Writing In my opinion this poem of mine does not make sence[pg-13]

[de1ayna]

YOU WILL NOT SAVE ME
Dont even try it you cant help me
I hate you and you wont ever change me
NO! I wont allow you to save me
I want to be alone all I need is to be alone
I want release from this suicidal confinement
to be free of all stressful restaints and be completely worryless

I hate you and your distorted sence of grace
and I hope to be thrown out of your so called *bleeping* grace

I am forever lost in my black maze
I am forever drowning in my see of dark and shadow haze
I hate you and you wont ever change me
no you will not save me
no one can save me from me


Hmm I think the reason this poem of mine confuses me is because I have to many un nessesary emotions in it ( mostly hate )
I would like some constuctive criticism on this if you dont mind :tasty:

I realize that I am quite repetative and i apologize :(

Hmm...no one seems to want to reply to this I wonder why. :confused:
I did ask for constructive criticism... but know i really would like...er any type of reply
perty pweez? :)


Sorry about that :(
It seems no one is posting to this anyway
If it is not too much to ask I would like you to lock this post for me I would be really thankful :wigout:
If you dont want to dont worry about it.XD

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]De1ayna, please do not double post. It is against Otakuboard's Rules, which I suggest you look at. And secondly, your double post was two minutes after your first post, which would not allow anyone time to post [i]Constructive [/i]Criticism, anyway.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]This is the second time I've deleted a double post of yours. Please do not double post again. If you feel the need to say more, simply edit your original post.[/size][/font]