Gently?

[Cyriel]

[COLOR=DarkOrchid]More often than not, I find myself stressing (ALOT) over my grades. This probably results from the pressure of my parents more than myself. So being in the not-so-good situation that I am, I was just looking for a little advice, or shared thoughts and experiences.

Basically, lets assume that I've kept a perfect 4.0 for the majority of my high school...and actually entire educational history. And at the end of my first semester of my senior year...some bad things happen. Like 3 A- and a B-. So...aside from calling oneself a moron, is there a way to break this gently to your highly expectant parents? (aka asian parents ;) ) Or...is there a way to survive this catastrophic event with the least amount of injuries as possible? Thoughts, comments, and similar experiences would be highly appreciated.[/COLOR]

[MissWem]

[quote name='Cyriel][COLOR=DarkOrchid']Like 3 A- and a B-. So...aside from calling oneself a moron, is there a way to break this gently to your highly expectant parents? (aka asian parents ;) ) Or...is there a way to survive this catastrophic event with the least amount of injuries as possible? Thoughts, comments, and similar experiences would be highly appreciated.[/COLOR][/quote]
[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Well, I'm sure I can assume that those marks aren't really actually that bad. Although I suppose it would be in relation to what you normally get.

There isn't an easy way to break it to parents with high-expectations aside from gritting your teeth, tell them and take whatever is thrown at you.

Or me being the manipulative one would probably cry and say something like "OMG I got a B-, I'm such a failure... I wanna die!!! I'm so sorry I'm such a failure!! Wah!!!" The key here being, you're already upset and they'll think you've punished yourself enough.. hopefully.

Or you could throw a spazz at them and very quietly (yes, a quiet.. contained furious spazz) tell you understand they want you to suceed. But (quietly) if the more pressure you put on something, the more likely it is to break.

Or hide the results if possible.

Er.. fortunately my parents don't really ask anything of me, strangely enough being Asian 'n' all they're very liberal about my choices being, my choices. My failures being my failures and not theirs to criticize. They're more likely to poke me and say "tch, I guess it just isn't your strong point."

If you know how they'll take it and you think you can take it. Just tell them. It's not a horrible 'failure' as I see it, it will blow over after you've told them and you can get back to your stressful ways.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Panda]

Oh how I have been in your shoes, including the Asian parent thing too. In school I was always a good student. Honors classes and the entire bit. By the time I started my Junior year in high school I only needed one required class to graduate. That is when I started to slack off a bit. I ended up with a really REALLY bad grade (bad by my parents' standard) in Calculus. Mind you I passed but a "C" is not a good grade to have on my report card. Yes, I got a "C" in math and I am Asian...shocking isn't it!

I basically just told my parents outright that I had neglected my studies and that I was just totally burned out on school and studies. At this time besides hight school I was taking some classes at the community college and working part time. I got the lecture that you would expect from disappointed parents about how education is important and stuff. Then they hit me with the "we are just disappointed in you" statement since "we expect more from you". Ouch. But they did like the fact that I came out and told them and took responsibility for my actions.

I went into the situation expecting it to be bad. Taking it head on was much better than sitting around waiting and wondering how my parents would explode. Cyriel, I wish you the best of luck with the parents. It's tough when you have parents who put such high expectations on your grades. I definitely feel your pain. When you step back and look at the big picture grades really aren't everything in the world. They just feel like they are at this point. Hopefully your parents will be able to see that.

[elfpirate]

Not having any idea why your grades changed from their typical 4.0, I'll just assume that it's student burnout or distraction or whatever.

I agree with Panda- bite the bullet, go to them, tell them about the slip in the grades, and if you have to, tell them why it happened... or why you think it happened (if you're not sure yourself). Be honest with them and they will get over it soon enough... unless you plan to make a habit of it- then it sounds like you should prepare for a parental nightmare. :smirk:

[Guest Crimson Spider]

Parents haven't accepted seniorites yet, eh?


I would say to go with the "no big deal" thing. Don't even acknowledge that those grades are slightly lower than the usual strait A's when your parents see your report card. With luck, your parents would be smart enough to know that classes get harder as time goes on, and that a person is going to make mistakes on a test every once in awhile. If your parents mention it and aren't making a big deal out of it, use the "oh yeah, well (insert valid excuse here that focuses blame off of you).

But if they do want to make a big deal out of it... your gonna have to go with someone elses advice. I don't know your parents, so any advice beyond this point is hit-or-miss.

