Writing Crimes of Hate [M-LV pos. S]

[Ezekiel]

[B][U]Chapter One[/U][/B] Warm breath quickly turned to steam on a brisk Saturday morning just on the outskirts of the OB?s largest city, Otaku Lounge, also known as n00b Central. One of the detectives shook his head solemnly as he stared at the brutally beaten corpse sprawled on the snow, a slow crimson flow marring the once serene beauty of this peaceful field. The detective looked to his partner as she crouched to take a closer look at the corpse, careful not to disturb the area more than necessary. [B]?This is brutal, Alan.?[/B] She muttered. Alan dipped his head in muted agreement, clenching his fists in his deep pockets. [B]?CSU will be here soon.? [/B] It was the first time he had spoken since the pair arrived at the scene. This case had shocked him more than usual, not that he would let his partner sense it, he was the lead and she was the follower, if he let that slip the good working relationship that they had would no doubt crumble from underneath them. [B]?Methuselah.?[/B] His voice was calm but quiet, his usual tone of humour lost to the seriousness of the situation. Winter dampened everyone?s spirits, as did a violent murder. Methuselah stood, a few snowflakes had settled in her red hair as it blew in the frigid breeze. She looked at Alan who immediately turned his gaze to the custom black Audi that they often used for crime scene visitation. [B]?You need a coffee.? [/B] Alan nodded stiffly as his fellow detective placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. [B]?Annie will be here soon??[/B] Methuselah nodded in affirmation and continued toward the car. Annie was one of, if not the best, Medical Examiner in OB and she knew it. [B]?You wonder why they do it, eh?? [/B] Methuselah?s voice lowered as she slipped into the drivers side, slamming the door a little harder than usual.[B] ?A helpless New Member like that, I mean, what?s there to gain? Probably had no more than ten posts to her name, wouldn?t have any real valuable possessions??[/B] Alan cut her short, his tone cold and angry, [B]?I fucking hate Elitists.?[/B] **** News spread surprisingly fast around the OB. This, the third New Member homicide to occur within a month, had horrified many. Everyone knew it would happen, that deep-set hatred that resided in those known as Elitists. The Members who would see a new entrant and cringe. The ones who would move if a New Member entered the neighbourhood. The problem with the OB was the system, that had existed for decades, stuck firm, New Members would have to wear an armband that could only be removed by the OB New Member Registration Office (the OB-NM Reg.). After fifty days of residing within the OB, a test was taken on the General Rules. If a suitable grade was attained, the member?s band was removed and they would be allowed to live in safety within the centre of the OB. However, if one did not reach the minimum grade acquired for full membership they were sent away with a red band firmly attached to their right arm. A band that screamed ?failure? to other members. In another fifty days they would take the test again?if they were still around. That?s where to problem arose, Elitists would see these people and view them as unworthy and they became the targets, the victims of vicious hate crimes. It was up to the OB Central Security and Police Department to keep the crimes at a minimum but that was proving to be increasingly difficult. One detective that found the job especially draining was Alan. Maybe it was the idea of weaker ones being wiped out. Harsh reminders of the Holocaust would sting his memory. Ones who killed in the name of class and superiority were cowards, and Alan [I]hated[/I] cowards. Methuselah sat across the white top table from him, her hands gripped around a warm coffee mug. Alan had ignored his coffee, no matter how much he needed the boost his stomach was too knotted to stomach anything. Previously, Alan had worked with Narcotics and never imagined himself to become a high ranking detective in the Homicide Unit. Methuselah was a good partner and helped him through, but he still felt queasy at the site of certain crimes?like those of a murdered child, brutally assaulted women. Methuselah could stomach all this, she had been on the job longer than he had and had aspired to be a Homicide Detective since she was a teenager. Alan shook his head slightly [I]?Pull yourself together? [/I] he scolded himself, deciding to break the awkward silence.[B] ?Know how long the ID will take?? [/B] it was a stupid question but it had the desired effect, at least now the room wasn?t claustrophobic from the heavy silence. [B]?I doubt it will take long,?[/B] Methuselah answered, taking a sip at her coffee, [B]?The face is pretty much intact and fingerprinting will be simple. I?ve already sent a photo to the people at NM Reg. They promised to get back to us as soon as they got the results.?[/B] Alan stayed quiet; drifting off into his own thoughts again, glad that both he and his wife were well respected members, close with the people right at the top. He scoffed and Methuselah looked up questionably. [B]?Fuck respect??[/B] with that, he left for the morgue to see if Annie was ready for the autopsy, leaving his partner with a perplexed expression.

