Writing The House [PG]

[Godelsensei]

This is the first thing I've submitted to the Anthology in a while, indeed the first bit of fiction i've written in a while, so it might sound a bit rusty.
I was going for a plainer style of writing this time, so I hope this doesn't turn out to be quite boring.

(That said, I would like to point out I just happen to like the name Molly, and this has nothing to do with the OB member. >_>")

***
The sun?s rays were wasted on Molly who, in fear of burn, would dash to and fro but rarely, and always in a wide-brimmed hat and floor-length skirts. Even on the hottest, most brilliant of days, she would sooner cower in a door well, for fear of marring the delicate pastiness of her skin, than enjoy the fact that it was no longer winter and would not be again for a long while. At the moment, she was standing just within the threshold of her own front door. The sun had mostly set by this point, and the streets were beginning to empty of people.
Summoning a great deal of inner strength, she took a step forward, out, into the world. It was immediately after this that she remembered the step. It was not a big step, only a hand span or so from the street itself, which was not a very impressive thing. It was uneven, stained, and frequently cracked. City birds?primarily pigeons?shat on it in the midst of their waddling, and the constant wear from several thousand sets of heals had not done wonders for it over the years. It led to even bigger streets, which were, ironically, cleaner, because the carpets were allowed there. No one walked where the carpets were allowed, except for the birds, who could not only stand fully erect beneath them, but were largely too stupid to know better.
Overall, it was not a good street. But it was far more welcoming than empty air, when it came to stepping. This welcoming manner quickly evaporated, however, when it came to hitting one?s knees, shins, hands, and elbows against it in an act of senselessly violent clumsiness. Especially when one bit one?s tongue rather hard in the process.
?Molly, Molly, you are too stupid for words,? she told herself, reaching for a favourite book temporarily lost to the cobblestones. ?And,? as she dusted off her skirts, ?you shall very soon be getting yourself killed. I guarantee it.?
With this promise, she turned herself about and shut the door behind her, being mindful to lock it. ?The question remains, however, whether this shall be before or after some foolish being breaks into your poorly-defended home and attempts to take from you all that is not nailed down.?
She re-adjusted the position of her glasses upon her face and began to walk, boots clacking authoritatively down the street.
Book still held dearly to her breast, eyes darting back and forth at the people who took little notice of her, if any at all, she walked for nearly five minutes. At this point, she slowed to a stop, in order to peer into the window of a store she had not seen before. ?And she fell unto a shallow love with that which she saw?? The words drifted automatically from her weakened tongue. ?For it was naught but an entire host of that which she most dearly adored?!? She emitted a little squeal of glee and click-clacked her way into the shop.
Instantly, her nostrils filled with the delightful sent of baking. Her skirts rustled softly as she browsed the shelves for something to take with her when she left. Settling upon a small cake, the surface of which was largely dominated by cinnamon and icing sugar, she took a paper bag from the shelf and reached for the tongs.
?Molly?? She nearly dropped her object of utmost affection in her surprise.
?Ah?hello, Professor.? Remembering to smile, she waited for the older woman to say something.
?I haven?t seen you in several years, Molly. How are you??
?Mostly fine. I just purchased a new home, only a few minutes from here.? Her former teacher appeared impressed, and declared as much. ?Thank you. Is?is this store new?? It was somehow strange talking to the Professor as another woman, and not, well, the Professor.
?It?s been here quite a while. Years. Since I was a young girl. I remember when it opened. You didn?t notice it??
?I only just moved into the area.? This was a silly excuse. A ridiculous, foolish one, even. Molly had walked through this area every day for years while attending the University. But the Professor did not appear to notice.
?It was nice seeing you again, Molly. Good luck.?
?You too, Professor.? As soon as she heard the door close behind the other woman, she let her face fall into an expression of annoyance. ?What did she mean by impressed, Molly? It has been a very long time since you were in school!? Insulted, she paid for her dessert and continued on her way.
She did not think she would return to this bakery again. And it was a sad thing, because the cake proved to be quite superior.

[AzureWolf]

[COLOR=blue]To my surprise, it was actually quite interesting. However, it just sort of ended. O_o It felt like it was going somewhere and then didn't get to the main point. I was sort of disappointed, heh.

As far as narrative goes, you've got a knack for that. People tend to get bogged down in the details or not give enough. While there were times you gave a lot of details, they managed to somehow be interesting. And the times you weren't, it didn't "feel wrong" either.[/COLOR]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]The one thing that really stood out for me while reading this was how you let each little detail develop into a story of its own, each element of Molly's surroundings had life. The step turned into a story about the sidewalk, about its history and current involvement as she stumbles down upon it. The sidewalk is given a personality. The same with the bakery, the cake, even down to Molly's skirt. Everything has life.

As Azure said though, it seemed to quite abruptly end. I'd like to see where the rest of the story is going. You get the feeling of a girl very jaded and distant from the world, she goes so far as to even resent meeting a figure from her past, because it somehow is making a judgement on who she is now.

Overall, well-written. Good stuff.

-Karma[/size][/color]