Writing Storylines

[duoikari]

I want peoples opinion on the two storylines below please be truthfully and pick either one or two. :smirk:and be Mr Daggers IX1 was mean to me i don't want his opinion :flaming:

Storylines
What do you think of these storylines?, remember name can be changed.

1)In the year 430, a 16 year old boy called Koji Fujiwana has lived a peaceful life in the mountains ever since he was born. With his farther gone Koji is left only with his mother and his grandfather(mother side), which he both lives with. Unexpectedly Koji?s mother gets very sick and eventually dies, leaving him with his grandfather. Koji and his grandfather end up penniless and Koji is at a loss at what to do. One day a man comes to the village asking for any willing and able works to come work at the country?s capital, Kanaka. Koji humbly excepts the job, so he and some others from his village go forth to Kanaka for a new life. But the city is not what it seems, Koji has been bought into slavery and he was made to work underneath the city, Koji is disobedient and refuses to do what he is told. So he is sent to the GM organization, which is based under the palace. The company specify in genetic modifications, and change Koji genetic structure giving him abnormal abilities. After they had finished their test they said that they promised Koji they would let him, one night Koji found that he come here things that were far away and he over heard one of the scientist say that ?He was to valuable to let go?. Rage built up in Koji and he broke out his cage and tried to escape, but his compassion held him back and before he left he sent the other victim in the labs free. After everyone was free Koji began to destroy the place he hated so much, when the scientist final caught him they put him in a ice chamber which kept him frozen in time until he was released. 1,580 years later he is discovered by an iconologist and her young daughter Crystal, that?s where the fun begins.
Action, Adventure, Comedy, Silly Comedy

2) The year is 1993 and a group of scholars have taken root in a small valley on the out skirts of town, so they can do there research and experiments in peace. After a few years the scholars settle down and start to have families of their own, but one child is born with psychological powers and has the power to see into the future. When she reaches the age of seven, she has a power vision show that a giant meteoroid will hit the plant in the year 2005. The group of scholars go forth to the major of the town to tell him of what the child has seen, the major refuses to believe them and exiles the group from ever coming into the town again. So the group of scholars build an underground colony to safe them from the blasted of the meteoroid, and the affectionately call the child Mystic, Myst for short. The scholars and mystic finally finish building the colony in December 2004, so they send a small group of people dresses up as travellers to get some supplies for the next year they will send underground. After they return, the leader of the group, Professor Gama start to send everyone in the colony in. It turn out that mystic was right and the meteoroid destroy most of the earth surface, but the scholars still have hope that there are some survivors. So they send Mystic and her good friend Taiachi Komashero who is 16 years old, on journey to search for any survivors and to collect data on how the world has changed in the past year. As the start their journey they soon realize that there are more survivors then they first thought, a huge army was gathered together in 2003 called the T.A.C.O(The Army control organization) and collected all able humans from every town, city and content and put them in their army. Myst journey soon turns into a battle for the control of the planet and although she does not realize it but she is slowly dying.
Action, Adventure, Depressing, Violent

[r2vq]

First off... It's not psychological powers... psychology is the study of the mind.

Second. I don't like the plotlines. Although they're very creative, they drag on. There should be a conflict which is resolved in the end. When the conflict is resolved the story ends.
Example: Gundam Wing
War. War ends. Story ends.
Example: X/1999
World is threatened. World is saved/destroyed. Story ends.

If you set up a conflict, people will become interested in seeing how the problem is solved.

In one of your stories you talk about Koji, sold for slavery.
--If this is the conflict, why does "the fun start" 1,580 years later? (Besides, if that's where the "fun starts" then you haven't told us the real story, have you?)
--If that /is/ the conflict, it's no longer interesting to continue as audience.

In the second story you mentioned an asteroid hitting the Earth. Where's the story?
--Is it trying to convince people the Earth will be destroyed? Why is there so much more?
--Is it that they try to build in time? Again, more after.
--Is it the battle against TACO? Why take so long to get to the conflict?

