Guest Sean Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 [CENTER][I]?Drip, Drip, Drip? Mako Enhancement Course? Level 1 - Completed Level 2 - Completed Level 3 - Completed Level 4 - Negative Results ? Make Shower Unit 5 Loading? Program Loaded? Initiating. ? Program Complete.[/I] ?He survived 3 of them sir, the 4th was Negative but he still survived? ?Excellent. Once he has recovered, take him to intense training? ?Yes sir, but he?s the only one that?s survived all 3, and survived to go through with 4...? ?I know?there was only one other, but we shall not say his name for the time being. Do as I say, and we?ll have him in intense training? ?Yes sir? A conveyor belt slowly started moving, and a lifeless body was being brought along it, still wet from the shower of the power of Gaia. His skin irradiating a glow of pure light. Pulsating through the room, the body still as lifeless as before, but the difference between this Unit 1 Soldier, and the others going through the same process, is he?s the only one surviving. Now with a medical cloak wrapped around him, he was shifted to the medical bay, through the process of a wheel chair. As the guard pushed the Soldier through the medical bay doors, he was greeted by the head nurse, who was gasping for air when she seen him. The last Soldier Unit 1, survived the Mako Enhancement Course. His skin still emitting that bright glow, only to be contrasted by his deep and black hair. She nodded towards the Soldier, just for confirmation from the guard. He nodded slowly, No words were passed, as the nurse lay the Soldier down on the bed the guard left the room, making sure he wasn?t going to be asked questions. The mysterious Unit 1 Soldier lay in that bed for weeks to come, and still the glow never went away, still emitting that ever-bright light. And still his hair contrasted it, black on white. [I]Beep, Beep, Beep[/I]?End Of Recording. Welcome to the Archives of Gaia. You have just watched the clip ?Mako Soldier 1?/Would you like to return to the Index? [b]Yes[/b] Thank you. Please select your time zone, we vary from the dawn of Gaia, and the coming of the Meteor. We have everything recorded to this date. What time zone would you like? [b]Midgar Bombing[/b] You have selected the bombing of Midgar. System Loading?Downloading Files From Server?Completed. Select Reactor Number. [b]Reactor 07[/b] We have a News Reading from the time, but we don?t have the video. We have the audio, but that is all that was recorded from that time. Would you like to play that? [b]Yes[/b] Very Well. Program Loading?Loaded. Playing? This is an emergency announcement to all those living around the Sector 06 and 07 Plate. The reactor for Sector 7 has been destroyed by a known terrorist gang calling themselves Avalanche. Here is a picture of the damage. [img]http://ffworld.my100megs.com/maccoreactor2.JPG[/img] We suspect many have died in the onslaught, and we expect that Avalanche will not stop until Midgar has no power. Please be wary of falling debris when your around the Sector 07 plate. Thank you and again, take caution. --Chanel 6 News. [I]Beep, Beep, Beep[/I]?End Of Recording. [b]Log Out[/b] ?Logging Out. A man in a black cloak with long black but with purple tinted hair, walked out of the booth and to the cold streets of Midgar. A group of 4 or so joined him as he walked along. He cleared his throat as they sat down by a bench. [b]Our Plan is to commense. We?re escaping Midgar. And in memory of my brother, we?ll give em? hell before we go.[/b][/CENTER] As you can see, I've been making a Final Fantasy VII RP. But not entirely FF7 ofcourse. This takes place in the same place of FF7, but not exactly the same time, I've decided maybe 50 or so years onward. What do you think? Constructive Critiscm and Comments would be great before I move it to the Inn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Zidargh Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I'm no writing critic, nor am I an author, but... [quote name='Reise']A man in a black cloak with long black but with purple tinted hair...[/quote], I really didn't like that line. The structure was off. Perhaps it would be best to edit that to; "A man in a black cloak walked out of one of the many booths that littered the street. His black hair glowed with the artificial light, the odd purple tints glaring now and again." That wasn't good either, but just an idea. You can often tell the quality of an RPG by the spelling-quality, so watch out for that. I've planned, created and participated in countless Final Fantasy RPG's. The only one that survived was Sage's Final Fantastic Survivor. I feel the main problem with these RPG's is like anything else based on a specific series/era, if you're going by a pre-existing story that was left open-ended previously, people are bound to have conflicting opinions of what was/is to happen in that world. Therefore