Writing Poetry [M]

[Decadence]

[color=silver]
Despise this, this heart of ice
Such a cold intertwined feeling
Of pain and pleasure
Of a heart broken twice
It used to be nice
In this twisted paradise
Of dark delights
This pain takes me to the heights
Of contemplating suicide
And the depths of humanitys flaws
Despite the hate I feel for my self
Despite the love I still can?t help but feel
Despite all that I can take
This pathetic sight
Of a hopeless
Modern Romeo.

(The punctuation is missing because thats just the style of my poetry, but pauses are at the end of the lines.)
Edit: Altron, I just found this saved in my art file on my computer, i think it was originaly written for one of my friends, I'm not real sure the point of it any more.
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[Retribution]

It feels like you're trying to find a rhyme to each word, and then it comes across as forced. And the angsty theme doesn't take you too far. Really, it sounds like you like contemplating suicide because you're heart's been broken twice. I don't understand why you hate yourself... or why "It used to be nice/ In this twisted paradise/" maybe because your relationship was bittersweet?

I guess I don't understand the reasoning behind the poem itself. Try elaborating more on your point. A single line is all you need.

[Decadence]

[color=silver]
I'm making all my poetry rhyme right now, which is realy weird as it normaly doesnt't so if it seems a little strained at some points, thats why.

The pills,
The pain,
Nothing feels the same.
-And maybe he's insane-
The worlds a knife,
And maybe he'll end his life.
show them what they've done,
-acomplished-
Look what you've done,
Look what he did,
Don't you feel the least bit guilty
no one to apologize to now.
the guilt will eat you from the inside
kill destroy
maybe thats your nature
habitual life taker
forever forsaken
[/color]

[LPpunkrocka]

Wow, those poem sound really good. I had one poem I wrote once about...well...death, being it is my favorite subject, but it SUCKED...part of it's in my signature.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Not bad, although I think forcing yourself to rhyme really strains the flow of the poetry, and at times the rhymes can sound sort of...cheap. Rhymes like ice/twice and so on should really only be done a couple of times a poem if possible, because it gets really obvious, heh.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]At the same time, with practice hopefully your rhymes will become better and better. After all, practice makes perfect. ^_^[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]That said, I really like that little flash you had with the [i]-- accomplished --[/i] part. I'm not sure what you were going for there, but it really sparked my interest in the poem. I'm not sure what you were going for with the rest of the poem, but I did really like that part.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Also, I [i]loved[/i] the line[color=black] [i]habitual life taker. [/i]It's just such a great description, heh.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]So not bad, again. Please, keep going. ^_^[/size][/font]

[Decadence]

[color=silver]
title: glory.

Find your way to glory,
The gory, gory way,
forget every thing
you havn't learn'd today.
Fall from grace
and listen to the sounds
of the twisted words you hear from the high crown.
to glory,
to hell,
to heaven and the cell.

Title: requiem for a dream

I dream of flames,
of hell fire and pain
of the dark decay
that enshrouds my soul.
Of ice and razors
blood splattered ground
of fire and flames
and a waking nightmare.

Just two poems I found I had written for away messeges on aim.[/color]