[COLOR=DarkGreen][SIZE=1]Well, this is my attempt at an OB story, not going the usual route of comedy, though. I pulled inspiration from a book I've been reading, 'The Sinner' (read it!) and from Alan's 'n00b Hunter'. I've always wanted to write a murder story, so I hope this does okay. This isn't the end of Chapter 1; I guess it's a sort of introduction to the story. I want to know what people think so that I can improve.

Also, I need members to be in this and I need to know what kind of job you would like. Now keep in mind that this will have to tie in with the murder so if you aren't exactly sure what job you'd suit but want to be in, then I'll PM you with suggestions. If no one volunteers for entry, then I'll pull you in anyway, heh heh.

I hope Alan and Annie are happy with the jobs I've given them, both of you will be pretty important to the story so you're input will be greatly appreciated. And yes, Alan and Hevn are married in this, think of it as 10 years into the future.

Right, comments and crit. are greatly appreciated for this, I want to know if I should bother with the next part of the chapter.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Guest Sean]

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Absolutley amazing Jamie, absolutley astounding. It has alot of potential to go somewhere and I think you should make it go somewhere. I love the seriousness to it aswell, it seems as though these 'hate crimes' are just as bad as any racism that comes our way in everyday life.

Can't wait for the next chapter if you decide to write it. ^__^.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]Have I been typecast as a gritty and violent? I'm not sure. XD

This is awesome. The tone is dark (which I may or may not have proved I like) and the detective spin is one that hasn't been done before... without randomness comedy. It reads really well, too. ^_^[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Onix]

[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]Very cool, Jay, very cool. You pull of the tone well, probably due to all the CSI you've told me you watch and the murder novel you're currently reading. It looks extremely promising, and I wish you much luck.

-ULX[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Hevn]

[QUOTE][COLOR=DarkGreen][SIZE=1]And yes, Alan and Hevn are married in this, think of it as 10 years into the future.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE][COLOR=Purple][SIZE=1][COLOR=Plum][B]^_^;[/B][/COLOR]

Coolies! I like the concept and it's cool how you named the departments/offices/units/etc. I'm okay with the absence of comedy cause it works well with the theme. *nods*

Well done. Looking forward to the next chapters. ^_~

[COLOR=Plum][B]*gives you oreos..wipes fingerprints off it*[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Ezekiel]

