Writing Digital Revolution [PG-V]

[Retribution]

[SIZE=1]It'd be nice if I could get more than five views and zero replies this time around, everyone. *hint hint* Yeah, comments of + or - are completely welcome.

[b]Digital Revolution[/b]

Mission completed
Program terminated
Ammo depleted

Construct - disconnect
Mainframe system freeze
Dummy Plug killed; Rejected
Subjugated, brought to knees

Mass character genocide
Flesh and Machine fought
Sipping digital cyanide
Let metal rust and rot[/SIZE]

[Guest Sean]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Retri, I never knew you could write like this! This is amazing, best poem I've ever read by you, and it is your best. It rolls of your tounge so easy, the words fit together perfect, and the rythming goes brilliantly.

If you could, perhaps, tidy up your older works, then I'm sure you'll make a quality poet some day, maybe even tomorrow!

Congrats on an amazing piece![/COLOR]

[Retribution]

[SIZE=1]Hah. Thanks...

And I don't think I'm gonna go edit all of my other poems. Too lazy, and it'd be too hard. Besides, most of them were haiku, so it's pretty difficult to rework those.

Any other comments/crit?[/SIZE]

[Kitty]

[color=blue][size=1]This reminds me of video games about futuristic war. Er.. Yeah..

Very nice one, Retri. Gotta say, I.. er.. don't read your works often. (Don't hate me! @_@;; ) But out of the ones I [i]have[/i] read, this one has got to be your best. I really like it. And as Sean said before me, a little tune ups to your past works and they'll be just as purrfect as this one! :3

Yesh.. I'm starting to purr. <<;;[/size][/color]

[Guest Sean]

[COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Hm, fair enough, lol. But I would seriously think about this poem when writing future ones. I'm guessing you were trying to give off a Matrix-esque feel to this, but I'm not sure, the whole Flesh versus Machine.

[quote]Mass character genocide
Flesh and Machine fought
Sipping digital cyanide
Let metal rust and rot[/quote]

Last two lines were especially good. Great work, and hey, I said I would comment on somethingh of your sometime. ~.^[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Retribution]

[QUOTE=Sean][COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=1]Hm, fair enough, lol. But I would seriously think about this poem when writing future ones. I'm guessing you were trying to give off a Matrix-esque feel to this, but I'm not sure, the whole Flesh versus Machine.

Last two lines were especially good. Great work, and hey, I said I would comment on somethingh of your sometime. ~.^[/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[SIZE=1]Yeah, it was meant to emit a Matrix feel, but also possibly have a deeper meaning.

Thanks for commenting! Now if only someone would resurrect my art thread... lol[/SIZE]