Retribution Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 [CENTER][B]Fake[/B] I look at your life. You play dress-up all day long... now you've lost yourself. Locked in your Maudi Gras mask. Ill fated. Lost. Fake. You're the one who's fucked.[/CENTER] The syllables went 5, 7, 5, 7, 5 ... 5. It's an extended haiku. Not exactly what you asked for, Lady Asphy, but I guess it is what it is. Anyway, don't be afraid to leave a comment. Be it positive, negative, or somewhere in the middle. I just want to know how to get better, but people aren't replying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
de1ayna Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 Hmm well since no one else Replied I thought that I would ,If you dont mind... well this is actually the first haiku that I have read :( But I liked it hmm I dont really know why O well XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retribution Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 I would've appriciated it more if you left a reason why you liked it. I [i]think[/i] you could tell that I wanted pointers/ways I could get better. Besides, it's in the rules. Anyway, you probably liked it because you are or know someone who's like in my poem. Someone fake, who acts the way they really aren't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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