DDG Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 [size=1][color=gray]I rarely pop into Anthology but boy was I glad I did tonight, er, this morning. Meth, your story is just wonderful, absolutely magnificient. Beautifully written, intriguing, exactly the kind of story that catches my fancy. Being a big CSI fanatic, along with other detective/investigative/crime shows(ie: NCIS, Without A Trace, whatever. I'll watch it and be entranced by it) as well, this is quite an appealing story. Every time I reached the end of a chapter I was just left wanting more. Its suspenseful and creative. As well as a large change from the usual OtakuBoards centered stories. Its seriousness is enthralling. I love it. Great job, Meth. -DDG And I hope I'm not being too modest but is there anyway for myself to make a cameo appearance? I'm happy with any position you could give me. No preferences here.[/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinmaru Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 You know, I'm really quite impressed with this. I'm of the opinion that there's been a few too many OB parodies as of late, so I can't help but go into each one a bit jaded, but this is seriously quite good. The way I look at these, I try to think if they would be good stories if they didn't have the OB crutch supporting them. I think that this would be pretty good with or without OB members in it. I think what I enjoy the most is how you cleverly juxtaposed elements of OB and internet life to real-life things (i.e. Newbie hating and prejudice). The way that you use it, it enhances the story rather than becoming the entire point, which I think is the major fault of a lot of stories that follow the 'use OB members in the story' trend. Great stuff. And as other people have said, your writing is solid. It flows well, it's sufficiently poetic, and you get your point across without being too pompous or confusing. Very enjoyable stuff. You get the Shinmaru Seal of Approval. Now if only I had an actual seal to go along with that statement. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baron Samedi Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 [size=1]Furthering Shinmaru's comment, you haven't used some of the blatant "We're stuck in an Internet world" type practices, such as PM's etc, which really makes this story seem serious, and fit in with the whole tone of a murder mystery novel. Plus, the fact that you don't have random humour [whether or not said random humour is pulled off well >_>] littered throughout your story is refreshing. Shame I didn't see this before the Nifty Fifty.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiyuu Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 [color=DarkGreen][size=1]This has had me hooked from day one, but I've only just got round to posting. Bad Blackjack! *cuffs self* Owwww. Methuselah, this rules. Someone said that [color=DarkSlateBlue][i]Enter the Net [/i][color=DarkGreen]is OB [i]Star Wars, [/i]and Alan's [i]n00b Hunter[/i] is OB [i]Alien [/i](sorry I can't remember whose quote that is, or I'd quote-tag them); in which case, this is OB [i]Seven.[/i] It's got that same brutality, that same sinister [i]film noir [/i]realism. I completely agree with Shinmaru and the Baron on the subject of kitsch OB references like PMs; there's enough here that you can see it's set in OB-world, but as a story it would work just as well without. I'd normally hesitate to request a cameo, but this is just too awesome, and since not many other people have ... I'd be honoured, even if it's just as the next bruised and battered body found in the snow :rolleyes: [/color][/color][/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezekiel Posted February 15, 2005 Author Share Posted February 15, 2005 [COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Thank you so much for all the great comments, everyone, it's really encouraging (and quite unexpected). I'm in London now, I wanted to post a new chapter on Saturday but my Internet was down, new segment should be up on Thursday. I'm glad people have asked for cameos, I'll gladly fit you all in ^_^ Thanks again for all the lovely comments, I just hope I actually finish this story.[/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sean Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Jamie, I think I love you. This is really one of the best Parodies I've ever read, and it is definetley one of the best stories I've had the chance to read aswell. If you took it out being n00bs and changed it to non-OB members this could be a real book, well story. Congratulations, and I can't wait until Thursday.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezekiel Posted February 16, 2005 Author Share Posted February 16, 2005 Most of the material things in Kagome-chan?s apartment had been sent to the lab for fingerprints, though Alan wasn?t hopeful. He knew that this murderer was far too clever to let himself be careless. He worried about Methuselah, especially after seeing her break down over those letters. She still refused to talk about it and quickly changed the subject if it ever came up. That?s why Alan was fixing a tie, standing in his bedroom with Hevn in the bathroom adding the finishing feminine touches. They had invited Methuselah to go out to dinner with them and she had, reluctantly, agreed only on the terms that she would pay for half of the meal. Hevn stepped out of the bathroom and smiled at Alan, he returned it and kissed her softly, [B]?You look beautiful.?[/B] Hevn looked up, [B]?So do you.?[/B] Alan chuckled and picked up his keys, opening the front door for Hevn. He noticed his beeper on the coffee table by the door and sighed, shoving it into his pocket, hoping that he wouldn?t be hearing it tonight. The restaurant was relatively quiet, considering how popular the place usually was. Alan tapped his fingers on the table top, Hevn shifting in her seat. [B]?You definitely gave her the right time??[/B] [B]?Like I said five minutes ago, yes.? ?Maybe the roads have frozen over?? ?Maybe, lets just order a drink.?[/B] Alan picked up the wine list just as he saw the door opening, his partner walking inside quickly, her face flushed from the brisk winds outside. She walked to the table and threw her coat over an empty chair, nodding to Alan. [B]?I?m so sorry, I fell asleep at my computer looking through some of the case files?I think I fou-?[/B] [B]?Why don?t you leave work behind, just for once, Methy??[/B] Hevn interjected, her voice sterner than usual, Methuselah noted. She bowed her head in apology and sat down, looking at a menu. **** Diner was going well, a glass of wine and a half way through their main courses, Hevn, Alan and Methuselah were joking about everything besides the detectives work. Methuselah was having fun, Alan was happy that she wasn?t looking as depressed as usual and Hevn was elated that the subject of dead bodies seemed to have slipped from the mind of her husband and friend. Then it happened, in the low murmur of the restaurant a loud ?bleep!? interrupted all conversation. Alan?s face paled as he looked down at his belt, the screen of his bleeper flashing a bright blue. Methuselah sighed and answered her cell, her expression instantly turning from one of exasperation to horror. Alan met her gaze and he gulped, looking at Hevn. [B]?We have to go, I?m really sorry about this, but it?s work.? [/B] Hevn nodded and folded her napkin. [B]?It?s always work.?