you risk utter confusion. You must look ahead and ask yourself, "Do I really think this RPG could work? After all, it has to be interesting and constantly progressing. But most of all, it must be relevant to the story line." People tend to get bored of sequels to storylines because they start to lack the imagination needed for an RPG, because they worry about it sticking relevant to that world, and what has happened previously. I [i]loved[/i] the city of Midgar. It's drearyness and themes were wonderful. A beautiful setting I feel. But bear in mind it was [spoiler]blown to smithereens[/spoiler] pretty much, and I highly doubt people would want to rebuild that city for they felt so oppressed. Therefore, I would've thought the majority of people would've evacuated it long ago. But who knows? You set it 50 years ahead, obviously you have a flexible period. Just make sure you cover that aspect. If you can make it work, I'll take my hat off to you, but it will take a fair bit of planning. By all means go for it. Perhaps you should give a tiny bit more of a background story to this 'five' aswell. I sound very critical but I hope it helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Guest Sean Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 [SIZE=1]Thanks muchly ^___^. Now I know I still have alot of work to do. I was planning on writing about the 5 'others' and posting it along with the Sign-Up, but I think it's better to use this for that aswell as the Inn. It is greatly appreciated, and I'll start working on the edit of this, along with the character's. And yes, the descriptionn wasn't the best, that's something I'll edit. Until then I would still love comments and all the jazz. ^__^[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Sakura Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 [COLOR=Navy]All the ideas that are flowing are great. I'm really looking forward to this new RP. I love all Final Fantasy related RPs. I like the new characters you've got so far, they're coming along nicely. If you still need help with anything you can ask me. Hope you save me a spot in the RP ^_^[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Redemption Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 [COLOR=Red]You totally took my idea Reise! Lol, it's all cool. I love Final Fantasy so I'll hopefully join this one if it's not going to be full when I join.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Guest Sean Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 [SIZE=1]Heh. Sorry amgoddess ;_; Well here is the revamped version of Final Fantasy VII-2. There isn't any difference until the man walks out of the booth. And after that I have 3 out of 5 of the characters done. I'll edit this post later once I've finished them off.[/SIZE] [CENTER][i]'Drip, Drip, Drip? Mako Enhancement Course? Level 1 - Completed Level 2 - Completed Level 3 - Completed Level 4 - Negative Results ? Make Shower Unit 5 Loading? Program Loaded? Initiating. ? Program Complete.[/I] ?He survived 3 of them sir, the 4th was Negative but he still survived? ?Excellent. One he has recovered, take him to intense training? ?Yes sir, but he?s the only one that?s survived all 3, and survived to go through with 4...? ?I know?there was only one other, but we shall not say his name for the time being. Do as I say, and we?ll have him in intense training? ?Yes sir? A conveyor belt slowly started moving, and a lifeless body was being brought along it, still wet from the shower of the power of Gaia. His skin irradiating a glow of pure light. Pulsating through the room, the body still as lifeless as before, but the difference between this Unit 1 Soldier, and the others going through the same process, is he?s the only one surviving. Now with a medical cloak wrapped around him, he was shifted to the medical bay, through the process of a wheel chair. As the guard pushed the Soldier through the medical bay doors, he was greeted by the head nurse, who was gasping for air when she seen him. The last Soldier Unit 1, survived the Mako Enhancement Course. His skin still emitting that bright glow, only to be contrasted by his deep and black hair. She nodded towards the Soldier, just for confirmation from the guard. He nodded slowly, No words were passed, as the nurse lay the Soldier down on the bed the guard left the room, making sure he wasn?t going to be asked questions. The mysterious Unit 1 Soldier lay in that bed for weeks to come, and still the glow never went away, still emitting that ever-bright light. And still his hair contrasted it, black on white. [I]Beep, Beep, Beep[/I]?End Of Recording. Welcome to the Archives of Gaia. You have just watched the clip ?Mako Soldier 1?