Writing Druik the Deviant & The Demonic Sandwich [PG]

[Dragon Warrior]

No, the guy who was beaten down was Steve.

---

[b]Druik:[/b] Let?s do this!

[b]Bully:[/b] Otay >:^D

[b][I]FIGHTING![/I][/b]

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] My God! Look at the bloodshed!

[b]Farmer:[/b] Yep. Built ?er about a week ago. Stores lots of blood. But she ain?t my best work, nope. (pats shed)

[b]Malkore:[/b] C?mon, Druik! Win already!

[b]Druik:[/b] Okay :) (slays Bully)

[b]Bully:[/b] Oh, for crappin? out loud! (dies)

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] For crappin? out loud?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Good job, Druik. Now get me out of here.

[b]After they left the school, they went to Dairy Queen for some ice cream :3[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Butterscotch :^D

[b]Malkore:[/b] Mmm? (licks ice cream) Now, listen? we can finally start on our plans to rule the world and stuff.

[b]Druik:[/b] Isn?t eating ice cream like eating your family?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Meh?

[b]Druik:[/b] Well, you?re both food and stuff?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Nooo? I?m made of vegetables, animal meat, and bread. There?s a fine line between dairy and that.

[b]Druik:[/b] What do ye know? You?re right! (pokes line and it breaks) Whoops.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Now listen? while you were stupidly lolly-gagging about like a frickin? ninny, I took the liberty of building us an evil fortress on that hill over there. (nudges his body at the evil castle)

[b]Druik:[/b] Cool. (licks ice cream) But how could you build it while you were captured?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Technicalities aren?t important. What?s important is we can finally start taking over the world. Let?s go!

[b]Druik:[/b] ?

[b]Malkore:[/b] ?

[b]Druik:[/b] ?

[b]Malkore:[/b] ?

[b]Druik:[/b] ?

[b]Malkore:[/b] ?

[b]Druik:[/b] (licks ice cream)

[b]Malkore:[/b] Druik?

[b]Druik:[/b] Whaaaaat ;_;

[b]Malkore:[/b] Put down the ice cream and let?s go?

[b]Druik:[/b] No >:^O

[b]Malkore:[/b] >:^O

[B][I]SMITE![/I][/B]

[b]Druik:[/b] (is smited) Ow ;_;

[b]Malkore:[/b] Good. Let?s be off.

[b]Later, in the evil fortress?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] OMG, OMG, OMG! Malkore! We have a hot tub!

[b]Malkore:[/b] I know, I know. I built this place, remember? The hot tub was easy to do, but the wiring was a little more of a job for one of my demon minions.

[b]Druik:[/b] We have demon minions?

[b]Malkore:[/b] [I]I[/I] have demon minions. [I]You[/I] are gay.

[b]Druik:[/b] Not true ;_;

[b]Malkore:[/b] Now go frolick.

[b]Druik:[/b] Yay! (runs off)

[b]Malkore:[/b] (looks through mail) Now let?s see here? evil bill, evil bill, I?ve just won an evil new car?

[b][I]CRASH![/I][/b]

[b]Malkore:[/b] That better not have been my fancy vase!

[b]Druik?s Voice:[/b] No. It was your expensive glass elephant statue!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Oh, someone smite him.

[b][I]SMITE![/I][/b]

[b]Druik?s Voice:[/b] (is smited) Son of a candy shop!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Thanks.

[b]Later?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] (runs in) Malkore, Malkore? look what I fou-OMG!

[b]Malkore:[/b] What?

[b]Druik:[/b] There?s a bird pecking at you!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Huh-OMG! DRUIK, SAVE ME!

[b]Druik:[/b] (slays bird with his big sword) There we go!

[b]Bird:[/b] Oh, for crappin? out loud!

[b]Druik:[/b] O.o

[b]Malkore:[/b] Druik, you damn idiot! I told you to keep the windows shut! Now close it, damnit!

[b]Druik:[/b] (closes window) Sorry, Malkore.

[b]Malkore:[/b] That?s right. Now clean up your toys. They?re everywhere.

[b]Druik:[/b] Awww.. ;_;

[b]Malkore:[/b] Do it! I almost tripped on your Power Ranger action figures and broke my neck.

