Writing Random Writings [PG-13 for crude subjects and language

[Patronus]

[size=1][color=purple]I hope I did the writing thing correctly. Anyways, I'm going to post some poems/passages of some random things I've written in the past. [b]Constructive [/b]criticism is always accepted.[/color][/size]

[b][size=1][color=purple]Cross My Heart[/color][/size][/b]
[size=1][color=purple]Cross my heart[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]And hope to die[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]I hope you know[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]I can see through your lie[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Pressuring me[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]To say what I feel[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Only to find out[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]That it was never real[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]A fake smile[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]A brush against my thigh[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Why do you feel[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]You had to lie?[/color][/size]

[b][b][size=1][color=purple]Color Me Black[/color][/size][/b]
[/b][size=1][color=purple]You color me black[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]As I ponder how I should pay[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]And you color me black[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]When they're the words you don't say[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple](I love you)[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]You color me black[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]As the tears begin to drown me[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]And you color me black[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]It won't be much long until you see[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple](My pain)[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]You color me black[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]I cut the wrists and hold my head[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]And you color me black[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]But now all I see is red[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple](Goodbye)[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=purple][b]Why (Do I)[/b] (a song)[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Fuck everything you say[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Fuck everything you do[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Why do you put me through[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=purple]This never-ending story[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]This never-ending lie[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Why do I even feel these things inside?[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=purple]I'm betting that you're happy[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]But I don't give a damn[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]No one can break a heart like you can[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=purple]Why do I cry when I see you?[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Why do I smile when you speak?[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple](screamed) WHY DON'T YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME?[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=purple]Why do I put so much into this and you don't even see it?[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Why do I care so much after what you've put me through?[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]I think I know the answer...[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]I must be in fucking love with you.[/color][/size]

[b][size=1][color=purple]Kill Yourself for Me[/color][/size][/b]
[size=1][color=purple]Feel my lips cut your skin[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Cut the wrists and watch them bleed[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]This is what you mean to me[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]My hands touch the tender flesh[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Tearing, ripping at your heart[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]I'll give you the world[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]If you give me your life[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]Feel the love pour from your veins[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=purple]The following passage is just a random short from an English project.[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=purple]He said he knew what I was going through, and he was sorry. But did he? Had he experienced his black hole of a heart, in which anything and everything is caught and then shattered into millions of pieces? Because I had, and so had my heart, which was, indeed, shattered into millions of pieces on the ground between us. And as for him being sorry... I'm sure he is, because it was indeed treacherous for him to endure the pain of consuming my heart.[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple][/color][/size]
[size=1][color=purple]The stinging blade of those four words he muttered ever so quietly went through my chest, my ribs, and into my heart where it proceeded to tear my world apart. I felt the surroundings tear away from reality and then it was just me and him, though I wasn't sure exactly of what he was saying.[/color][/size]

[i][size=1][color=purple]I don't love you...[/color][/size][/i][size=1][color=purple] I think he was still speaking, but after he said those four words as quietly as he did, my world was gone. He was probably making excuses, yet there were none. I knew I was lost and would always be after that point. All because of those four words.[/color][/size]

[Kitty]

[COLOR=Blue][SIZE=1]Very dark and depressing. A very interesting style indeed.

Not one I've done very well in, mind you, but I have a little experience with it. What I want to know is, how you came up with all that? Did you get it from previous experiences? That's kind of what I used. Or did you think it up after hearing/reading/watching something?

But still, very well written and personal. I like them. And that excerpt was quite well done. ^_~[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Patronus]

[size=1]Thanks, Kitty. I really appreciate it. [/size]

[size=1]Here's a new one I wrote; I really like it.[/size]

[size=1]"[u]Original Suicide[/u]"
His
He just couldn't find happiness
A black cloud followed him everyday
And he found hate in everything he did
So he cut his wrists and said, "Mom, I'm on my way."[/size]

[size=1]Hers
She was ugly, unpopular, and abnormal
Those girls would never let her fit in
Even though she was beautiful on the inside
So she hung herself from the ceiling, and that was her end
[/size]
[size=1]This is original suicide
You are just following the trend[/size]

[Retribution]

Hm... I don't think you illustrated these two people's pain well enough. You give me a few sentences, and then say they committed suicide. I understand why they did it, but it makes the poem feel incomplete.

I also don't understand the whole 'original suicide' thing, and that I'm just following a trend. I don't understand.

[Patronus]

[size=1][QUOTE=Altron][/size]
[size=1]Hm... I don't think you illustrated these two people's pain well enough. You give me a few sentences, and then say they committed suicide. I understand why they did it, but it makes the poem feel incomplete. [/size]

[size=1]I also don't understand the whole 'original suicide' thing, and that I'm just following a trend. I don't understand.[/QUOTE] [/size]
[size=1]It wasn't meant to be a long, drawn out poem; I wanted it short and simple, and that's how it was. Down to the point. You don't need a background story on the pain, and where I say what they're going through without giving all their emotions lets you relate the poem to your life.[/size]

[size=1]Original suicide is referring to when suicide used to be an uncommon thing; nowadays, it's like a trend, and when people are going through the slightest bit of trouble, they think of, try to, or commit suicide.[/size]