Annie stood in the morgue, quietly looking at the corpse laid out in front of her on the cold, steel table. Her table, her territory. This place was hers and anyone who entered was well aware of the fact. She had laid down the rules long ago and it would be hell for anyone who broke them. Many good cops kept and awed respect for Annie and that was something that she had built up to perfection. A Queen is not easily taken from her throne, Annie was not toppled from her steel fortress of respect. Her assistant, Jokopoko, stood by the tray of equipment at the side of the table and rechecked that they were perfectly clean and in order. Annie snapped her mask on and pulled on milky white latex gloves, preparing to delve into the most obvious injury, a heavy blow to the right side of the ribcage. With her scalpel poised, Annie heard a sharp knock on her door, she turned to see the obviously stressed face of Detective Alan. [B]?Alan, I thought you weren?t going to make it, where?s Detective Methuselah??[/B] [B]?Obviously not with me.?[/B] Was Alan?s cold reply, he crossed the room to stare at the corpse in front of him, Annie throwing her hands up in defence, [B]?Didn?t mean to hit a rough spot, what?s up??[/B] Alan drew in a ragged breath and shook his head; some loose strands of hair falling in front of his eyes. [B]?Sorry, Annie, I just can?t stand these hate crimes...?[/B] Annie nodded and patted his back quickly, [B]?Probably best if Meth isn?t here, in that case.?[/B] [B]?Ready?? [/B] Alan quickly moved Annie on but she decided to over look the obvious change of subject, handing a mask to Alan. He snapped the elastic once and placed the mask over his face, watching with the same hidden disgust he always bit back as Annie began to probe the wound for any evidence. [B]?Nothing spectacular,?[/B] she muttered, [B]?just some silver flakes, most likely paint.?[/B] [B]?Think it was a tool of some sort?? [/B] Alan questioned, keeping as far away from Annie as possible. She shrugged as she took the tweezers from Jokopoko, dropping the flakes into a bowl before answering, [B]?Most probably, it was a heavy one, no doubt. Look here.?[/B] [B]?Do I have to?? ?Alan.?[/B] Annie signalled to her assistant and he nodded, reaching for two clamps. He passed one to Annie while gripping the skin and muscle closest to him, pulling back to open the already gaping wound. Annie clamped her side and repeated the process, revealing shattered bone, seeping wounds on the muscle lining and a large open tear along the lung, a piece of jagged rib jammed into it. [B]?No doubt that was the cause of death.?[/B] She pointed to the lung and shook her head. [B]?Her lungs would have filled with blood and body fluids, she drowned slowly and no doubt painfully from her own liquids.?[/B] [B]?But all these other injuries??[/B] Alan whispered in slight shock, starting to fully realise the full extent of the young woman?s beating. Annie shrugged and didn?t raise her gaze from the corpse, [B]?I can?t be certain which was the first or final blow as of yet,? [/B] she paused and turned to Alan, looking him sternly in the eyes, [B]?But I?m certain that the perp. continued to beat her after she was dead.?[/B] Annie went on to point out the clear marks of injury to the skin but the lack of bruising that should have occurred, this, she explained, was due to the fact that her heart would have stopped pumping and the blood would have stopped flowing. That was all Alan heard, he felt his own blood pounding in his eardrums, an inexplicable rage brewing in his chest, his heart pounding viciously at his ribcage. [I]?What was it like??[/I] He thought, looking at the Jane Doe on the table, [I]?To know that you would die and you couldn?t stop it??[/I] He looked at Annie who had stopped talking and was staring intently at him, [B]?I think you should go home, I?ll e-mail my finding to you by eleven tonight.?[/B] **** Methuselah blinked sleep from her eyes and glanced to her watch, discarded on the cluttered desk beside her laptop. The screen was practically blank save for a couple of sentences quickly typed out in Word, the multiple spelling errors evidence of her fatigue. Something had woken her up, and whatever it was would get it?once she found the damn thing. The detective stretched and winced as her spine cracked, she slumped back to the desk and whimpered, not looking forward to the report that she had to finish for the next day. It was only 9 o?clock and yet she was exhausted. [I]?That?s what you get for staying back for the job??[/I] she thought, shaking her head. Lately there had been a lot of cases that had screamed for her attention and Methuselah was not a woman who ignored her duties, even if it did push her a whisper from insanity. She rolled her shoulders and noticed her cell it?s screen flashing blue. Someone had called her, which was what woke her up. She fumbled for the phone, her brain too tired to bother with the extremities of fingers. After managing to flip the phone cover, she had one missed call and a message. First she checked her voice mail and groaned as she heard the voice down the receiver. It was Reise, a well known reporter in the OB, he wasn?t one of those spiteful reporters that everyone hated but he did have a knack for calling at the most inappropriate of times. Next she checked the message, Reise could wait until tomorrow for the two-sentence statement that she always gave him this close to the crime?s occurrence. When Methuselah saw who had sent the message she almost dropped her cell, her heart thudding loudly. She gulped and opened it up, a simple message of [B]?[I]I?m back in town, I?ll drop by tomorrow.?[/I][/B] Was on the screen in clear black print. She shook her head clear and closed her laptop, grabbing for her keys and bag. She could finish the report at home in the comfort of her own office. She wasn?t ready to face him again, not while she was in this mess.

[COLOR=DarkGreen][SIZE=1]There's the next instalment of Chapter 1 ^_^

Thanks for the positive feedback, I appreciate it much. I could have made this bit longer but I...chose not to XD obviously.

Find out in the next part who the mystery man is messaging Methuselah, you get a cookie if you guess it right =P

The thing I said in the first post still counts, I'd like any volunteers for the story, thanks much.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]Jame = L337 at writing murder mysteries. Seriously.

