The (possibly) neurotic guilt of receiving

[elfpirate]

I have this strange personality flaw when it comes to giving and receiving, and I was wondering if other people experience this as well.

Basically, when someone helps me out or when someone gives me gifts or is generous in sharing with me, I am overcome with guilt if I don't have the means to give as much as I've received. I really feel like a shmuck if I can't balance the equation.
The odd thing about it is that it's very one-sided thinking... because I don't want anything in return when [i]I'm [/i]giving to someone- I'm helping or giving because I [i]want[/i] to and nothing more... because giving to people makes me happy... especially when I can remain anonymous and the recipient is someone who doesn't expect kindness or generosity from anyone...

So, my theory is that the guilt comes from being raised in terrible poverty and being aware that when my parents did something for me, it was a huge sacrifice on their part(ie: buying me $20 worth of birthday presents could mean that they would have to hitch-hike to work because that would have been their gas money for the week...or that they couldn't pick up the presciptions that they needed until the next pay-period and things like that). I always felt guilty when my parents "had to" buy me things, and I always wanted them to forget about my birthdays and use what they had for their own needs, but they never would.

But, back to the original question- does anyone else feel uncomfortable and undeserving when they receive help and gifts? And is it a neurotic guilt born of poverty and sacrifice or just a character flaw?

[Annie]

[color=darkslategray]There are times where I feel that I don't deserve or need someone's return. My example, my older sisters. I've not seen them in many years, but the instant they come to visit/or live with me, they insist on spending money on me. I feel incredibly bad for receiving their gratitude. I do stuff for them whenever I can sneak it, but they always come back at me with buying me things, or even doing my chore at the house (washing dishes).

But then there are times in other situations where I like receiving appreciation, gratitude, thanks, gifts, whatever the case may be. There are times when I feel that it was deserved, and I'm thankful for it.[/color]

[Panda]

I [b]love[/b] buying gifts for my friends and family. I am not sure who is happier, the one receiving the gift or me giving the gift! I enjoy seeing the suprise on their faces and happiness that a small token can make them feel. It doesn't matter if the gift is expensive or just a knick-knack, it makes them smile. That to me is the part that makes me happy.

On the other hand when I receive gifts I feel like they shouldn't have spent the money on me. I would rather them get something for themselves than spend it on me. I really appreciate the gift and it makes me feel really special, but I feel funny being on the receiving end of the gift giving. I know it is a double standard but that is how I feel. I think I get this from my parents. They always gave gifts to people and never expected anything in return. So whenever they got anything it felt like they were very honored by the gift.

Little things matter, no matter what the price of the gift it is very special that someone is thinking about you. I think that is what makes giving gifts so special to me. That is also what makes me feel so overwhelmed when receiving a gift. Someone actually cares about me enough to buy a gift.

[Gravy Train]

Recievers have no need to feel guilty if they don't give anything back, because the giver should always give with the expectation that he/she will recieve nothing in return. Otherwise, it is not actually giving, it's just lending. However, if someone has been generous to you, you should obviously try and return the favor if the giver is in need.