Do I have the right?

[Minako]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkRed]Ok, you might be needing an explanation for the title of this thread. Recently I've seen a few threads in the Lounge asking for love advice. I've commented in these threads but it feels wrong. Why? (Being a straight girl) I've never had a boyfriend. Yes, I've liked guys, and yes, I've been in love with guys (the last time was with one of my dear friends and he had a girlfriend at the time. That hurt. >_<), but do I have a right to give love advice to people? I [I]do[/I] know the basics, and I know what I'd like if I HAD a boyfriend, but I have no first-hand experience with that. Also, after commenting in these love advice threads, I feel kind of sad because of the fact that I've never had a boyfriend, being the hopeless romantic that I am... Not that I wouldn't [I]like[/I] having a "significant other"... :angel:

So my question is this: [B]Do I have the right to give advice on relationships since I've never been in one?[/B][/COLOR] [/FONT]

[Kamuro]

Well, this might not be the answer your looking for but...no. How could you truly state facts about relationships when you've never been a part of one. You can say you've seen people in them, even felt the feelings for someone, but if its not mutual then its not a relationship and you don't know how it feels. I don't mean to be harsh, but would you want advice on how to lose weight by a fat person? No. It just wouldn't make sense to accept advice from someone who has never been in the same situation as you and truly doesn't understand the experiences your having.

[AzureWolf]

[COLOR=blue]Well, you have the right, but not many people are going to put weight on your opinion if you've never been in a relationship. That's not to say your advice would be wrong or even any worse than someone with experience, but people value experience over knowledge.[/COLOR]

[Minako]

Thanks for the advice! I appreciate you both for being so frank and honest, it's rare to find people like that. *gives both a hug* Thank you again!

What should I do when confronted with a situation where I'm asked to give advice? (I know that if it's a thread on OB, I shouldn't answer it then, huh?) What I mean is what if one of my friends is having problems with their boyfriend/girlfriend and they ask me for advice? What should I do then?

[Mimmsicle]

In the case of a friend coming to you for advice, it can sometimes be enough to just have them talk about their issue/problem and they'll figure out the answer themselves. Ask them about different solutions they can think of and what they'd think is the best one/which they'd choose. Then if they really can't come to a conclusion on their own, you can come with suggestions.

That's my take on it anyway ^.^

And to answer your original question, depending on the seriousness in the situation you're asked to give advice on, I'd say you're not in the wrong to give your opinion. Because, in the end, the person is [I]asking [/I]you for it and [B]want [/B]your input or for you to help them sort things out.

Sometimes a voice that is unfamiliar with the subject matter is the best, because that forces the person in question to explore their situation from another point of view ^.^

[Panda]

Just because you haven't been in a relationship does not mean you are exempt from having an opinion. I feel you can have a say in relationship threads. Let's say the question is about being in a relationship when the other person decides that they want out. Most of us can empathize with that situation and would have a pretty good idea of how that would feel and what they would do. You can share that opinion in the thread.

Your opinion will also come with out all the baggage or bitterness that may accompany the opinion of someone who has been in a relationship. Think about how many times you have heard someone give the advice of totally giving up on love. Just because that person had a bad experience, does that mean that their opinion means more? No, it is just their opinion on the subject. Plus, each situation is different. In the end it comes down to what the individual wants to do with their life.

Another example are happily married couples like John Grey, Ph.D & Bonney Grey, RN who help people who have gone through painful divorces. How can a happily married couple understand what pain these divorced people are going through? Just because they have not gone through a painful divorce doesn't mean they don't know how to help.

I guess what I am trying to say is that just because you have not experienced something first hand doesn't mean you're exempt from having an opinion on how to deal with a situation.

[Kamuro]

Agreed Panda, someone could empathize with the situation, but theres a difference between empathy and actually understanding the situation. Someone could sympathize and say "Oh, its ok, it'll be fine." But that doesn't really help, at all. And your opinion isn't unbiased, its just unknowledgable. Not all relationships end badly, and even so, at least you have past experiences to relate to current situations. I don't know about you but when someone is giving me advice I'd rather they know what they're talking about then just make up something to say to make me feel better.

[Dirt]

[b][color=darkgreen]I agree with Azure on this one. It's not that you're advice would be [i]bad[/i] advice, but that you aren't speaking from experience in romantic relationships.[/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400]It's difficult for someone who has never been in a romantic relationship to understand the dynamics of one-- that reciprocation between two individuals that are -- attached. [/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400]But that's not to say that you don't understand the general positive and negative components of a relationship... like--what's a sweet thing to do for your significant other and what's abusive...those things can be learned from your general relationships/friendships with other people (outside of a romantic relationship).[/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]
[b][color=#006400][/color][/b]

[Iron_Inuyasha]

Hard to say...how long have you two been together? (sorry don't answer that) Its not that its not good advice...but most people just wouldnt want it...dang im not making any sense...*falls to sleep* :sleep:

[Retribution]

[SIZE=1]I mean, I know [I]I[/I] throw out my 2 cents every now and again in those threads. Just because you haven't been in a relationship doesn't mean that you haven't observed enough in others to provide a statistic. Or a technique that you've seen work many times.