Obviously, I like this chapter, lol. It's really got that CSI feel about it, it's quite distinct. The autopsy scene especially demonstrates it well. And yeah. Good work. :)[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Onix]

[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]Chilling and exciting...you most certainly have the Stephen King spark for suspense. You'll make an excellent murder mystery author, I can tell you that. And trust me, I know my murder mysteries.

A few guesses on the mystery man, but I don't know if I'd spoil anything by saying out front. So I'll just post my guesses in spoiler tags...[spoiler]Legacy or me, mayhap?[/spoiler]

Those silver flakes found are making me a tad nervous, though. *looks at font and Organization*. Yeah, definately nervous at the incriminating silver.

-ULX[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Hevn]

[COLOR=Purple][SIZE=1]Really cool chapter. I like the [B][COLOR=Plum]autopsy scene[/COLOR][/B] too...especially the part with the lungs and the rib.

[B][COLOR=Plum]And keep the length just like that[/COLOR][/B]. You know too lengthy stories turn me off, lol. But yeah, knowing it's you I'll probably read it anyway. ^_~

Oh, and I'm guessing it's (uses spoiler tags too) [spoiler]Legacy[/spoiler]. XP[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Guest Sean]

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Heh, score! This part of Chapter 1 rocked just as much as the first one, it's always so descriptive with you. I just love it. And ofcourse I'll add my guess.

[spoiler]ULX[/spoiler] But that's just my guess I suppose. Can't wait for the next installment Jamie. ^__^.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Mimmsicle]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Sienna]Wow. I am utterly amazed at your capabilities as a writer *jaw is on the floor* It's very focused and driven, with excellent flow in both language and story. The tone is just a delightful change from the standard comedy usually involved in OB parodies. (Not that I don't love them too, but it's nice with diversity, hehe.) And like Hevn said, your chapters are a very good length (though it wouldn't kill me to read more, since it's so good).

[COLOR=Black]"Lately there had been a lot of cases that had screamed for her attention and Methuselah was not a woman who ignored her duties, [I]even if it did push her a whisper from insanity.[/I]"

[/COLOR]I absolutely [B]love [/B]that sentence, particularly the very end. It just gives me a shiver down my spine ^__^

As for cameos.... I usually don't ask for them but maybe you could squeeze me in as a waitress at some café or a bakery? _^_ *gives her a bun*[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[Ezekiel]

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]^_^ I'm so happy that everyone likes this so far *huggles Mimmi* I'd be more than happy to put you in, I'm very glad you like the story and I'm quite flattered, hehe.

I'm sorry there's been a big delay for the next part of this chapter, I've been busy with school and the flu has got me down, I'm going to try and have it done by Monday or tomorrow.

Reise guessed who the mystery man was a while ago and he got the cookie, it is ULX and both he and Reise will be making their entrance's in the next part.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Arcadia]

[size=1]Oh, not the flu. Don't you hate that? It's been going around my campus.. I don't know one person who hasn't had some form of it. Gross.

...Ahem, back on topic. This is really, really impressive, Miss Meth. As everybody else has pretty much mentioned, it's a nice change from the usual silly, humorous parodies you find. What I really like about it though is the awesome potential you have here because of the serious nature of the piece. Seems to me that there's some real issues beneath all the layers and that's very cool. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of stuff you do with it. Again, nice job.

And... if you ever want to run some ideas by somebody, just let me know. ^_~[/size]

[Ezekiel]