[Xander Harris]

[QUOTE=Cyriel][COLOR=DarkOrchid]

Basically, lets assume that I've kept a perfect 4.0 for the majority of my high school...and actually entire educational history. And at the end of my first semester of my senior year...some bad things happen. Like 3 A- and a B-. So...aside from calling oneself a moron, is there a way to break this gently to your highly expectant parents? (aka asian parents ;) [/COLOR][/QUOTE]

This is not at all a trait unique to Asian parents. A caucasian friend of mine got a B in a class and got grounded for it. White parents can be just as strict.

What to do? Just tell them you are trying your best. Also point out that a B average is more than enough to get into a decent college. And be really nice to them the rest of the time. Do a couple extra chores or something to keep on their good side ;)

Try not to stress too much about grades. In 10 years you won't even remember what grades you got in high school. Life is too short to waste it in agony because you are not perfect. You're human, which entails a certain amount of imperfection.

My primary advice? Chill. Take an evening off from studying some day when you get your homework done in school. Completely off. The books will still be there the next day. Go take a walk, buy yourself something good to eat, and watch anime (or play games, or whatever you do to relax) till you fall asleep. It sounds to me like you need to give yourself a little down time. Even if your grades aren't the greatest in the world, working yourself into an early grave doesn't help. In fact, it will make your grades worse. I think if you relax a bit it will ultimately help your grades, because you will have more energy and your brain will be less frazzled.

Ja mata,

James Bierly

[DBZgirl88]

[COLOR=#004a6f]I did okay in elementary school. Grades didn't really matter much then. I just basically did my homework and made sure everything was done. The grade I got on it didn't really matter. It was always between a C and and A

Grade 7, and that's when I started slacking. That's when they started showing our grades as percentages and my mom would freak at my bad grades. I had started extended french and I think this was the trigger for my slacking off. I didn not want to put in the effort.

Grade 9 I started highschool and quit french but I was still a slacker. My mom was so pissed at my grades. She told me that all I would have to do is try and I would get a really high mark- which was quite true. I just never tried. People were surprised that I could actually manage to pass with barely doing any work. I at least make sure I pass, in the end it doesn't matter to me what my grade is. In my last year of highschool I tried just so I can get high enough marks to be accepted at University, and here I am, slacking off again.

Meh.....[/COLOR]

[Cyriel]

[COLOR=DarkOrchid]It's so comforting to know that I'm not the only wack with insanely strict parents, although I love them for keeping me to standards and all.

[QUOTE]Or me being the manipulative one would probably cry and say something like "OMG I got a B-, I'm such a failure... I wanna die!!! I'm so sorry I'm such a failure!! Wah!!!" The key here being, you're already upset and they'll think you've punished yourself enough.. hopefully.[/QUOTE]Ahahahaha, yeah, if I could actually manipulate convincingly enough, then I'd probably do it. Unfortunately because my mom has caught me (and punished me owie) everytime I've tried, I think I lost whatever touch I had at that skill. :laugh:

[QUOTE]I went into the situation expecting it to be bad. Taking it head on was much better than sitting around waiting and wondering how my parents would explode.[/QUOTE]Had that experience too in eighth grade...Let's just say it was NOT good.

But yeah, I've been completely stressing myself out about this since Monday, and I think it got to me. Seriously, I started convincing myself that my mom was going to kick me out of the house. But yeah, then I told her, and it actually went not that bad. We had a good talk about expectations, and how it was a learning experience, and how it was good that I got lazy and arrogant in high school instead of college. So...yeah...whee, thank goodness I didn't get spanked!! :wigout:

[QUOTE]Parents haven't accepted seniorites yet, eh?[/QUOTE]Teehee, I haven't even told them about that little thing - they'd probably give me a lecture on it.

[QUOTE]My primary advice? Chill. Take an evening off from studying some day when you get your homework done in school. Completely off. The books will still be there the next day. Go take a walk, buy yourself something good to eat, and watch anime (or play games, or whatever you do to relax) till you fall asleep. It sounds to me like you need to give yourself a little down time.[/QUOTE]You know, this is actually what I did last night. I basically didn't go home until about 10:00 p.m. After school I stayed with friends, eating brown sugar pop tarts (the best kind - pure sugar), played some Soul Calibur II (fav is Talim), and hung out. Then I went to another friend's, made some pasta with pesto, and ate a pint (yes! one whole pint!) of cookie dough icecream while watching Lethal Weapon. It was awesome; I felt like Miss Congeniality for some reason. :babble:

