Sudden Losses

[Soliel]

[COLOR=GREEN]Okay, after being MIA from the internet since Tuesday night, I finally feel emotionally well enough to post this. That night will be one I won't soon forget. Around midnight central US time I got a phone call from my younger brother, who is currently a jr in high school. I kind of found it strange that he was calling, since he hardly ever calls me and I had only left home after Easter break a day earlier.

Two phases from that call still ring in my head. The first: "Something bad happened." which when I heard this, I automaticly assumed someone we knew had died. I expected him to say something like one of our pets or even our grandmother. The second phrase blew me away. "Chad just died a few hours ago." This I couldn't even begin to process until much later that night.

First I should explain that Chad was one of my brother's best friends. He was also one of my brother's friends that not only could I tolorate for long periods of time, but I also got along with. He was only 17.

The story of his sudden and highly unexpected death even made the news down in New Orleans (where I'm from). [QUOTE]GRETNA -- A New Orleans high school junior collapsed while playing rugby at a Gretna playground and died shortly afterward.

Chad, who played football on the De La Salle High School team, was pronounced dead about 7:30 p.m. yesterday after arriving at a hospital.

Elizabeth Evans, a forensic examiner with the Jefferson Parish coroner's office, says there's no suspicion of foul play but an autopsy has been ordered.

Rugby is a club activity at the New Orleans school and is not an officially sanctioned sport of the Louisiana High School Athletic Association.[/QUOTE]It was eventually discovered that he died of a heart defect he had been born with and could have died at any time, the doctors said.

Chad was a sweet kid who everyone who knew him loved. My brother, who was Chad's friend and teammate, was there when he collapsed and called me after he had gotten home from the hospital to give me a first hand account of what happened. He told me he died happy, joking around with his friends, having the time of his life.

The wierdest part for me was the fact that I saw him just last Friday (Good Friday). This was one of my main reasons for driving five hours back to New Orleans a week later to go to his funneral, after being back at school for less than a week. I just got back up to school a few hours ago. This weekend has been a very hard and trying one for me and everyone involved.

Now I'm very sorry for making you read all of that, but here comes my question. Have you ever experienced and sudden and/or unexpected loss like I just have? I'm not really refering to the death of a terminally ill or elderly person, not to demean those losses, but something along the lines of fatal accedent, murder, etc.

Thanks guys, for your patience in reading this long post.[/COLOR]

[elfpirate]

[b]My heartfelt condolences... I do know how you feel.[/b]

[b]I have lost many good friends and loved ones over the years to tragic circumstances.[/b]

[b]The most recent (of people whom I was extremely close to) were two friends of mine that were murdered within a couple months of one another at the end of last year. (unrelated homocides)[/b]

[b]This was a new feeling of both absolute anguish and desperate rage.[/b]

[b]It is one thing to lose someone you love to an accident or to a medical condition--or even to suicide...but to have someone stolen from your life by a merciless ***hole for no logical reason... that affects you in a completely different way. In fact, I'm not sure I'll ever be the same.[/b]

[b]When you suddenly lose someone, your fondest memories of them can become your most agonizing thoughts... and your most cherished and sacred. It's hard to explain...[/b]

[b]And you suddenly remember all the things that you wish you would have said to them when they were there, but for some reason, you didn't.[/b]

[b]I guess the way that I see it is that you can learn from that, and make sure that the ones you care about know how you feel about them, and often, or you harbor those regrets forever and become a miserable person.[/b]

[b]Carpe Diem, right? Live each day like it was your last (but not the way that Homer Simpson tried to do:animesmil ).[/b]

[Dirt]

[b][color=darkgreen]I'm sorry to hear that, I truly am. I've received several of those types of calls.[/color][/b]