A blizzard had kicked up making travel around the OB practically impossible. A young man in his mid-twenties sat at the wheel of his silver BMW, an expensive car for one so young. His fingers tapped absently at the black leather, his head bobbing to the base of an old rock song. Work was never stressful for Reise; he made sure that it wasn?t. Finally the snow-plough ahead moved revealing a passage through the white banks of snow and Reise continued on his way, now only a few miles from his destination. The beep of his cell alerted his attention and he switched off the radio before taking the call. [B]?Why hello Miss. Methuselah, so nice of you to call.?[/B] His voice was smug and he could hear the irritation in the detective?s voice, last time he had seen her she had come close to quitting her case. [B]?I didn?t call you for small talk, I saw reports of the storm. Are you still coming?? ?I wouldn?t miss this for the world.? ?Damn, I thought not.? [/B] Reise chuckled and accelerated, pulling around the corner to see the large concrete mass that was the OBPD and Central Security buildings. Methuselah sighed down the phone, obviously having looked out of her office window. [B]?I?ll see you in a few.?[/B] Then the line went dead. Reise switched off his phone and pocketed it as he unclasped his seatbelt, slamming the car door shut. He walked towards the front gates and was greeted by a serious Security Guard, Reise nodded curtly and walked inside, showing his press-pass to the secretary at the front desk. [B]?Ah yes, Mr Reise. Detective Methuselah has asked for you to be shown to the conference room, please follow me.? [/B] Reise followed the woman, his hands buried deep in his pockets. The building was magnificent; James certainly went all out on it. Large paintings adorned the walls, sculptures on every corner and various awards all added to the character of what could have been a cold and depressing place. The sound of a door opening pulled Reise back to attention and he saw the face of Methuselah, eyes bagged from a night of hard work. She nodded to the secretary and smiled weakly, [B]?Thank you, Mimmi. Could you please deliver this report to Drix ASAP??[/B] Mimmi nodded and took the brown envelope, nodding to Reise as she shut the door behind him. The detective squared her gaze onto Reise?s young face, it was quite obvious that she wasn?t in the mood for pesky reporters. [B]?Before you start I want to make it clear that I am not the lead in this case and that Alan will be the one who gives to the final statement, understood??[/B] Reise nodded and sat down at the large oak table, a coffee already prepared for him. [B]?Now, let?s get down to business.?[/B] **** Alan sat at a modest table in his kitchen, knowing with some satisfaction that he did not have to be out in the awful weather. Annie had e-mailed the full autopsy report to him the night before just as she had promised and even now he was just finishing the grim task of reading it. [I]Multiple lacerations to the back and shoulders. Hairline fracture to the right temple. Bruising on the wrists and ankles shows victim was bound before death.[/I] So it continued, a myriad of injuries and wounds to one woman?s corpse. It wasn?t just a murderer they were dealing with, it was a madman. Alan sipped at his orange juice, draining the glass. He suddenly found that his mouth had gone dry, this wasn?t the kind of thing he needed to wake up to. The soft patter of footsteps on the stairs caused him to look up and smile. Hevn walked into the kitchen and walked over to him, planting a kiss on his forehead. Sleep was still eminent in her eyes and she stretched before popping some bread into the toaster. [B]?Sleep well?? [/B] Alan asked, tucking the report under the paper. Hevn always asked the work stayed at the office, he told her that it was near impossible but he could at least try. [B]?Not really.? [/B] She replied, sitting opposite him. [B]?I had a bad dream.? ?Oh??[/B] Alan leaned over and took her hand, playing with her fingers gently in an attempt to soothe her. [B]?It was horrible and so realistic.?[/B] She continued, [B]?A body found in a back alley and you were there, leaning over it. You were crying and blood was on your hands. I don?t know??[/B] she stopped and shook her head, fixing a smile onto her face. [B]?But this isn?t the kind of thing to talk about over breakfast.?[/B] Alan nodded and smiled back, even if it didn?t go to his eyes. Having bad dreams was one thing, but something like that? It was worrying. [I]?Maybe the job is just making me paranoid.'[/I] Alan laughed to himself, [I]?That must be it??[/I]

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Meh, sorry if that part wasn't as good as the others. Just trying to pull the other characters in, I couldn't exactly bring Reise in with a gruesome murder ^_^;;

Next part wil be better, as you can see I'm leading up to something else. ULX, I promise that you'll be in the next bit, sorry I didn't fit you in this time.

I'm in the mood for writing so I may end up finishing the next part by tonight, fingers crossed.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]I sense intrigue! This chapter roxxors. Good work, especially with ther err... displays of affection. *blush* Though it was L337 period. ^_^[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[JJ]

[Color=DarkBlue][Size=1]I figured, going into here that I was committing myself to read it, because I thought, "If her work is anything like the work we've come up with, it will rock."

