Skye Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Tribute To A Broken Soul Never before Did I realize What it meant When someone said You don?t know what you have till its gone Never before Did it happen to me And now I know Just what you meant When you said I just can?t take rejection anymore I?m sorry for forgetting you I?m sorry for ignoring Everything you brought out Everything you confessed You confided in me You let me see your heart And what did I do But throw it away I can?t say I?m sorry enough So if you want to know Exactly how I feel I?ll say it one more times In words you might understand This message is too a broken soul Someone I forgot to mention Someone I forgot to love And now I?m regretting every unspoken word Because you?re leaving Well, not exactly a poem, free verse, no rhymes ( at least, none intentional.) ^_^; Anyway, you know who you are. And I?m sorry. But other than that, do you think I got the emotion across? It was very blunt for me. Skye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Zero Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 one word, wow. but its ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra II Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Yes, you got the message across, and very beautifuly, as well. I think its good you didn't ryme, because that would have limited the freedom you had to say what you wanted. (Though if you had pulled it off, it would have been spectacular.) The only advice I can give is on the rythem, how many syllabels are in each sentence. Try and keep the length (in syllabels) the same throughout the poem (except the last one. but you can have all the last ones last the same lenght.) Other than that, its a pretty good poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Zero Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 i dont think you get the real meaniing of the poem. its a bit deeper than one would expect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellven'and Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue][SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]Ok, Count, you are talking to Umbra. Of course he understands the meaning of the poem; he was merely giving constructive criticism. Anyway, this is a very good poem. I feel like this with some people... There is nothing I would really change; I would, though, take a look at Umbra's advice and try to follow it.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Zero Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 but there are several things you cannot understand without knowing the author. ask, she will answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Posted June 5, 2005 Author Share Posted June 5, 2005 >.< J, this is a pretty old thread, don't bring it back to life next time. And it does have a deeper meaning, but it is conveyed to someone else. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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