Examples of bad plots...
Example: Dragon Ball Z
The world is in danger.(conflict) The world is saved. (resolved.) (here is where the story should end)
The world is in danger again! The world is saved again!
The world is in danger again! The world is saved again!
The world is in danger again! The world is saved again! Here we see how repetitive it becomes... since the conflict is already resolved, but the story continues.

Finally, I don't believe DaggerIX1 was mean to you at all. Dagger-dono (a) answered your question (mentioning Alita) (b) corrected how your friend misinformed you and (c) kept your thread open when it was quite vague and would normally be closed. Plus she said please.

I apologize if I too offend you, that is not my intention. These are just my suggestions. ^^

-ArV

[Morpheus]

This belongs in the Anthology. Also, Mr Dagger IX1 is a girl.

[duoikari]

You do not understand this is just the explaination of the first episode, that will eventually continue to the second episode. :( Why is it that everyone is mean to me when ever i post something. I think i will stop coming to the boards, :( i'm going and i won't do anymore posts

[Morpheus]

I'm not being mean to you. Here at Otakuboards, we have a rather strict [URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/rules.php?]Rules set[/URL] that is enforced. If you don't like it, then by all means, leave. The Mods will only get anywhere near mean if you purposely break the rules. Dagger IX1 is one of the nicest, and I haven't seen her mad yet. You're not helping things.

[kaisha]

Well, and dont take this the wrong way, they need work, they 're good but not great. :(

[duoikari]

Don't miss understand me but i haven't been using this site alot and i just wish that i could get some understanding of what i am trying to say. What i wrote was not the storyline to a whole series it was just an idea of a series that could be made, it would of been really long at least 20 pages. I don't really understand how these boards work even though i have read the boards that the moderator has put up. I would like to make a formal Apology to everyone who i have been rude to and a big, big apology to Dagger IX1 I'm So Sorry everyone :(

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]duoikari, the reason no one realised that this was supposed to be a basic background to the episodes [at least, that's what I've picked up from the resulting posts; correct me if I'm wrong.] is that you didn't actually tell us that. While everyone at OB is marvellous [Modest, aren't I?], we aren't mindreaders. ^.~[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]As for the plots, as a background for a TV series, they seem very good. As the [i]plot[/i], they do seem rather complex. Most stories I've seen have a major driving force behind them, as r2vq said. However, you do have some interesting ideas. If you can figure out what to take to the background [as stuff that's there but not really present and in every episode], and what to keep and use as your plot, it should do well.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]If you need help having someone clarify what happens at OB, please feel free to PM me. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Morpheus, this thread was moved to OB Anthology, so it should no longer worry Dagger ^.~. As well as that, this thread is getting far off topic. Anymore concerns should be related to me, not posted.[/size][/font]

[duoikari]

:D I personally like the first plot myself about Koji being sold basically for labour but, this sad begining would eventually turn into a comedy. It series would mostly be like a mixture of cardcaptors( with the cuteness) and sharman King(with out the spirits. But i am also working on a book called 'Forest blade', which is about a brother ans sister who live in a house in the mountains and the brother goes to find out who killed his father. i will see if i can post it but it is very long.

[Guest wolfsbaneforeve]

[quote name='duoikari']:D I personally like the first plot myself about Koji being sold basically for labour but, this sad begining would eventually turn into a comedy. It series would mostly be like a mixture of cardcaptors( with the cuteness) and sharman King(with out the spirits. But i am also working on a book called 'Forest blade', which is about a brother ans sister who live in a house in the mountains and the brother goes to find out who killed his father. i will see if i can post it but it is very long.[/quote]


I agree it is quite a good story line for both . Hey I would like to read your story when you are done i am writing a book to it is called Road to Repaso it is about a anthro ,sorceress,Gonner(a creature i made),sorcerer,elf that must find a black pheonix stone to stop the was of Repaso.