Rock doesn't even start on this baby. You have overshadowed my high hopes for this one my dear. I want to congradulate you because I will have to mob you until your next post, because I'm in suspence.

*puts on the "Methy is my pimp" shirt and waits*[/size][/color]

[Ezekiel]

The afternoon came, a promising ray of light spreading itself over the Otaku Lounge. The scene was breath taking, the snow around the OBPD building was untouched, no footprints to spoil the perfect white coating that covered the usually ugly tarmac. On a day like this it was hard not to smile, the blizzard of the morning had cleared and all was right with the world. Unless you worked in the Police Force, evil was damn near impossible to escape then. The sound of a car door slamming shut echoed around the near empty parking lot. A young man with a handsome face and grey, unreadable eyes stepped away from the vehicle. His hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, a sore attempt to make himself presentable for the day, the sign of a true bachelor. He pocketed his keys and pulled the collar of his coat up before making his way through the large glass doors to greet Mimmi. She looked up and was slightly taken aback, smiling as she saw the man enter. [B]?Dr. Xion, how good it is to see you again!? [/B] He smiled and nodded, striding over to the front desk to shake the woman?s hand. [B]?Yes, it?s been a while,? [/B] he chuckled, [B]?It?s good to be back again.?[/B] [B]?Which case is it you?re working on??[/B] Mimmi enquired, sitting back down behind her keyboard. [B]?Ah yes,?[/B] Xion reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled slip of paper, [B]?Case No. 004, a Jane Doe found two days ago.?[/B] Mimmi?s hands sped across the keyboard and she pulled up the case file, setting it to print, [B]?That would be Detective Alan and Detective Methuselah?s case.?[/B] Xion coughed and leant on the desktop, taking the first few sheets of report, [B]?Meth??[/B] His voice was calm, casual as always, another addition to the young Doctor that made him unreadable. Mimmi nodded and handed the rest of the papers to him along with an envelope. He scrawled ?Case #004-New Member-Jane Doe? across the top and slid the envelope into his bag, nodding once again to Mimmi. [B]?It was good to see you again.?[/B] **** Reise had left only half an hour ago and Methuselah couldn?t have waited any longer. That man drove her to wits end and the fact that he knew it made her sick. She ran long fingers through her hair and sighed deeply, case files and crime scene photos spread across the table in front of her. Drix had decided to give Alan the day off, the same had been offered to Methuselah but, as always, she declined. [I]?Somehow a day at home, all alone, with nothing to do in weather like this won?t be the most enjoyable of times.? [/I] had been her brutally sarcastic reply. Drix hadn?t appreciated it; Methuselah suspected that days off wouldn?t be so readily available in the future. A knock at her door startled her and she pulled herself from the flashing screen of her computer to open it. Standing there, a small smile on his face, stood ULX, AKA Dr Xion, the Miracle Shrink, a name he claimed to despise but Methuselah suspected he himself had created. [B]?Long time no see,?[/B] he said, his voice just above a whisper as he leant in through the doorway, [B]?Going to invite me in??[/B] his eyes scanned Methuselah?s office space, papers covered the desk and old medical and criminal textbooks covered the shelves. Dust was eminent on most untouched surfaces and a wilting fern sat glumly on top of the cold, metal filing cabinet. Methuselah groaned and stepped back the let the psychologist in, [I]?I thought my day couldn?t get any worse??[/I] **** [I]Can you see me? Do you know that I am watching you, every step you take, and your every destination? I know your movements, know your patterns. Soon, I will know how you think. You enjoy these walks out, time you spend by yourself while everyone else is out at work, it must be nice to be so new...so insignificant that no work is even there for you. How I despise you. Sitting on a bench, wrapped up so tightly in a new fur coat, living off what our moronic government hands to you every week. They think they have the situation under control, what fools. You people are so easily able to take advantage of their every decision, what a carefree life. I bet those detectives have jumped to the usual conclusion, how they got to where they are today I?ll never know. People just don?t appreciate the unspoken genius of a careful planner. Alan pushing ahead with his strong words and ready trigger, Methuselah always following in his intimidating shadow, too scared to even open her windows at night, let alone her heart. You don?t know me, you see me in the street and push right past. But I know you, I know you all very well. You see, the clever ones?the survivors, we stay in the shadows and wait?wait for the opportunity to strike. Soon, very soon, this fertile soil will taste your blood.[/I]

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Well, I do hope that made up for the awful excuse for an addition yesterday >_<

About half of the major characters have now been introduced so the next few parts will be focussing more on the crime rather than the activities of the characters. (Hurrah!)

