Writing some more poems [m]

[Mitch]

oh the drone of every day life
the non-stop endlessness
the ever-going game
welcome to this playground
welcome to the merry-go-round
which is quite a funny name
for what this circle spinning
is
it isn't quite merry
at least, not all
the time

as i sit here and write this
i am much too large
for this merry-go-round
i spin on
but i refuse to step off
onto the hard dirt ground
i refuse to let
what is left of me
be abandoned and die
like some stray dog
on the street
no

no, i refuse
you'd need the strongest man
with the strongest willpower
to push me off, to make me fall
so just go ahead and try, world
try to push me off my little
spinning circle

i won't leave this circle
for another, bigger,
circle
i'd rather claim my own

oh i am bored, and sick,
i am tired of spinning always
i am tired of being told and shown
how to live my life, what i am
supposed to do, what i am
supposed to be
everything i ever needed
is inside this flesh canopy
everything you ever wanted
is inside this sack of bones

just better be careful
it's fragile
i got to watch myself
so i don't fall off my
merry-go-round

how life seems to drag on
and on and on and on
and oh, how i'm starting
to spin fast enough
so life doesn't have to
whip me like the horse
i am to it -
you wait, i shall emerge
i will be
what i never thought i would
i will be
what i am



---------------


i am empty wide open
i have no words to say
i am empty wide open
blank, white, standing
i have no words to say

i feel like blowing wind
whispering, struggling
against everything it can
trying to say something
but only shrieking softly

are my words all used?
are my words all abused?
am i just a strong wind
being choked to death slowly
till i cannot make a thing move?

-----------------

im choking myself to death
im a twig on a tree bending in half
im the decaying apple on the ground
im bursting out from this impertinent flesh
im the bird with the broken wing
im the starving skeleton burying itself
im the walking ghost haunting myself
im the laceration that will scar
im a black star
im a cratered moon
im broken shards from the mirror
im the dying lick of flames
im acid rain destroying statues
im bursting out from this impertinent flesh
im choking myself to death
im watching language commit suicide
im the blotch of ink that's always there
im a heart black in oil
im the dying rose that lied
im the wild weed choking nurtrient soil
im watching words suffocate together
im a smoker's black lungs
im a fly waiting to give maggots
im a pile of fresh shit
im the tapeworm crawling around
im the many-eyed black spider
im a butterfly caught in gossamer
im sanguinolent with disease
im an infectious super virus
im being eradicated
im the skipping rock that sunk
im a weak fist
im bursting out from this impertinent flesh
im a numb snowflake melted to nothing

im saying goodbye

-----------

for all i've written:
flying dreams wishing wells
pacts of blood flowing passion
for all i've written
i bet it doesn't matter at all

the world shall keep spinning
and as i realize i'm dumber than i believed
i'll let those who think they are smart
take their higher-up positions

for all i've written
it'll be erased
by time's fucking hands
by this world's logical functioning

i would like a mess
i want a mess
to make beautiful
but all i see
is endless organization

i see roads leading nowhere
i see a man and a woman holding withering hands
i see crisp, green money like blood
i see buildings, all too square
if only it would crumble

the words i could say
will die in me
in the tombstone that is
my head
no funeral because no one cared

i'm almost crying
but i'll never cry
i'm too dead to realize i've been reborn
too dead to be myself
it's okay, no one cares anyway
words are dead these days
they can no longer move the world

they could move me
but my movement
just makes me burn
with hate

-------

ha ha, so laugh
so life, it?s funny
it?s a happy-lappy
energizer bunny
it hops, it jumps
gets herky-jerky
as it rides, as it humps

oh life is funny
life is a joke
that?s spoke
over and over
again
very cliché

wouldn?t you
just die laughing?

i forget
what?s so grave

---------

when she?s quite too beautiful to be yours
your eyes look but your brain knows
so you?ll stop yourself
it?s especially unlikely when you realize
she?s taken

when there?s no hope
there is no hope
and well-wishing is just denial
so you?ll look at yourself in the mirror
think, it?s because i?m not handsome enough
it?s because i?m not good enough
it?s because there?s better

so i?ll work myself harder
i?ll run faster
i?ll lift heavier
i?ll learn more
so i?ll become the best
or close enough
to finish near

and even then it?s still doubtful
she?ll even hear
and even then it?s still doubtful
i?ll feel i?ve done enough
you know this crush crushes
on this?
i guess i should realize
it?s hopeless when it?s hopeless
i guess i should know
when to let it go
and it?s sure i won?t even care
some day soon
then i?ll wonder
why i felt this way

----------

i feel somewhere down today, yes i do
i don?t quite know where
maybe there?s a well and maybe i fell
and maybe i got wet, and sometimes
sometimes, i try to forget
but then i remember i forgot

i feel somewhere down today, yes i do
i don?t quite know where
maybe there?s a hell maybe i fell
and maybe i got burnt, and sometimes
sometimes, i try to remember
but then i forget i remember

i feel somewhere down today, yes i do
i don?t quite know where
i?m trying to crawl like a baby
but i walk like i?m eighty
and maybe i?m going to fall, and sometimes
sometimes, i?m crazy
but that?s when i feel the most sane

------

II
Why does it seem
I?ve got writing diarrhea?
I can?t write anything!
What I write is worthless,
and it has no meaning,
and it goes all over the place
in chaos.