[QUOTE]I could actually manage to pass with barely doing any work.[/QUOTE]I wish I was like you.[/COLOR]

[Xander Harris]

[QUOTE=Cyriel][COLOR=DarkOrchid]
You know, this is actually what I did last night. I basically didn't go home until about 10:00 p.m. After school I stayed with friends, eating brown sugar pop tarts (the best kind - pure sugar), played some Soul Calibur II (fav is Talim), and hung out. Then I went to another friend's, made some pasta with pesto, and ate a pint (yes! one whole pint!) of cookie dough icecream while watching Lethal Weapon. It was awesome; I felt like Miss Congeniality for some reason. :babble:
[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Yay! That makes me happy. I feel bad for people with such really demanding parents that they end up not being able to enjoy some of the best years of their life because they are working so hard and are always so stressed out. I'm glad to hear you were able to just relax a bit. There are few things in this world that a pint of cookie dough ice cream won't solve ;)

Anyhow, I'm also happy you had a good talk with your mom. Looks like things might be looking up! *does happy dance for Cyriel*

Ja mata,

James Bierly

[Juke Box Hero]

Hmmm.... yes, us Whities can have strict parents too. Mine were... but they changed, and I am trying to figure out why, so it might be helpful to you.

Nope not a clue. Sorry, but I think I have something for you.

Since you don't seem to have confidence in your ability (if your face to face comminication skills are on par with your AIM ones, I'd think you'd be fine... but... you need confidence to pull that off, so wouldn't go that route.) to finesse your way through, you gotta weigh some things before you move on it.

How severe will your parents' wrath be?
eg. beat you to death? ground you till you are 42?

Or give you the "We're disappointed in you" speech?

If its the speech, forget it and just tell them. You are a fantastically intelligent girl (don't argue that one, I can see for myself), and will have little or no trouble paying for college should your parents decide you to be unworthy.

I know that one's bond with ma and pa is tight, but there is a point when its just too much. You can't please everyone all the time. There is no way your parents will stop loving you if you get a B (GOD forbid!!), Asian or not.

My advice is, listen to some Cecilia, kick some serious *** with Talim(more of a Raphael man myself), down them BrownSugarPopTarts (my fav too) and some ice cream, and tell them. I promise you the world will not end. Your parents have too much to be proud of you in to completely flip on this.

Sure, they might be totally pissed, and your home-life may not be the best for a while, but its the same thing as if you..say... snuck out for a beach house poker night.

Just take a deep breath MSK. You are going to be fine.

EDIT: didn't see the fact that this is a moot point now..lol. ahhh who cares, apply in general.

[Pumpkin]

[QUOTE=Chabichou][COLOR=#004a6f]I did okay in elementary school. Grades didn't really matter much then. I just basically did my homework and made sure everything was done. The grade I got on it didn't really matter. It was always between a C and and A

Grade 7, and that's when I started slacking. That's when they started showing our grades as percentages and my mom would freak at my bad grades. I had started extended french and I think this was the trigger for my slacking off. I didn not want to put in the effort.

Grade 9 I started highschool and quit french but I was still a slacker. My mom was so pissed at my grades. She told me that all I would have to do is try and I would get a really high mark- which was quite true. I just never tried. People were surprised that I could actually manage to pass with barely doing any work. I at least make sure I pass, in the end it doesn't matter to me what my grade is. In my last year of highschool I tried just so I can get high enough marks to be accepted at University, and here I am, slacking off again.

Meh.....[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[SIZE=1] Wow you sound like me. haha. I can't help it I'm a slacker too. I'm only conserned with graduatining from Highschool, not how high my grades are. I guess I should care more then I do, but I feel bad for the kids that I saw slaving away at work. I use to be on Honor Roll, freshman year, and had straight A's and B's especially when I was a kid, now that I don't care as much, I find life much easier. It's sad really, but sometimes there are more important things then a letter on a paper. I wouldn't call Highschool the best years of my life, because I'm sure I'll have better times in the future. The best advice I can give to you is to be honest with your parents. Tell them you'll promise to get good grades, but that you want more fun time for yourself. That you appreciate them worrying about you, but that they should not over-do it. Just tell them how you feel, and they should understand. Glad that you decided to just chill and hang out with friends, it may sound simple but it should lay off the stress a whole lot. I wish you luck! [/SIZE]

[Zenriek]

Woah, that's pretty good grades..

