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Tour Guides For An Alien


Xander Harris
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Imagine this: an alien from a peaceful utopian society comes to Earth on the behalf of an alien union trying to decide what to do with the Earth. It asks you to be it's tour guide as it tries to understand our planet.

What places would you decide to show it on our fine planet? What would you tell it about the people here? What observations/misconceptions/insights do you think the alien would develop about the world?

Note that this is not meant to be an RPG (since I posted it in the lounge, heh); it's meant to allow people to show what they feel is important/noteworthy/bad/good/distinctive about life on Earth.
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If money were not an object, or if the alien abducted me and we could go anywhere, I would take then to see the seven wonders of the natural world. That would include Mt. Everest, Victoria Falls, the Grand Canyon, the Great Barrier Reef, Paricutin, the harbor of Rio de Janeiro and the Northern Lights. This would allow the alien a glimpse as to what natural beauty our planet holds.

I think the alien would probably have misconceptions about the wars going on all around the planet. Since this alien comes from a peaceful society seeing civil unrest would make them think we are violent creatures. On the other hand this alien would also see how diverse all the people of the Earth can be. Religions, languages and customs of all the different people would surely be interesting to the alien.

I would definitely show both the good and bad of our planet.
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[COLOR=#B33D79]Ditto on the seven wonders.

The Great Pyramid and other bastions of ancient civilization would be a good bet too. I'll show him (it?) that it took a longish time for our societies to evolve. Then I'll take [i]it[/i] to different cities around the world and introduce him to human society in this age. I'll let it see how people live and struggle while they're at it. That even after thousands of years, our race has yet to produce a stable utopian society.

Just think how educational would that be for the alien.

Love and Peace! [/COLOR]
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[quote name='Dark Serena][size=1][color=royalblue]You guys took a lot out my mouth. To be more blunt, I'd hand the alien a copy of Hustler and a Big Mac and let it go from there. :rolleyes:[/color'][/size][/quote]

[SIZE=1] lmao. I would probably do the same thing...except for the copy of hustler that is. I would take him to mcdonalds and show him the bads and goods of our nutritional values, also take him to the mall! Hey an alien who enjoys shopping, is a happy alien am I right or what? Then maybe by him some cool outfits, give him a makeover, find him a date, and take him to a concert. He might want to stay here after all the fun he's had, or he might just blow my head off with his laser gun. Either way, that's what I would do. [/SIZE]
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[quote name='Dark Serena][size=1][color=royalblue]You guys took a lot out my mouth. To be more blunt, I'd hand the alien a copy of Hustler and a Big Mac and let it go from there. :rolleyes:[/color'][/size][/quote]

[color=darkviolet]Feh, forget McDonalds. I'd take the alien to PF Changs and hand him a Maxim...but then again. Why assume the alien is either male or straight.

Either way I'd take the alien shopping. What better way to show the alien earth by taking him or her shopping?[/color]
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  • 4 weeks later...
I would probably not so much hit the seven wonders of the world so much as I would show him our cities. Take, for example, places like Las Vegas or New York, and contrast them to places like Des Moines (or Iowa in general). That sort of thing would show him what life is actually like, not what life was like in ancient times. Plus, it would be important to not cover up the slums of the cities, that's as real of a part of society as huge skyscrapers.

P.S. Have you read Roger Zelazny's [U]This Immortal[/U]? Showing the Earth to an Alien is basically what it's about.
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If an alien came to earth, the very first thing I would do would be to tell him how much we've ****** up our planet. I'd edjucate him on Global Warming, which, it would seem, would be unknown in a Utopian society. I'd tell him how far gone our beautiful planet has come, how wars rage daily and how the third world suffers so greatly. I would let him know how our entire planet revolves around the oil trade, and how we spend more money on weapons then on fixing the earth. Then I'd stop and ask him a question. The question would be such. How? How does one go about achieving a Utiopian society, how does one end all wars? Sadly, I doubt he can answer me this.

Then I'd tell him to beware St.Catherians Str.
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If an alien came and asked me for a tour of the planet, I'd kill him and sell the autopsy video.

Assuming that wouldn't work, I'd take him to the Library of Congress. Therein lies the greatest collection of information in a single place I know of. Since I can't assume that natural wonders would phase a guy who's star-hopped, I figure the best tricks we have to wow him are our mental gymnastics.
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Well, I'd show the alien:

- White House
- [strike]Washington Monument[/strike] All the monuments in Washington.
- War: I'm sure it'd intrigue them.
- Our primitive technology: I'm sure they'd laugh their pants off that we're using such terrible computers. I mean, we can't display holograms!
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