[b]Druik:[/b] Your neck?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Well? you kn-

[b]Druik:[/b] Tripped?

[b]Malkore:[/b] You know what I mean!

[b]Druik:[/b] Actually, I don-

[b]Malkore:[/b] DO IT! And will you put your my Little Pony Dolls away in the toy chest, already?!

[b]Druik:[/b] Don?t say those out loud ;_;

[b]Malkore:[/b] What, the My Little Pony?

[b]Druik:[/b] Yes! The cool evil kids might hear you.

[b]Cool Evil Kids:[/b] Too late, dude. Hahahaha? so uncool and unevil. Hahahaha.

[b]Druik:[/b] Awww, crap!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Well, you made me stand in the Toys ?R? Us line for twenty minutes just to purchase those damned things, so you better like ?em!

[b]Druik:[/b] (runs off)

[b]Malkore:[/b] I need a sandwich? wait? O.o

[b]Boy? is this story getting awkward?[/b]

[Sanada]

Poor Druik..
Man, this story keeps getting better ^-^
Keep it up!

[Guest Sean]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Read it all, amazing Gav, absolutley amazing. You were always one for humour, and this is indeed humourous. Well done, and I hope to read more upcoming chapters.

And Kitty, I <3 Hubert too! ;_; too abd he died.[/COLOR]

[Xanadu]

This is honestly the most randomly funny thing since RvB...

I think we should mount an investigation as to how Malkore built an evil castle while in captivity... *Naughty thoughts*

[Kitty]

[quote name='Treno][COLOR=DarkRed']And Kitty, I <3 Hubert too! ;_; too bad he died.[/COLOR][/quote] [color=blue][size=1]Yes.. It does suck that poor Hubert the dragon is now dead. ;_; Me want him back! *tantrum*

Way to go, Dragon Warrior. Another very random (and slightly creepy) part to the story that's going nowhere in particular.

I bet Druik's from the Green Party. :^D[/size][/color]

[Dragon Warrior]

Because I wanted to and people asked for it and some of you smell, I'm using this post not for another part, but for a character database. Now you can learn about the characters, some you've read about, some you haven't ;_;

Also, check out the new shnazzy poster for the first post of this thread:

[center][img]http://img238.exs.cx/img238/6391/druikposter2lk.jpg[/img][/center]

[img]http://img238.exs.cx/img238/9977/druikpic3de.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] Druik the Deviant
[b]Gender:[/b] Male
[b]Role:[/b] Main Character
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] He is Druik!
[b]Info:[/b] Ever since birth, Druik has been evil. I didn't say he was good at it (because he's not), but he's always wanted to cause havoc. Throughout his childhood years, he's attempted evil stuff and even attended evil college... and yet, he sucks. His pathetic attempts make for a fun series :P
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] Massive Sword

[img]http://img238.exs.cx/img238/4892/malkorepic9bv.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] Malkore the Demonic Sandwich
[b]Gender:[/b] Male
[b]Role:[/b] Druik's Master
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] He's Druik's evil master.
[b]Info:[/b] He once was an ordinary sandwich made by some kid when suddenly, demons possessed him. The kid immediately chucked Malkore out of the house and into the streets where he sat immobilized and listening to Druik's rants. From there on, he has controlled Druik to do his evil bidding.
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] Evil Demon Magic

[img]http://img127.exs.cx/img127/9609/furlinpic1br.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] Furlin the White Mage
[b]Gender:[/b] Male
[b]Role:[/b] Being a jerk
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] He hates Druik, but follows him anyways.
[b]Info:[/b] We're not entirely sure why Furlin is around. He constantly yells at Druik and tries to sue him for massive amounts of money, but he also helps him in battle. His position in Druik's life is yet to be revealed.
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] White Magic/Staff

[img]http://img127.exs.cx/img127/4565/lawyertonpic2nv.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] Lawyerton
[b]Gender:[/b] Male
[b]Role:[/b] Ex-Lawyer, Drug Lord
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] He accompanies Druik on dangerous quests
[b]Info:[/b] Lawyerton was once a successful lawyer, but then he turned into a drug lord. We're not sure why. It's just another one of our twisted plot turns. He enjoys giving Druik words of advice on his adventures. Back when he was a lawyer, he always said "When in doubt, seek me out," but now that he's a drug lord, his new slogan is "When in need, buy my weed." Words of the wise.
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] Unknown

