Writing Gun [M-VL, Suicide]

[Guest Sean]

[SIZE=1][U][B]Gun[/B][/U]
This Cold Steel,
Against My Fore-Head,
Pull My Trigger,
Fuck My Life

Bullet Drive Hard,
Deep Into The Skin,
No Marks Left,
To Tell That It Was Me

Don't You Take Any Notice,
No Notice Of Me At All,
Left There To Die,
With The Blood About To Fall

All Across The World,
The Kids Don't Know,
Subliminal Message,
Government Suicide

Gun To The Head,
Pull The Trigger,
Leave Me Dead

---

I wrote this a good while ago, but I thought I would post it, for I found it when I was looking through some stuff. Comments and Critisicm?[/SIZE]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Not bad. Not bad at all. ^_^ My favorite line is the first two; This [i]Cold Steel/Against My Forehead[/i]. It's really quite a powerful opening and it sets the scene well. I didn't like the next two lines as much, but the first two were fantastic. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]My main complain would be that it gets a bit 'angsty' in some parts. But, you've said this was written a while ago, so that most probably would be the reason. As we grow as writers, we lose our melodramatic tendencies, heh. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]So yeah, heh. Really good poem. Well done. ^_^[/size][/font]