But like many others have said, you won't be able to provide that first-hand advice to anyone. But that doesn't make your opinion less significant than others. Like Panda said, you'll be free of the bias if you've had a really good or really bad relationship.

I say you're well entitled to give your advice.[/SIZE]

[James P. Galvatron]

I myself sometimes don't know what to say I have been in a relationship before it wasn't big of one it could have been bigger, but she had to move ever since I haven't been in one for while. Lucky for me no one ever asks me for advice cause I try not to be noticed alot when I can.

[Sara]

[font=trebuchet ms]Regarding threads, they rarely require any actual "experience." They aren't [i]really[/i] about relationships--they're about humans. What humans feel, how they react, what they think about. There are exceptions, but, well--they [i]are[/i] exceptions, not the rule.

When a friend asks for help or advice, they want to vent. If they ask again, they [i]want[/i] your input. Give is as best as you can.

Having been in a relationship isn't what qualifies you to give advice. There are people on this forum who are married, from whom many people would not glady receive advice. On the other hand, there are single people whose input in such threads I would value highly (if I were asking.)

Anyway, Minny... You might not be able to speak from experience, but you can speak from your heart. (awwww.)[/font]

[Semjaza]

Hypothetically, I think it really depends a lot on the experience of the one asking the question. If a person is at some sort of crossroads where they've been with this person for a long time and the problem is something very relatonship-centric, I really don't know how valuable input from someone in their early teenage years could possibly be.

Then again, I don't know why a person in that situation would be asking for relationship help on an anime message board in the first place. I know that if for some reason, if I were to ask for advice on the subject, I definitely would not pay much attention to people who haven't been in similar situations. The most important thing concerning that is that I would never ask for an opinion on the subject here in the first place lol.

A lot (more like nearly every last one, I can't think of any contrary examples) of the relationship question/problem threads I read here are pretty general and anyone can answer them, really. I figure you're safe here. :D

[James]

[color=#D6A204]If someone posts a thread on here asking for advice, I think that automatically makes you qualified in a sense. They are asking the members of OB for their opinions, afterall.

However, I do feel that it helps to talk a bit about one's own experiences. For example, if someone wants to know about relationships and you've never been in one...you can still have an opinion, but I think you should probably mention that you haven't been in one. That way, the person asking for advice knows where you stand - and they can choose to accept or reject what you have to say.

My feeling is that if someone asks me for advice, I will give it if I have an opinion. If they want to vent or let their feelings go, that's totally fine as well; I'm quite happy to listen. But I wouldn't jump in and volunteer advice unless it's asked for, really. In this case though, I don't think we have to worry about that, because the people we are talking about [i]are[/i] actively seeking input from OB members.[/color]

[Leofski]

You certainly have the right to comment, but are they really asking in the right place? I mean this is a forum for anime fans, by definition geeks and therefore not necessarily the best people to ask about relationships. I definatly wouldn't ask me for help.

[Harry]

[QUOTE=Minako][FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkRed]Ok, you might be needing an explanation for the title of this thread. Recently I've seen a few threads in the Lounge asking for love advice. I've commented in these threads but it feels wrong. Why? (Being a straight girl) I've never had a boyfriend. Yes, I've liked guys, and yes, I've been in love with guys (the last time was with one of my dear friends and he had a girlfriend at the time. That hurt. >_<), but do I have a right to give love advice to people? I [I]do[/I] know the basics, and I know what I'd like if I HAD a boyfriend, but I have no first-hand experience with that. Also, after commenting in these love advice threads, I feel kind of sad because of the fact that I've never had a boyfriend, being the hopeless romantic that I am... Not that I wouldn't [I]like[/I] having a "significant other"... :angel:

So my question is this: [B]Do I have the right to give advice on relationships since I've never been in one?[/B][/COLOR] [/FONT][/QUOTE]
If you sound like you know what you're talking about nobody will care if you've experienced it first hand. :lecture:

[shinji172]

This is just my oppinion but...I think it is always good to recieve advice from a non-biased party. However, you should ALWAYS consider things like how past relationships can affect views on starting a new relationship and try to sympathise with them as much as possible. Above all else, even if you cant give advice on the subject due to a lack of experience, let them know that you will support them no matter what happens