Writing Darwin's Reapers: PG (some language and violence)

[Gravy Train]

After years of watching and reading numerous anime and manga, I began to create a story of my own and have just recently started writing it. The main plot is an exaggerated prediction of the role eugenics could play in the fall of humanity (ie. Eschaton). I'd gladly read any original works of anyone who can give me any advice on this. I've got the plot down solid but some of my descriptions and dialogue could use improving. I still working on the second chapter but decided to include the first and part of the second scene because some important plot elements are explained.

[URL=http://c4in.deviantart.com/scraps/][B]Rough character drawings[/B][/URL] These are just a couple quick character drawings that I did to go along with the story. Sorry about the low resolution. I'll have some greatly improved sketches up soon in better resolution.


[CENTER]Darwin?s Reapers[/CENTER]
[CENTER]By: Patrick Durham[/CENTER]

[CENTER]Prologue[/CENTER]

From Metropolis to the Terminator and The Matrix, the possibility of humanity meeting its end through our own technology has been greatly explored. However, the idea presents itself as highly unlikely since man has learned to control everything that he creates himself and that lacks reason. Which is why, in the human eschaton, mankind would most likely meet its end by a superior species to itself, just as the species of dominant but now extinct creatures have in the past.


[CENTER]Chapter 1[/CENTER]

The Eyes Have It

It was a frigid December morning in Shensi, Japan. A light snow had settled on the city the night before. The students of Kutone High School talked amongst themselves as to who the new kid walking into the courtyard was. From what they could observe he was a foreigner, but nobody was brave enough to converse with him. His face bore an ominous glare, contrasting sharply with the lighthearted smiles of the other students. As he made his way up the steps to the school, he made a quick glance over the eyes of the students watching him.

The bell for first period sounded and the boy stood silently at the front of the large classroom beside the gangly physics teacher, Mr. Tanaka. The boy had exceptionally brilliant, azure eyes that nearly matched the school uniform and rumpled, light-brown hair, which incited some of the girls in the class to murmur quietly to each other about how cute he was. The boys only scoffed and gave him a foul countenance. ?Class, we have a new student who will be joining us today,? said Mr. Tanaka with an obviously false tone of enthusiasm. ?His name is Adam Geiger and he has just transferred here from Berlin. Adam, why don?t you tell the class about yourself?? Adam remained silent and slowly glanced over the room.
He then replied with a complacent, ?No thanks? and made his way to the vacant seat in the back of the class, ignoring the bewildered expressions on the other students? faces.

As he took his seat he noted to himself that at this moment the class contained only one. Mr. Tanaka was obviously irritated with Adam?s rudeness but calmed himself and began his lecture on the theory of evolution. Already more apprised with the topic than he would have liked, Adam ignored Mr. Tanaka?s droning voice and looked across the classroom at the one student who had caught his attention earlier. The boy looked like an average kid and had black, tapered hair and brown eyes. However Adam remained fixated on the boy?s white pupils, which made his eyes white with a halo of brown.

Mr. Tanaka cut his lecture short to give an announcement before the bell rang. ?As I?m sure most of you know, Kimiko?s coma has taken a turn for the worse. Now I know you 2nd years may not know her too well but the other classes are each sending a representative to visit her at the hospital after school to keep her foster mother, Ms. Hasana, company. Is there anyone from this class who would like to volunteer to pay her a visit?? Adam broke free from the sleep-inducing spell of the lecture as he noticed that the boy with the halo eyes had raised his hand to volunteer. ?Thank you Kiyoshi, I?m sure that she will appreciate your thoughtfulness.? The bell that ended first period chimed, canceling out the clamor of Adam slamming his head onto his desk in frustration. He couldn?t risk making a scene near a government controlled facility like the hospital. Adam would have to wait until Kiyoshi came home to kill him.

Check In

The elevator doors opened, bringing Kiyoshi to the seventh floor of Shensi Hospital. He stepped into an immaculately clean, bleached corridor and made his way to room 204. He had only to wait until the nurse?s head was turned for a split second to dash past the check in counter. He had arrived late on purpose to avoid Kimiko?s foster mother and he couldn?t have any evidence linking him to what he was about to do. As he approached the door, a diminutive, middle aged woman stepped out from the room. Kiyoshi presumed that it had to be Ms. Hasana. She looked at Kiyoshi and gave a quick grin. ?Oh, you must be one of Kimiko?s friends from school. I?m afraid I need to be on my way home, but you can step in if you like and give her your prayers. She needs all the help she can get. Two months since the collision and she hasn?t shown any signs of coming out of it.? Tears welled up in the woman?s eyes as she quickly strode to the elevator.