Maybe I
just
need to lay off the fiber?
Or maybe someone?s slipping
me laxatives?
Or maybe
I
just wasn?t
meant
to write?


III
I?ve got the TP ready
for whatever other words
come flying out
of this thing
called a mind
which might as well
be a rectum
with a sphincter
I?ve also got
the anal probe ready
to use
to dig inside
for some treasures
Wish me luck
because I?ll need it
the way this shit
is going

-------

oh hell?s bent destruction
yes softly
fire lick you between
upon your lips it fall
with a wild yell a wild yell
simmering on sweat
satin coffin, summer dress
and flesh and flesh
too impure too amoral
devil, wild thing, witch
lust so gluttonous gluttonous so gluttonous
magic fingertips
the burning, charred remains
a heart thud-thud an eye blink-blink
and smoke rise and smoke cover
pleasure plays a gambler?s toss
this skin could boil water
this skin could cook flame
and after and after
i will be dry ash
floating in the wind
catching on pretty faces
being smudged away
and after and after
the devil leaves
oh hell?s bent destruction
yes softly
the devil?s gone

-----

very sparse
dry, chapped
flat
thin, flimsy
breakable
little damn
feelings
sometimes
are
the dust
i choke on

-----

through this body?s sweat
its aches and pains
as it squirms and writhes
in movement
it is trying to forget
it is alive

instead it tries
to live without
knowing
it is alive

through the bruises
from falling off the bike,
from these scars
from the blood
that seeps
it is trying to forget
it is alive
it is trying to just be

through blurred vision
through tired eyes
sleep comes walking
alongside whispering
a magic
for this tired sack
of bones
telling it to await
another day

even the mighty fall
even cowards
can be valiant
even heroes fear

i?ll take this
dive into
unconsciousness
i?ll live
just to be
sleep, my friend
is taking me
away
i?m going under

-------------

it seems we?ve all got a lesser
affliction of sevant syndrome
as we float about in this asteroid belt
they call living
we?re all bright as light bulbs
but sometimes our glass breaks
and our bulb is burnt out
sometimes a meteor hits us home
when we?re in the zone

it?s only a matter of time
before we?re cratered
like a sullen moon
then we?ll just drift along
a lost, floating body
in endless space

is your moon full tonight?
ready for the taking?
mine is a sliver
being engulfed

------

well i took off this goddamned manskin
well i peeled away the flesh
youandi, skeletons,felt our
dead flakes of skin
between our fingers
wetook a bath in blood

well youandi,skeletons,rubbed
against one another in rhythm
quite too dead to be alive
but alive to be dead,we
made a sound like antlers
butted against each other,hollowly
it echoed throughout

well this is it my dear
so pry open my skull
so massage my brain
well this is it my dear
so let?s rub here for a while

this is it,my dear
soon i?ll just be
grinded up flakes
floating in the air

--------


today,
i ((o))???-benchpressed???-((o))
95 pounds
10 x

i am
making
progress ?

there was also

josh,

who is in incredible shape

who ((o))????-benchpressed?????-((o))

275 pounds

4 x

i am making progess
yet i have a ways
to go?

i have determination
willpower, the endless
hopeful spirit
of the
individual


with that,
i can do anything
with that,
i can i will
and
i do

---------

the night is upon us
the day is dead
owls ask ?who?
on the branches

a wind whistles
shadows pervade

the sun is dead
burned to glowing embers
the moon flies
full and ripe
glowing slightly

people make to their beds
pull covers over themselves
shut off from the world
then dream

tomorrow is being born
night will soon be in labor
will tomorrow come prematurely?
will it be an abortion?
the owl?s only answer is ?who?
the night?s answer,
darkness

-----

with my
blackhole mouth
i usher in
space air

i suck in
stars
i suck in
nebulas
i suck in
this big thing
of a dream
till i might burst
but burst i don?t

upon this universe
called my mind
i breathe
upon this nothing
i heave
with all my self

this place is born
it?s born and lives
i?m releasing my inheld air
i?m writing these words
i?m creating this universe

with my blackhole mouth
i hiss
my words touch stars
my words float free
in a whispering yell

this is only the beginning
let me whisper more of my yell
to you
maybe then you?ll understand
maybe then, but maybe i dream
maybe i don?t
i?ll suck you in yet

------



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