[b][color=#006400]Sudden loss is definitely more difficult to deal with than the known-to-be-coming losses, because you're unprepared psychologically and emotionally to have someone suddenly missing from your life.[/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400]I've lost my fair share of friends and family without warning, and it's true that regret consumes you for a time. I think that is especially the case with the sudden loss of someone who is extremely close, such as a lover or family (if you come from a good family, at any rate) but it's not too much lesser when it's a close mate, either.[/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400]I hope that you and your brother can offer one another some support through this--it can be invaluable just to have someone there who's willing to listen--even if no one feels like talking--it feels good to know that you could if you wanted to.[/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400]Take care.[/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400]-dirt[/color][/b]

[Kamuro]

You have my condolences as well, its never easy to lose someone, especially when its someone you care for, and although it doesn't seem fair, its a natural process of life, people live and die, and from what I read, it seems like he lived life, the way it was supposed to be lived, he had friends, people who care for him, and people to mourn him, he lived among friends, and died among them as well, but don't worry, you'll see him again, until then, just remember, hes watching, so be good

[Panda]

Those types of phone calls are the worse kind to get, my deepest sympathies.

I have had several of those kinds of calls. Unfortunately the older I get it seems like the more of those terrible phones calls I get. One that comes to mind, that still weighs on my mind, is the call I got one Sunday about my friend Bryan.

It was about 10 am on a Sunday morning. Bryan's sister called to let me know he had died in a car accident. Bryan and I were very close friends and when I got the news I couldn't believe it. I think I was in shock until I was at the funeral, surrounded by his friends and family that I realized that it wasn't a joke. That phone call will always be one I will never forget. I am just really glad that the last time I saw him I gave him a big hug and told him that I loved him.

It's times like these that you realize you don't know what twists life will take.

[Soliel]

[COLOR=GREEN]Thank you, guys, so much for your support. The feeling some of you described really hit the nail on the head in relation to my own feelings.

I really think the hardest part of last week between recieving that horrible phone call and ariving back home last Friday night has been that I didn't really get to talk to anyone in person (only my parents and friends via phone). No one even asked if I was okay since I was walking around in a morbid daze.

But I've managed to spend time with friends most of today and I've tryed to keep my thoughts possitive, thinking that in some way, shape, or form, he is still with us. I just can't beleive he's really gone, though.[/COLOR]

[SunfallE]

I've never had a sudden loss myself, however when my brother was run off the road by a drunk driver and put into a coma as a result, I remember all too well how shocking that event was. I mean I had just talked to him the day before and he was fine. Then to go to the hospital and see him like that was just to unbelievable. It was so bizzare, everything got turned upside down and life no longer seemed real anymore.

The hardest part was that three and a half months later he died from complications due to an infection. And during that time he never came out of the coma. I'll never forget the day my parents got the call about his accident. So I guess in a way it was sudden since we never once thought he would end up dying like that. You hear about such stuff all the time, but untill it happens to you it just doesn't seem real.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Hang in there and take care.

[Samsara]

Very sorry to hear that. My deepest symapthy goes out to you and your brother. But yes, I have experianced something like that. I have had three friends to pass lately. I pretty much grew up with all of them, so it was very tragic. They all were killed. The first was killed in a murder, second was hit by a driver who was under the influence of meth, and the third was also killed by an intoxicated driver. So I, somewhat, know how you feel I suppose. It is not a good feeling at all when you get "that call".

[Havokio]

[COLOR=Indigo]My condolences...

My mother passed when I was 5 years of age...

The day before, My mother, older brother and I were watching movies, and overall hanging out. Later that day, she felt heart spasms. I remember her a few weeks before she was lying in bed. She told us that she was better now. She was to bring us to school the next day.

The next morning, my brother and I woke up and heard crying. We walked towards the kitchen and saw a very unusuall sight.

My father crying... He was in the army, and was tough as nails. This had to be bad.

We asked him what happened and he said nothing for maybe 10 minutes. We then asked where mom was. His crying became louder and more violent. We then knew, right there, what had happened.

Sudden losses are VERY hard to overcome, as they happen when we least expect it.

Again... my condolences.[/COLOR]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]My heart felt condolences go out to you, your brother and Chad's family and friends over this tragic loss.