Kiyoshi opened the door and peered into the room. Kimiko lay unconscious in a bed and was hooked up to several machines. The afternoon light streaming through the branches of the trees shone through the window. It danced across her face, highlighting her thick bangs and the two, long strands of hair that fell across her shoulders. Kiyoshi remembered seeing her in the hallways at school, mesmerized by her long, brownish-red hair and large, dismal-blue eyes. It would be such a shame to let something so angelic die. She was in such a critical condition that it would be a waste for him not to take the venture. Even though she was a year younger than Kiyoshi, fifteen years was a close but acceptable age for a favorable transfer. Of course there was still the expected 90% failure rate, but at this point it really didn?t matter.

As Kiyoshi aimed his attention toward his hand, a bone-white scythe began to emerge from between his middle and pointer finger. The palm of his hand began to swell and then opened as the blade grew wider and longer. When it was fully augmented, it stood at about seven inches long and three inches wide at the base. He walked over to Kimiko and pulled back the sheets. As he lifted up her hospital gown, he thrust the scythe into her heart. He could see the black solution flowing through the gaunt, raised tube running down the center of the scythe. It reminded him of a snake fang injecting its prey with venom. Only in this case, he had the cure. She hadn?t paid attention to him before and was always too coy to talk to him. But now she would be in his debt.

The machines blared and gave off numerous alarms as Kimiko began to stir from her sleep. Kiyoshi didn?t have time to go out the way he came in and bounded through the window a moment before a doctor and a team of nurses came rushing into the room. Seven stories below, Kiyoshi dusted himself off and removed a few pieces of glass from his hand. He then set off at a brisk pace, heading for cover to avoid the attention of the confused nurse gazing out the shattered frame. Satisfied with the successful transfer, Kiyoshi made his way home. Unfortunately though, Ms. Hasana would testify that Kiyoshi was the last one in the room if the hospital questioned her. Coming in late wouldn?t count for anything now. At this revelation, Kiyoshi turned the corner as he decided to make a quick detour to her house.

Angel Killer

Ms. Hasana had been summoned to see Kimiko in the hospital after her miraculous recuperation but she hadn?t answered any of the calls. Kimiko?s doctor had allowed her to run home to tell Ms. Hasana, but she would have to return to the hospital later that day so they could run some tests. Kimiko somberly headed home, trying to push the memories of the accident out of her mind by assuring herself that things could only get better from here. When she reached her apartment, Kimiko flung open the door, expecting to surprise Ms. Hasana. However, the surprise was on her part. A boy with a broad grin was sitting upended on the ceiling and directly beneath him was her foster mother?s lifeless body.

Adam would not soon forget that rooftops in the winter did not provide adequate shelter. With bloodshot eyes he continued his vigilant watch of the apartment building across the street, where, according to the school directory, Kiyoshi was supposed to live. He had kept lookout all of Friday night waiting for Kiyoshi to draw near the apartment and it was now Saturday afternoon. Hunting his classmates was not something that Adam enjoyed. Killing something that he knew was better than himself emotionally scarred Adam every time he had to carry out the act. However, being the only one to stand a decent chance against the threat, it was Adam?s duty to see it through. That is, if his patience could outweigh his discomfort. Finally losing his patience, Adam jumped from the roof of the manga café to the street, several stories below.

?Come back here Kimiko, you can?t run forever,? taunted Kiyoshi as he casually pursued Kimiko as she ran screaming into an alley.
?No! Get away from me! Why did you kill her?? Kimiko wailed as she stumbled through the snow over trash barrels and discarded boxes. Kiyoshi leapt onto the alley wall and dashed across the side of the building, bringing himself in front of Kimiko. As he swung his arm at her, his scythe cut through her skirt and deep into her leg, causing her to cry out in pain as she stumbled forward. Kiyoshi roughly grabbed her by the front of her sweater and lifted Kimiko off the ground, bringing her face to face with him.
?I guess it was a failure after all. The perfection trigger doesn?t seem to have affected your reasoning. Come now, I hate to see a cute girl cry, but you?ll have to make a sacrifice for the greater good. I?m afraid that there will be no place for defects like you after the eschaton.?

Trudging to the spot where he had parked his car, Adam heard someone sobbing nearby. As he turned the corner and peered into the adjacent alley, his eyes widened as he took in the scene in front of him. There was Kiyoshi, and strangling a defenseless girl. There?s that bastard. Adam thought to himself. And assaulting a civilian.. This is classic! Now I can kill him without it weighing so much on my conscience.