[img]http://img127.exs.cx/img127/5083/obliviorpic4un.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] Oblivior
[b]Gender:[/b] Male
[b]Role:[/b] Druik's Best Bud
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] He's Druik's Best Friend
[b]Info:[/b] Since Elementary up to High School, Oblivior and Druik were best buddies. After they graduated, they gradually lost contact with one another until it was completely gone. Druik hasn't heard from him since...
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] Unknown

[img]http://img127.exs.cx/img127/5044/ferkpic0sn.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] Ferk the Pink Dinosaur
[b]Gender:[/b] Male?
[b]Role:[/b] Evil Lawyer
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] He's helping Furlin sue Druik.
[b]Info:[/b] Ferk is the infamous character of the popular kids show "Ferk You And Your Friends!" that comes on every weekday. This pink dinosaur can seduce anyone with his amazing skills, so he may be a challenge to poor Druik!
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] Seducing Abilities

[img]http://img127.exs.cx/img127/875/sallypic8pm.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] ???
[b]Gender:[/b] Female
[b]Role:[/b] ???
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] ???
[b]Info:[/b] ???
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] Daggers, Bow

[img]http://img127.exs.cx/img127/408/ogrepic5hp.jpg[/img]
[b]Name:[/b] ???
[b]Gender:[/b] ???
[b]Role:[/b] ???
[b]What They Have To Do With Druik:[/b] ???
[b]Info:[/b] ???
[b]Weapon Of Choice:[/b] ???

I hope you enjoyed this. Part X will be next!

[Kitty]

[color=blue][size=1]Don't you mean part X? Siwwy DW. Getting all confuzzled. xP

Well, that character list was quite cute. Now I know what all the idiots look like. :^D Aren't I special? Now I really want to know who those last two are. You better edit this post when they're revealed or I'll rape your legs. Fear me. >:^D

And yes. I am stealing your "faces" or "smilies" or whatever you call them. xD[/size][/color]

[Skye]

[size=1]Ahh! Teh stoopid sexiness is hurting my eyes!

You mean... that girl.. she isn't Sally I'm-Frickin'-Hot? And does it have one 't' or two 't's?

Oh, yes, this is getting better...[/size]

[2010DigitalBoy]

Dude, I seriously did not think that Ferlin or Oblivior looked like that... and why does it seem as though that chick aint wearing no shirt? I wanna see Druik go to court!

[Sanada]

I'd imagined them.. different.. but this is awesome too ^^
Anyway, Why isn't the next chapter posted? You're not gonna leave us in tension are you? :animedepr

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]An excellent little series Gavynn, easily one of my favourites that you've done so far. I have to admit I'm a little torn as to who my favourite character is, it's a split decision between Ferk and Lawyerton as both are great characters, I'm very much looking forward to the return of Oblivior too. [/SIZE]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]That was [b]hilarious.[/b]

In a really sick, demented kind of way.

Please, do post some more. :)

-Karma[/size][/color]

[Dragon Warrior]

[b]The demented stupidity of our story continues one day when a salesman approaches the door to Malkore?s evil lair?[/b]

[b]Salesman:[/b] Hello, young sandwich. My name is Rich, as in, you?re gonna make me filthy stinkin? rich if you purchase my rip-off product!

[b]Malkore:[/b] You?re not a very successful salesman, are you?

[b]Rich:[/b] Now, I?m selling nuclear weapons of mass destruction. We have a special on Heat-Seeking Missiles today.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Hmm? I dunno, we kinda just went to K-Mart for similar models.

[b]Rich:[/b] Oh, in that case, you may want one of our death-rays!

[b]Malkore:[/b] I?ve got, like, an infinity of those.

[b]Rich:[/b] Fine, fine. Then why not buy our rare product? The ancient Egyptians used this old artifact to enslave the human race.

[b]Druik?s Voice:[/b] (from inside) Ooo, ooo! Malkore! I want one of those!

[b]Malkore:[/b] (to Druik) Shut up! (to Rich) I have my own ways of enslaving the human race, thanks. (uses powers to turn Rich into a toad)

[b]Later on?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Malkore, we?re all out of chips.