[/B] [B]?Hevn?? ?We?ve got to go, now.?[/B] Alan took one last look at Hevn who was, quite obviously, fuming behind her gentle mask and smile. He tossed on his coat and followed Methuselah out to her car. **** The parking lot was empty save for a navy car and two people, one man and one woman, standing in front of what could only be described as a bloodbath. The asphalt was stained a deep black from the amount of blood that covered it. The ice was melted, the water mixing with the blood to form small rivulets running their paths slowly across the ground. One of the detectives coughed, covering her mouth with her scarf as she bent closer to the corpse. It was mutilated beyond recognition, and her nose wrinkled in disgust. [B]?Anything worth noting down, DDG??[/B] the man asked, rubbing some sleep from his eyes. Blackjack was not one to wake easy, and being pulled from a deep sleep in front of the TV was not how he wanted to start a new case. DDG stood and looked at him, shaking her head. [B]?That corpse isn?t going to be ID easily, just look at it.?[/B] [B]?Yeah, I looked and it?s disgusting. I?ve never seen anything like this before, I can?t even tell if it?s male or female.?[/B] DDG nodded in agreement, they would have their work cut out for them on this one. Just then the sound of sirens caught their attention, a silver Peugeot bumped onto the curb and two people got out, neither of them dressed for the cold of the evening. Blackjack feigned happiness and walked over to greet them, extending his hand in welcome, [B]?Welcome to the bloodbath, Alan, glad you two came to help.?[/B] [COLOR=DarkOrchid][SIZE=1]Okay, for now these are the only characters I want to work with, save for a couple who I?ve planned for already. I?m sorry if that chapter paled in comparison to the previous, but I need to get back into writing this again after a pretty long break. Yup, that?s all I have to say.[/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Baron Samedi Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 [size=1]More masterful writing, Methuselah. The smoothness with which you inject various plot directions and openings is incredible...I can see something potentially coming a problem for Alan and Hevn. In fact, the only real problem I have with any of the writing in this episode is the first paragraph at the murder scene...if I were you, I'd take a look at that, and try to word it a bit differently. Can't wait for more ^_^;[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... DDG Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 [size=1][color=gray]Sure, it wasn't as great as some of your other chapters, but it was still great, Meth. It was a bit slower, maybe a little less dramatic, bu there was a certain subtlely to it that was marvelous. And anyway, all stories have their slow points and upsides and downsides, etc. It all makes the story what it is, though. Whoo, a detective! Detective DDG... Yeah, that sounds great. *pulls out a "GO METH!" banner and waves it around*[/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... DeadSeraphim Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 [COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]In reality I would've said 'fuck it' to the murder and stayed with her you know... but I digress. Great chapter, the dinner scene was well written, despite what you may think. ^_^[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Raiyuu Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 [color=DarkGreen][size=1]Well, stone me sideways, I'm a detective *falls over backwards* Okay, so this one [b]is [/b]a little slower than some of the others, but so what? It really helps to build up the nature of the interactions between Alan, Hevn and Methuselah, and it's always helpful, as far as the reader's concerned, to see the characters in a setting other than their usual. We see other sides of them in the restaurant than we would in the morgue, or out doing detective things. You've got yourself in a hole now, Meth ... we're all on tenterhooks and you've no choice but to satisfy our ravenous appetites for more story ... [/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Prev 1 2 Next Page 2 of 2 Create an account or sign in to comment You need to be a member in order to leave a comment Create an account Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy! Register a new account Sign in Already have an account? Sign in here. Sign In Now Share More sharing options... Followers 0
Baron Samedi Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 [size=1]More masterful writing, Methuselah. The smoothness with which you inject various plot directions and openings is incredible...I can see something potentially coming a problem for Alan and Hevn. In fact, the only real problem I have with any of the writing in this episode is the first paragraph at the murder scene...if I were you, I'd take a look at that, and try to word it a bit differently. Can't wait for more ^_^;[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DDG Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 [size=1][color=gray]Sure, it wasn't as great as some of your other chapters, but it was still great, Meth. It was a bit slower, maybe a little less dramatic, bu there was a certain subtlely to it that was marvelous. And anyway, all stories have their slow points and upsides and downsides, etc. It all makes the story what it is, though. Whoo, a detective! Detective DDG... Yeah, that sounds great. *pulls out a "GO METH!" banner and waves it around*[/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeadSeraphim Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 [COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]In reality I would've said 'fuck it' to the murder and stayed with her you know... but I digress. Great chapter, the dinner scene was well written, despite what you may think. ^_^[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiyuu Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 [color=DarkGreen][size=1]Well, stone me sideways, I'm a detective *falls over backwards* Okay, so this one [b]is [/b]a little slower than some of the others, but so what? It really helps to build up the nature of the interactions between Alan, Hevn and Methuselah, and it's always helpful, as far as the reader's concerned, to see the characters in a setting other than their usual. We see other sides of them in the restaurant than we would in the morgue, or out doing detective things. You've got yourself in a hole now, Meth ... we're all on tenterhooks and you've no choice but to satisfy our ravenous appetites for more story ... [/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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