Hey, I've got a friend like that! In math, she works way to hard and always until the bell rings... And I'm there, sitting and drawing and doing work (alternating), and then listening to conversations around me, talking to Justin, blah blah blah... She even does Drae's work for her sometimes! She works too hard for her own good, and she tells me she does it 'cause of her parents.

She needs to loosen up. She needs to not care so much about what her parents think, because, really, she's the one going to school, right? It's one thing to be talking about getting good grades and doing the work right, and then, actually doing it.

You should do that too. I'm not saying that you need to quit being smart and gettin' good grades, but getting too stressed over them isn't good.

And how to break it to the parents... Just sit 'em down and tell them, and hold on.

(Or you could always tell them when they're really busy, and they won't notice what you said. But then when they get the report card, they'll be like, "You didn't tell me about this!", and you'll be like, "Yes I did.". Ha, but really, don't do that!)

[Cyriel]

[COLOR=DarkOrchid][QUOTE]I'm glad to hear you were able to just relax a bit. There are few things in this world that a pint of cookie dough ice cream won't solve
Anyhow, I'm also happy you had a good talk with your mom. Looks like things might be looking up! *does happy dance for Cyriel*[/QUOTE]Thank you so much! And I'd have to agree with you on the ice cream bit - it was really yummy! :love:

[QUOTE]Sure, they might be totally pissed, and your home-life may not be the best for a while, but its the same thing as if you..say... snuck out for a beach house poker night.
Just take a deep breath MSK. You are going to be fine.[/QUOTE]Heehee, we actually should do that sometime - I really want to go to a beach house! And thanks for the encouragement. :)

[QUOTE](Or you could always tell them when they're really busy, and they won't notice what you said. But then when they get the report card, they'll be like, "You didn't tell me about this!", and you'll be like, "Yes I did.". Ha, but really, don't do that!)[/QUOTE]Haha, actually, I did this once in eighth grade - it was the first and [I]last[/I] time that ever happened. Before that experience, I did not know the true meaning of frying an egg on one's bottom. :laugh:

But I'd just have to say in general that I completely freaked out about this...only to find that it wasn't as exciting or frightful as I thought. I think my mom was expecting something like this (probably because I was acting really weird at home). Not to mention, it was getting to the point where I was on the verge of having a sob-fest everyday at school, and hallucinating at the same time about my parents throwing me out of the house. Yeah...kind of shows how high-strung I am, I guess.

By the way, [B]what does everyone do to cool off?[/B] Or, just relax and forget about all the stress of the mundane everyday life? (and school) Experiences similar to me eating 1 pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.[/COLOR]

[Adahn]

[font=Verdana][size=2]I've spent so much of my life worrying about things that I really don't worry about anything anymore. I take life as it is, and act within the parameters of my laziness/procrastination...ness. On a side note, and the only real reason I'm replying, Talim's my girl :love: . I love her love her love her. You gotta love those double crescent blades.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2]Ahem, now I suppose I should justify my post so it doesn't constitue spam. I, uhhh, like to play SC2 to stop being worried about things. Yeah, that's an outright lie. I actually gave my gamecube/controllers/games/etc. to my little sister for her birthday before I went to college. Neither her nor my little brother will play me. Drix, however, is a ***** with Raphael, damn him to the fiery pits of hell. Not Drix, Raphael.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2]Oh yeah! Anyways, playing games is a great way to relieve stress. It's good to have a few minutes to an hour just to sit back, say, "Screw you world." and kick the crap out of A.I. programs with a cute 15-year old priestess avatar wielding heavily imbalanced double crescent blades.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2]That is all.[/size][/font]

[Juu]

[QUOTE=Panda] Yes, I got a "C" in math and I am Asian...shocking isn't it!
[/QUOTE]


[size=1]That's my grade so far, actually. Only thing is, there's eight out of forty five people in my honours algebra class getting As. Also, the honours class I was in last year was extremely easy and everything we did there revolved around the book. The teacher was crap, also. I'd constantly get up to explain to the class because she kept getting frustrated with herself and asdkjalsdkqj.

But eh. I've learnt to relax a bit more about grades. Until two years ago, I'd never even seen an A- before, or an S for that matter. I was still trying as hard, but it just wouldn't WORK as it used to. I was really stressed out this first semester since it decides which high school we're getting into and such, but after speaking to some older friends (and my parents) it helped me realize that grades aren't really that important.

I mean, I'm getting a C in algebra, but I love that class. The teacher's amazing, I learn new stuff, and I feel challenged. I'd rather have fond memories of the class and at least stay ahead of the state tests and do well on that rather than take the easy way out and transfer over to a normal honours maths class and get an A.