/ Would you like to return to the Index? [b]Yes[/b] Thank you. Please select your time zone, we vary from the dawn of Gaia, and the coming of the Meteor. We have everything recorded to this date. What time zone would you like? [b]Midgar Bombing[/b] You have selected the bombing of Midgar. System Loading?Downloading Files From Server?Completed. Select Reactor Number. [b]Reactor 07[/b] We have a News Reading from the time, but we don?t have the video. We have the audio, but that is all that was recorded from that time. Would you like to play that? [b]Yes[/b] Very Well. Program Loading?Loaded. Playing? This is an emergency announcement to all those living around the Sector 06 and 07 Plate. The reactor for Sector 7 has been destroyed by a known terrorist gang calling themselves Avalanche. Here is a picture of the damage. [img]http://ffworld.my100megs.com/maccoreactor2.JPG[/img] We suspect many have died in the onslaught, and we expect that Avalanche will not stop until Midgar has no power. Please be wary of falling debris when your around the Sector 07 plate. Thank you and again, take caution. --Chanel 6 News. [I]Beep, Beep, Beep[/I]?End Of Recording. [b]Log Out[/b] ?Logging Out. A man in a long black cloak walked out of one of the many boothes being placed around the Midgar area. Tha man?s face a stern look of severity, his hair just covering his eyes, blackening them slightly. He walked out onto the cold, wet street of Midgar Sector 03. Nothing had changed since those 50 years back. Shinra funded the rebuilding of Midgar, and that was that. The mysterious man walked on for quite a bit, the light reflecting from the purple running through his hair. Walking to the train station, he sat down at a bench. The train station had been down for quite some time now, no train had been through Sector 03 for about 12 years. Unless it was o Shinra business. A group of 5 or so joined the man so after. All varying in appearance. The mysterious man looked up to the plate. The lights twinkling, not real stars. Just lights twinkling. He cleared his throat and looked among the group that had joined him. [b]Our Plan is to commense. We?re escaping Midgar. And in memory of my brother, we?ll give em? hell before we go[/b][/CENTER] Character Info: [B]1#. Zach Long - Mysterious Man[/B] Zach was born into the lifestyle he lives now. He?s a Midgar child. He remembered those agonizing times with ShinRa. Seeing as he rebelled against there acts to the Gaia and to the life source of us all. He was born approximately 25 years after the Meteor was summoned. And he can still remember the stories told by his father and grand-father. Stoires of a mighty One-Winged Angel, these stories scared Zach at the time, but he grew to know the truth of what happened. And what ShinRa had created and manipulated, all out of the life source of his world. [B]2#. Imi Lockheart[/B] Imi is the grand daughter of the mighty Tifa that we know and love. Imi went through some hard times when she got schooled. Bullied because she didn?t have a father, her mum never married. Her mother was quite wealthy though, and worked high in the ShinRa Head Quarters. But still Imi wants out, she hates her lifestyle, and reading and seeing what Tifa done, she?s determined to get out of the hell hole that they rebuilt. You could say she was quite the opposite of Tifa though, determined yes, but she?s more timid in figure. Working mostly on helping others than beating the bad guys up. [B] 3#. Kira Night[/B] Kira is your down to earth type of girl. She knows when she needs help and doesn?t, she knows she isn?t your typical girly girl. And woah has she got some right hook. She?s seen as a tough nut, but she has her sweet side. But you only ever see that when she?s alone. She doesn?t like to be alone often though, she has to have anyone around her, just someone that she can talk to if she wants. But in fights, it?s completely different, she has one of the most variable attitudes towards anything. But she does have one decided thing. Her hate for ShinRa, nothing had changed from all that time ago. But now they planned to make that change. [SIZE=1] --Thats what I've written.so far. Still two more charcters to do. More contrsuctive Critiscm is welcomed. ^__^[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Create an account or sign in to comment You need to be a member in order to leave a comment Create an account Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy! Register a new account Sign in Already have an account? Sign in here. Sign In Now Share More sharing options... Followers 0 Go to topic listing All Activity Home OtakuBoards Theater Final Fantasy VII-2 [M-VLS]
