huge fantasies in my head, and then I have to show up to work.

?All day long everyone insults each other and it?s been like that long before I started at the shop, probably since Heather was new, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth. Derek thinks he is better than everyone else, and the rumor is that he has syphilis now??

?I haven?t heard that one yet. It would make sense, yeah.?

?Ryan is just a jerk. It?s hard to hear me saying this, but Sophia can do better than that.

?And Sophia? she?s not a terrible person. I can see where?s she coming from half of the time. She cared about Thomas so much that it verged on insanity. He started to act like a jerk, and when he didn?t live up to her idea of a perfect boyfriend she had created in her head she freaked out.

?So I still don?t understand how this has to do with the murder.?

?Because Thomas Webster was an ass, that?s how it has to do with the murder. He would march into work 15 minutes later every day because he was always too busy with school to do his job. You know what classes he was taking? 4 unit?s a semester, and it was almost always a PE class. We attended the same college and I?d see him lounging around campus all of the time, flirting with girls while I ended up rushing from one class to the next.

?And to top it off, he wouldn?t acknowledge me outside of work. I would take time out of my day to say ?hi? and the only time he ever responded was when he wanted to talk about some stupid practical joke he had played on me months ago.

?So Thomas comes to Ice Cream World and he gives me a speech about being at the shop after hours, not even realizing that I had sent the text message and invited him. Somehow it would have been okay if Sophia had really invited him, I bet.

He just kept talking down to me like he was so much better than I was; I couldn?t even get a word in edgewise and explain. So that?s when I pulled out the knife.?

?Oh. So that?s how it happened.?

?I don?t mess around.?

There was a pause in the conversation. The mall was closing down for the night, and many of the other shops and kiosks had shuttered their doors until the morning. The only sound that could be heard was of an old woman, pushing her squeaky walker through the Thomas Webster Memorial Food Court.

?You?re right about everything you said, Jolene,? I looked her in the eyes, ?He really would have made a terribly supervisor.?

?Why did you leave so suddenly yesterday, Felix? I could have dyed my hair blond and fled to Mexico by now.?

?Because I knew you weren?t going to leave, Jolene. You?re going to be the next supervisor at Ice Cream World.?

?Not if I?m serving life in prison, or, you know, worse.?

?After I left I went back to my precinct, and I ran into my boss. Talking to him again, dealing with him again made it completely clear why someone would do what you did. I probably would have done it myself, Jolene. But I had a job to do, I had to pick up some paperwork.?

?Are you going to read me my Miranda rights now??

?No,? I said, ?I?m going to tell you that I quit my job and told Daniel to fuck off.

?That was terribly unprofessional of you,? Jolene smiled at me, ?You?ll never make Police Commissioner now.?

?It?s okay. I don?t really mind.?

?Right before leaving I filed the whole investigation as a cold case. With the crime rate rising like it is, there?s no time to time for the city to resolve the mystery of who killed Thomas Webster.?

?Now what are you going to do, Felix??

?I?m not really sure, my dear. I was thinking about trying the Rocky Road.?[/font][/quote]
[size=1]And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed it. More correctly, I hope you actually read it... me wanting you to enjoy it is secondary.

-Shy[/size]

[Boba Fett]

[color=green]I liked the story, Shy. It really was an interesting read; the diverse cast of suspects and their individual quirks seemed to work really well in the story. Additionally, I found the workplace drama pretty convincing, especially when the detective begins to use their slang/inside expressions (Skelebitch).

Especially convincing was Felix; he really seemed to capture the demeanor of a good TV show detective, with an almost Law and Order dark humor about him.

Crime dramas/mysteries are by far, in my experience, the hardest stories to write so I commend you (for what it?s worth) on this one.

**While reading through, I noticed a ?hr? somewhere in either chapter two or three, which was definitely a misspelling or typo. Upon skimming back over the story, I couldn?t find it. Guess this isn?t much help, but I thought I?d mention it.[/color]

[AzureWolf]

[FONT=book antiqua][SIZE=2][COLOR=blue]Wow, that was surprisingly good. I mean, how interesting can an ice cream-based murder be? You respond with a surprising answer with an unexpected result. It was all in the characters, and that's why such a seemingly simple concept worked so well. I liked the narration: smooth flow with a touch of cynism.

There were a few typos. Admittedly, I should have kept track of all of them as I came across them so you could fix them easily. But yeah, that wasn't a big deal, (although I think it made the dialogue confusing at one point).