[b]Malkore:[/b] (places Rich in a frog cage) I thought I just bought you a whole new bag of Doritos.

[b]Druik:[/b] I ate them all.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Well, there you go. You?re SOL.

[b]Druik:[/b] :^O!!!!

[b]Malkore:[/b] What?

[b]Druik:[/b] :^O!!!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Whaaaaat.

[b]Druik:[/b] :^O!!!!

[b]Malkore:[/b] WHAT?! >:^O

[b]Druik:[/b] Swearing?s bad.

[b]Malkore:[/b] My foot goin? in your ass is bad too if you don?t shut up.

[b]Druik:[/b] Fo-

[b]Malkore:[/b] SHUT UP!

[b]Druik:[/b] Can you go to the store and buy more Doritos?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Fine. But this is the last time this week. We need to save our moneyses.

[b]Druik:[/b] Get some Cola too?

[b]Malkore:[/b] What happened to the eight-million colas I bought you last week?

[b]Druik:[/b] :<

[b]Malkore:[/b] Nevermind. (hops into his car and drives)

[b]Later, in the supermarket?[/b]

[b]Malkore:[/b] Lezzzzzz see. I need some of these? (takes cheddar and puts it in the cart) And some of this. (places Doritos in cart) Oh, and some of these? (fetches some condoms)

[b]???:[/b] Well, well, well, if it isn?t Malkore.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Eegad! Is that you Foulkore?

[b]Foulkore:[/b] The one and only :<

[b]Malkore:[/b] You got fat.

[b]Foulkore:[/b] Shut up >:^O It?s the body I inhabited.

[b]Malkore:[/b] I see.

[b]Foulkore:[/b] And from the looks of it, you didn?t score too good of a body neither.

[b]Malkore:[/b] A sandwich was as close as I could get. I almost had a kid, but I missed.

[b]Foulkore:[/b] It?s not an easy business, possessing. Takes aiming and strength. Two things I s?pose you lack.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Look at you? you got some beer belly.

[b]Foulkore:[/b] That owns the largest Toy Industry in the world? Toys4U.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Oh my!

[b]Foulkore:[/b] So, Malkore, if you and your minions? that is to say if you have any? if you and your minions need some help with getting on the right track to evil, come visit me. I?ll be making deadly toys for tots. Hahahahahahaha? later, salami. (walks away laughing)

[b]Malkore:[/b] I?ll show that Foulkore. It?s time to dominate the world!

[b]Back at the evil lair?[/b]

[b]Malkore:[/b] I?m home, damnit!

[b]Druik:[/b] (is watching cartoons) Did you get the Doritos and Cola?

[b]Malkore:[/b] No! We have a more serious problem on our hands. It?s time we start taking over the world.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Fine :< But how do we do that?

[b]???:[/b] I might be of some help.

[b]Malkore:[/b] :^O!

[b]Druik:[/b] :^O!

[b]TV:[/b] :^O!

[b]???:[/b] That?s right, ladies and gents. Oblivior?s in da house!

[img]http://img131.exs.cx/img131/8930/dwwashere9rz.gif[/img]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]That was excellent, I really enjoyed Malkore's meeting with Foulkore, and I look forward to see how they'll meet one another on the field of battle in the future for evil dominance of the world. The return of Oblivior is also something I'm greatly looking forward to, hopefully he has taken on a greater status in life than Druik and his My Little Pony thing. [/SIZE]

[Kitty]

[color=blue][size=1]Is it just me? Or is that evil little demon of a sandwich losing his touch? But still. I sympathize with him. Foulkore sounds like an ass, but he's still another funny addition to the already strange cast. o.O;;

And finally. The return of Oblivior! Can't wait for more. ^__^[/size][/color]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1]You told me, no, ordered me to read this in a very mean way, and I'm so glad I did!

Okay, so I [I]didn't[/I] read [I]all[/I] the chapters, because I'm lazy, but the ones I did read were great! I think I like these more than your past stories =o!

[QUOTE]Troll: The toll is 2,374,89-7571,85782,7341=4839`484nm,c`1823812,c,m209= dollars.

Druik: You're lucky I carry loose change >:^o (reaches for wallet)[/QUOTE]

I totally know what he's going through...*curses toll charges*[/SIZE]