Writing Shattered[PG-V]

[Retribution]

Gah. I tried to write something. I sort of felt like this two days ago. Might as well vent. ^___^

[B]Shattered[/B]

I stood there, staring at the ground. My lips grew tight, teeth clenched their hardest, fists gripped like I was holding an imaginary bar that was the only thing keeping me from falling into the abyss of insanity.

Slowly, I walked over, crouched and picked up a single glass bottle, and gazed at it. [i]Corona[/i]. My mind needed a release ... a vent to expel the fuming, toxic gas sputtering through my very skin. So much hate was pent up, so much hate that I hated the very air I breathed. No, I wasn't angry at the world. It was too beautiful to hate. And I wasn't pissed at myself either, for I wasn't the one at fault.

[B]What the hell were they thinking when they did that? What fucking ... fucking demon would drive them to commit such an atrocity?![/B]

My hand quaked, as I tried to steady my hand, my emotions, the situation.

[B]Just let it go.[/B] Yes! That was it. Let it all go.

So I did. I stepped forward, letting my arm swing in a forward arc, letting go at the appropriate point in the thrust, and letting the bottle fly. Twisting, turning, screaming for mercy as it spun, spun, spun through the air, approaching it's destiny. That glass hit the wall... each glass piece fragmented, flying in dangerous arcs, whining... crying, screaming. But it was such a cleansing sound.

I looked at the wall, and saw a circular area on it where glass still clung for dear life, whispering, speaking, yelling at him, shouting his story like there was no tommorow. And life was such a meaningful word, as I observed all the dead, bloody glass on the ground. It was dead. And I was just as shattered as that damn Corona bottle was.

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]This is a good piece. I like it a lot, heh. That said, there were a few bits that coul've been written better.

[I][COLOR=Black]My lips grew tight, teeth clenched their hardest, fists gripped like I was holding an imaginary bar that was the only thing keeping me from falling into the abyss of insanity.[/COLOR][/I]

That line there just seemed awkward, heh. I think the 'abyss of insanity' part is unecessary to tell you the truth, makes the sentence seem like it's too long.

[I][COLOR=Black]So much hate was pent up, so much hate that I hated the very air I breathed.[/COLOR][/I]

That line was a bit iffy too, heh. I think you [i]might[/i] be able to keep it, if you changed the wording somewhat.

[I][COLOR=Black]So much hate was pent up, so much so that I despised the very air I breathed.[/COLOR][/I]

The swearing struck me as somewhat unecessary too, but I don't know what you could replace that bit with so *shrug* Anyway, apart from a few syntax errors, that was all I could fine wrong. It's a good, angsty piece, heh, well done.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]