Comments and suggestions please, I love to read them ^_^

[B]Note for Mimmi:[/B] I know you asked to be a waitress *loves your buns* But I wanted to keep you in as a regular character so I had to put you as someone who could come back easily, secretary seemed to fit you well. I hope you like the cameo, do tell me if there's something you want changing or if you want me to add anything. That goes for the other characters, too, I don't want to misrepresent anyone too badly.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Mimmsicle]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Sienna]I'm loving my cameo, so don't sweat it ^__^

Besides, if you'd turned me into a waitress it would've meant that they'd have to run to the coffee shop all the time for me to be part of the story and it's nice to not have that cliche in your face ;p

(And being a secretary is most excellent *grins*)

Can't wait to see where this leads![/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]You were writing this so well I forgot it was Newbies for a while there. You're a fantastic writer Jamie, and the killer's monologue (or I think it's the killer) demonstrates your L337 skillz perfectly.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Hevn]

[COLOR=Purple][SIZE=1]Yesh! The monologue part is awesome. I've always liked those things, heh. Really [COLOR=Plum][B]dark and cryptic[/B][/COLOR].

It's going really well, Ms. Meth. Keep it up ^_~[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Arcadia]

[size=1]Ooooh, creepy killer spotlight. Very nicely done. The story is just getting more and more interesting, and the characters you've presented so far have all been awesome. It's a good, easy read, and I like the way you keep the chapters short because it's enough to keep us attentive without making us sit in front of the computer forever, and it allows you to update more often, which is always awesome. Especially when the story is as cool as this one. ^_~[/size]

[Ezekiel]

