is it worth it?

[vegeta rocker]

I am in a bit of a dilemma with my boyfriend right now, and i would really appreciate some advice.
Heres the deal; my boyfriend and I both go to the same accelerated college and we are both pretty busy. For the last month i have had to deal with lots of stress because of moving and things like that. Thus i have been a bit irritable, and it doesn't help i am suppossed to graduate next quarter into the bachelors program.

I used to live in the same complex as him, but for a month i have been staying with a friend and i am moving back tomorrow. I was on the phone with him and he mentioned liking it better when i lived with jacque because he went out and met new people. He made it sound like i was keeping him under lock and key the whole time.
I hardly went over to his place, he went to mine.

Well this quarter he decides to stop spending time with me. He has visited me twice in a month. Even though we go to school together we are too busy. And whenever i have time to talk to him he is too busy and pulls away.

We finally got on the phone about it and he says the way i have been acting is really making him think about us. I told him i still love him and i want to at least try and make it work. but he just wants it to be black and white.I dont think he wants to work at it.

I end up crying every night, because he says it will be a few days before he will make his decision. I have been acting happy and nice around him and i still hug and kiss him. But i just keep feeling that decision hanging in the air bugging me. I am having trouble eating and sleeping.

I love him so much and i feel like it's all my fault, but i am not sure it is worth it any more. Should i deal with all the heartache and wait until he comes up with a decision?
Or should i move on because he obviously doesn't care enough to work at it?

[Morpheus]

I would say drop him like a brick. If you haven't done anything to upset him, then he has some serious issues. If he doesn't want to spend time with you now, what will happen when you start living together 24/7? He's not worth it.

[NashvilleDream]

I don't know much about this kind of situation bit here's what I say. If you love him, then do everything you can. If that's not enough for him then, well, you've done all you can do and at least you know that. There are most likely other men in the world.

[Xander Harris]

I'm with Morpheus. If he feels you are holding him back now, just think how he'll act later if you are married. He doesn't sound worth your time to me.

[Panda]

It sounds like he is not ready for a relationship. I would sit down and discuss the situation. I would let him know how you feel. If he has respect for you and cares about your feelings I would hope he wouldn't want you crying at night and feeling so upset you can't eat or sleep. If he doesn't care that you are so upset then he is probably not the right guy for you.

Take care of yourself. You need to get rest and eat. If you can't take care of yourself how can you care about anyone else? If it is meant to be it will be, if not then it is time to move on. I wish you the best in your situation.

[Xander Harris]

[QUOTE=Panda]It sounds like he is not ready for a relationship.
[/QUOTE]
Yes. There is nothing wrong with deciding not to date seriously in college so you can have the experience of meeting and hanging out with lots of new people. Sometimes I regret not having a girlfriend, but other times I think it is for the best because I am always available to hang with the guys.

However, once you have entered a romantic relationship, that relationship needs to be the most important relationship to you. It is selfish and cruel for him to want to live like a single and still have a serious girlfriend.

Maybe, in time, he will grow up and be ready to be a responsible partner. But I don't think it's healthy for you to spend your life waiting for him to stop being so immature. Find someone who is willing to make a real commitment to you, and you'll be a lot happier in the long run.

Hoping you find true love,

James Bierly

[elfpirate]

It sounds as though he is looking for a way out of the relationship but has a difficult time being honest and straightforward.

I would leave him be and move on... but, then again, I'm a rather cynical person and don't have much faith in people turning around and everything working out okay... and I have no patience for people that screw with my head or my heart... but that's just me, and the decision is yours alone...

[2010DigitalBoy]

In the immortal words of Snoop Dog, Drop it Like it's Hot.

This guy obviously doesn't sound to much into you, and if he's meeting other people, whats to say he's not dating someone else. It really isn't worth it to not eat or sleep because some jackweed wont even call you. Leave him be and move on.

[Venge]

I'm in a similar position with my girlfriend, so here is my opinion on what I know and feel:

Don't let him go just yet. But don't keep him close either. Try being just a friend instead of more than just a friend. Let him make the decision. He already knows your decision, and he needs to make his. Don't force him into a corner. If you do that, the answer will be no. But don't let him go too far. The answer will be no. Just be a friend to him and hopefully it will work out. Give it a week and then ask him for his desicion. If he doesn't give you it then, then tell him it's over.

>>Matt

[...]

While I've never been in a relationship, I know one thing... to wait for someone... is very hard. But there are several things you need to take into account if you feel you are willing to wait for this person.
1.) What kind of man is he? Is he the kind of person who could possibly be fooling around behind your back? Has he made any real commitments in his life? What kind of life has he led? Pampered? Or a life where decisions were usually made for him?

2.) You need to do some soul searching and truly figure out whether he is worth your time... if he did come to you, and tell you that he would like to work it out... is he truly the man for you? he's already displayed a lack of concern for where your relationship is headed... and that in my book means trouble... when someone seems very wary about life decisions, it usually means that he simply is not ready.

3.) You also need to think about your own life... you are in COLLEGE.... studying for a career of your choice, that will undoubtly become a large influence in your life. Is settling down something you're really wanting?

Again, soul searching is needed... for me, if all these questions still showed me he was worth waiting for... I'd wait.... but if something showed me that he wasn't worth my time... I would "drop him like a brick" you can wait for his response, but don't be afraid to push... in my opinion, if he truly cares about you, he'll understand your concern and worry.... and he will respond. That in itself... tells a lot.