Also, grades don't mark how intellegent you are, if you ask me. I have plenty of friends in normal classes who try just as hard and I share more interesting conversations with. Maybe it's wrong, but I just worry about the standardized tests, but over that, just refraining from getting too stressed out. The more I stress, the worse I do, so just keep in mind that the letters on your report card don't define you as a person. Parents should understand that. My parents weren't straight A students, but my mom's a dentist and my dad's a neurobiologist. My favourite aunt dropped out of college and went to art school, but she was a professor at the San Francisco Academy of Art College for a good number of years. :)

But yeah, that's enough rambling in that area.

To cool off... I listen to music. When I'm stressed, I get as far away from the 'net as possible. Just drag my best friend downtown and have lunch/dinner together and 'explore'. If my friend's not available, blahblah, then I usually sing, play guitar, dance, (listen to music), paint, draw, go outside and take pictures... etc. One thing is I hate phones, though. Oddly... I can never get how I'm feeling off my chest over the phone. Just makes a huge difference to actually sit and look while talking to someone who understands me. And erm, doesn't argue. Advice is nice, but 'NO - YOU'RE WRONG' type of people, not help in any sort of way.[/size]

[eleanor]

[color=darkslateblue] I guess this gets pretty sad at times. I'm only a freshmen in high school, and I'm already trying really, really hard to keep my 3.8 GPA (I took some high school courses in middle school). My mom is always reminding me that my sister for a 4.0, and I go crazy sometimes. Sometimes I just slack completely and don't do any of my homework or study for even my hardest tests. And then I go on this academic overload and do everything and more to try and get a 100 on everything. I mean...right now my huge goal is to get a 100 unweighted score in my literature class because my teacher told us that noone has ever gotten a 100 in her class. ? But that's probably talking more of my challenge-loving personality.

Anyways...bringing up the asian parents thing. Sometimes they can be very narrow minded about this stuff...like they go crazy over a B. I've been raised in an environment of asian parents always bragging about their kids, and the importance of grades, so now I automatically think anything below a 95 is bad for me. Asian parents sometimes suck when it comes to school...but there are a lot that are very cool about it, too.

I KNOW grades are dumb and don't really reflect how smart people are, but I take it very seriously because I want to get a scholarship to my dream college and such. But at the same times it sickens to see people who don't give crap about what grade they get. [/color]

[Cyriel]

[COLOR=DarkOrchid][QUOTE]Talim's my girl . I love her love her love her. You gotta love those double crescent blades.[/QUOTE]Yes! I couldn't have said it better. That game is highly addictive...as is Mario Tennis. :D Heehee, I feel the same way about Ivy as you do Raphael.

[QUOTE] To cool off... I listen to music. When I'm stressed, I get as far away from the 'net as possible. Just drag my best friend downtown and have lunch/dinner together and 'explore'. If my friend's not available, blahblah, then I usually sing, play guitar, dance, (listen to music), paint, draw, go outside and take pictures... etc.
[/QUOTE] You know, I'm sure that I would do this if I was able to, but usually the parents get in the way again - always saying to study! Although, with music usually I get depressed and start daydreaming... How do you focus?

[QUOTE]But at the same times it sickens to see people who don't give crap about what grade they get.[/QUOTE]What really frustrates me are people who don't do anything and [I]still[/I] get good grades. Kind of like how some people are just really good test-takers, while others (me!) are not. Or those who don't even have to study, and don't do homework, and then just take the tests and ace it. ARGH! :flaming:

But anyway, then in the act of relaxing, how do you convince your parents to leave you alone?? I mean, I would love to just go hang out and relieve myself of my stress the day before the big test, but my parents would probably blow. So...how do you get away in the first place? And is anyone else frustrated to tears by the seeming unfairness of it all? (work effort vs. grade outcome)[/COLOR]

[Juke Box Hero]

Go to a friends house to study. Study for 40 minutes, so you aren't lying, then do whatever you want. Or study in your room, and leave some books out, and if someone interrupts whatever you want to be doing, just hop to the book quick... lol

[eleanor]

[i]What really frustrates me are people who don't do anything and still get good grades. [/i]

[color=darkslateblue] Hehe...you can't blame someone it they're just naturally very smart. A lot of my friends are like that. Sometimes it gets irritating, but they are pretty cool whenever you need help with something you don't get. ^_^[/color]