Writing .....? Wha...? no..... couldn't.... [E]

[Guest Zorrioh]

How could I fail in noticing these forums?
While filling myOtaku with "oh"s and "um"s?
How could it be...
That I could not see...
Such a place to reminisce..
Such a place of pure bliss..
What was I thinking?
Perhaps I was freaking..
Been registered for so long..
Not posting like a ding-dong..
But now I shall start!
For this place.. has great heart.

-Zorrioh

[Guest Alchemist]

Welcome Back to the otakuboards zorrah. But you should have gone offf and started posting and put tat little explaniation in your signiture. Panda is going to lock this soon so just read the rule ok :D .

[Sara]

[size=1][b][color=#ff6600]Welcome to OtakuBoards, Zorrioh. It's a fun little poem. :)

Normally a "Hello, I'm here" thread would be closed. Sepiroth, though he was slightly out of line (and, I might add, in error) when he said this thread would be closed, wasn't far off. We do ask that new members simply begin posting, rather than announcing their presence (as that doesn't offer much in the way of discussion, you know? "Hi, I'm new!" "Hi." "Hi." "Hi." "Hi." ...You get it. ;))

However, I've moved this thread to the Anthology forum--poetry, writings, and discussions about books go there. (I've also given your thread a [u]rating[/u]. We require that alll threads containing original written content contain a rating in the title--you can see more details on that, what the ratings are etc., in the sticky at the top of the Anthology page.)

Again, welcome to OtakuBoards. Hope you enjoy your stay now that you're here!

[/size]And Sepiroth, don't play mod. Please. It makes my job more difficult.[/color]

[size=1]As for the poem itself, like I said, it's very fun. It's always neat and amusing to see things written about the theOtaku/OtakuBoards community.

There are a couple things I would change if I were to write it. First (and maybe, most important, to me) would be the use of punctuation. Your use of ".." and "..." in most lines makes the poem much more hesitant, and I think that hurts it--it would do really well as a goofy, silly, [u]confident[/u] poem. I would just remove the dots. If you really feel like you need some oomph, or perhaps just feel a need for punctuation at the end of each line (which isn't necessary), I would suggest using dashes. ([i]Particularly[/i] in the last line, which right now sounds almost sappy.)

[quote=Zorrioh]How could I fail in noticing these forums?
While filling myOtaku with "oh"s and "um"s?
How could it be
That I could not see
Such a place to reminisce!
Such a place of pure bliss!
What was I thinking?
Perhaps I was freaking
[i]Been registered for so long--
Not posting like a ding-dong--[/i]
But now I shall start!
For this place--has great heart![/quote]

(I threw in a couple exclamation points, too.)

The other things are really secondary to the use of punctuation. The bit I italicized sounds a little weak. You lose the subject of the sentence in the line [i]Been registered for so long[/i], and while it's obvious that the subject is an understood 'I,' I think it would be much stronger if you shifted it just a little bit. Drop the "for," and add the subject at the beginning. [i]I've been registered so long.[/i] The Ding-Dong line is also a bit weird, but it kinda fits with the goofy mood of the rest of the poem, so I'll leave it alone.

I would also change the "Perhaps I was freaking" line. It sounds weird, and doesn't really make sense in that context. :)

Heh, anyway. I'm sure you weren't expecting to have this critiqued, so just take it as you will. Again, welcome to OB.[/size][/b]