Writing My Madeline [E]

[Sicarius]

A poem I wrote about my girlfriend Maggie...
[center][size=2][i]My Madeline[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]By: Clay Sinclair [/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]Beauty radiates from you, so much [/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]That you force the Sun to shine all the more brighter,[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]Only to equal your beauty.[/i][/size][/center]
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Your loving nature breathes new life into me.[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]I feared the worse, and then you came.[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]The radiant beauty, exquisite smile, and loving nature,[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]Brought back a hope that was long lost to hate, and pain.[/i][/size][/center]
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[center][size=2][i] I pray my love is returned unto me[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i][/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]Your intelligence and laughter encourage me to succeed[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]So that I may be with my Madeline.[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]You awoke my heart, and made it into[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]A flourishing, effervescent fountain of love. [/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]My Madeline[/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i][/i][/size]
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[center][size=2][i]I thank you;[/i][i]
I love you, Madeline.[/i][/size]
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[Annie]

[color=#404142]The thing that bothered me about this poem is the use of words. Not that they belonged in any part of the poem, just that they were used too often. "Beauty" and "Madeline". They could be used once, and substituted. Also, it really didn't seem to fit right. Meaning that some of the phrases didn't seem to flow into another, like this: [/color]

[i][center]
Your intelligence and laughter encourage me to succeed
So that I may be with my Madeline.
You awoke my heart, and made it into
A flourishing, effervescent fountain of love.
My Madeline[/i][/center]

[color=#404142]I feel that it could be rearranged, but that's me. Very nice poem, though. However, you'll need to repost this thread because it needs to be rated.

Keep up the good work ^-^[/color]

[Sicarius]

The reason that 'Madeline' is repeated is because she is the subject, and to emphise my love for her. Try to TP Castt the poem, it's fun.. TP Castt any poem, and you'll see if you're wrong, right, or still confused... [URL]http://www.krucli.com/tp-castt.htm[/URL] have fun!