Anyway, while the twist at the end was very nice, it did seem rather abrupt. Not the punchline, but the "it was coming" feel of it. I know you did flesh it out quite a bit throughout, but I don't think it was enough. Do you know what I mean? Like, [SPOILER]you used the scene with the main character's boss to hint at it, and Felix was a bit cynical about his job. Heck, you even had him cringe when Joelene mentioned that he'd be doing it for the rest of his life[/SPOILER]. Even with all of this, I don't know why, but it did feel like you didn't hint at it enough. Does that make sense?

Also, I found myself very anxious when I had to go to the next chapter/post/act and read the narration/setting paragraphs. You know, the parts when Felix isn't narrating. I don't know if that means you made a very enjoyable character to read/experience through, or that the intro paragraphs were boring. So, take that comment as you will.

Anyway, it was a very nice murder story with a refreshing ending. I really did not see that coming! I like how you put some irrelevant conflict and resolution to mislead us into thinking other people did it. Also, it was very consistent: the pacing never drops (except at the opening of each act, as stated before), and the ending is very abrupt and seemingly out of place. However, if you look back at the clues (that can be seen my spoiler part), it is very suitable.

Hope that made sense. I wouldn't be surprised if people discussed this thing to great lengths after reading it. It's very possible. I recommend it to anyone. You haven't read anything like it before.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[Mitch]

I noticed a lot of errors peppered throughout it, as well as using quotation marks incorrectly here and there, and other mistakes. The story's too big for me to point them all out, but it's not anything to worry about. There's also your misuse of "its," as well. But don't worry about it.

The strongest point of this story is the dialogue. You have a phenomenal talent when it comes to dialogue, and in this story you show that. It's some of the best dialogue I've ever read, and it takes up the largest chunk of the story. It is a little off at times, however, but most of the time it's top-notch. By your use of dialogue, you're able to sell the characters of this story, to flesh them out. I'm very impressed with how quirky the characters are and how well you make them seem real. I know that you based each character off of someone you know, and I can tell Derek was modelled after you.

The biggest con to the story is the ending. . .I expected the fourth part to be longer: the past three chapters of it had been well-drawn out and wholesome. The last part feels anorexic in comparison to the meaty, filling rest of it. The ending also came too abruptly, and it definitely needs to be fleshed out as much as the rest of the story is. The ending was unexpected, though, and surprising. You had hinted subtlely at what happened. I don't think you need to hint at it better, though: that doesn't matter to me as a reader to be able to guess correctly how it would end.

This is really an amazing story, and I really enjoyed it, Shy. You have a lot of talent as a writer, especially when it comes to dialogue: you're very versatile with it, and I'm envious.

Thank you for this story. If you ever want me to help you fix all the errors throughout it, I'll be your guest, or if you just need help making it better in general.

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]Well, I really loved the ending, like the actual scene itself, but like the others said, there's just something very abrupt about it, like something else needs to happen right before it. Maybe just a short piece about Felix being back at the Commissioner's Office or something, and, again like the others said, hinting a little bit more about the ending.

Otherwise - I really, really enjoyed this story. (And I read it, too! ;)) The greatest part for me was the characters. On a superficial level, they were wonderfully constructed, and supported themselves. But you also subtly created them on a deeper level, especially in 'Day Four', where Jolene opens up and you realize she's more than just the cynical psycho. Then you begin to see perhaps deeper facets of the other characters, all of whom are jaded, on some level or another. Which I really liked, how they all had that one unifying feature.

Good stuff.

-Karma[/size][/color]

[Shinmaru]

[quote name='Mitch']The strongest point of this story is the dialogue. You have a phenomenal talent when it comes to dialogue, and in this story you show that. It's some of the best dialogue I've ever read, and it takes up the largest chunk of the story. It is a little off at times, however, but most of the time it's top-notch. By your use of dialogue, you're able to sell the characters of this story, to flesh them out. I'm very impressed with how quirky the characters are and how well you make them seem real. I know that you based each character off of someone you know, and I can tell Derek was modelled after you.[/quote]

Yeah, I agree with Mitch, the dialogue is definitely the strongest aspect of the story. The dialogue really fleshes out the characters - they all have their own slang, their own distinct manner of speaking, and every line that they speak just seems to fit the different characters to a tee. Plus, I'm a big fan of dialogue that usually would be considered mundane if you were to hear it in real life, but when it is said in a story it takes on a sort of satirical twist.

Overall, "Ice Cream World" is well written, though the typos and whatnot were a bit distracting at times. It's not such a big deal, since I know from experience that it can be really tough to keep track of these things, especially when you're writing a longer story lol.