Kiyoshi dropped Kimiko to the ground as he felt cold steel against the side of his head. He averted his attention from her to see the new kid from school holding a ridiculously large revolver. The words Angel Hammer were engraved on one side of the gun and fused to the handle was what looked like a broken off bone-scythe. Kiyoshi leapt to avoid the blast but it was too late. He had taken too much time to admire the gun. The enormous bullet missed his head but collided with his shoulder, tearing the arm from his body. Blood began spraying from the enormous wound as Kiyoshi stumbled backward. Taking advantage of Kiyoshi?s stupor, Adam kicked him into the wall of the alley, shattering the brick upon impact.

Adam threw the girl over his shoulder and rounded the corner into another alley before setting her down. Blood was unceasingly flowing from the wound in her leg and her eyes were winced shut with pain. Adam pulled back her skirt to get a better look at the wound and was met with a hard slap to the face. Much harder than he had expected. As Adam caught his balance and rubbed his cheek, he was able to see for the first time the blue halos in her eyes as she glared at him.

?What the hell? I thought you ?Angels? were above setting traps!? He pointed the gun to her head just as Kiyoshi skidded across the ice into the middle of the alley.
?Good, you might as well finish what I started, she is a defect. The coma must have messed with her mind.? Adam looked back at the girl and put two and two together.
?You mean this is the girl you visited? How stupid are you? Attempting something like that in a hospital! Worldwide panic wouldn?t be good for either of us.?
?Don?t mock me Angel Killer. You and I still have a fight to finish. And I am thoroughly pissed off right now. Do you know how much hell I?ll have to go through to re-grow that limb??
?Don?t worry about it, I?ll put you out of your misery first!? Adam cried as he fired another round at Kiyoshi. Not being at point blank, Kiyoshi dodged the projectile as Adam flipped the gun to the blade side and thrust it at him. Kiyoshi maneuvered around it and flung the weapon to the ground beside Kimiko before throwing Adam twenty feet into the air and landed on his back. Kiyoshi then charged toward Kimiko to finish her off but was stopped short by an extremely sharp blade, which had just lodged itself into his neck. With his face contorted with the mixed expressions of pain and anger, Kiyoshi wrenched the blade from his neck just as Adam made a dive for the gun. Adam hurled the weapon at the same time that Kiyoshi charged toward him. As Kiyoshi fell forward, Adam thrust his right hand against Kiyoshi?s head and the left against his body, forcefully flinging the two apart. A string of curses poured forth from the disemboweled head as it sailed over the rooftop. It wouldn?t be able to live for long without its body. The fight was over.

?What is going on?? screamed Kimiko after witnessing a second murder not ten minutes later than the first. Adam stood over the headless body with a sullen look as the excitement of the battle turned quickly to despair. It didn?t matter that Adam had an excuse for killing this time, the same chasm of regret was still there. Hearing the shouts directed toward him, Adam turned his attention back to Kimiko. ?I can?t explain everything now. We have to get you back to HQ. Your wound isn?t healing as fast as it should.?
?HQ? What are you talking about? I need to go to the hospital!?
?You probably haven?t experienced the side affects yet or know why you miraculously came out of that coma, but if you go to the hospital you?ll end up being dissected.? Adam then picked up the extremely confused Kimiko and walked out of the alley. ?My car is only a block away and you need medical attention before you bleed to death, so stop struggling.?

Forced Employment

?The cleanup crew was able to recover the body but Kiyoshi?s head is still to be found,? grumbled a tall and balding man with an unusually large nose. ?Please be more careful next time, we don?t want the police to find any severed body parts before we do.?
?It?s not my job to worry about that Otto,? replied Adam. ?If they can?t destroy the evidence fast enough, then you should request more personnel from Babel Corp. Anyway, how is Kimiko doing??
?Kimiko is still quite unsettled, but of course in her situation that is to be expected. It has only been nine hours and the wound in her leg has nearly healed. The CAT scan picked up the expected abnormalities in her brain but her reasoning appears to be untouched. She seems to be a typical Reaper except that her organs and especially her perception still function like a human?s. She calmed down a bit after I explained our situation to her.
?You didn?t tell her the truth did you??
?Of course I did. Besides, after what she has already seen, if she didn?t join us we wouldn?t be able to let her leave anyway.?
?Join Angel Hammer? As what, a secretary??
?Of course not, she will assist you as a field agent.?
?You?ve got to be kidding! I don?t need any distractions out there.?
?It doesn?t matter Adam. You don?t have a choice. Besides, she could prove to be quite invaluable if you were to encounter two Reapers, or God forbid, Cain and Evelyn.? Adam?s eyes narrowed as he glared at Otto. ?I?m sorry to bring up the subject Adam, but you do know that you will have to destroy both of them if you meet up again don?t you? Evelyn is one of them now. We won?t tolerate you letting her escape again like the last time in Berlin.?

