What is a girl to do?

[elfpirate]

I am suddenly in a seriously uncomfortable situation. I have just returned to the small community where my family lives, and I have but 3 friends in this depressing little ****hole of a town.

1 of them I've known for about 8 years, and the other ones I had never hung out with before I moved back here... though I had played music with one of them a number of years ago at a convention of sorts.

Well, within the last week, both of my newer friends (one male, the other female) have made it quite clear that they're interested in being more than just friends.
I don't want to lose either of them as my friends but I am entirely uninterested in being in a relationship with anyone at this time.

I'm also afraid that they'll think I'm leading them on by continuing to make plans to hang out with them... but I've already agreed to start a band with her and to be his tattoo apprentice... both of which I would have been a little more hesitant to agree to had I known how they felt about me.

I have lost quite a few friends because of this exact same situation in the past... they basically decided that if they couldn't have me, then they couldn't deal with being around me anymore. I think it's a crappy thing to do to your friend...

So, is there a way to get out of this situation and remain friends with them? Because I apparently don't know how to do that without hurting them ( judging from my past encounters with this problem).

[Sara]

[color=#ff6600]Whenever you work up the courage to ask someone out, you run the risk of being refused--it's difficult, and the reason [i]why[/i] working up the courage is so hard in the first place. If you're rejected, you feel embarrassed, awkward around the person, and just generally cruddy.

I think the worst thing you can do in this situation is lie (or allow them to think you are interested). Talk to them seperately, be honest, be gentle, emphasize that you still very much want to hang out with them.

You don't need to say, either, anything that they might take as a shot against them. What you just said here: "I am entirely uninterested in being in a relationship with anyone at this time." It's true, it's simple, and it isn't diirected against either person.

If you don't do that, you run the risk of seriously hurting one or both of them, and the longer you allow them to think you may be interested, the worse are the chances that things will smooth over easily.

In the end, however, whether or not they will still hang out with you (and I wish you the very best) depends on their strength of character, not yours.

made in the eighties,
Sara[/color]

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]Strangely enough, I had to deal with a situation similar to this only this morning, but it was different in the fact that I didn't have to confront the person face to face. Seeing as you live in the same town though, you need to confront them... and you need to let them down gently, by reflecting all your reasons for not wanting to go out with them onto yourself.[/size]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]If one or the other asks you out I think you should laugh at them in a sardonic, ?yeah right? kind of way. That is how I would diffuse that type of situation. I mean, no matter how eloquently you reject someone, that person is still going to feel like crap afterward. One of you might as well have some fun with the situation.

You are probably better of taking Lore and Baron?s advice though, I am a bit more callous and egotistical than either of those two.[/color]

[Pumpkin]

[QUOTE=Heaven's Cloud][color=indigo]If one or the other asks you out I think you should laugh at them in a sardonic, ?yeah right? kind of way. That is how I would diffuse that type of situation. I mean, no matter how eloquently you reject someone, that person is still going to feel like crap afterward. One of you might as well have some fun with the situation.

You are probably better of taking Lore and Baron?s advice though, I am a bit more callous and egotistical than either of those two.[/color][/QUOTE]

[SIZE=1] That would most likely suck alot if you were that person. I would rather someone be hurt and leave me alone, then be pissed and hate me. But yeah. Anyways I agree with what Lore has said. I've only been in this situation once, and honestly just told them both the truth. I don't want a relationship now. I want to keep you as my friends, and that if you can't understand that, then you weren't really my friends to begin with. It's that simple, and if they really care about you as much as they say they do, then they will let it go and understand. It hurts for awhile, but as the saying goes, time goes on, feelings change. Hope everything works out alright. [/SIZE]

[Xander Harris]

Maybe you don't actually have to say anything quite yet. Try this: don't sit really close to either of them. Keep your distance. Don't touch them or let them touch you. Be pleasent and friendly but nothing more. Hang out with one of them only if the other is present also, and preferrably also some other people.

I had a girl who apparently wanted to be more than friends earlier this year, and I wasn't interested in her, so I just tried the above. It stopped at the friendship level and has stayed there. We are still good friends, but nothing more. Just try making it clear nonverbally that you aren't interested. If your friends are intelligent at all, they will back off. If not, then do what Lore said. She is wise.

James Bierly

[elfpirate]

I spoke to the girl about it and she says that she's okay with remaining friends, so I can breathe a little easier about that one... but it's the male that worried me most anyway, because the friends that I've already lost to this situation were all guys... including one that had been one of my best friends- someone that I spent almost every day with for 6 years.

[Delta]

[COLOR=#B33D79]Come on, love! If you've known him for that long, surely he has an idea of how you're going to react. Ten bucks fifty says he's alright with you guys staying only as friends.

Never force yourself to like someone more than you want to. Nasty.

Love and Peace![/COLOR]

[elfpirate]

[QUOTE=Freude][color=#b33d79]Come on, love! If you've known him for that long, surely he has an idea of how you're going to react. Ten bucks fifty says he's alright with you guys staying only as friends.


[color=black]You would think so... but he blurted his feelings for me in a drunken stupor and was too ashamed after that to hang out with me anymore- he didn't even give me a chance to react... positively or negatively... he wouldn't even talk to me after that except for an accidental run-in with him at a gas station in which he asked me to run away with him... hmmm...[/color]
[/color]