Back in June last year, my family was preparing for a holiday in Turkey, the night that we were due to leave for the airport, actually just a few hours before we were to go we got a call that my granduncle Anton was taken into hospital with breathing problems. My mother and grandmother decided that they would go to Limerick that night to see him, I also wanted to go but my mother and grandmother wanted me to go with my dad and my brother and sister on holiday.

Now Anton was a big man, in terms of weight, he probably weighed somewhere in the region of 27 stone, and had been suffered with his health for the last few years. Most of the time he was just given some medication and he was fine, but something about it didn't seem right to me. So we went to Turkey, and it wasn't until we were there a day or two that I found out that he had cancer or the lungs, which had spread to his brain. I can remember that the world seemed to go into slow motion when I heard that, I instantly wanted to go home to see him because the cancer was terminal.

Anton himself was in an out of consciousness but he said that he wouldn't die until he had a chance to see us again. After two weeks of pain and misery we got back to Ireland and went to see him straight away, once we were back I found out that he had had cancer of the lungs for over a decade, if not two and had had brain cancer for a few years. Now I have been going to see my uncle Anton since I was born and it never occurred to me he had cancer, it came on so suddenly that it was like a bad dream. The doctors also told me that despite his size, it was his heart's strength which had kept him alive this long, the were very surprised he had even lived two weeks after he had been brought into hospital.

I can't really recall much of what happened between getting home and when he died on July 2nd, I was at home when we'd got the call he'd passed away, in some sense I felt that it was a release for him. He'd have hated to have gone through months with the caner in hospital, and he was able to say goodbye to everyone he knew. I mean for all that to happen over the space of maybe 3 weeks was just unbelievable, he was at his house, as always and then suddenly he was gone. It was very hard on my family but he was a good man and we celebrated his life more than mourned his death.

Again my heart-felt condolences.[/SIZE]

[Your Mother]

[SIZE=1]I feel deeply sorry for all your losses, and I hope the pain eases over time.

The only real moment I had of loss I can't even remember, instead I got all the details from my brother. It was when my family was about to travel to Missisipi. But before we were about to leave, my dad got a phone call, and he learned that his mother was dead.

The details are very vague, that's about all I can tell you.[/SIZE]

[Minako]

I send my condolences out to you, your brother, and Chad's family, and to everyone else in this thread whose lost someone dear to them.

I've personally never lost anyone, but the one that shocked me most was when my mother's two dear friends died within the same weekend.

My mom's friend, Bonnie, had been fighting breast cancer that had spread to her lymphnodes (they were eventually removed) for four years. Our doctor friend (also Bonnie's friend) gave her five years to live and she said, "I hope to God that I'm wrong." She wasn't. She was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and she eventually died on Saturday of complications. Ok, I know you said not to put in terminally ill people, but this isn't all.

My mom's other friend, Diane (also a friend of Bonnie's) was on her way up to Illinois to go to her funeral. She was very concerned about Bonnie's family, and my mom as well. My mom remembers telling Diane, to "drive safely and I'll see you soon." She was in a crash with her RV, on Monday, and died. She had her four dogs with her (these are all dog showing people, as well as my mom and me), and her rottweiler got loose, and the police couldn't catch her. The poor dear was so scared. The dog was loose for 12 days without anything to eat when they eventually caught her in a humane trap. The dog suffered no injuries other than the fact she was a wee bit skinny.

Bonnie died on Saturday, Diane on Monday.

My mom, being the tough cookie she is, kept saying "I'm ok." Although I could hear in her voice that she wasn't. She just could not be "ok" after losing two of her dear friends! They were both wonderful people and very one-of-a-kind. They will be missed.

[Torrid]

I've lost family members and friends, but they weren't people I really knew for long. (family members through death, losing friends just because we didn't get along) I guess that is how life is. I extend my condolences to you all, but I can't say that I empathize because I have not a clue as to how you all really feel. I experienced major heartbreak but not death, and I don't think they are the same.