A few moments later, Kimiko opened the door and shyly stepped into Otto?s office. It was a large but modestly decorated room, with only a few chairs and a desk covered in computer monitors. She was wearing a non-bloodied sweater and skirt that one of Otto?s assistants had bought for her and her reddened face made it apparent that she had been crying. The odd, old man and the homicidal boy that had saved her were having a heated argument in German when Adam noticed her in the doorway and pointed it out to Otto, who quickly calmed himself. ?Kimiko, please have a seat next to Adam. It is getting very late and there are a few things that I have left to say.? Sitting next to Adam, Kimiko blushed as she noticed for the first time how attractive he was. Adam had a scowl on his face, giving evidence that he had lost the quarrel. His face turned red and he looked down at the floor after noticing Kimiko staring at him. ?You two will be transferred to Rioko High School starting Monday. Adam will wake you up at six o?clock tomorrow morning to begin your training in the event that you encounter a Reaper at the school before formulating a plan of attack. I know this has been a very hard day for you Kimiko, with your foster mother?s death and everything else that has occurred, so I thank you for your cooperation. A room has been set up for you in the East wing of the facility.? Kimiko sadly nodded and thanked Otto. Everything that had happened that day seemed so surreal to her. She began to wonder if this was just another dream and if she was still in the coma.

?I?ve already explained our current situation to you Kimiko, so I suppose I should let you know the history of what has happened from the beginning to clear up any confusion,? continued Otto. ?Earlier this year in the summer of 2011, Babel Corp.?s eugenics facility in Berlin successfully created the first artificial being. Advancing on the altered DNA that they had earlier manipulated in Adam and Evelyn, the geneticists were able to make the artificial being essentially perfect. Proceeding with their twisted symbolism, Babel Corp. named the artificial being Cain. His main purpose was to transfer his perfected DNA into other humans who would then do the same. Those who are affected by the perfection trigger can control all aspects of their body and manipulate it purely by their will. They don?t have to sleep, eat, drink, and they never age. Inherently, passing this on to everyone would create the perfect world where higher reasoning and the lack of needs would bring about peace and balance with nature. The main difference between those who are perfected and normal humans is their inconceivably advanced brain and the only visible difference is the halo in their eyes. A small setback is that it only affects humans between the age of fifteen and seventeen. The trigger keeps them at that age forever and if anyone older or younger is affected by the trigger, it will try and correct the age difference faster than the body can handle. A much larger setback, however, is that 90% of those affected by it die due to genetic differentiation. Unfortunately, we had no way of knowing this before we created Cain and had not taken into account the side affects of his higher reasoning. Shortly after becoming self-aware, Cain destroyed the geneticists, deeming them imperfect. Only Adam was able to escape. Unfortunately, Evelyn was lost to Cain and her whereabouts are unknown at this time. Cain and those affected by the trigger are driven by the ideal of perfecting the world, even if it means killing 99% of us. They see themselves as our saviors and refer to themselves as Angels, however, we have more appropriately dubbed them Reapers. To rectify its mistake, Babel Corp. has put all of its resources into our Angel Hammer branch. Our only purpose is to prevent the Reapers from completing their ultimate goal, by any means necessary.?

Even though some things had been explained to her before Otto?s rant, Kimiko could hardly believe that what she was hearing was credible. Only because of the events that she had been through earlier that day was she able to accept this as truth. Otto beckoned for them to leave his office and Adam led the way to show Kimiko to her room. ?A regular human would have probably gone mad from going through what you have,? said Adam turning to Kimiko as they walked down the hall. Kimiko bashfully began to mutter something before Adam abruptly cut her off. ?That was a warning, not a compliment. You should be prepared for stuff like that as a weekly routine.?

[CENTER]Chapter 2 (In Progress)[/CENTER]

Footprints of the Mind

Snow lightly fell to the dark and empty streets of Berlin. Although the entire West section of the city had been given a lockdown order for an unknown reason, two figures lay motionless on the side of the street. Adam knelt in the snow, staring at his blood-soaked hand. Multiple gunshots and an ear-piercing cry from a few blocks away broke Adam from his shock as he looked in the direction of the noise and then brought his attention back to the lifeless body of the young girl in front of him. With the emerald halo in her eyes still wide with terror, blood flowed from a large opening in her stomach. It turned her long, blonde hair black as it ran through it and onto the street, stopping in front of Adam as the snow hungrily soaked it up.

