Writing Hopelessness [PG]

[Talon]

[color=darkslategray][i]Lost in the nothingness, giving in to pain.
Hopes raised a moment, then dashed away.
Seeing everything in shades of gray.
Forging on forever with only loss to gain.

Hearts in my eyes, arms around sweet love,
Then stolen away, every dream I dare to hope.
Feeling like I'm dangling at the end of a rope.
Falling from grace like a broken-winged dove.

Paranoia setting in, seeing shadows everywhere.
Daring not to dream, giving in to fear.
Ignoring all the joy, ridicule is all I hear.
Running away, where I end I just can't care.

Love, mocking love, always just out of my reach.
Breathing through the bars of my self-made cage.
Mocking me through the haze of my red-eyes rage.
I pay no attention to the lesson it should teach.

Crying for my mother, crying for reprieve.
Arms wrapped around nothing, wherever is my life?
No girl to hold my hand, nothing holding me but strife.
Tears trail red-hot fires roughly banished by my sleeve.

Hopelessness crashes in, pain settles in the blood.
Tired eyes remain open, never giving up a chance.
A dream that love will blossom, a dream for true romance.
Never hope runs out, though hopelessness would bud.[/i][/color]

[b]EDIT:[/b] Duly noted, Eikou, and thank you.

[Epsilon]

[COLOR=slategray][SIZE=1]Very nicely done, Legacy.


I really like the emotion that you've chosen to emit through your' poem. Sounding similar to what I think of the terms, 'bitter sweet.' You've chosen a good-well rounded style for your poem, and it seems as though you've gotten a good grasp for it as well.

However there is a two lines that seems slightly, off. Or simply, mis-worded. The second and third line:

[QUOTE=Legacy][color=darkslategray][i]Hopes raised a moment, and then dashed away.
Seeing everything colored in shades of gray.[/i][/color][/QUOTE]
I think it may be better intertwined with the rest of the poem if the word: then, in the first line was removed. And/Or, the word 'colored' in the second.

Ex: [i] Hopes raised a moment, and dashed away.
Seeing everything in shades of gray.[/i]


Other then those two things, good job.[/SIZE][/COLOR]