Writing A Skateboarding Poem [PG-S]

[Charles]

My rail is long; it could use some waxin'
Dim the lights, hit the music, start relaxin'
When you start to wail
Baby, the neighbors know you're grindin' my rail
Hit my vert ramp, take it nice and easy
Heard you skate a lot of parks, but I don't mind sleazy
Buckle your helmet, wear your protection
'Cause this is going to be a full two hour session
You're a beginner but you do it with ease
Even though you spend a lot of time on your back and knees
They call me "The Bird Man" but I'm no Tony Hawk
You want it faster, faster, but with my board you walk
These are the XXX games, and I'm bringing the mackage
Forget ESPN--you don't need a digital camera to check out my package
My park is old school, straight up made out of wood
Turn out some tricks, just like you should
The only maintenance here is heavy screwing
Also there's plenty of sticky white--you know, from gluing
Best of all, in this park, there are no bones breaking
Although there is plenty of--snaking.

I was at work, completed the first two lines, and someone wanted to see how far I could take it; they insisted that I should complete the rest. So, this is what I came up with. The "two hour session" line refers to the length of sessions at the skate park--thus explaining that metaphor. Snaking is just a sort of reckless misbehavior--used again here in a different context. So, that should explain everything.

Anyway, since I haven't posted in here in quite a while, this is the first time I've used the ratings system. Man, we really need to do something with the "PG" rating. It doesn't make sense suggesting that someone would bring parental guidance into a thread. lol

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]Reading this is like drinking pure innuendo. lol I love it. It's so innocent but... not, at the same time. lol. And the quip about the PG rating was well placed. ;)[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]One of the better done poems I've seen in a while. Especially considering the innuendo. What kind of job do you have, where you get to write stuff like this?

"You're a beginner but you do it with ease
Even though you spend a lot of time on your back and knees"

Nobody can deny that that line has serious ass-kickage. Plus, you skillfully combined so many aspects of skateboarding with other things, like the steel polishing industry, and wood-working.

:p[/size]

[elfpirate]

That's pretty funny. There's so much inuendo that can come of skateboarding terminology... though I wonder if non- skaters understand even half of it?
Although I think your poem is missing "lip" and "gap" - tee hee...


*sk8Rgrrl*

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1][quote name='Charles']Turn out some tricks, just like should[/quote]

I'd swear that had an 'it' in there before...might wanna edit that back in.

Oh, and I don't skate, but I get all of it, in both 'worlds', lol. Skaters don't have the monopoly on skating terms, heh.[/size]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Ah, Charlie. You have to be one of my favourite writers on OB. Everything you write just makes me laugh, and at the same time it's so [i]easy[/i] on my writer/reader sensibilities. It all flows so well and it just...*sighs* Is it wrong to be in love with your writing? :p [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, as has previously been said, [i]great[/i] innuendo. Very 'Charlie' ^.~ [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Bravo, my Bwarble companion! [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]Charles dear, have I told you lately that I love you?

All hail the innuedo!

-Karma[/size][/color]

[Charles]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Following the first couple days after my initial post, I felt as if no one would reply so I'm very grateful for your insights. It was done all in fun; I had no intention of making a superb poem or anything. I suppose that's why a lot of your compliments are especially nice.

Baron--I work at a skate park but the job itself isn't why I'm able to write. I always find opportunities to write regardless of the job I'm at. For example, I wrote many of my battle raps for my thread with Heaven's Cloud at my previous job. Whenever ideas pop into my head, I love to write them down immediately--or record them as a voice memo on my phone. Also, I fixed the error you pointed out; thanks for bringing the typo to my attention. Good reading.

elfpirate--Your suggestions are great. lol

I'll try to work them in actually; I'm not sure how I could have overlooked such golden material.

Lady A--Your comments are flattering as always. Thanks for being in love with my writing too because I often hate it. It could probably use the moral support.

KarmaOfChaos--No, but if you had, I'm sure I would have twisted it into some strange innuendo by now. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to leave it at though so I may stare at your banner some more. Ahem.

[Annie]

[size=1][color=darkslategray]Oh my, Char-sempai. Most im[b]press[/b]ive. The rush just [b]perked[/b] my interest in the [b]board[/b]ing sport. I suddenly have the [b]urge[/b] to jump on a rail and [b]grind[/b] it out.

^_%[/color][/size]

[Japan]

[COLOR=Navy]You are spending [I]way[/I] too much time at work. lol

I really loved it. All of your poems are superb![/COLOR]

[The Vampire: Ed]

[COLOR=Red][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Knowing you as long as I have I can't say that I'm really surprised at how this poem turned out. It's awesome. You described everything so greatly and seeing as how it's littered with sexual innuedo--it also disturbed me. *shudders* Ugh... Good job, I guess... :eek: [/FONT][/COLOR]