With tears welling up in his eyes, Adam turned his stare away from the girl as he heard someone approaching. As he climbed to his feet, his heart sank even deeper. A beautiful girl now stood silently behind the body in the snow. Snow fell on her gorgeous brown hair and taintless face and the moonlight reflected off the blue halo in her eyes. ?Evelyn, I?m sorry, I didn?t mean to. I thought she would defend herself. Please, you have to help me stop him, I don?t want to do this again. I don?t want to have to hurt you,? Adam stammered as he tried to justify to Evelyn what he had done. He noticed the disgusted look on Evelyn?s face and sunk back into the snow.
Evelyn walked over to Adam and pulled him up from the street. ?Cain cannot be stopped Adam. You are the one who needs to be stopped. It is irrational for something flawed to destroy what is perfect, only to selfishly ensure its own survival.? Adam and Evelyn turned their gaze from each other as they heard cars in the distance getting closer. Adam turned back to argue the point Evelyn had made but she was already gone.

Adam awoke and shot up in his bed as the clock turned six setting off the alarm. After a few seconds he recovered from his panic. This time it had just been a dream. The same dream that had been haunting him for the past month. After sluggishly rising from his bed, Adam dressed himself and then headed to the other side of the facility to wake the defect.

Purpose

Kimiko took aim with the large revolver and pointed it at Adam?s head. She squeezed the trigger and sent a high velocity round straight through his skull and out the other side, creating a small crater in the cement wall behind him. Or, at least the now decimated ballistics dummy reminded her of Adam. She wasn?t sure why it was crafted to look that way, but the face was dead on. However, the hair was white and messier than Adam?s and the eyes of the dummy were cold and black, which didn?t quite fit with the garrulous expression on the rest of the face.

Adam slumped against the wall and gave a deep sigh. He would have to stay here all day is she could only make her mark one out of every four shots. However, watching Cain?s face explode every few minutes made it bearable. Adam cleared his throat and spoke up as he walked forward to examine the line of splattered ballistic dummies. ?If you are going to be of any help to me, you?re going to need to know exactly what these Reapers are capable of. The brain is the heart of their power so you?ll want to aim for the head every time. If you miss and hit anywhere else, it won?t do much permanent damage to them but the pain will cause them to lose their focus and some of their human attributes might start up again which will give you an advantage. Also, you will need to be much quicker with your shots because they are a lot faster and more agile than any human is. Their telekinesis is limited to affecting their own bodies but they are still able to defy gravity to a point short of flying. Unfortunately, you don?t seem to have control over anything right now except for the rejuvenating cells that healed you leg so fast, but I think that is just a given side affect caused by the age correction. I guess your strength is decent though. Normal humans can?t keep a steady aim with such a large gun.?

Adam didn?t say anything about the dummies that he had just finished inspecting, leaving Kimiko to wonder how she did. She noticed that he was staring for an unusually long time at the last of the dummies. His face bearing the same expression that he had after he killed Kiyoshi.
?Does it make you sad that you have to kill them?? blurted Kimiko, breaking the awkward silence.
?Have to kill them?? replied Adam as he looked up from the dummy that was smiling up at him. ?I don?t have to kill them. Angel Hammer can?t make me do anything that I don?t want to. But if I don?t, then large groups of normal humans will have to and they will probably end up getting killed. I?m the best chance that Angel Hammer has. The Reapers all have the physical appearance of teenagers, so they stay in high school and live their lives as they did before as to not draw attention to themselves. I go from school to school, find them, and then when I am done I move on to the next. I don?t do it because I have to. I do it because I have made it my purpose. You see, I believe that the ultimate goal for an individual is to change the world for the better as much as possible before he or she dies. One can do it my way, by protecting humanity?? Adam picked up the head of an unscathed dummy and turned its cold glare toward Kimiko, ?or, you can do it Cain?s way.?

?And Cain?s way to change the world is by destroying humanity, isn?t it?? pondered Kimiko.
?Well, he views it as perfecting humanity. I had a few conversations with him before he decided to take up his cleansing. He told me that nature has a permanent order to it and is therefore good. He said that humanity has diverged from nature and that our fallible reasoning creates a lesser good that contradicts the laws of nature. Cain believes that perfecting everyone will erase that flawed reasoning and bring back order to the world. He doesn?t care that 99% of the earth?s population will end up dying if he accomplishes his goal because by his reasoning, if we can?t be perfected, then we can?t be allowed to plague the world with our disorder. He?s planning something and when it happens it is going to happen here. Japan is the ideal place for him to start since there are so many people in such a small area of land.?
?I just have one more question. What advantage does the halo in our eyes give us?? asked Kimiko.
?There is no natural advantage to it. The geneticists just made that part of the trigger so that there would be a visible difference for those who had not yet received the trigger.?