Zidargh Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I'm no writing critic, nor am I an author, but... [quote name='Reise']A man in a black cloak with long black but with purple tinted hair...[/quote], I really didn't like that line. The structure was off. Perhaps it would be best to edit that to; "A man in a black cloak walked out of one of the many booths that littered the street. His black hair glowed with the artificial light, the odd purple tints glaring now and again." That wasn't good either, but just an idea. You can often tell the quality of an RPG by the spelling-quality, so watch out for that. I've planned, created and participated in countless Final Fantasy RPG's. The only one that survived was Sage's Final Fantastic Survivor. I feel the main problem with these RPG's is like anything else based on a specific series/era, if you're going by a pre-existing story that was left open-ended previously, people are bound to have conflicting opinions of what was/is to happen in that world. Therefore you risk utter confusion. You must look ahead and ask yourself, "Do I really think this RPG could work? After all, it has to be interesting and constantly progressing. But most of all, it must be relevant to the story line." People tend to get bored of sequels to storylines because they start to lack the imagination needed for an RPG, because they worry about it sticking relevant to that world, and what has happened previously. I [i]loved[/i] the city of Midgar. It's drearyness and themes were wonderful. A beautiful setting I feel. But bear in mind it was [spoiler]blown to smithereens[/spoiler] pretty much, and I highly doubt people would want to rebuild that city for they felt so oppressed. Therefore, I would've thought the majority of people would've evacuated it long ago. But who knows? You set it 50 years ahead, obviously you have a flexible period. Just make sure you cover that aspect. If you can make it work, I'll take my hat off to you, but it will take a fair bit of planning. By all means go for it. Perhaps you should give a tiny bit more of a background story to this 'five' aswell. I sound very critical but I hope it helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sean Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 [SIZE=1]Thanks muchly ^___^. Now I know I still have alot of work to do. I was planning on writing about the 5 'others' and posting it along with the Sign-Up, but I think it's better to use this for that aswell as the Inn. It is greatly appreciated, and I'll start working on the edit of this, along with the character's. And yes, the descriptionn wasn't the best, that's something I'll edit. Until then I would still love comments and all the jazz. ^__^[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakura Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 [COLOR=Navy]All the ideas that are flowing are great. I'm really looking forward to this new RP. I love all Final Fantasy related RPs. I like the new characters you've got so far, they're coming along nicely. If you still need help with anything you can ask me. Hope you save me a spot in the RP ^_^[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redemption Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 [COLOR=Red]You totally took my idea Reise! Lol, it's all cool. I love Final Fantasy so I'll hopefully join this one if it's not going to be full when I join.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sean Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 [SIZE=1]Heh. Sorry amgoddess ;_; Well here is the revamped version of Final Fantasy VII-2. There isn't any difference until the man walks out of the booth. And after that I have 3 out of 5 of the characters done. I'll edit this post later once I've finished them off.[/SIZE] [CENTER][i]'Drip, Drip, Drip? Mako Enhancement Course? Level 1 - Completed Level 2 - Completed Level 3 - Completed Level 4 - Negative Results ? Make Shower Unit 5 Loading? Program Loaded? Initiating. ? Program Complete.[/I] ?He survived 3 of them sir, the 4th was Negative but he still survived? ?Excellent. One he has recovered, take him to intense training? ?Yes sir, but he?s the only one that?s survived all 3, and survived to go through with 4...? ?I know?there was only one other, but we shall not say his name for the time being. Do as I say, and we?ll have him in intense training? ?Yes sir? A conveyor belt slowly started moving, and a lifeless body was being brought along it, still wet from the shower of the power of Gaia. His skin irradiating a glow of pure light. Pulsating through the room, the body still as lifeless as before, but the difference between this Unit 1 Soldier, and the others going through the same process, is he?s the only one surviving. Now with a medical cloak wrapped around him, he was shifted to the medical bay, through the process of a wheel chair. As the guard pushed the Soldier through the medical bay doors, he was greeted by the head nurse, who was gasping for air when she seen him. The last Soldier Unit 1, survived the Mako Enhancement Course. His skin still emitting that bright glow, only to be contrasted by his deep and black hair. She nodded towards the Soldier, just for confirmation from the guard. He nodded slowly, No words were passed, as the nurse lay the Soldier down on the bed the guard left the room, making sure he wasn?t going to be asked questions. The mysterious Unit 1 Soldier lay in that bed for weeks to come, and still the glow never went away, still emitting that ever-bright light. And still his hair contrasted it, black on white. [I]Beep, Beep, Beep[/I]?End Of Recording. Welcome to the Archives of Gaia. You have just watched the clip ?Mako Soldier 1?