Writing Poem- 'Tainted Candlelight' {PG}

[Secily]

Screaming winds mourn for fallen trees,
Whispers bind the breezes Spirit.
The Oak cries bitterly, hands on knees,
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.

Mortal men seek refuge in vain,
While Hell Fire thrives in its pit.
Wide-eyed Innocents pray for rain,
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.

The Flame ravishes youth with Sin,
Leaving nothing Pure behind it.
The Devil wears his Mangled grin,
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.

Temptation leads, We lift the Latch,
Giving in to It bit by bit.
Sinners all over Strike the Match;
Candles of Stolen wax are lit?

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-Sorry Lady Asphyxia for not puttng a rating on the thread before.
-I'll be making constant revisitions to this poem as new ideas come to me. ^_^

[Nothing]

Great poem, like a morbid story, in a way. I like how you made nature mourning, in a way, and at the end when the sinners succumb to the darkness by striking a match; very deep. 10/10

[Secily]

-Thank you for your feed back. I was thinking of putting in another stanza,
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Whispered word spreads of Temptor's goal,
To uproot the Saint, to outwit.
Evil courses through blood and soul,
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.
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putting it between the current first and second stanzas. Also, I replaced the current first stanza with
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Secrets are passed from Earth to Tree,
They Mourn for human kind's spirit.
Nature is Pure, always will be...
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.
---------------
-By the way, this is a 'Kyrielle', a poem with a refrain at the end of each quatrain stanza and eight sylables per line. This would be the result should I make the changes I proposed.

Secrets are passed from Earth to Tree,
They Mourn for human kind's spirit.
Nature is Pure, always will be...
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.

Whispered word spreads of Temptor's goal,
To uproot the Saint, to outwit.
Evil courses through blood and soul,
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.

Mortal men seek refuge in vain,
While Hell Fire thrives in its pit.
Wide-eyed Innocents pray for rain,
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.

The Flame ravishes youth with Sin,
Leaving nothing Pure behind it.
The Devil wears his Mangled grin,
Candles of Stolen wax are lit.

Temptation leads, We lift the Latch,
Giving in to It bit by bit.
Sinners all over Strike the Match;
Candles of Stolen wax are lit?
---------------
-Any feedback is greatly appreciated..