Alan looked at various pictures spread out on the table in front of him. Methuselah was at the other side, a mug of coffee in her hands, it seemed a permanent fixture these days, Alan wondered if she?d slept at all in the last 48 hours. ULX stood back and watched the two detectives. He?d read through the case files and autopsy report the night before, and Methuselah had been so kind as to show him the drop point (Alan insisted that it wasn?t the actual scene of the crime). With all the snow, most evidence such as footprints was gone, the detectives had to hope that CSI and CST had managed to lift all the evidence possible. Alan opened his mouth as if to speak and placed a fingertip on one of the photos. One that showed her neck, bruises and scratches across it. There had been no sign of asphyxiation, so Alan assumed that the vic had been in a fight. As he looked closer, he noticed that the wounds looked like burns more than scratches. Just as he looked up to speak to Methuselah, Mimmi knocked and entered, a slip of paper in her hand. Alan shut his mouth, the thought of what he was going to mention forgotten. [B]?The victim?s name was Kagome-chan.? [/B] She said quickly, her voice flat and un-emotional, she always seemed to get like that with the new member cases, they got to her like they did to Alan. ULX stepped forward and nodded in thanks, taking the paper from her. He swiped at some strands of hair falling about his face and looked at the name again. [B]?Alan, Methuselah, do you want to check this out??[/B] both detectives nodded and Methuselah stepped forward to take the slip of paper from ULX. He smiled at her, a taunting smile rather than the old warm smile he used to greet her with. She matched him with a cold stare and brushed past him into the corridor, one hand rubbing her temple as she exited the office. Alan followed and put a hand on her shoulder, [B]?You need rest.?[/B] Methuselah shook her head and smiled wearily,[B] ?No, I need to see this guy caught and show him,?[/B] she paused and Alan noticed the change in her voice, [B]?I?I need to show ULX that I can handle this myself.?[/B] Alan chuckled at the last comment and immediately he saw the anger flash in Methuselah?s eyes, [B]?I?m not laughing at you, Meth.?[/B] He stated, [B]?I just can?t believe that you actually think you need to prove yourself to an asshole like him.?[/B] Methuselah sighed and they continued walking, re-checking the address with Mimmi. [B]?What happened between you two, anyway??[/B] His partner suddenly went very stiff and he noticed her fists clench, [B]?Things that I don?t feel like I want to discuss. Nothing personal, Alan, but I want to forget about [I]him[/I]?I want to forget about [I]us[/I].?[/B] She opened the passenger side door and climbed in, looking out of the steamed up window as soon as her belt was fastened. Alan gripped the wheel and shook his head, starting the engine. [B]?Methu-? ?Leave it.?[/B] **** Alan hoped they found some leads; a tired and irate Methuselah wasn?t someone who he wanted to work with. The apartment was nothing special; a one bed roomed on suite with a moderate kitchen and living area. Basics, really, something that all new members were supplied with. Judging by the scant few possessions that were neatly placed around the apartment, Kagome-chan couldn?t have been more than 10 days registered. Methuselah went to the bedroom while Alan slowly picked around the living area, checking for any areas to alert the CSI to. He checked a bookshelf, nothing but manga there; a couple of Anime DVDs. That?s when he realised the problem. DVDs meant that this member had a DVD player; some old members didn?t even have them so how would a member of 10 days have something so expensive? He turned and saw a large cabinet, the door only slightly opened. He pulled it ajar and smirked, something was definitely not right here. What he found was a DVD/VHS recorder, a 42?? plasma flat screen and what looked to be surround sound. As he looked to the corners of the room there was indeed the speakers for a surround sound system and tucked into the corner was a large 6 disc changer stereo. He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, Hevn and he both had good jobs and they wouldn?t be able to afford stuff like this. In the bedroom, Methuselah was busy picking through Kagome-chan?s chest of draws. She found the usual things a young woman would have, but then the last drawer held something else. A rosewood box with gold clasps, a heart carved on the lid. Methuselah blinked and lifted out the box, opening it gently. What she found surprised her, at least 10 letters all with the same hand writing on the front, all accompanied by a heart shaped wax seal. She sat down on the member?s old bed and opened one of the letters, one that was dated for just last week. [I]My love, The phone call we shared last night was wonderful, your voice was so sweet it just enchanted me, I know now that I have to meet you. I have to see you, see your beautiful face up close. Please, reply to me as soon as you can. Forever yours. xxx[/I] No name, no signature, just those three crosses. A sign of romance, but Methuselah couldn?t help but wonder why a member which such colourful language would be with one so new, it was unheard of. She felt something stir inside her, whether it was anger or something else, she didn?t know. Envy? Yes, she?d felt it before and seeing these letters?these signs of affection made her shake. It was only when Alan was asking her what had happened did she realise that she was crying.

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Character building opportunities just keep popping up all over the place, heh.

Finally the detectives are actually doing their job, ULX may possibly make himself useful, too. Now I know that you won't have a problem with me insulting you in this, dear, just bare with me for now.

Not much else to comment on, just for those who may not know; CSI stand for 'Crime Scene Investigators' and CST stands for 'Crime Scene Techs'. [/SIZE] [/COLOR]

[DeadSeraphim]

[FONT=Arial][SIZE=1][COLOR=Indigo]I felt sorry for kagome-chan... till I hear about the plasma! >=O Lucky newbies....

I reiterate: You rock at this Jamie. Reallyreally do.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[Arcadia]

[quote name='Alan][FONT=Arial][SIZE=1][COLOR=Indigo]I felt sorry for kagome-chan... till I hear about the plasma! >=O Lucky newbies....[/COLOR][/SIZE'][/FONT][/quote]
[size=1]Yeah, for real. Why can't I get that kind of hook up?

I feel like I'm going to spend all my posts in here repeating myself, but I'm going to keep posting anyway: another great chapter, Meth! I love the characterization in this one - we get to see a little deeper into this mysterious past between Methy-baby and Mr. ULX without actually giving anything away. And I must say, you're an expert at keeping us hanging on. It's almost as if the gaps between posts are commercial breaks. XD[/size]

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]On recommendation from Alan, I checked this out. And boy am I glad that I did ~_^

Stellar writing, you set the whole atmosphere incredibly well. In addition to your great use of situations etc., you actually develop characters and make them believable and realistic. Very impressive work here... I'll be coming back for more.[/size]