/ Would you like to return to the Index? [b]Yes[/b] Thank you. Please select your time zone, we vary from the dawn of Gaia, and the coming of the Meteor. We have everything recorded to this date. What time zone would you like? [b]Midgar Bombing[/b] You have selected the bombing of Midgar. System Loading?Downloading Files From Server?Completed. Select Reactor Number. [b]Reactor 07[/b] We have a News Reading from the time, but we don?t have the video. We have the audio, but that is all that was recorded from that time. Would you like to play that? [b]Yes[/b] Very Well. Program Loading?Loaded. Playing? This is an emergency announcement to all those living around the Sector 06 and 07 Plate. The reactor for Sector 7 has been destroyed by a known terrorist gang calling themselves Avalanche. Here is a picture of the damage. [img]http://ffworld.my100megs.com/maccoreactor2.JPG[/img] We suspect many have died in the onslaught, and we expect that Avalanche will not stop until Midgar has no power. Please be wary of falling debris when your around the Sector 07 plate. Thank you and again, take caution. --Chanel 6 News. [I]Beep, Beep, Beep[/I]?End Of Recording. [b]Log Out[/b] ?Logging Out. A man in a long black cloak walked out of one of the many boothes being placed around the Midgar area. Tha man?s face a stern look of severity, his hair just covering his eyes, blackening them slightly. He walked out onto the cold, wet street of Midgar Sector 03. Nothing had changed since those 50 years back. Shinra funded the rebuilding of Midgar, and that was that. The mysterious man walked on for quite a bit, the light reflecting from the purple running through his hair. Walking to the train station, he sat down at a bench. The train station had been down for quite some time now, no train had been through Sector 03 for about 12 years. Unless it was o Shinra business. A group of 5 or so joined the man so after. All varying in appearance. The mysterious man looked up to the plate. The lights twinkling, not real stars. Just lights twinkling. He cleared his throat and looked among the group that had joined him. [b]Our Plan is to commense. We?re escaping Midgar. And in memory of my brother, we?ll give em? hell before we go[/b][/CENTER] Character Info: [B]1#. Zach Long - Mysterious Man[/B] Zach was born into the lifestyle he lives now. He?s a Midgar child. He remembered those agonizing times with ShinRa. Seeing as he rebelled against there acts to the Gaia and to the life source of us all. He was born approximately 25 years after the Meteor was summoned. And he can still remember the stories told by his father and grand-father. Stoires of a mighty One-Winged Angel, these stories scared Zach at the time, but he grew to know the truth of what happened. And what ShinRa had created and manipulated, all out of the life source of his world. [B]2#. Imi Lockheart[/B] Imi is the grand daughter of the mighty Tifa that we know and love. Imi went through some hard times when she got schooled. Bullied because she didn?t have a father, her mum never married. Her mother was quite wealthy though, and worked high in the ShinRa Head Quarters. But still Imi wants out, she hates her lifestyle, and reading and seeing what Tifa done, she?s determined to get out of the hell hole that they rebuilt. You could say she was quite the opposite of Tifa though, determined yes, but she?s more timid in figure. Working mostly on helping others than beating the bad guys up. [B] 3#. Kira Night[/B] Kira is your down to earth type of girl. She knows when she needs help and doesn?t, she knows she isn?t your typical girly girl. And woah has she got some right hook. She?s seen as a tough nut, but she has her sweet side. But you only ever see that when she?s alone. She doesn?t like to be alone often though, she has to have anyone around her, just someone that she can talk to if she wants. But in fights, it?s completely different, she has one of the most variable attitudes towards anything. But she does have one decided thing. Her hate for ShinRa, nothing had changed from all that time ago. But now they planned to make that change. [SIZE=1] --Thats what I've written.so far. Still two more charcters to do. More contrsuctive Critiscm is welcomed. ^__^[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Create an account or sign in to comment You need to be a member in order to leave a comment Create an account Sign up for a new account in our community. 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